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How To Raise Confident Muslim Kids | Webinar
In a rapidly changing world, Muslim parents face unique challenges in nurturing their children’s Islamic identity while navigating the complex environment of schools. Children are now bombarded with messaging that threatens their imaan, from sexuality to ideologies, and frequently encounter pressures such as peer pressure, poor mental health, and spiritual struggles.
The webinar “Raising Confident Muslim Kids: Strategies for Developing Islamic Identity” is designed to equip parents with practical insights and valuable tools to help their children overcome the barriers they might face in schools.
Join Sh. Ibrahim Hindy, Sh. Abdullah Oduro, and Ust. Najwa Awad as they delve into the essential aspects of empowering Muslim children to embrace their faith with confidence and strength.
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Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Alhamdulillah, we're blessed to be with all of you for a really exciting and hopefully informative and empowering webinar today. Depending on where you live, perhaps your kids have just started the new year right now, or they're starting it this week, or they're about to start it in a few weeks. The new school year is exciting and it's something both exciting for kids and parents, alhamdulillah. And there's so much to hope for, but there's also sometimes anxiety and anxiousness that we feel, like what's out there for our children? Are they going to thrive? Are they going to struggle? What are the barriers that they may face? And so we have this hope, but we also have this anxiousness with us. And that's where this back to school webinar comes into play. We're here today, inshallah, to discuss the common questions and problems that parents of middle school and high school children face, and how we can confront and deal with some of these problems, inshallah. And on that note, inshallah, let me introduce two of our amazing panelists that we have for today. We have sister Najwa Awad, who is a fellow at Yafin Institute and a psychotherapist who is passionate about helping Muslims grow and heal and thrive after adversity. She has over a decade of experience providing online and in-person counseling to children and adults and families at her practice, Amenaf Family Counseling. Sister Najwa also enjoys giving workshops to destigmatize mental illness and address current mental health issues within the community and promote psychological health from an Islamic perspective. We also have Sheikh Abdullah Al-Duru, who is the head of Convert Resources and a fellow at Yafin Institute and is a first-generation Ghanian native that converted to Islam in 1997. He graduated from the College of Islamic Law from the University of Medina in 2007 and conducts public speeches, sermons, lectures, and workshops across the United States on Islamic law, self-improvement, and convert life.
He is currently the imam at the Islamic Center of Copeland and Louisville in Dallas, Texas, and he does a lot of work, mashallah, in youth mentorship. As-salamu alaykum to both of you. As-salamu alaykum. Sheikh Ibrahim, can I make a small... we've known each other for so long on our Sincerely podcast. It's Ghanian and it's Kopel, Sheikh. SubhanAllah, Sheikh. Look how we're starting off. It's the school year. Sorting out my mistakes. May Allah bless you, man. I gotta come up to your masjid and that way I'll know how to pronounce it properly, inshallah. We've been waiting, mashallah. Alhamdulillah. So when do your kids start the school year? You guys already started or about to get started? I know Dallas, you guys are different than here in Toronto. We start like into September. You guys start into August, I think. Yeah, Dallas did. Go ahead, sister. I'm sorry. I was just gonna say here in Maryland, it's the first, the last week of August we're gonna start, inshallah. Inshallah. Yeah, I think the last week of August, I think. I think we're starting at a similar time this year. Sometimes it's just completely off. Yeah, subhanAllah. Alhamdulillah. So let's get started with some of the questions that we have. You know, school's starting back up and our kids are heading into these new schools. They're heading into these new classrooms and they're heading into these new environments. And, you know, we parents, we get really worried about the new and positive and possibly negative influences that might confront our children. So let's start with the first question. Sister Nedra, maybe you can take this. How would you advise parents to prepare their children for peers or classmates that might be pressuring them into negative choices or negative situations? Yes, that's a very good question. And I feel like in middle school and high school, there is a really big shift in terms of kids starting to refocus their, what's important to them.
And what, previously they would think, they would think more about what their parents and elders think. But as they start to shift into middle school and high school, what happens is they start to focus more towards their peers. And that's completely developmentally normal. When we look at just like developmental theory with like Eric Erickson, this is the time where they start to have identity versus role confusion. So like it's a very natural part of development to figure out who they are. So I think sometimes as parents, when we start to see our kids shift in this way, we personalize it. And we're like, why are they spending more time with their peers? Why are they, you know, valuing what we're saying less? And so keeping this in mind, because that can start to alter the relationship between the parent and the child in a more negative way. But coming from the mindset of like, this is completely normal, whether it's humans or even in the animal kingdom, they're going to start to look more to their peers. And so ideally, the earlier we can work with our kids on establishing that relationship that you can come to me no matter what. There are going to be things that you might see that are not congruent with our family values. But I don't want you to shy away from me. I want you to be able to talk to me about them. So having that open communication is really, really huge. The other part of it is good communication, good problem solving skills. You know, when they're younger, it's much easier to say like, don't do this, don't do that. But as they're starting to mature, they're not looking at the world in black and white anymore. And so they are going to have tougher questions for us. And so by teaching them problem solving skills, when someone comes and they tells you, hey, do you want to smoke?
They're not going to be able to go to their peer and say, my parents said I can't. Right. They're going to have to have the communication skills. They're going to have to have the problem solving skills to say, you know, no, thanks. Like, it's not something that I want to do or, you know, a delay tactic. It's not ideal, but in some situations where they're really bad spots, like, I'll think about it. I'll get back to you. What we want to do is is have them have that confidence that they can master whatever comes their way. And even if they mess up, this is the biggest thing. Even if they mess up, they can come back and say, you know, I such and such happened and I need your help. That way, it's not just, you know, there are so many bad things in the world and we have to shield them from everything because it's impossible. They can go out and you can also have a level of trust with them and they can go out and navigate things, you know, in the best way. And also, I think a really big thing that is not talked about enough is how parents deal with peer pressure, too. You know, in our own homes and extended family in the community, our kids witness everything. So if there are people where they come to you, extended family or whatnot, and they see that you're not able to speak up for yourself or to put values in place. Like, imagine, you know, sometimes we go out as a big family to dinner, right? And maybe it's during a prayer time. So if you as a parent, you know, you want to pray, but even in that situation, you can't bring yourself to pray. And so everybody kind of stays quiet. And then at home, you go and you pray at home. What is that teaching to your child about speaking up? So it starts with you, too, and being able to demonstrate the skills and, you know, taking it back to your kids so they can also do the same, inshallah. Absolutely.
Jazakallah khair. So a few really powerful points there, especially about role modeling, you know, the behavior ourself. And with that, I'm going to transition to another question, which I feel kind of is unfair to ask because maybe we can have a whole webinar on this one question. But it's a question that parents are always asking, right? That social media is a negative environment and is a pressure that doesn't end at the end of the school day. Like, you think about peer pressure and they're at school, what are their friends telling them? But the school day comes to an end and social media doesn't come to an end. It stays in our lives for 24-7. So what advice could we give parents on how to manage their child's access and interaction with social media and just the online presence in general? And I think, you know, Sister Najwa, you talked a little bit about, you know, not being able to shield them from everything. So, you know, that kind of connects to this question of social media. Maybe, Sheikh Abdullah, you know, what advice would you give parents on this question of social media? In the name of Allah, peace and blessings be upon His Messenger and upon his family and companions and those who follow him. Depending on their age, I would really talk about the whole concept of distraction and the goal of social media, like social media. It's a medium for people to be social. But that social element that is there, you know, which is the primary element, understanding how it manifests within these organizations or corporations. The main goal of this social media is to grab your attention, right? It's to divert you and distract you away from things that may be more important. And just when we start with this issue of it being more important, you know, you come home. Mom asks you, how's your day? But as soon as they come in, they're on their phone. They want to see what just happened. They want to put a story up. They want, you know, something just happened at school and they're going to share it with everybody. Oh, they got into a fight or something happened in my classroom.
But then mom is like, no, I need your focus or, you know, afternoon snack is on the table. You got to get ready for so-and-so. Realizing that the parents need to understand that the social media, their goal is to grab their attention and educating their children on that, but in a way that is not condescending. Like, you know, you're a victim of this product that is overpowering you. But rather, let's sit down and let's talk about really what social media is. What's the ultimate goal of it? It's to grab your attention. Number two, that you are not the ultimate customer. It's the companies that come into social media to advertise to you, which further grabs your attention. You know, so even like Netflix. I mean, the founder of Netflix, you know what he said? He said, our competition is sleep. As the CEO of Hastings, what he said, he said, our competition is sleep. They even have a title, you know, for certain shows, binge-worthy shows. We want to consume all of your time. And that's why I said depending on the age group, it's very important to you as a parent to realize and understand that you are the authoritarian. You have the level of authority, and you're going to have to execute it at certain times. So firstly, educating them, giving them the opportunity to educate themselves, to educate them to where they can further look into it gradually on what social media is and what's its ultimate motive and how it's playing an effect on me. And then also realizing that I always have to tell myself and my wife is that, look, you know, we have more experience than our kids. Sometimes I say you're smarter than your kids. But we have more influence over our kids and more experience. So sometimes you will have to do things that they will not understand, that they will not like. Some individuals that I know, they have a basket near the front door. When they come in the house, the phones go in the basket. They go in the basket.
They're turned off, and they go in the basket to where from let's say they get off at 3, 4 p.m. to 6 p.m., we're sitting in the living room, and we're just talking. No television or anything like that. So I think it's kind of creating those time zones after educating them what the reality of social media is and the ultimate motives, creating an environment in the home, a particular time, even if it's 30 minutes, to where they know we are intentional with staying away from those elements that can distract us in the long run. That really connects to what Jean-Angelo was saying about modeling good behavior on our phones constantly and on social media constantly. Your kids are seeing that. I want to be on it, too, if you're on it all the time. And with that, let's go into another controversial and difficult question that parents, especially for high school and even middle school parents, are confronting, which is that their children are now coming into these ideas and discussions about dating and attraction to the opposite gender. And parents now need to have the talk. We need to have the talk with our kids. And it's really sometimes overwhelming for parents. How do we have that talk? What can parents do to prompt the discussion, the conversation with their children about these kinds of topics? And what can they provide their kids beyond just it's haram to do this? Is there more that we can give our kids to help solidify their iman and help solidify them with these temptations around them? So, Jean-Angelo, maybe you can start with this, inshallah. Sure. Yeah, I think, you know, navigating away from black and white thinking that, you know, sex is haram because it's not even it's not it's not true. And so, you know, providing that framework, kids are going to find out about sexual relations from one way or another. I mean, and so you as a parent have a choice. You know, am I going to be able to provide the framework in which they are going to take all this knowledge and hold it?
And so when we do have the talk with them and we're teaching them that, no, sex is not haram. It's haram outside of marriage, you know, but there are it's not inherently a bad thing within the within the religion. And and then also, you know, you know, I'm going to probably say normalize a lot throughout this conversation of normalizing, being able to talk about it. Because when it comes to learning important things in our deen, we can we cannot be shy about those things. You know, modesty and shyness is an important part of our religion. But in terms of when when you have to learn about important components, parents can be shy and talking to their kids. And we also want kids to feel like they are able to come to us and say, you know, people are talking about these things. Because who are they going to talk to about it? Their friends are certainly there. And then even when we're talking with online, you know, that's its own world now, which is very hard to monitor when our kids are in these chat rooms and doing all these things. So we can kind of close our eyes or put our head in the sand. But the best thing that we could do is have open communication and say, like, I want you to come to me and ask me when people are saying these things. I want to be a resource for you. And, you know, sometimes it might be hard verbally. A technique that I've recommended before to parents is you can even have a journal with each one of your kids. And so when they feel too shy to ask you something directly, they can write it in their journal and then stick it under your pillow. And then you can come back and you can write to them and then put it under their pillow so you can open up different avenues to keep communication open. And then even going beyond of, you know, the whole black and white, you know, teaching certain other elements in terms of like, it's not just sex. You know, it's also important that we do not come close to zina.
You know, when you just say like sex is haram, you know, and then that's as far as you're going to take it as a parent, you're really doing a disservice to your kid. It's like, no, you know, in terms of being with the opposite gender, you don't go behind closed doors. There's certain way you talk to the opposite, to the opposite gender. And, you know, having all of those discussions about like lowering the gaze, but also in light of like other people are going to be doing these things. You're going to see these things, unfortunately, on TV, like we can't control commercials and things like that. Right. You're going to see some of these things on TV. You're going to see some of these things. And it's OK, you know, that you feel proud as a Muslim and, you know, and avoid these these things. The other thing that I think also doesn't is not talked about enough is consent. You know, and this can be very problematic in that if we if we shame this whole topic and we tell especially women or girls rather, you know, you know, relations with the opposite gender is bad. Anything related to the opposite gender is is bad. And then, God forbid, something happens. Right. Where maybe it's something she didn't even want. Is she going to come and tell you that something happened or is she going to keep it to herself? And so now we have this this other host of issues. So we talk to our kids about how the framework of sex in our religion. But we also talk about things like consent, teaching them that problem solving that I mentioned before. You know, when someone does something that you don't like, whether it's a boy or a girl, I mean, you know, or an adult or a child, anyone does something to you that you don't like. This is how you speak up. This is how you walk out. This is what you do. And if anything happens, come and tell me because I will support you. I'm never going to blame you for what happened. Even if you made a mistake, I'm still going to help you through it.
And then you become this really big resource for them, not just for knowledge, but you become that secure base. You become that safe haven. And these are like terms when we talk about attachment that we want to really focus on attachment, not just in childhood, but through adolescence. So, yeah, just keeping that communication open and not just staying in the black and white, talking about all aspects. Absolutely. I think that's an interesting point. Like, you know, we put so much pressure on ourselves about having to talk and speaking to them about things like sex and things that are, you know, we feel it feels really heavy to have that conversation. But just like you mentioned, it's kind of like from when they're little kids, we talk to them about their bodies and we say, like, you know, your body is sacred. And if anybody touches your body, it was not your mama and baba, you have to come tell us. And so we're kind of educating them about their bodies and about sex from a very early age without even realizing it. Right. We're just doing it in a way that's very age appropriate. And so I think that's a really important point to not think that we can't do this. We have to just continue having that conversation, opening it up, just as you mentioned, and having them be able to reach out to us and speak to us. Now, you know, when we worry about the poor decisions that our children might make, even if they feel pressured into it by their friends or whatever this scenario might be, often the poor decisions that we make are because we feel poorly about ourselves. And so poor mental health sometimes can play a part into this. So how can parents better assess or know whether their child is suffering from anxiety or depression or low self-esteem or in general, you know, mental health barriers or problems? Maybe Sister Nachola, you can take this on, Inshallah. Sure. I think that's a great question.
But, you know, actually, I would like to start at the beginning, because a lot of times when we're talking about depression and anxiety, you know, when we use that whole metaphor of the river, like pulling people out of the river, that's when they've already fallen in. But, you know, when we're talking about children and adolescents, we also want to talk about the top. Like, how do we prevent people from falling in in the first place? And so a really important concept for parents to work on in early childhood to set up success later on, but continue to work on in adolescence, is that the self-esteem, confidence building and resilience. Because all of these things tie into mental health. When children are well equipped and feel good about themselves, then they are, like you said, they're less likely sometimes to fall into some of these things and into negative mindset. So, you know, we've talked a lot about, like, making mistakes and whatnot. I think whether we're talking about the parenting journey or even just growing up, the mindset is that we are going to make mistakes. We are. And so if we approach parenting or even growing up with fear, that's going to be a lot of unnecessary anxiety. And it can even lead to anxiety and depression in adults, as you can imagine. Right. So I messed up. What am I going to do now? But looking at it as this is a long term journey. And there's not going to be just one talk about anything. It's not one talk about sex or one talk about confidence or what. This is going to be something that's a long term journey, which can sound overwhelming. But on the other hand, you know, when you ever you're looking at a long term project, when you make a mistake, it's not a mistake. It's not as big of a deal. Right. Because in in maybe you had one negative interaction with your kid until there's like 20, 30, 40, 100 other interactions that you're going to have that are going to offset that.
So when we're talking about helping prevent anxiety and depression, you know, resilience is a big thing that comes up. And part of resilience is from an early age, helping your child build that confidence where they're learning mastery over certain things. And this should be in like doing your things, but also in religious aspects, because each child is different. Right. It's not always going to be necessarily in academics. So and sometimes like I do this on paper, you know, my this particular child, this is their strengths and this is their weakness. And you do that for each one of your kids and you really work on how can I continue to strengthen their strengths. This is part of self esteem. You're not going to have self esteem if you don't feel like you can do anything. So for one kid, you know, maybe they're really good at soccer and they're good at Quran and maybe another kid. They're really good academics and they're good at helping in the community. And maybe they're not good at such and such. So the weaknesses are so you as a parent can help work with your child on that. Because two things. One, you of course you want to strengthen a weakness. But when there is a weakness part of resilience is that there's something negative in my in my environment or something that I'm not good at in my environment. And guess what, I can get better at it. That teaches self esteem, because there was a hurdle. And then I use my resources. It was so tough. It was so tough. But you know what I did it handle I did it. That makes people feel good about themselves. And it's going to help boost that resilience. So, inshallah, it's going to mitigate trauma, depression, anxiety, those kinds of things. But now to go to your other question, you know, every kid has like a baseline. Every adult has a baseline with sleep, their mood, how they eat. And so, as adults, we always want to monitor our kids baseline and see are there changes.
Is my kid sleeping too much all of a sudden? Are they eating too much? Are they eating too little? Are they much more grumpy than usual? Are they saying negative things about themselves, which, you know, is a sign of low self esteem? Are they saying, oh, I can't do anything right? Or everybody's better than me? Or I'm the worst person on my team? These are all, you know, signs that something is not going on right. And so you want to intervene. A lot of times, upon a lot of times, you want to intervene. A lot of times, people bring parents, parents bring kids to our offices, when it's way too late. And so it doesn't have to get to that point. You as a parent can do so much for your child's mental health, by one, their relationship, you know, being that secure person for them, having that healthy attachment with them, by, you know, providing the structure that they need, you know, if they are staying up way late into the night, that's how you as a parent can come in and give, you know, healthy limits to help protect their mental health. Because, you know, when when they're deprived from sleep, it's not good for their brain development, it's not good for their mental health. So providing that structure, and then the teaching part, you know, teaching them how to cope when things go wrong, not removing adversity, because that's not going to teach them, that's not going to give them strength to learn perseverance and resilience, but helping them navigate through again, teaching them problem solving. So someone is bullying you at school, well, you can just jump in and look like, well, this is exactly what you're going to do. But a wiser thing might be like, okay, what have you tried? What do you think would be a good idea? How do you feel about this? How can we support you in this? And then having them try their best, and then if they can't, you know, if it's still unsuccessful, then you go and you offer your support, you know, as a as a parent, and then again, with the coping skills, you know, this is a time where you're not feeling so good.
What are some coping skills that you can use to help yourself feel better? And, and, you know, teaching them that way. So as parents, we have so much on our plate. We're like, mentors, teachers, you know, therapists, in a sense, like, we do so much, but hamdulillah, the preventative part, you know, helps helps so much. And if you're like, it's too late, my kids are teenagers, it's never too late. You know, you can still try implement these things successfully, inshallah. So a small follow up, I just want to ask, because, you know, there are a lot of parents in our community who are very invested in our kids academic success, and they really want them to be doctors and lawyers and things like that. And we put a lot of pressure on our kids when it comes to studying, especially in high school, because you're like, you got to get those high school marks up, so that you can get into a good college that you can get a good career. When does like motivating the child become like, putting unbearable pressure on them? Like, how do you how do you walk that line? I know, it's a tough question. Is there is there something we can give our parents about, you know, understanding when it's too much pressure that it's not motivation now, it's become pressure? So I think, you know, a big way to look at it is balance. Because, you know, as we're as we're raising these children, we want to have them, you know, be have a holistic way of parenting them, but also make sure that we're nurturing all the parts that we need. When I work with women, but the same analogy applies. Whenever we're talking about the development of a person, you're saying that, you know, this is you. This is Allah above you. And everything else goes around you.
You know, or you can even say below you, but you never ever equate a person's self worth with their academics, or with their friends or with anything else. Because all these things are temporary, even our relationship with our kids panel is temporary. So, academics, yes, is important. And I feel like parents struggle on both ends of the spectrum, you have the parents are like, I can't motivate my kids enough. And then you have the ones who are maybe like, maybe too much peer pressure. But going back to balance, I feel like with teenagers, a big sign is sleep. You know why? Because the, and I see this all the time where the kids, they go to school, then they come and they might do some sports. And then you have their kids working like into two in the morning. That's not what school was intended for. That's not good for brain development. And that's not good for teaching your child balance. And sleep sounds like such a, you know, a simple thing, but your brain, your kids brain is not good for that. You know, their brains need sleep to develop correctly. And a perfect way to have their mental health deteriorate is take away that sleep. So when we're looking at academics is that, you know, when they're coming home from school, are they are they praying on time? Is, you know, praying a priority? Are they missing their prayers? Because of, you know, they're, they're so busy, caught up, like studying. Are they having interpersonal time? Are they eating dinner with the family, which is very important? Or they just take food to their room because they're busy with academics? Are they able to socialize on the weekend? Very, very important. Your kids need social skills. Or are they busy, you know, doing homework and studying? So you as a parent have to look because your kid is not going to know these things. As a parent, you will have the knowledge to be like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
Like, yeah, I want them to go to Harvard, but I've completely destroyed everything else in their life because they're not sleeping. You know, they're stressed all the time. They're anxious, maybe even sometimes having panic attacks. So you want to look at, you know, the structure of the day. And is everything is everything balanced? Because you might even be successful in taking away everything and having them focus on academics. And then guess what, when they go to school, they're sometimes they're going to have, they're going to fail. And they're not going to do well. So now what? They're completely destroyed because their identity is completely, you know, it's completely connected to academics? No, you want to raise a well-rounded person, not just in this dunya, in the akhirah too. So, you know, if you decide after this webinar, hey, like, you know what, I want to go for each one of my kids and have strengths and weaknesses. You also want to look at all these different components. And how am I, you know, nurturing, you know, their, their social skills, their spirituality, all of that. Is it well balanced? Or am I investing too much time in one thing, academics, soccer, you know, whatever it is. JazakAllah khair. Awesome. And I think really important. Shahab, let me ask you this question. You know, we talk about poor mental health a lot, but I think, you know, poor mental health sometimes connects with just health in general. And so what can we do to promote, you know, better health in our child's life? I think really just, I've seen with a lot of parents, particularly the mothers, sometimes they're hesitant to get their young boys and even girls, but I've seen with the boys a lot of getting them involved in some kind of physical activity. I think this is very, very important, getting them involved in some physical activity, because the body needs exercise at all ages. It's very important to have some kind of movement.
And even, dare I say, with some level of resistance. But along with that, though, you know, as I always say, you learn your reality through physicality. When you put them in a sport and they lose, when you pick them up and you have a conversation with them, this is a prime time for you to really implement parenthood. What do I mean by that? If they were to lose a game, you know, and it's that I didn't like this sport anyway. And as Sister Najwa said, they'll start to make fixed mindset statements. I'm this. I'm that. I, you know, I'm terrible. I'm never going to be better than him. I'm never going to be this. This is where you come and you say, why do you think, you know, you ask them the questions and you have them go through that process, realizing that it's a process. So there's so many life lessons through sports, through physicality. I think we as Muslims highly neglect that. And it deprives our children of life lessons, of losing, of winning, to where if you win so much, you become arrogant and you need to bring them down. Where if you lose so much, you think that you're not good enough and you need to, you know, have strategies to lift them up. But the beautiful thing as a parent, when you spend time with them, a lot of them, a lot of this will be passive. And as I tell, you know, particularly the fathers is that that ride home from the masjid or that ride home from school, you know, when you pick them up from school and you ask them how was school and they just give you one word answers, you can deal with it in the beginning, but maybe ask open ended questions. So what do you think about this? So it's going to, it's going to request for them to have more than one word answers. And I think from there, a whole treasure of, you know, their personality will come out eventually. And also, as Sister Najwa says, sleep. You know, I always tell these guys that when I work with them in the gym or, you know, wherever I'm working with a lot of these young men is that sleep is the most important out of all three, diet, fitness and sleep. Sleep is the most important. There's a real good book called Sleep Smarter by Shawn Stevenson.
It's a really, really good book. Talks, talking about the importance of sleep and how sleep is the primary factor to even succeed in the following two and to be your optimal health and situation. And lastly, just realizing, SubhanAllah, you know, with that sleep, with fitness, your diet has to really be good. You know, so if you have your, you know, a lot of times we see, you know, the tacky warriors, mashallah, they're, they're eating up a lot of the tackies and they're having a lot of the flavored drinks that have a lot of words in them. In the back of, you know, on the labels, you know, make, I don't wanna say make a deal with them, but let them know, look, one time out of the day, there has to be some vegetables. There has to be, you know, some whole foods. Educating them on what whole foods are. And I wanted to mention, I think it would be good for the parents, we parents to have like a group, like a group text or group WhatsApp with the family members that have a phone. To where, and you tell them to pin it at the top. To where whenever a parent puts a message out or a youth puts a message out, everyone can read it. So when you get home at night, you ask them at the dinner table, did y'all see the message that I put up? You know, you put videos up such as videos like this or videos that are real small and discreet and they have real good messages. And if the dad or the mother wants to get one small message out, they'll send that video. By the time they get home, we can talk about it five minutes, right? So things like this, as far as even with health, I would say primarily, as Sister Najwa mentioned, sleep and to capitalize on that. And there are a couple of good tips on sleeping as well, but primarily I would say sleep and then your diet and then look into the fitness and all those best. Absolutely. Tzekelech her.
I think, you know, an important place to start is figuring out why they don't fit into the Muslim community, because one person, maybe they don't have very good social skills, whereas another person, maybe they're very well received, but they feel like an outsider. So first identifying, like, you know, if your kid is coming home and saying, like, oh, I feel like I don't, you know, I go to the Masjid and I'm not fitting in. It's figuring out why. If, you know, they're the shyer type, they're more reserved, it takes more time for them to warm up. Then, you know, having one-on-one playdates. Taking them to the Masjid, you know, not just on Fridays, but, you know, just to pray because that exposure will help them feel like, okay, this is a safe place. You know, I can be a part of this place. You know, I can participate. Even if I might not be as loud as the other people, I belong here. If you have a child who maybe is well received, but they feel like an outsider, you want to look into that and see, you know, why is that? Sometimes, you know, strangely enough, it's because they don't feel like they're good enough. So, maybe, like, well, everybody else knows Qur'an, but I don't. Or maybe, you know, everybody else is wearing hijab, but I haven't started to wear hijab. So, you know, other people are probably looking down on me. So, why would I want to, you know, why would I want to associate with that?
And that is a very important piece, because you want your child to feel like they belong. You want to foster, like, you know, even if I look different or, you know, I might not always be on the same page as my peers, I belong here. I'm not an outsider. And you want to help foster that. You know, you could have, not play dates, but you can have gatherings at your home, you know, where you have your friends from the masjid, and then, you know, their kids are going to be playing with your kids. If your child, you know, gravitates towards something, you know, help foster that. So, maybe, maybe they're not really good at Qur'an, but they're very good at helping others. So, you know, you can link them up with a community outreach so they can, so they can find their place at the masjid. So, finding whatever, you know, works best for them and doing it that way. And then, you know, I would also say that surrounding them, not just with people from the masjid, but Muslims outside of the masjid, too. So, it could be online helicopter, it could be, you know, if they have MSA at their school, trying to help connect them to MSA, because what we're doing is we're trying to build a Muslim identity, you know, not just like I'm a Muslim when I go to the masjid, but I'm a Muslim when I go to the masjid. But even when I don't go to the masjid, you know, from, then I still am a Muslim outside and I still have Muslim connections, whether it's neighbors, whomever, that, yeah, these are my people, I belong, I can connect with these people. Absolutely, thank you. Sheikh Abdullah, you know, building off this question of identity, you know, what is it that parents can do, in your view, that, you know, can help demonstrate to their kids, you know, their need for the Muslim community to be a part of their community?
I think, subhanAllah, sometimes we as parents, we forget to talk about our identity. as youth. I was, you know, telling the youth at this, I was at a camp, subhanAllah, a youth group and my father was being kept trapped. A trustee in the camp was held hostage and so I don't know if you've heard of this student group that is being held hostage, that's being held hostage by an al-Jazee owning product, called the moan lumins dance, you remember that, do you? I'm an honors student. Do we still have them going? I forget to talk about ourselves as youth. I was, you know, telling the youth at this, I was at a camp, subhanAllah, in the UK and there was 3,000 people, it was worldwide and it was very, very interesting. You know, telling the youth sometimes to sit with their grandparents and even to sit with their parents and say, how was it for you when you were younger, you know, when you were my age? What did you go through? Be honest. You know, I get the fathers together with their sons and I tell them, you know, there's three questions that I ask them. One of the questions was, what was something that was difficult in your life and how did you deal with it? And it's, subhanAllah, mind-blowing because the father will get up and say something that the son never knew. But then the son has a different level of respect and it's another dynamic in that God-given relationship, right? So I think the parents sometimes sit them down and tell them, you know, when I was your age, you know, a lot of times we're on television, when I was your age, I would walk to my school and it was five miles and you have a car, but flip it. You know, when I was your age, I faced a little peer pressure. I was in the locker room and they made fun of me that I didn't go to my prom, you know, and I felt horrible. I felt, you know, and you're honest, you're human now to them. But then you talk about how you overcame that or how it was very much a challenge for you and you met someone in your life. I think that's important with parents. Sometimes we sit them down and we talk to them about our youth and some of the universal struggles that we all went through in regards to identity, particularly those that were Muslim and go to public schools.
You know, I always tell my son, I remember there was this one brother, when I was a non-Muslim, we used to make fun of him in the locker room after school. But then subhanAllah, after I became a Muslim, I saw him and subhanAllah, I felt so ashamed because he's looking at me like subhanAllah, y'all used to make fun of me. And he said, but mashallah. And he had mercy on me. He's like, mashallah, you're a Muslim now, man. You're my brother. I said, man, I'm sorry, like for everything in high school. Because one thing about him is that he maintained his presence. He was not ashamed. And that had an effect on a couple of people in the locker room at that time. So I think it's important for ultimately the Muslim, the parents, to always remember that verse in the Qur'an, وَمَا خَلَقَتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونَ This is our ultimate purpose. This is our macro purpose. And everything under that are, we could say, things that we find meaning in life that ultimately are couched within that purpose. So if I want to become a lawyer, that is a way that I manifest, وَمَا خَلَقَتُ الْجِنَّ وَالْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونَ Which the verse means, translates to be, I have not created the jinn and mankind except that they worship me. So everything that you do in your life, whether you're 5, 6, 7, 15, 25, try your best to ask yourself, Is Allah pleased with this? Would Allah want this for me? And that is so important because when you lose certain things in your life, There's this book that many of us know called, I think it's by Viktor Frankl, The Meaning of Life, Man's Search for Meaning. So he mentions something interesting, but you even see that he's void of the ilahi portion of that verse. Because he talks about, he was in the concentration camps, And he talks about one interesting point that he mentions that If you were to lose something that you found all meaning in that, If you were to lose it, that means your life has no meaning anymore.
But we as Muslims realize that everything that we lose and that we get is by the predestination of Allah. So if our purpose is to worship Allah, we know that God did it for a particular reason. So what I would advise parents is, again, is having those gatherings at your house, subhanAllah, even with their friends. You know, Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la, he mentions in the chapter of Yunus, if I'm not mistaken, where he talks about, he says, وَأَوْحَيْنَا إِلَىٰ مُوسَىٰ وَأَخِيهِ That we've revealed to Moses and his brother to tell the people to, subhanAllah, to prepare your houses for the people in Egypt and to make your house qibla. To make your house a qibla, a direction for the prayer. So when here, like inviting their friends over for a barbecue, inviting their friends over to watch maybe a nice halal movie and to expound upon that, and then tying that into how that worships, is worship of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la on a consistent basis, it's a process, I think that's something that will be very, very memorable for them. So ultimately tying it back to that ultimate verse and constantly tying it back, tying it, things that they face in their life, bringing it back to that, inshAllah, and Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la knows best. And can I add something to that also, in that, you know, it's such an honor and a privilege to be Muslim, that Allah chose you to be Muslim. Not that like, we're Muslim now, you know, we were born this way or not born this way, and you know, like, you know, like that, that as a minority, it's like, well, this is just what we are, this is just what we believe. But no, Allah chose you to be Muslim, that is an honor, that comes with privilege. We need to show that pride to our children. So they just, they're not walking around like, oh, yeah, I'm different, but I'm just going to push my way through it. And, you know, inshAllah, it's going to be okay, but so much adversity, I have to put my head down. But no, walk with pride, not a pride, you know, be proud of your religion.
I mean, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, like what a blessing, not everybody gets to be, not everybody gets hidayah to come to Islam. So that I feel like can be also empowering in their identity as well. No, no doubt about it. I just want to mention one point that you mentioned being proud to be Muslim, you know, subhanAllah. You know, I remember one time we had to stop and pray, and my wife, she said, let's stop and pray, and it was on the road. And then one of my sons was like, mama, everybody's going to be watching. I said, you see what they're wearing right now? Look what, look what, look, they have no shame. How do we have shame in worshipping Allah and praying? Yes, it looks weird. I'm not going to, they don't know what that is. Fine. But there are other things that look weird that we just openly, we accept because society accepts it. And that's teaching them that subhanAllah, the integrity and being principled and acting on those principles, inshAllah ta'ala, to where eventually, subhanAllah, someone like myself, that's what caused me to become Muslim. And a lot of people will have questions. Those questions is something that inshAllah may be a path, a means for them to ultimately be guided. So having pride and, you know, the good pride and knowing that Allah subhanAllah is the one that you're ultimately worshipping is something that strengthens the heart, inshAllah. And yes, it will be awkward at moments. And those awkward moments, I always tell, you know, embrace the awkward moments because it's just a matter of seconds. It may be answering a question. Why are you doing this? Oh, okay. You know, how many times has it happened to us? You know, in public places where the time goes out and we have to pray and we do so. JazakAllah khair on that point. JazakAllah khair. Amazing points, you know, especially about, I guess, demonstrating as parents. But, you know, it's parallel. I was speaking to a brother who does a lot of youth work and he was saying that one of the things he found really empowering to young Muslims to, like, really feel like they're a Muslim is when he pressed upon them, like, the mission of Islam. Like, Islam is a gift, like you guys said, and this is something that Allah chose for you. And you have to, you know, spread this message to other people, be that good example, call other people to Islam.
And when they felt like, hey, this is something Allah is going to ask me about, and this is like a mission in my life to spread this religion, then they really felt connected to their Islam. Even though he was telling me, like, when they first came to the masjid, they were kind of like, not that. You know, they were kind of like, why am I here? Why are my parents bringing me to the masjid? SubhanAllah, I think, yeah, I think sometimes, like, the word identity, too, just becomes limiting to us, whereas it's a deen, right? It's something that takes over our entire lives and our perception of the world and everything like that. So, JazakAllah khair. Awesome notes, I think, for me personally, with my four kids, there's a lot of things I'm taking from this session that hopefully I can implement, inshallah. And I want to let everybody out there know, you know, be on the lookout. There's a really interesting video that's going to give you an insider's view on how our curriculum team at Yaqeen developed the LGBTQ curriculum. And that curriculum is for high school-aged students, and it's free, and it's available for download online. You can find it, inshallah, on our website. So that's, inshallah, a great resource because it talks a lot about issues related to identity and some really powerful parts in that curriculum about, you know, the messages in media, the messages in advertisements, and what they're telling all of us, not just our kids, about the world and about ourselves, and kind of decoding those messages, which I think are really powerful and important for parents, inshallah, as a resource. JazakAllah khair, Sheikh Abdullah and Sister Medjooah, for your amazing talk today and the amazing gems that you really gave to our parents. And I hope, inshallah, that this is a blessed year for all of our kids and one that brings all of our families, inshallah, closer to Allah. So jazakAllah khair, and with that, we'll conclude. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Waalaikumussalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
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