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Giving Empathy | Daily Reminders
Everyone responds to a different kind of empathy. Some may benefit from a positive message while others may just need a lending ear. Ust. Lobna Mulla reflects on how our beloved Prophet Muhammad ﷺ catered his empathy and response to each person he spoke to.
Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. Bismillah wa salatu wa salam ala rasulullah. Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu. I hope all of you are doing well during this time inshallah. I'm sure by now many of you have seen videos and reminders and posts about being content during this time, about being optimistic and trying to remain grateful, and hopefully practicing some level of patience as we're all trying to pass through this time inshallah. And there are definitely perspectives that we can use when we get down. And there are other times when we're just not ready to listen to those types of advices and it'll hit us at the right time. The point is when we hear those types of reminders and we find them valuable, it's something that's great for us, but we can't necessarily force it onto somebody else. So I wanted to talk about having empathy during this time while not forcing optimistic perspectives on others. What I'm hoping that we can do during this time is take examples from our beloved prophet and the way that he varied his responses, his interactions with people based on their situation, that we can do the same when we're interacting with our loved ones and our friends. Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasalam was very merciful to all of mankind. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala told us that he sent Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him to the worlds only as a mercy. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala also tells us in the Quran in Surah Tawbah, there has certainly come a messenger to you from among yourselves. Grievous to him is what you suffer. He is concerned over you and to the believers, he is merciful and kind. So we see here that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has sent Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him as a mercy to all of humanity and to all of creation, including the earth and the animals. So how can we learn from his example? One of the things I want to reflect upon is how Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasalam was empathetic to people and he varied the way in which he
interacted with individuals. For example, when different people came to the Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him for advice, he gave them different advices based on their needs, on their own situation, on those individuals characteristics. So for example, when one companion came to our beloved Prophet peace and blessings be upon him for advice, our beloved told the companion, don't get angry. And when another companion came to our beloved Prophet peace and blessings be upon him, Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasalam told him to feed the hungry and to spread greetings of peace. We see these wonderful qualities of empathy that Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasalam expressed, even when it came to animals. One time there were a couple of companions and they saw a mother bird with its baby chicks and the companion thought it might be a good idea to take those baby chicks and hide it. And when the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasalam passed by these companions, he saw the mother bird circling above them, you know, flapping its wings in grief and said, who has upset this bird by taking away its chicks? Return the chicks to her. So he just had to notice the state of the bird to know that it was upset, that it was distressed. And it was of the utmost importance that Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wasalam relieved the stress and the distress of that bird. So we see here that nobody's pain, nobody's suffering is too big or too small. He even said that in the masjid sometimes he would want to prolong the prayer. And yet when he heard a baby crying for the grief of the mother over the baby crying, he would shorten the prayer. So we see here there was no limit to the mercy of our beloved Prophet peace and blessings be upon him. So during this time, when people are feeling stressed, people are trying to get adjusted to different schedules, when people are trying to get adjusted to different stresses of their family life, of financial situations, of losing a loved one, missing special occasions.
We want to be able to express empathy to people in the same way as our beloved Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasalam. So how can we do this? Number one, let's understand that everybody's situation is different. Some people are posting online saying, you know, with all of this time that we have, we should be doing so many things. And for some people, all of their time is being spent in the day caring for small children and trying to appease the fact that they're not able to go out and try and explain maybe to a two and three year old why they're not able to go to their normal places that they like to go to. So they don't have any extra time. And maybe for somebody else, they're really struggling with a hardship of financial loss. Maybe for somebody else, they're grieving over the loss of a loved one who died alone because of this time of quarantine. So everybody's situation is different and you're not necessarily going to know it. Number two, we can also understand that everybody deals with pain or loss in a different way. You know, just acknowledging the fact that having a change of our schedule, not being able to be surrounded by our loved ones, that is a loss and people deal with loss in different ways. Let alone losing actually a loved one. People deal with that in a different way. People also are dealing with the loss of maybe a passing of special occasions, like a graduation, like a birthday, like an anniversary. People were also dealing with the loss of maybe a lifelong goal of making Hajj or Umrah and having that trip canceled. So people are dealing with different things in different ways. And we have to understand as human beings, we don't react to loss in the same way. And part of our understanding that people deal with loss in a different way, we also have to understand that the circumstances surrounding that loss may be different for people. For example, we may not want to say things like we all have to stay home. It's not that bad. You know, for you, it might not be that bad, but for somebody else, there may be
circumstances that make it very difficult as opposed to your situation. Another example would be maybe losing a loved one due to this illness, this COVID-19. You may say, well, I too lost a loved one. We just have to accept this from the Qadr of Allah. That's not an empathetic way of dealing with somebody's loss. So let's understand that you may have accepted something or maybe been able to be in a situation to accept something or to understand it, but somebody else is not yet there. Another way in which we can share empathy with others is to be a good listener. Someone might share with you that they're feeling sad or lonely or bored. Just listen to them without judgment. This is not the time to tell people how they should be feeling or how they should be grateful. Just listen without judgment and that person will feel supported. Another thing we can do is to not paint our optimism on someone else's glasses. So for example, if somebody shares something with you, perhaps now is not the right time to say, well, you know what, at least you have a roof over your head, or at least you have something to eat. Look at those other people. They have nothing. This is not the time to share it because what happens is that person feels like they should feel guilty for their feelings. And like I said, everyone is dealing with some sort of loss and people deal with it differently. All they want to hear is that they have support from you. So maybe save those advices or those perspectives for another time when it's part of a larger conversation. And then maybe that person would be ready to hear those types of perspectives, but it shouldn't be our immediate response. Another way in which we can show empathy is when we're listening is to listen without judgment. Now is not the time to be thinking, well, you know what, I have a worse off situation and I'm handling it much better than you are. Just thinking that may come off in the way that you interact with somebody when they're sharing something with you. So holding off judgment, holding off thinking that somebody's situation is either worse or better than yours. Now's not the right time for that.
The best thing is just to, again, to lend that friendly ear. Another thing we can practice is when someone is sharing something with us, now is not the time to share our loss at the same time and say, oh, this happened to you. Well, you know what, this happened to me too. Not at that same instant. This is the time where they want to be heard. This is their way of being able to download and express their grief or their sadness. So be a good listener to them in their time of need. And perhaps later you can share your issues or the concerns that you want to share to them as well. In these very difficult times, people are losing loved ones. This would be a great time to show empathy and to understand that everybody lost individuals on a different situation. For somebody, they may feel quite content in the time that they spent with their loved one before they passed. For somebody else, maybe they didn't get to see them before they passed. Maybe it's been a long time since they've seen that loved one. Maybe they didn't leave on good terms. So everybody's pain is different. And I think the more we can understand that, the more we're going to be able to internalize empathy and be able to show that to others when they're coming to us with their grief. And a lot of this, unfortunately, is going to be online. So let's choose our words wisely. Let's be sensitive in how we express our condolences or share our advice. Make sure that it's timely. May Allah make it easy for us to be there for one another. I pray that Allah keep all of you safe. I pray that Allah makes us patient. I pray that Allah makes us patient during this time. And I pray that Allah gives us the wisdom to deal with one another with love and empathy. Jazakumullah khairan. As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh.
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