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Ep: 15: Don't Let Your Anger Overcome You | Guidebook to God
Today’s episode is all about anger. What did the Prophet (pbuh) teach us about controlling our anger and how can we overcome this powerful emotion?
Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. Overcoming Anger Overcoming anger, SubhanAllah, one of the great qualities, great characteristics that all of us need to establish to complete our sense of righteousness, our sense of devotion to Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala is to develop a measure of self-control, especially at a time of heightened, elevated emotion and anger. The Prophet Muhammad, salallahu alayhi wasalam, you know, a person would come and ask him different questions. People would come and they would say, Ya Rasulullah, salallahu alayhi wasalam, you know, advise me. What advice do you give to me? And on one occasion, the Prophet, salallahu alayhi wasalam, could see the demeanor of this person and he said, La Taghdab, don't let your anger overcome you so you react and act in a way that is unbecoming. And I know in Arabic it's just La Taghdab, don't be angry. It doesn't mean don't get angry. It means don't let your anger sway you, move you to say something you will regret, to do something you will regret, or to act in a way that is unbecoming. And that's part of the beauty, of course, of the Arabic language, the eloquence in it. Two words, they require a whole paragraph to kind of understand it. Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala has also taught us in the Quran to seek refuge with him from the shaytan who encourages us to become excessively angry and to act out immorally in our anger. Now I want to first separate between two types of anger. There's the one type of anger which is pleasing to Allah and then there's the other type of anger which is pleasing to yourself and the shaytan. The anger that is pleasing to Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala is the type of anger that is justified and is a natural human emotion that is not within our remit and control to stop ourselves from it. Allah describes Prophet Musa Alayhi As-Salam, Falamma sakata am Musa al-ghadab.
When the anger that had overcome Musa because his people had begun worshipping a golden idol departed from him and that they had returned to Allah, repented to Allah, then Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala is consoling to Musa Alayhi As-Salam. Notice that the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam is also described that when he gives his khutbah al-jumu'ah, ala sawtuhu wa shtadda ghadabu, his voice would become elevated and there would be a sense of urgency and almost anger in his tone when he was commanding people to that which is right if they were straying away from the path of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. And being angry in a moment of time is not negligence in our relationship with Allah if it is justified for a particular reason. Now of course the anger that is of self-interest, the anger that is an emotional heightened state which causes us to lose control, the word ghadab in the Arabic language, it begins with that letter ghayn which is a letter that signifies the loss of something. And therefore you know the word ghabi meaning that one's brain is wiped out, ghadab means that one's brain is clouded over, that their anger has moved over their mind to make them kind of clouded in their judgment. And therefore people in a state of ghadab may say things, do things that of course are unbecoming and unacceptable which they remain accountable for in front of Allah, in front of society and in the light of our shari'ah. And that's why it's not an excuse to simply say you know I was angry and I said a word that was unacceptable. You have to be in charge and in command of our self and that's an important teaching of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.
So notice in another authentic hadith the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam he says if any of you becomes angry which is natural, a natural state of anger is, let them fal yasmut, let them remain quiet, let them remain silent. Don't share words, hold yourself. It's not hold your anger but hold your tongue while in a state of anger. Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam he saw two of his companions, peace and blessings be upon him, they remain unnamed although their names are known to the sahaba but to hold the dignity that we have for the sahaba in general they're not named to us. And in the masjid of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam they were upset with each other and they exchanged a verbal altercation where their words were unbecoming of the masjid of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, where their voices were raised and even in the presence of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. And he turned to his sahaba and he said, inni la'alamu kalima, I know of a word that if these people were to speak it, la dhahabu anhum, that which has increased their anger to this level, made them lose their control over themselves, would depart. Ala wa huwa shaytaan, a'udhu billahi minash shaytaan ar-rajim. And therefore how do you protect yourself from going overboard because of your anger? It is by you remembering that Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la has asked us to protect ourselves from the shaytaan. And therefore you must and I must ask Allah to protect us from anger. Number four that's really important is to seek and to hear the advice of the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. With the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, he tells us that if you're angry and you're standing, sit down. And that's to limit your physical disturbance to others. Because if you're angry and you're moving around, it's better for you to sit. And if you're sitting down, lay down. SubhanAllah, I remember asking my teacher, well what if I'm laying down? What do I do now? He said, well get up and walk away. It's not about you can't stand, it's that you leave the place.
So if you find yourself in a state of agitation, the example of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam is to change your physical state. Change your place of disturbance. Move away from those who have wronged you. Know that you can make a mistake and I can make a mistake if we remain in that same vicinity. Another powerful incident in the life of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, as he was sitting with his best friend Abu Bakr As-Siddiq radiAllahu Anhu Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. A man who was vile and angry and full of hatred came and abused the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. And these are the early days of Mecca. Fasabbat Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, he abused him with vulgar words. Abu Bakr radiAllahu Anhu, he became angry. How could this man say it? But he didn't say anything. The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam didn't make any movement or reaction. The Prophet simply smiled and ignored the man. The man left and came back and abused the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. Abused Abu Bakr again radiAllahu Anhu Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. And you know Abu Bakr is holding him. Third time he left and came back and then Abu Bakr radda alayhi bimithlima qal. Abu Bakr says, I responded to this vile man with the same words he had used. I didn't add to it. You know, he said this so I said back to you. It's you that is this. Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam stood up and left. And Abu Bakr understood he had made a mistake radiAllahu Anhu. And he chased behind the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and he said, Ya Rasool Allah, I couldn't control myself. He made me so angry. He said to you something that you're unworthy of. How dare he, you know, speak to you in such a way. You are the messenger of God. Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, Abu Bakr, when this man insulted us the first time and the second time and we were quiet and we were patient, Allah sent angels who defended us. But when you spoke, when you misspoke and you returned those vulgar words back to him, Allah caused the angels to depart and the shaytan came in his place. Wa ana la ajlis and I will never sit in a place where the shaytan has arrived. It's going to make things worse. So I left. Right.
It shows us that we should change our physical place, change our demeanor, be careful with what our tongues say. Another important thing is to understand that there is a massive reward for controlling our anger. And the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, he says, La taghdab walaka aljannah. In an authentic hadith, the Prophet said to a man, don't let your anger overcome you, that you make sinful statements, that you act in a wrong way. And I promise you on account of you controlling your anger, that you will have a place in Jannah. What a beautiful promise of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. So anger is something that's really important for us. And it's important to kind of learn anger management techniques that are beyond just these spiritual words. So I'm going to give you three things that are really important to help myself in you. And this is a struggle I have, you have. It doesn't matter young or old. All of us will be prone to losing control and being angry. So the first thing, first important step when we find ourself in a state of anger is to remember that we are not alone. And that the words that have angered us, even if we're not able to take back what maybe somebody insulted us or whatever it is, know that Allah is witness to it. And know that you are not alone and there are other people that can help you. And it's not you that has to solve every one of your problems. It might be that you have to come to your parents or to your spouse or you know, whatever your life circumstances to find somebody who can assist you. If you're at work and you have somebody who's, you know, who's spoken to you in a way that they shouldn't, there's human resources. If you're a student and your teacher is the one who's responsible for your duty of care and your well-being. Every one of us is not left to their own devices. So understand that in life you are not always the only one obligated and responsible for your protection, your betterment and what it is that you need out of life.
Number two, and I think extremely also important is to understand that we must submit ourselves at times to the concept that maybe we have wronged someone. And this is a way of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala cleansing our state and de-stressing us. And know that nobody is ever brought into disrepute with Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala without Allah's knowledge. So I want you to begin to understand, well, listen, I'm in this moment of anger and there were other moments when I made other people angry. And I need to now control myself in the way that I wanted other people to be controlled in their return and their response to me. So put yourself in other people's shoes, put yourself in other people's perspective and put yourself in other people's circumstances. And number three, learn that with anger we can actually go completely off the rails and we can derail ourselves from any productivity. And if anger is something that is found in our homes and in our habits and in our lifestyles, you will never be from those who find ease and comfort and fidelity and love in it. For those of us who, you know, mashallah, for my young brothers and sisters, I want you to consider that of the biggest obstacles for myself as I was growing up was not knowing when to be quiet and not knowing when to do nothing. And in that example that I gave to you of the Prophet ﷺ, he saw two of his companions who were angry with each other and the Prophet didn't get up and stop them. He didn't go and speak to them, he spoke to others and he said, I know what word if these two people said it, it would cause the shaitan to leave them. And of the great importance of the fiqh of this hadith is that the Prophet ﷺ let people at times argue it out and do whatever they had to do that they kind of sunk to that place and then he helped them to get out of it.
And it's important for us to kind of give people space when they're angry, to kind of push back and not get involved. And it could be that you see your parents are in a place of anger or that you and your friends are in a place of anger. Sometimes people need that cooling off period and that's a prophetic wisdom that we learn from the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. Know that Allah ﷻ rewards those who restrain themselves in moments of anger and may that be reason for you and I to follow that prophetic example of our Nabi ﷺ. If there was anyone who had a right to be angry, it was the message of Allah ﷺ but his life story is one of patience, perseverance, love and forgiveness. May Allah increase those in us. Wa Sallillahu wa Sallim wa Zid wa Barik ala Sayyidina Muhammad ﷺ It's your brother Yahya Ibrahim. Wa Salaam Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatuhu
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