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Feeling Lonely and It's Getting Worse | Daily Reminders
Tune in as Sh. Omar Suleiman reflects on the idea of loneliness and provides a few tips on what we as a community can do to help others and ourselves deal with loneliness during this time and afterwards.
Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. Asalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu. Audhu billahi min ash-shaytani r-rajim. Bismillahir rahmanir rahim. Alhamdulillahi wa barakatuhu. Al-'alamin wa al-'alwani wa al-'alameen. Wa al-'aqibatu il-mattaqim. Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barakan abdika wa rasulika Muhammadin. Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam. Tassimun katheera. So as I mentioned today in the Friday Reflections, as we're going through these lectures and sermons and lessons and articles and publications and this constant theme of family and use this time to reconnect with family and reconnect with those at home. And there is this looming reality that, well, there are a lot of people that are not quarantined with family right now, that are having to struggle with this all by themselves, that did not have anyone before this and don't have anyone after this that's around them to comfort them. And so the first thing I want to say is that in no way, shape or form, I'm going to dismiss those feelings or claim to have some sort of a magical solution to all of this. And the onus, the burden of dealing with loneliness should not be on those that are feeling lonely right now, but to all of us to do a better job, to make sure that we're checking up on everyone, to make sure that we're doing our part to reach out to those that are struggling right now, that are not locked up with family, which poses its own challenges. And so the onus is on the community to do a better job of forming that structure. And there are certain things that could make that even worse, our convert community in particular. There are so many different things that could happen. Poverty makes loneliness a lot worse, because in poverty there's shame. And so there are a lot of brothers and sisters, and there shouldn't be shame,
but there are a lot of homeless brothers and sisters right now that are alone and have not disclosed their condition to anyone. So loneliness has different levels. And I think we have to come to terms with, first and foremost, that the pandemic of loneliness precedes the pandemic of COVID-19. And we have reached a time in which 22% of people, I believe, have expressed feelings of loneliness. So even though we have social media and we have all of these different outlets to connect with people, loneliness is worse now than it's ever been before, even with this world of connection that we have. And so I want to, first and foremost, again, acknowledge that the onus of this should be on the community, and everyone has to do a better job of reaching out to everyone else and making sure that people are heard and people are seen when everyone is sort of hunkered down, but not everyone is hunkered down around others, which could make this particularly challenging. Okay. Second thing is to make dua, is to pray for those brothers and sisters that are in that situation. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala allow you to connect with him at a deeper level. May you find that opportunity to build that relationship with him and to have that strong connection with him and to find meaning in your supplication, in your prayer, in a way that you have never found before. May you be surrounded with angels that comfort you in these times. And may we do a better job as a community of reaching out to those brothers and sisters that are in that situation. And so our duas also have to be there as well. The third thing is just a little bit of perspective on this. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam, he talked about this idea of loneliness as being a particular challenge when a person moves on to the next realm of their existence.
And so the Prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam said that when a person goes to their grave, they're followed by their deeds and they're followed by their family. Two of them return back and only, they're followed by their deeds, their wealth and their family. Two of them return back and only one stays. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam said wealth and family return and only your deeds accompany you in the grave. And there's something that's very interesting about that, that when a person moves on to the next realm, their deeds will accompany them in the form of people that would comfort them if they were good deeds. And that would be their companionship even in the grave in that time. So it's a very interesting way that the Prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam spoke about this. We look at the Messenger salallahu alaihi wa sallam and he experienced this loneliness in the most difficult time of his life. ما ودعك ربك وما قلى And the Lord of the Prophet Muhammad salallahu alaihi wa sallam did not forsake him, nor did he despise him. And that is true also for our brothers and sisters that might feel in these times forsaken and left alone. That Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has not done so. That Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has not forsaken you. That Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has not left you alone. So I want to talk about a few tips inshallah ta'ala and a few ways to approach this. And I pray that inshallah ta'ala they are helpful and beneficial and not tone-deaf, not dismissive because I certainly don't want to perpetuate that pain. But a few things that we could inshallah ta'ala take as benefit. Number one, generally speaking, flipping perspective in a situation is a very powerful way of taking back control of that situation. And so flipping perspective and seeing loneliness as an opportunity or being alone as an opportunity, not loneliness, but being alone as an opportunity to do things that perhaps others do not have the opportunity to do.
And as an opportunity to build and to structure and to grow in ways that others cannot, is one way that a person can shift their perspective on it. That does not mean that we have to suggest in the process of that, that being alone is better than being with family or with community. There's no reason to suggest that at all. But to flip perspective in any situation is a means of empowering yourself in that situation, whatever that situation may be. In our first webinar where we had Sister Sara Sultan and Sister Najwa, I was talking about from a mental health perspective and emotional health perspective, this idea of taking control of your situation. It really does come to shifting perspective. And shifting perspective means that looking at this as an opportunity to do things and to connect in a way that others would not have, as opposed to merely magnifying the hardship of loneliness. And so thinking about being alone as an opportunity, as opposed to loneliness, the hardship of loneliness and magnifying the hardship of loneliness, that doesn't mean that we dismiss the idea that there is hardship and loneliness. There is hardship and loneliness. That's not an idea. That's a fact. But trying to shift perspective as much as possible and focusing on that. A few other things that a person could look into. And again, there's a community responsibility as well. Joining as many online classes or study groups as possible. And if those study groups are not there, then forming those study groups, inshallah, and trying to connect with others in the community. Having a quran halaqa, having a group of people that meet and discuss things on a regular basis.
Thinking about ways that you can connect to some of these online classes, online programs where we have classmates and things of that sort. If that's an option that's available to you to think about that as well, how to connect in that regard. The next thing is, you know, what we learn is that when a person is alone in particular, individual goals and structure become that much more important to power someone through that next phase. And so giving yourself structure and good busyness within the day. Right. So having the right time for exercise, knowing how your day is going to be structured, having goals that you set for yourself that will give you a sense of satisfaction and purpose and benefit. Right. So you've got you've got your quran memorization goals. You've got your worship goals. You've got your work goals. You've got your leisure goals. You've got your exercise goals. You've got all of these goals that you would that you would put there for yourself. And you hone in on those goals as much as possible. And you set benchmarks and rewards for yourself as you're trying to meet those goals. That's one of the things that becomes especially important when a person doesn't have others around them to comfort them. The next thing is that what you'll find is that from a psychiatric perspective and from a faith perspective, focusing on the needs and feelings of others allows you to be distracted from your own feelings in a healthy way. Right. So you're not supposed to ignore your own feelings and your own needs, but instead to focus on the needs and feelings of others is a means of finding your own value and your own purpose and your own place. And at the same time becomes a means of fulfillment for us. And this is true whether a person is alone or not alone, that the more mercy you engage in with others, the more mercy you find from your Lord, the more love you show to others, the more love you find from your Lord.
Show mercy to those on earth and the one in the heavens will show mercy to you. So thinking about how we can focus on the needs and feelings of others, on serving those that are out there, that are in similar situations or maybe even in worse situations because their loneliness is further complicated by things like poverty. Right. Or whatever it may be. I mentioned a few of those situations in the beginning. How can we particularly take initiative for those people? And perhaps in taking initiative, a person finds some sense of benefit and some sense of some sense of comfort for themselves by doing that. Volunteering, if you can. There are plenty of volunteer opportunities that are out there, service opportunities that are out there that require a lot more volunteers. And that's the best way to engage society is in the capacity of volunteering. Now, obviously, meeting standards of hygiene, you know, not not complicating the curve, making things worse, particularly in the midst of this pandemic, but thinking about how we can staff up, you know, places like the food banks and some of these distribution points if we if we don't have immunity issues that allow us to do so. And so these are the types of things that you generally will find is how to make your day more productive, more structured to give yourself as much as possible, inshallah to do. And then how to bring that same sense of pursuit of value and growth to society as well. And then the last thing, again, is that the greatest opportunity of being alone with your Lord is that it gives you a chance to to really, really enrich your dua to enrich your supplication. At the end of the day, when we leave from this world, all of us are going to reside alone in our graves and all of us will stand before our Lord alone.
Now, that does not mean that we are to to try to create those conditions in this life. Instead, again, the burden is on the community that we need to reach out to one another and help one another. And so my plea to everyone is that if you if you're not alone right now, think about those who are alone and reach out to them. My plea to those who are alone and don't have people around them is to try to reach out, let people know that you know that you're thinking about them. Try your best to form what's not there. Try your best to engage what already is there in a way that would help you fulfill those needs. And I just want everyone that has been watching these lectures and watching all of these reminders and reading these articles about family and making the best use of this time. To know that you're not forgotten, to know that even if you know, even if we have community wide failure in taking care of those that are in these situations, that you're in du'as and that, you know, this is at the end of the day, an unprecedented test and trial. And as it's an unprecedented test and trial for some, it's a trial for those that were already in some sort of trial before that. And so I pray that Allah subhana wa ta'ala, I pray that God comfort you and allow us to come together to comfort one another. People are struggling in unique ways right now. And some people are struggling alone and some people are struggling around others. Some people are struggling in the midst of their abusers or stuck with their abusers right now. All of us as a community need to do a better job inshallah to reach one another and to try to create these systems that are missing and that were already missing, frankly, before we were quarantined in our homes.
We already had a lot of people that were struggling, that even if they were coming to our masjid before they were locked, were invisible. And we need to think about those people that were invisible and that were in these situations before the masjid doors were locked. To some people, the masjid doors were already locked. To some people, they were able, you know, they came to the masjid and left and no one saw them. No one spoke to them. Some people never came back to the masjid and weren't noticed and not coming back to the masjid. We need to be thinking about that very deeply. And as we're thinking about getting back to the masjid and getting back to the houses of Allah, how do we make sure that those houses of God become houses for all of those brothers and sisters that have not found a home there? Not because of some deficiency on the part of the Almighty, but because of a deficiency within us. So, I don't know if this message is helpful at all and I don't know if it benefits anyone at all. I just want everyone to know that, you know, we're thinking about everyone no matter what situation they're in. And inshallah ta'ala we can all do a better job of reaching out to each other. So, I pray that Allah subhana wa ta'ala allow all of us to make the most of our opportunities that are ahead of us. To find benefits in our unique circumstances. And to find His special reward and pleasure no matter what has been put in front of us and to activate us towards one another inshallah ta'ala to do good. I pray that Allah subhana wa ta'ala forgive us for our shortcomings in our duties to Him and our shortcomings to our fellow brothers and sisters, whoever they are and whatever situation they're in. Jazakumullahu khayran. Thank you all very much. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Peace be with you.
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