Khutbahs
57 / 217
When People Keep Letting You Down | Khutbah by Dr. Omar Suleiman
Powerful analogies from the Prophet ﷺ and his companions about navigating betrayal, bad relationships, unreciprocated kindness, and the jadedness that follows.
Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. Dear brothers and sisters, last week in the first khutbah, I spoke about this concept of friends. And I got a comment after from a brother. He said, well, what if I just don't want any friends? What if I'm just tired of being around people? And at this point in my life, I've been through so many friendships, so many relationships, where I always feel like I'm the one that's giving more, where I always feel like it ends up in some sort of betrayal. Someone's taking advantage of me. And at this point, I'm just sick of people. And it reminded me instantly of a hadith of the Prophet, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, الذي يخالط الناس ويصبر على أذاههم خير من الذي لا يخالط الناس ولا يصبر على أذاههم That the one who mixes with the people and encounters what naturally is some of the hardship that comes when you deal with people, is better than the one who shuns the people and does not tolerate what comes from them, is not patient with the hardship that comes from them. And that hadith obviously is speaking about encountering people and mixing with the people in a healthy way, injecting ihsan, injecting excellence in spaces that lack excellence, injecting trust in spaces that have been poisoned by betrayal, bringing good language to places where foul language is normal, bringing Allah's remembrance to places where he is not remembered. All of these things is what is being spoken about. And obviously no one tolerated more abuse than the Prophet, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, despite who he was, alayhi salatu wasalam. Nice people generally get taken advantage of, honest people generally end up in situations that they regret. And so a question comes up, you know, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? I have gotten to a certain age in my life, and I talk about the innocence of someone who's young, by the time you've gone through enough business partnerships and relationships and friendships, you're just done. You become a very jaded person.
And of course with some, may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala help them, that's even marriages, right? Betrayal and marriages and hardship that comes through that. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala ease that pain and allow us to have healthier marriages, without betrayal and infidelity and some of the things that people encounter, despite doing everything they're supposed to do in a marriage. So it can leave you as a very jaded person. So where do we go from here? And I wanted to actually reflect on some of the analogies from the Prophet, so I summon his companions, and then what that means for us, something constructive in a few minutes. I found a beautiful narration from Abu Darda'a radhiAllahu ta'ala anhu. Qala adraktun nasa waraqan la shawka fee. He said that, I remember living amongst people, and they were like leaves with no thorns. Meaning you walk around and you don't have to worry about something pricking you, right? I lived amongst honest people. I know what it was like to be in a generation of honest, God-fearing people. He said, fa asbahu shawkan la waraqa fee. And then I saw a change completely, where there are thorns everywhere, and I don't see just innocent leaves. I'm going to get pricked right and left, even if I'm not doing anything. He said, innaqattahum naqadook. Which, my translation would be the best thing, if you mess with them, they'll mess with you too. Okay, if you kind of agitate, or if you criticize, or if you give advice, it'll come back towards you as well. Wa innaqattahum la yatrakook. But the problem is that if you leave people alone, they won't leave you alone. So you can, you know, get in the game basically, and you can muscle your way through the way that people deal with each other, and you're not going to come out clean, right? They're going to get right back at you, even if you're not a zalim. Just in general, it's going to be tough. Or, even if you leave people alone, they will not leave you alone. Right? You don't get involved in any trouble. You don't do anything to agitate, or to aggravate.
You just keep to yourself, and still people are going to talk about you. Still people are going to mess with you. Still people are going to make claims about you. You're still going to find yourself in a mess, because people have become collectively messier. And so they said to Abu Darda, radiyaAllahu ta'ala, anhu, Okay, fa kayfa nasna? What are we supposed to do when that time comes? Qala tuqridhum min ardika li yawmi faqrika. He said, loan them your name for a day in which you will be impoverished. You'll be in poverty. Loan them your name. Let them have it. Let them speak about you. Let them say things about you. Let them, you know, take shots at you. Let them prick, because there will come a day of poverty. The Prophet ﷺ mentioned that al-akhtharoon, that those people that have a lot will have such little on the Day of Judgment. Except for those, of course, who were people of charity and goodness. And the Prophet ﷺ mentioned al-muflis, a bankrupt person on the Day of Judgment. Some people will show up on the Day of Judgment with salah, with prayer, with fasting, with all types of good deeds. And it will all go away in front of their eyes, because it's a credit card. All these people that you hurt, sabbah hatha, wa shatama hatha, wa akhtaba hatha, wa dharaba hatha, they're all going to line up one by one and take your good deeds. Until you're left with nothing. May Allah ﷻ protect us from being amongst them. Allahumma ameen. And a person says, ya Allah, I have nothing left. Now you go into debt on the Day of Judgment. People will come and put their sins on you, because you have no more good deeds for them. It's a terrifying situation. So Abu Darda'a radiAllahu anhu was saying to his students, he's saying, listen, just let them have at it, but know that there will come a day that you'll get it back. It'll be paid back to you. The Prophet ﷺ also spoke to this idea of the quality of people, sort of deteriorating.
When he said ﷺ, innama al-nasu kal-ibli al-mi'ah la takadu tajidu fiha raahila. Prophet ﷺ said, people are like a set of a hundred cameras. Out of a hundred, you'll only find one that's good for a journey. And if you think about people, you can only rely on one person out of a hundred. Now of course, as time goes on, trust withers. Integrity withers. People will constantly disappoint you. The point is to be the disappointed and not the disappointing. People will constantly wrong you. The point is to be the one who is maqtool, not qatir, the one who's killed, not killing, the one who is wronged, not wronging. Because if you wrong someone, your price to pay is on the day of judgment. If you are wronged, that doesn't mean we tolerate an atmosphere of dhulm, an atmosphere of wrongdoing. That doesn't mean that we turn a blind eye to justice and tell people be patient when they're being wronged. That means that for ourselves, in these natural situations, we'd rather be on the side of being harmed rather than harming. Because Allah ﷻ compensates and Allah ﷻ prosecutes on the day of judgment. Right? So you can only find one out of a hundred that's suitable for a journey. And it's to the point that Hudhayfa ibn al-Yaman r.a, when he's talking about the loss of amanah, the loss of trust in particular over time, he said, there will come a time on this earth, يُقَالُوا إِنَّ فِي بَنِي فُلَان رَجُلًا أَمِينًا that people will have such a hard time finding a trustworthy person, a person of amanah, a person of trust, that they'll start to say, somewhere over there, in this city, in this town, there's a trustworthy person. So whether it's in business or whatever it may be, like, you go over there and you'll find someone, despite the overall increase in population, there are more Muslims around, but there are less trustworthy people. So you got to go find them. And it becomes a thing, it becomes a rare prize
to the one who is able to find someone that's trustworthy. How many times do you engage in business? How many times do you do something with another Muslim and you think, mashallah, this is going to go great? Two years later, you're in front of our offices, asking for help, because that person flipped on you, right? Took advantage of you, wronged you. It's sad. It is a very sad situation. And the Prophet ﷺ gave us instructions, first and foremost, through his own behavior ﷺ. And I want you to think about being jaded, how a person can get to a point where they're jaded and just disappointed because they're constantly let down. When Rasulullah ﷺ stood up on a safa, and the Prophet ﷺ said, look, if I was to tell you people that there's an army coming from the other side, we all know this hadith, they'd say, what? Of course, you're a sadiq al-ameen, we believe you. For 40 years, Rasulullah ﷺ was their ameen. And he continued to be ameen ﷺ throughout the entirety of his life. For 40 years, you trusted me. For 40 years, I helped you out. For 40 years, I was there for you. And then they act like they don't know him. And you know what's very interesting? Subhanallah, one of my teachers in Sirah, he said, there is not a single narration of the Prophet ﷺ reminding individually someone from the days of ignorance about some good that he did for them. Meaning like, hey, I remember you, you know, pointing to someone. Remember when you were going through this, I was the one that loaned you money. The Prophet ﷺ used to get people out of debt. Remember when you were in hardship, I was the one that you came and talked to. Remember when you needed this, I was the one that did this. Because, لا تبطلوا صدقاتكم بالمني والآذى Don't be that person that negates their charity by what? Remember when I got you? Remember this and remember that? No. When the Prophet ﷺ helped people, he helped them because of who he was, not because of who they were. So even after Islam, when they turned their backs on him,
do you know how many nasty secrets the Prophet ﷺ could have probably brought out from those people? You know how he probably could have humiliated Abu Jahl and Abu Lahab and some of those people by mentioning some things that he surely knew from the past, ﷺ? You know how he could have put some people down and say, remember when I did this for you, you were a nobody and I was there for you? And everyone's taking their shots at the Prophet ﷺ now? He didn't do it. Why? He set a different standard for himself. He ﷺ said, Prophet ﷺ said, when someone entrusts you with something, then fulfill their trust. وَلَا تَخُن مِنْ خَانَكَ Don't betray those who betray you. Don't act in like manner with people that act in a certain way with you. If you need to end that relationship, end it. We talked about that last week. But don't become that person. Don't justify your own bad behavior by that person's bad behavior towards you. And that's why, subhanAllah, even in the hijrah. I mean, I know we say this, but imagine. They're trying to kill the Prophet ﷺ, but at the same time, they're storing their amanat with him. They're storing their trust with him. The same people that are plotting a plot to take him out, have their most precious possessions with him because they know that even in those circumstances, no one's more trustworthy than him. And what did the Prophet ﷺ do? Did he say, you know what, since you're kicking me out of Mecca, I'm gonna take this with me to Medina. No. He leaves Ali ﷺ behind, then he says, go return this to this person, go return this to this person, go return this to this person. And risk your life in the process, by the way. Because we hold ourselves to a different standard. I'm not gonna become like that person. I'm not going to become like that standard. I'm not gonna subject myself to that. Rasulullah ﷺ rose above it, not just after Islam, but even before it. Ali ﷺ, and that's from his husnul khuluq. And the Prophet ﷺ understands that it's only natural that as time goes on, look, you can get to a point where you're just sick of people. Where you start to act towards people,
even unintentionally sometimes, with a new meanness and a crudeness and a harshness and a suspicion because of what was done to you. And we learn from the Prophet ﷺ that don't punish people with the pain that was inflicted on you. It's not fair. It's not fair. You know, subhanAllah, sometimes people become monsters in society. And what's the first excuse? Especially, you know, if the person fits a certain profile. Well, when they were kids and this and this happened. That doesn't excuse anything. No one carries the burden of another person. You don't get to inflict pain on someone else because it was inflicted on you. That's not the way that this works. There are ways to seek justice and Islam has mechanisms of justice. We're not a religion that says overlook justice. But at the same time, when there is an inevitable wrongdoing that has no recourse in this life, we turn to Allah ﷻ and we seek it in the next life. So don't punish people with the pain that was inflicted on you. Also seek to be the difference that you want to see in people around you. When you read the hadith of the 100 camels, tell yourself, I'm going to be the one camel. I don't just read that and say, yeah, you know, صدق رسول الله ﷺ and indeed we say that, but most people I meet are very messed up people. 99 out of 100. Right? No. Say, what does it take to be the one out of the 100? Because the Prophet ﷺ said, في كل قرن من أمتي سابقون Every generation of my ummah has people that lead the way. Not just in عبادة and أخلاق as well, in character as well. They refuse to succumb to nastiness and the practices and things that have become acceptable amongst the people. They just don't do it. So I'll be the dependable friend. I'll be the one that's trustworthy. Even if that's going to cost me something of this dunya, I'll be that person. But I won't lose my akhira. I won't lose my hereafter. And hopefully I will seek something from the sight of Allah ﷻ in the process. Also, subhanAllah, sometimes we penalize people in our lives that come afterwards. That may be just as honest as us or better than us.
We all see ourselves as the good people. Right? So just make that assumption that if I'm not the person that's wrong, wronging and I've been the one that's wrong, sometimes other people come up in our lives and we don't treat them right. Because I can't trust again. I don't know if I can love again. I don't know if I can move on from this. I don't know if I can establish a friendship again. And let me say that that is natural. وَلَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا وَسَعَهَا Allah does not burden a person beyond their scope. It is natural that when you've been betrayed, when you've been wronged, when you've been disappointed, when you've been... It takes time to build that. However, don't preclude the possibility. Rasulullah ﷺ's loving relationship with the Ansar after the betrayal of his own people. That's something. And yes, he's Rasulullah ﷺ and that standard is there. But you know what? We aim for that standard. It's possible. Right? Allah took away from the Prophet ﷺ through the process of al-furqan, this criteria that came with the religion, his uncles. But he got Abu Bakr r.a. Right? He got people like Sa'd ibn Mu'adh r.a. He got others ﷺ that Allah put in his path as a result. Also, lower your expectations in people as a whole and place your hopes in the reward of Allah ﷻ. There are going to be times that people are going to let you down. We as Muslims, بَيَعْتُ النَّبِي ﷺ عَلَى أَلَّا أَسْرِ النَّاسَ شَيْئًا I mean that was the acumen, the way that we approach the Prophet ﷺ. I took bay'ah with the Prophet ﷺ on the basis, I will never ask people for anything. I'm going to try to be the person that helps people. I'm going to try to be the يَدِ الْعُلِيَة, the upper hand. I'm going to try to be the person that puts themselves in a situation where they lift people up out of their vulnerability rather than ending up in too much vulnerability myself. I'm going to try to be a person that helps others, that tries to set the standard. Try to not be in that situation where you will have these expectations of people. They will disappoint you.
Place your hopes in the reward from Allah ﷻ. And I end with the saying of Abu Darda ﷺ about particularly reputation and name. He continues and he says, هَبْ عِرْضِكَ لِلَّهِ فَمَنْ سَبَّكَ أَوْ شَتَمَكَ أَوْ قَاتَلَكَ فَدَعْهُ لِلَّهِ فَإِذَا أَسَأْتَ فَاسْتَغْفِرِ اللَّهِ He said, you give your name to Allah ﷻ. Give yourself to Allah ﷻ. Give your reputation, give your name to Allah ﷻ. So if someone after that comes and they insult you and they say things about you or they hurt you or whatever it is, give that to Allah ﷻ. Right? Does that mean again that you can tell someone who's being harmed, seek it in the akhira? No, you try to help that person because that's the point, right? They shouldn't have to ask for recourse for themselves. You set up systems and community systems of justice where those that are wronged don't have to sit on the sideline and just look towards the akhira. Allah will fill in the gap. But when it's you and a person goes through these inevitable things in life, you know what? I'm going to leave it to Allah ﷻ. And the ending of this, إِذَا أَسَأْتَ فَاسْتَغْفِرِ اللَّهِ If you did wrong, then seek forgiveness from Allah. Don't justify and say everybody's dirty, I'm going to jump into it myself. No. Hold yourself to that higher standard. إِذَا أَسَأْتَ فَاسْتَغْفِرِ اللَّهِ When you mess up, seek forgiveness from Allah ﷻ. May Allah ﷻ allow us to hold ourselves to a higher standard. May Allah ﷻ allow us to be rewarded on the Day of Judgment. And may Allah ﷻ bless us with righteous companions, righteous people in this life that will encourage us to do good. And may Allah ﷻ allow us to pass through the tests in which our integrity is put on the line. May Allah ﷻ allow our deen and our character to remain intact with whatever it is that comes towards us in this life. اللهم أمين أقول قولي هذا واشتغفر الله برآك ورسالة المسلمين فاستغفروا إنه الغفور الرحيم الغفور الرحيم
فاذكروا الله يذكركم واشكروه عن نعماء يزد لكم ولذكر الله أكبر والله يعلم ما تصنعون وعقل من الصلاة
Welcome back!
Bookmark content
Download resources easily
Manage your donations
Track your spiritual growth
1 items
1 items
1 items
25 items
50 items
9 items
