Why Me
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What If I Could’ve Changed Things? | Why Me?
"If only things had been different..." "What if I had done something else..."
The phrases "what if" and "if only" are often used for regret or to dream of a seemingly better reality...but if you adopt a more fruitful perspective, you can use the phrases to see what you were saved from instead. Regret can be inescapable, but when we wonder "what if" that regret has the potential to turn into something worse. Why does "what if" open the doors to Shaytan, and what are positive ways to use "if only"?
Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. If only this hadn't happened, I would have been so happy right now. If only this situation went my way, I would have been married by now. If this, then that. The word if is short, but its impacts are long-standing and have the power to trap you in the thoughts of what could have been and leave you disappointed with what actually is. Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam warned us about the danger of dwelling on if. But does this mean you aren't allowed to feel sadness or regret at all? Where's the line between healthy regret and an unhealthy level of dwelling on the past? In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. During the time of some of the worst fitna this Ummah has ever seen, there was a man in Basra who was a general in the army of Ubaidullah ibn Ziyad, who was serving under Yazid ibn Mu'awiyah. So this general says that one day while I was on my rooftop, I fell down and I broke both of my legs. And as I was laying at home with both of my legs broken, the righteous scholar Abi Qilaba came to visit me. And he said to me, I hope this was actually better for you. And so I responded to him and I said, What in the world could be good about my legs being broken? He said,
What Allah protected you from if your legs weren't broken is better for you. So he says three days later, I get this letter from Ubaidullah ibn Ziyad enlisting me to join an army to go fight al-Husayn radiAllahu ta'ala anhu, the grandson of the Prophet ﷺ. So I responded to him and I said, I can't join you because my legs are broken. And then a week later, I heard that they murdered al-Husayn radiAllahu ta'ala anhu. And I said, May Allah have mercy on Abu Qilaba. He was so right that it was better for me. Had that not happened to me, I would have taken part in the crime of murdering the grandson of the Prophet ﷺ. We always see the if only of regret, but not the if only that Allah saved us from. Regret can be inescapable because we are human and we're going to make mistakes that have consequences beyond the immediate moment. And part of being human is sometimes miscalculating and making the wrong moves. And sometimes thinking that we made all the right moves, but everything still went wrong. The worst part is when we start to imagine all these alternate worlds and a different life, if only we had done things differently. And this is where the word comes in, if. And not every if is the same. There are ifs that cause doubt, there are ifs that cause learning, and there are ifs that actually cause gratitude. As for the ones that cause doubt, these are the ones that can make us challenge the Qadr of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. The Prophet ﷺ said, Instead, say Allah did what he had ordained to do. Because the word if opens the doors of the Shaytan. This is the if that convinces you that if you would have done something different,
or if someone else didn't exist, or if a certain circumstance didn't arise, then the decree of Allah would have been different. But it was never going to be different. And this can lead you to hate yourself. It could make you hate others. It could make you hate the world. Or even worse, it could make you turn in hatred towards the heavens. And that's why the Prophet ﷺ said, It opens the doors of Shaytan. Because your head becomes a playground for Shaytan, who starts to play with all sorts of possibilities that you think that you have. But you have to shut that door of if at the very beginning with, Qadr Allahumma shafa'an. That's the lock on the door, as firm as the plan of decree. Al-Qadi Ayyad said about the phrase, if only, that repeatedly thinking this can actually become a habit. And then this habit can remove all Rida, all contentment from the heart of the believer. But there are good ifs. You have ifs that cause learning. And there is an important distinction between Muhasaba, which is accountability, and Hasra, which is regret. Evaluating mistakes and learning from them is Muhasaba. And that's a foundational part of everyone's spiritual journey. The focus is on the actions, not the outcomes. As opposed to the if that causes doubt, which focuses on the outcomes, not the actions. And the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, he used to use this for teaching the companions. So in Hajj, the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, If only I wouldn't have brought my sacrifice with me, I would have exited my Ihram. Or if I would have done this, I would have done something different here. So this is an if that becomes a teaching moment. You can also say if only, when you regret missing out on a good deed. As Imam An-Nawwi Rahimahullah said, Feeling sorry because you missed out on a way of obeying Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. There's also when the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, if only this person was a bit more patient, more blessings would have come.
The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, after telling the story of Musa and Al-Khadr, We would have loved if Musa Alayhi Salaam was a bit more patient. Then Allah would have told us more of their stories. Then there is the if only that leads to gratitude. And this is when you think of all the ways it could have gone wrong and how Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la saved you from misfortune. If it weren't for the blessing and mercy of Allah in any of our pasts, things could have been a lot worse. If it weren't for the blessing of my Lord, I would have perished in the fire. If Allah hadn't guided me, how would I have made it to paradise? There were so many ifs that actually went your way. And those are the ifs that inspired gratitude. Don't say if with what was never meant to come to you. Say if not for all the things that came to you that were full of blessings, even if you couldn't see them. When He opens up your understanding of deprivation, the deprivation itself becomes the same as a gift. There will be times in your life when you want to resist the path that's been put before you. But fighting it can't bring you any peace. Imam Al-Shafi'i Rahimahullah said, my heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me. And what has missed me was never meant for me. We can't find that ease when all our time is spent on what ifs. Because life is not about the what ifs. It's about what is.
Al-Shafi'i Rahimahullah
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