For Those Left Behind
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Ep. 15: How Do I Move On? | For Those Left Behind
How do I move on after my loved one's death? To what extent am I expected to move on? What is a healthy way of remembering my deceased loved one without “dying” myself? How do I cope with the pain of their absence and this distance between us?
Instead of moving on from your loved ones, move forward with them. Keep them alive in this world by thinking of them, talking about them, and doing good deeds on their behalf.
After Khadija (ra) passed away, the Prophet ﷺ was not crippled by his memory of her. He was motivated by it. He kept her in his heart through his trials and triumphs, and used the expanse (of love and compassion) that he had from his time with her to help others.
Remember death often, and think of the legacy that your loved one leaves behind and what an extension of that could look like through you.
Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. You're not supposed to move on from them. Move forward with them. There is no such thing as moving on. It's moving forward. The Prophet ﷺ is our example in everything and he certainly did not move on from Khadijah radiAllahu ta'ala anha. He moved forward with her and in fact he kept her alive in the sense that A'ishah radiAllahu anha says, I was never jealous of any woman like Khadijah even though I never even met her. But it was the mention of the Prophet ﷺ of her and the praise of the Prophet ﷺ for her and the fact that when the Prophet ﷺ sacrificed an animal or a sacrifice came to him, he would send a share of it to her friends. He would send gifts to her friends. He would hear the voice of her sister and he would rush because the voice of her sister sounded like her. He always thought about her. And there is a saying from A'ishah radiAllahu anha in part of that where she says, And I just found that so ironic. As if there is no other woman in the world but Khadijah. Except that Khadijah radiAllahu anha was the one that was dead. But it's as if there is no woman in the world except for Khadijah radiAllahu ta'ala anha. The Prophet ﷺ kept her in his heart through his trials and through his triumphs. When he gets back to Mecca, what does he do? When they say, where do you want to pitch your tent? He pitches it in Hujoon which is close to the grave of Khadijah radiAllahu ta'ala anha. So he's always thinking about her, always making mention of her, always actively doing for her. And that's moving forward. The Prophet ﷺ was not crippled by his memory of Khadijah. He was motivated by his memory of Khadijah. The Prophet ﷺ did not mistreat others because of how much he loved Khadijah. He did not fail to show emotion to
others because of the emotion he had for Khadijah. But instead he used the expanse that he had because of that time with Khadijah radiAllahu ta'ala anha to include others as well. You're not supposed to move on from them. Move forward with them. And this is something that we have to come to with ourselves by the way. That Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us to frequently remember death. And nothing, nothing causes us to remember death more frequently than the loss of someone that is close to us. So suddenly now death is being remembered and that's good for your heart. And that's attached to the person that you love. When you say, inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'oon. To Allah we belong and to Allah we return. You're not just talking about them. You're talking about yourself as well. And you are what's keeping that person alive in this world. And you have to think about that legacy and what that extension of that legacy is in this world. When you look at the sahabah of the Prophet ﷺ, you see Zaynab bint Abu Salama, the extension of Abu Salama and Um Salama. You see Abdullah ibn Zubair becoming a warrior like his father. You see Usam ibn Zaid becoming a general like his father. You see Aisha as-Siddiqa bint as-Siddiqa, the truthful one, the daughter of the truthful one. Fatima radiAllahu ta'ala anha, the one who resembled the Prophet ﷺ more than anything else. Abdullah ibn Umar and Hafsa, may Allah be pleased with them and their father. The way that they extended the legacy of their father. You are what's keeping that person alive. And anything that's going to cause you to remember death more, anything that's going to cause you to do more good deeds is ultimately going to bring you closer to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. But ultimately what you have to come back to is that what would that person say to me if they could speak to me about how they want me to move forward. Would they be pleased with me being idle, with me
being crippled and paralyzed to where I can't do for myself and I can't do for them? Or would they tell me to move forward and to work for myself and to work for them as well? Because just like you're keeping them alive by living out that legacy, you also want to do enough and to follow suit to be righteous yourself so that someone keeps you alive as well after your death.
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