My Moment of Conviction
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Feeling Islam Settle in My Heart: Ust. Lobna Mulla | My Moment of Conviction
Was there a moment in your life when you knew for certain Islam was the truth? Hear how learning Arabic and studying Islam in Egypt led Ust. Lobna Mulla on a journey of self-discovery, and the feeling of Islam settling in her heart.
If you'd like to see more, check Ust. Lobna Mulla's series Upheld by Allah: Women In The Qur'an.
Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. What is the difference between Islam and Islam? For me, really feeling like I am Muslim and I fully have that conviction. It didn't happen in one particular moment, but it was definitely an era in my life. And when I reflect upon it, it's actually pretty late in life. I was around 30 and we were, my husband and I, with our two younger kids at the time, our two older kids at the time, we were studying in Egypt. And growing up in the, I was born and raised in California, in LA, and growing up, I knew that I was brown, I knew that I was Egyptian, and I knew that I was Muslim. But how that meshed together, where did the lines, you know, really start and stop, it wasn't super clear. I was happy to be Muslim, I understood where I came from, but there were a lot of different points along the way where I was just, I was Muslim, alhamdulillah. When I went to Egypt, it was very interesting because now, we went for a purpose. We went to learn more about Islam, we went to learn Arabic, formally, for myself at least. My husband, you know, did much more than that, alhamdulillah. But while I was there, I'm trying to speak the best that I can in Aminah, in colloquial Egyptian Arabic. And I have an accent, of course, I have an American accent. And so people would question me all the time, oh, where are you from? Every single day, not just once in a while, every single day, every time I go buy something. I was the main, as I am today, I'm the main, you know, I procure all the goods for our home. So, you know, I'm going to the grocery store, oh, you have an accent, where are you from? Oh, wait, you know, are you from Morocco? Oh, you have an accent. You look Egyptian, but what's wrong with you? How come you're talking like that? Are you trying to feign that you went to some fancy English speaking school in Egypt? Are you trying to show off? And so that happened all the time.
So people questioning my identity, while in the meantime, hearing Quran, had the very big masjid right in front of us. I remember learning Surat Al-A'la, because, you know, every Yom Al-Jum'ah, every Friday, that was the surah that the imam read. And I remember, I memorized it. It's probably the best surah that I know after Fatiha, and the smallest surahs in Juz Amma, because I heard it so much. Learning Arabic every single day, and almost every day in class, one-on-one with the teacher, God bless my teachers, God bless my teachers, they're amazing. It was like a Tarbiyah session almost every day, a point of spiritual development, personal growth. I probably fasted the most outside of Ramadan during that time. You know, we'd walk to school in the sun and we'd be fasting. Now it's like, oh, I might get a headache, so I'm probably not going to fast extra day. In Egypt, you know, we just did it. We had a lot of other Western students that were there, we're conglomerate in our home, we'd have coffee. And so we were constantly surrounded by people who were seeking knowledge for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, the best people. SubhanAllah, may Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala bless all of my friends that I've made there, all of my teachers. It was a real learning, not only about my religion, but about myself. So people questioning, who am I? I'm learning about Islam. I'm actually able now to kind of get a little bit deeper and dig into some of my doubts. Not Alhamdulillah about Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, and that would have been okay if I did, but understanding there's some things that didn't settle in my heart. And I finally came to a place while I was studying that I may not understand everything, but I trust Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala deeply. I don't have these like, why does Allah say this? Why does, what is that verse in the Quran? I don't know, I feel unsettled. I deeply felt, I may not have the exact answer, but I trust and I love Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala.
That formative three years in Egypt, it truly changed me. And I remember when I left and I came back, I was like, yeah, I'm American, I'm Egyptian, but I'm definitely, definitely Muslim, and that's what matters.
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