Why Me
5 / 31
Why Is This My Family? | Why Me?
Your family can be your greatest blessing or your greatest test. You may pray for a peaceful family, and for Allah to protect them, but sometimes the conflict comes from within. Depending on your upbringing, you can feel strength and confidence from your caretakers, or a strong internal critic from unfair parenting or expectations. But there is wisdom in the circumstance of your family, and the person it shaped you to become. What lessons can you learn (or unlearn) from your parents, your family, and their sacrifice?
Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. Your parents may be your greatest blessing, or your greatest test. Either way, you're forever bound to them. Their upbringing, their lessons, the voice in your head that follows you for a lifetime. What is the wisdom of this? What lessons can you learn or unlearn from your parents? Allah praises the sacrifice of parents for their children. Because just like you can't remember the miracle of your birth, you can't possibly remember the pain of your mother's labor and the sleepless nights and worry that your parents had while raising you in infancy. And it may be that you didn't appreciate the sacrifices of your own parents until you had your own children. That's why Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says, وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ إِحْسَانًا حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ كُرْهًا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًا وَحَمْلُهُ وَفِصَالُهُ ثَلَاثُونَ شَهْرًا حَتَّىٰ إِذَا بَلَغَ أَشُدَّهُ وَبَلَغَ أَرْبَعِينَ سَنَةً قَالَ رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِي أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِي أَنْ
أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِي أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ Allah commands us by default to honor the sacrifices of our parents, but not everyone had the same parental influences growing up. Musa grew up in the household of Fir'aun, the most evil tyrant in history, but also with a pious woman in Asya who perfected her faith and was utterly selfless. A child in his place could have easily inclined to become a narcissistic tyrant just like the father figure, but no one hated oppression more than Musa. Instead, he sacrifices everything saving his people and becomes the selfless human being just like Asya. Ibrahim was tested with an abusive father who threw him into a fire. But look at the
loving father Ibrahim grew up to become to his children. In fact, some of the scholars say that Ibrahim comes from the words ab-raheem which means a merciful father. And he is of course abu'l-anbiya, the father of the prophets. Sometimes a child can respond to abuse by manifesting the opposite qualities of their parents, but it can take time to unlearn those things. Look at the story of Umar ibn al-Khattab radiAllahu ta'ala anhum. He hated his father al-Khattab because of how abusive he was. And Umar was on track to be just like him before Islam. But then through Islam, he was able to redirect that energy towards this relentless pursuit of truth and justice in the world. And he becomes an exemplary father to his own children. SubhanAllah, look at how much Abdullah ibn Umar loved Umar compared to how much Umar hated Umar. Compared to how much Umar hated al-Khattab. Because having a bad father led him to becoming one of the greatest ever. So while Umar was the opposite of his father, Abdullah became a carbon copy of him. And that's where beautiful parenting comes in. Look at two of the four women who perfected their faith. They were a mother and a daughter. The queen of the heart of the Prophet ﷺ, Khadijah radiAllahu anha, and the queen of Jannah, Fatima radiAllahu anha. Look at how al-Hasan and al-Husayn, the masters of the youth of paradise, manifested the beautiful qualities of courage and leadership, and were willing to stand alone for the truth. Was it not their father, Ali radiAllahu anhu,
who was once the single youth that was willing to courageously stand by our Prophet ﷺ when he stood alone on Mount Safa? In any case, you have to understand that your parents had parents too, and they made choices with those influences. It may be that one of your parents had to unlearn some sort of harshness and be the parent to you that they wish they have. And it may be that their parents saw in you an opportunity to show more love and care than they did to their own son or daughter. And opposites attract, right? What if your parents had opposite childhoods, but they both found their way to Allah through it all, and then to each other? In many ways, our childhood is a second womb, and our personalities are all somehow molded by those experiences, which are most likely a mixed bag of good and bad. But even if we feel it was harder than others, we should be careful not to write off our entire childhood as exclusively trauma, and forget the love and mercy that was given to us at times where we may have been at our most vulnerable. No parent is perfect, and sometimes we have to learn to come to terms with their shortcomings without becoming resentful. And while your parents are your greatest influence, you are not your parents. You have your own personality and qualities. So you don't get to automatically claim their qualities as your own, nor should you be limited by their shortcomings. You embrace your own God-given qualities, starting with the ones they showed you, or the ones you wish you saw in them. And even for the one that didn't have that parent in any way,
remember we are an Ummah adopted by an orphan. We all have in the Prophet ﷺ a father as an example. I am to you like a father in that I teach you, and he is closer to us than ourselves. And the mothers of the believers are our mothers. We all have our examples in the Prophet ﷺ and his family and his companions, and we should seek out our own companions that will only further refine those traits. Do not keep company with anyone whose state does not inspire you, and whose speech does not lead you to Allah. And yes, in those parents in front of you, perhaps there are beautiful memories you can't see but that are embedded in your soul. Or maybe other faint flashbacks in your memories. Or maybe even photographs that you can't recall the story behind. But just know that there were many sleepless nights that you can't remember, that, believe it or not, helped your parents grow up too. And it's time for you to embrace your whole childhood as an opportunity for your own spiritual growth. The Qadr of those around you is directly tied to your Qadr. And all of that is meant to drive us back to the word of Allah to find the best version of ourselves.
Welcome back!
Bookmark content
Download resources easily
Manage your donations
Track your spiritual growth
1 items
1 items
1 items
25 items
50 items
9 items
