Taraweeh Reflections
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A Better Way To Stop Backbiting | Taraweeh Reflections
One way to stop backbiting is to imagine the person present in front of you. But the scholars mentioned an even better and more rewardable way to protect your tongue.
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Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. SubhanAllah, as we come through these verses, we come to the verses of Ibadur-Rahman. The servants of the most merciful and the qualities of the servants of the most merciful. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make us amongst those that embody these qualities of Ibadur-Rahman. Allahumma ameen. SubhanAllah, there is one verse that I wanted to focus on because it's one of those things that you ironically quickly move through. وَإِذَا مَرُّوا بِاللَّهُ مَرُّوا كِرَامًا When they come across idle speech, they pass through with dignity. SubhanAllah, very similar by the way to what we hear about in the beginning of Surah Al-Mu'minun. The previous description of the believers. وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ عَنِ اللَّغْوِ مُعْرِضُونَ Those who prohibit idle speech. They don't engage in idle speech. And here Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala describes Ibadur-Rahman. الَّذِينَ يَمْشُونَ عَنِ الْأَرْضِ هَوْنَ They're walking very peacefully on the earth. Not harming, not accepting harm and not harming. وَإِذَا خَاطَبَهُمُ الْجَاهِلُونَ قَالُوا سَلَامًا Someone comes to them aggressively and they simply وَالْجَهَلُ هُنَ بِمَعْنِ الْغَضَبِ As the scholars mentioned, ignorance here is in the meaning of anger, in the meaning of aggressiveness. So when people are aggressive towards them directly, they say salam. They say we want no part of this. They keep moving, they keep it moving. But it's one thing when you are the recipient of it. But إِذَا مَرُّوا بِاللَّغْوِ مَرُّوا كِرَامًا When they come across a laghu, when they come across false speech, idle speech, they move with dignity. Usually this is going to be when the subject is someone other than you. Someone else is being spoken about. And as most people will end up in hellfire because of their tongues, I pray that Ramadan is an opportunity for us inshaAllah ta'ala to purify our tongues as much as possible. Allahumma ameen.
And to let this tongue be that which is pleasing to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and to say that which is pleasing to Allah so that we accustom our tongues to saying good words so much so that we find that a good word that we said in passing enters us into Jannah and not a bad word that we said in passing enters us into hellfire. Allahumma ameen. So I wanted to talk about something very profound that I came across from Imam al-Ghazali rahimahullah ta'ala and Ibn Qudam rahimahullah elaborates a bit on this about this idea of actually being able to prohibit backbiting because there are stages, there are levels. And I want to start from this premise here. The believer thinks before they speak. The hypocrite does not think before they speak. In fact, Imam Hassan al-Basri rahimahullah said, the number one distinguisher between the mu'min and the munafiq, between a believer and a hypocrite is that the believer's tongue is filtered by their heart. Before they say anything, it's behind their heart. They consider whether or not this is appropriate and whether or not this will benefit them or harm them and then they speak through that. Whereas the hypocrite speaks first and then considers only if they find some sort of consequence in this life. So the very first basis here is al-'ajratu min al-shaytaan. Hastiness is from the shaytaan. If a person is very quick with their speech, they're going to make a lot of mistakes. And if a person talks too much, they're going to make a lot of mistakes. Al-'ajratu min al-shaytaan means the pace at which you speak, something comes up and you say something very fast. And the Prophet ﷺ said, a person ends up in the depths of hellfire with a kalima la yulqi laha bala. He didn't even think about it when he said it. He said it so quickly, so casually. He just quickly said it or quickly typed it, quickly commented. So if you're accustomed to quick commentary, you're most likely going to fall in this. And as Umar radiAllahu anhu said, if you're accustomed to a lot of commentary, man kathura kalamuhu, kathura saqtuhu. If you talk too much,
you're going to end up making too many mistakes. And you're going to end up, man kathura saqtuhu, kathura dhunubuhu, wa man kathura dhunubuhu, kana tinnaaru awla bihi. If a person makes too many mistakes, then their sins will pile up. And then if a person has too many sins, then hellfire becomes a more likely destination for them. So if you talk too fast and if you talk too much, you're likely to end up in trouble. So at the very minimum here, the believer has a process in which they think about what they're going to say before they say it. And especially when someone else's name gets mentioned. Why? Because if it's something sinful that you say that doesn't involve someone else, then the process of redemption, the process of tawbah at the end of the day comes back to only you and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. But once someone else's name was brought into it, then the process of tawbah becomes a lot more complicated. Of course there is a path to tawbah, but it becomes more complicated, it becomes more difficult because now you have someone else that is involved. And so the believer especially takes precaution when someone else's name is mentioned. Once someone else's name is mentioned, the believer puts another filter there. And Imam al-Ghazali rahimahullah ta'ala, he was asked about how he himself, because he was known, and this is one of the signs of the salihin, he was known that he wouldn't say anything bad about anybody. And by the way, subhanAllah, if you look at the righteous, and may Allah azza wa jalla make us amongst them, and you think about their secrets. As Imam Malik rahimahullah used to say that every righteous person has a secret. Usually the secret is that that person does not backbite. That person will not say anything bad about anybody else. These are the secrets of the righteous people that meet Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, their tongues remain free. So al-Ghazali rahimahullah, he's asked about this and he kind of unravels this a bit. And he says, well the first thing, he said, I don't mention anybody else's name or I don't hear anyone mentioned except that I imagine
illa tasawwartuhu jalisan amami except that I think of that person sitting in front of me before I say anything. That's the first line of defense here for backbiting, is that ghibah has some cowardice to it, doesn't it? It's cowardly, ghibah is cowardly, right? That you say things about people when they're not there. And so the very first line of defense is, if that person is present, would you still say it? So he said the first thing is to imagine that person sitting there with you. Would you still be able to say the same thing about that person if they were sitting at the table? Now someone might say, well you know what? I would say it to their face. And they would praise that as a quality, they'd call it straightforwardness, and all it is is straight shaitan-ness. That just means that you have absolutely no haya, you have no modesty, no shame. And the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, idha lamta istahi fasna' ma shitt. If you have no shame, do what you want. So it just means you're a shameless person, right? That you would say, I'd say it to their face. I would disrespect and disgrace that person to their face. That's not how the salihin think. So the very first thing is, no way. If that person is sitting in front of me, would I say that? But he mentions three levels. So that's the first level, is to imagine that person right in front of you. And Ramadan is a time for us to be conscious of the things that we often don't take into consideration. As soon as someone is mentioned. Imagine that person's in the conversation. Imagine they're in the group. Imagine they're at the table. Whatever you have to do, put them in front of you before you say anything about them. And he says, مَا ذُكْرَ أَخْوَنْ لِي بِغَيْبٍ إِلَّا تَصَوَّرْتُهُ جَالِسًا فَقُلْتُ فِيهِ مَا يُحِبُّ أَن يَسْمَعْ لَوْ كَانَ حَاضِرًا He said, and then some people said, some of the ulama, the righteous ones said, that I don't say anything about anyone,
except that I first imagine that person is sitting in front of me. فَقُلْتُ فِيهِ مَا يُحِبُّ So I say about that person what I know that person would love to be said about them. He mentioned some sayings from Umar ibn al-Khattab radiyallahu ta'ala anhu. And by the way, Umar radiyallahu anhu was a tough person, right? Tough in the good sense. He's al-Farooq. He's the one who distinguishes between truth and falsehood. And usually people that backbite, or people that are aggressive towards others, they justify by saying, this is my nature. I'm a person of the haqq. I have to tell the truth, right? How many times do you see Umar radiyallahu anhu backbiting? After the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam, one of the most narrated about companions, in the top five of the narrated about companions. You see Umar radiyallahu anhu trashing anyone behind their back in the name of the haqq, in the name of the truth? No. Umar radiyallahu anhu actually says, that when your brother is mentioned, call him only, بِأَحَبِّ أَسْمَائِهِ إِلَيْهِ The names that he loves to hear most about himself. What are the nicknames? What are the names that person likes? And with the best of qualities that that person likes to hear about themselves. Before you even say anything about them first, call them by their best names. And call them by their best qualities. Before you say anything about them. And then say about them only, what they would love to be said about them. فَقُلْتُ فِيهِ مَا يُحِبُّ أَن يَسْمَعُ I say about that person, after like they're sitting in the gathering, they're in the group, what I know they would love to hear about themselves, if they were present. There's a third level. SubhanAllah, this one really struck me. It's a very powerful statement. He says, وَقَالَ آخَرَ مَا ذُكِرَ أَخُنِّي إِلَّا تَصَوَّرْتُ نَفْسِي فِي سُورَتِهِ فَقُلْتُ فِيهِ مِثْلُ مَا أُحِبُّ أَن يُقَالَ فِيهِ Such powerful words. And I hope I can deliver it. Because it's hard even just to really, I think immerse yourself in what these people are saying. One group said,
that I do not, or if someone is mentioned in front of me, I don't say anything except تَصَوَّرْتُ نَفْسِي I imagine myself to be that person. And I don't say except what I would love to be said about me. مَا يُقَالُ فِيهِ What I'd love to be said about me. And this is the highest level of ihsan. This is the highest level of excellence. Why? لَا يُؤْمِنُ أَحَدُكُمْ حَتَّى يُحِبُّ لِي أَخِيهِ مَا يُحِبُّ لِي نَفْسِي No one of you believes until he loves his brother, but he loves for himself. That you actually even put yourself in that situation. And say, if I was the subject, here is how I would love to be spoken about right now. And then that's what you say. Because that makes the other person almost irrelevant to how you carry yourself. And your relationship with Allah SWT and your character and etiquettes, you want them to be at a level to where they are uninterferable, they cannot be diminished by any other presence. It's just you and Allah SWT. So as soon as someone else is mentioned, تَصَوَّرْتُ نَفْسِي I put myself in that place as if I'm the one being spoken about. And then I say about myself at that point, what I would love to be said about myself, what I would love to hear about myself. Dear brothers and sisters, we're living in a time where haya is being lost in all ways, right? Shamelessness in our social morality, shamelessness in dress, shamelessness in speech, shamelessness in the way we conduct our affairs, shamelessness in the masjid, shamelessness outside. There's a lot of lack of shame. And this is one of the ways that the etiquettes of your brother or sister should be taken into consideration. And you know what? Some of you are thinking, well, look, I can't think that long before I say something, right? You know, like I'm in a conversation, how much time am I gonna take
when a subject is brought up to actually sit there and think about it? Because you know that burning feeling like something comes up on a WhatsApp group, if I don't respond in the next 20 minutes, لا حول ولا قوة إلا بالله the whole world is gonna fall apart, the community is gonna die, يوم القيامة will happen. If I don't respond right now, I have to, I have to say something right now. No, you know what? Slow down. Slow down. Take a step back. مَن كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الْآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرٌ أَوْ لِيَسْمُطٌ And if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all until you can think of something good to say. And if it's a subject that needs to be deliberated and something needs to be spoken about, then disconnect the person's honor from that subject so much so that you would not be disgracing them in any way whatsoever as you speak about the subject. That person that's sitting next to you right now is sacred. And that person that's not sitting next to you but that shares that bond of la ilaha illallah, Muhammad Rasulullah, even if you don't even meet them, if you never meet them in your entire life, know that their honor is more sacred than the Kaaba. Their honor is more sacred than the Kaaba, the direction of our Qibla. And so that person next to you that you may have just met, they have that right upon you. So think of those three levels. Number one, first and foremost, imagine that person sitting with you. Would you still say it? Number two, imagine that person sitting and what they would like to hear if they were sitting there. Number three, and this is the best method. This is the people of Ihsan. May Allah make us amongst them, the people of excellence. Imagine if you were the subject being spoken about, what would you love to hear? And then let that guide your speech. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala purify our speech, purify our eyes, purify our hearing, and more than anything else, purify our hearts. Allahumma ameen. Jazakumullah khair. Wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh.
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