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The Body Language of Patience | Late Night Talk
Ibn Al Qayyim (ra) lists 20 techniques to exercise patience. Join Dr. Omar Suleiman and Sh. Yaser Birjas as they talk about the body language of patience, and reflect on other lessons and gems from Ibn Al-Qayyim’s The Excellence of Patience and Gratitude.
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Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. The book of Imam Ibn Qayyim Al-Jawziyya, rahimahullah wa ta'ala, Uddat al-Sabireen, wadakhirat al-shakireen, the excellence of patience and gratitude. But before that, I want to say, mashallah, nice socks, sheikh. JazakAllah khair. I like yours as well. Where did you get yours from? From the same person who gave it to you. Courtesy of Imam Mahd. We're matching vests, we're matching socks now. So, Imam Mahd, who was with us, decided to hook us both up with these socks, so we wanted to wear them together to say thank you. But please don't start buying us socks and expecting us to match them all the time. It's going to get too complicated. Probably going to have more comments on the socks than the talk itself. We'll see, inshallah. And before we start with our topic, since, sheikh, you've been flexing your Urdu and your Bangla muscles all this time, it's my turn right now. I'm going to now stretch my rusty Bosnian language. Start with this poem, inshallah. It's a modern poem. So, this is Bosanti. Anyone know Bosnian over here? Any Bosnians? Alright, maybe online. Bismillah, let's see. It says over here, this is now somebody who's actually, the poem is about someone who's making dua. So he's expressing himself as he's making dua and he's looking into the sky. So he goes, The silence falls on my eyes. I feel that I have no strength. My body is lonely. I wake up at night. The world becomes my wife. Hey, my love, you're the only one. The world is hard. Make it easier for me. Make it easier for me. Sometimes my heart aches. And a dream is created to show you. Oh, tea. With COVID dollars, Snag it, put it, Double premium. Okay, I heard, first of all, extra points for the, That's extra points for that.
I heard kolaches. I heard something about Mr. T. Catching COVID. And then I heard, I don't know, what else did you guys hear? I heard a lot of stuff in there. Come on, no one heard Quran. I heard Hadith Ba'eef. He says, Here's what it means. He says, The rain is falling on my face, Basically in my eyes. Why? Because he's making dua, And he's speaking to Allah, With his face up in the sky, And it's raining, And he's making dua, That the rain is filling his eyes. That's what he said in the first thing. He goes, Sometimes my strength actually fails me. And my body gets exhausted and tired. And also I stay up all night. Like in my dua, because I'm stressed out and so on. Dunya, he said, Dunya has become like a prison for me. Like the dungeon. That's why he wants to make dua. And then he says, It's obvious, right? The same thing. He said, Which means the one and only. You are the one and only. Dunya is so difficult. The burden of dunya is so hard on me. Make it easy for me. Make it easy for my Lord. Sometimes he says, My heart aches so much. And I am a weak person. Which means me. I am very weak. He says, Which means the Quran tells us that. He's referring to the ayah. And you are, he says, Which means strength and quwa. Comes from you. So give me that quwa, ya rabbi. And bring me back to you. Takbir, jama'at. Alright, so what language would you all like to see tomorrow? Somali? What is it?
I already mastered Bangla. It's only downhill from there. I feel like I got that sentence so down, I don't want to mess with it. Let's say Arabic tomorrow. Arabic? Somali. Tomorrow I'll have something for you all from Somalia. Tomorrow, insha'Allah. I'm going to be up all night practicing it. Tonight we're reading from chapter 25. Chapter 25. For those who have the book with them, actually chapter 25. Speaking about the matters that are contradictory to patience. We've been speaking about being patient and how to acquire patience and how to master patience. We talked about many of these qualities of those who are actually patient and the need for us to have iman and knowledge and practice of all of that. We spoke about all of this. But then what comes next is just like, wait a minute, okay, I want to be patient. But I'm still a human being. And there are other things that might be contradictory to standing in patience or persevering patience. What are these things so I can avoid them? So this chapter is about this matter. These matters are considered contradictory to patience. Ibn Qayyim, may Allah have mercy on him, he says, So he speaks about now in the first paragraph that when it comes to exercising patience, of course, it's through the tongue, the heart, and the actions. And what's contradictory to that, that's what he's speaking about at the beginning. So by the way, I'm going to, so it's chapter 25 again. The book, for those that are tuning in, The Excellence of Patience and Gratitude by Ibn Qayyim, may Allah have mercy on him, chapter 25. This chapter is pretty much all about the body language of patience. What the body language of sabr looks like. So since patience means controlling the tongue from complaining to other one but Allah, preventing the heart
from feeling unhappy and restraining parts of the body from striking the face, tearing the dress, and so on, any act which fails to achieve this falls under the category of things that are contradictory to patience. This includes complaining to other people. I think subhanAllah, when you look at many cultures, maybe this doesn't make sense to a lot of people that are born and raised here. What is the body language here? But many cultures express their mourning, especially their mourning, through physical displays, and especially what was known as niyaha at the time of the Prophet ﷺ, which is wailing. And some people, unfortunately, they'll mistake that for crying, so they'll blame people for crying when someone dies. But niyaha was literally to hit yourself, to scream, and that was a means of showing honor towards the one who died. And does anyone know when it became prohibited, by the way? Those of you that attend the firsts. After what? After the death of Hamza. So Hamza, when Uhud happened, this is an early tangent, but it's powerful. SubhanAllah, when Uhud happened, all of the streets of Medina could be heard with the wailing of the people over their dead ones, because niyaha had not yet been prohibited. So people had all of these displays of their mourning, of their grief over their loved ones. And the Prophet ﷺ, he walked out and he looked around and he said, where are the people that are crying over Hamza? So the Ansar, out of their love of the Prophet ﷺ, when they realized that we forgot somebody, and they loved the Prophet ﷺ more than they loved themselves, what did they do? They all gathered in front of the house of the Prophet ﷺ, and they started to wail and cry over Hamza ﷺ. And that's when the prohibition came, and so some of the scholars say that the last person for whom it was permissible was Sayyidina Hamza ﷺ.
After that, crying a dignified mourning is fine, but the tearing of the dress, the screaming, the displays of grief are no longer permissible. Niyaha wailing wasn't just a personal thing. As a matter of fact, it was even a profession at the time. Meaning people, they would pay, they would go and pay for others so they can do that for them on their behalf. Because back then, the culture, the display of wailing over the death of somebody was a show of significance and status. The more people they cry, the more people they display and the more, you know, kind of like show they display over the death of somebody, the more important that person is and the more status they show in that. So that's why people sometimes, they hire. They hire women, and specific was more common amongst women than men. They hire women to do that for them. So they come and they bring their own people, interact in their own group, just like nowadays people they hire, you know, people to go and sing for them at their weddings. They hire professionals to mourn the death for them in their houses. And that's why there's an Arabic proverb that says actually, ... ... ... The wailing woman that you hire, she's not going to cry as passionate as the bereaved woman, or bereaved actually mother. So it's not the same. So therefore it was like a profession, and that's why the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam made it very clear no more of this. No more of that stuff. Unfortunately, unfortunately, until this day it is still used and done in a lot of Muslim countries. Even the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, he mentioned in the hadith one of his prophecies, he says that, look, few things in my ummah they were still practiced from the time of Jahiliyyah. And one of them he says, ... Like no matter how much you tell them, don't do this. Don't display your grief in that fashion. People were still under duress, of course, under so much grief,
they probably, maybe they lose again the knowledge. The knowledge of this being haram and wrong, and will still do these bad habits. May Allah protect us from this. Sheikh, can I mention here also, subhanAllah, when Allah says, ... When Allah talks about tyrants, and how people don't cry over tyrants. You know, subhanAllah, there is a level of pathetic, but there is a lesson to take from it. When someone dies and people are relieved that they're dead. But there is a level, subhanAllah, of pathetic. There was actually a dictator that died in the Muslim world. I won't say his name. But, you know, I remember they literally, the army went to the streets and they pointed guns at the people to make them cry, and then they put the cameras on them crying, because people weren't actually crying when he died. Like, think about that. So, to that point of al-musta'ajirah, the one who's rented, the inauthentic crying, like the pathetic nature of someone who is a tyrant. That people will not cry over them. So, the natural state of that is that the believer is someone that people weep when they die, because of the goodness that they used to show, the khair. Even the heavens and the earth weep for them. So, it's a natural type of grief, a natural type of weeping, because of the good that they used to bring to this world. Not something that's for display, not something that's just to make a show for the family and things of that sort. So, he goes on to speak about the limits. What is it that is considered allowable, permissible for us in terms of speech, in terms of action, in terms of the heart matters, and the heart, of course, actions. To what level am I allowed to do something that would not be contradictory to patients? So, that's what he's speaking about, and he's going to talk about these three things. The elements of speech, actions, and also the heart. So, number one, he goes, الشكوى إلى المخلوق فإذا شك العبد ربه إلى مخلوق مثله فقد شك من يرحمه إلى من لا يرحمه ولا تضاده الشكوى إلى الله كما تقدم في شكاية
يعقوب إلى الله مع قوله صلى الله عليه وسلم فصبر جميل نعم So, he says here that there are different types of complaints. So, when a person complains about his lord to a creature like himself, he is in fact complaining about the one who has mercy upon him to one who has no mercy upon him. This is the famous saying, شك من يرحمه إلى من لا يرحمه that he complained about the one who has mercy upon him, الرحمن, to one who has no mercy upon him. Complaining to Allah سبحانه وتعالى is not contradiction of patience as it has been explained in the case of يعقوب عليه السلام who complained of his grievance to Allah سبحانه وتعالى and said فصبر جميل that it is a beautiful patience despite the fact, again, that he was turning back to Allah سبحانه وتعالى and his grief was very apparent. So, let's talk about how that would look like. So, for example, someone, may Allah سبحانه وتعالى protect them you know, lose their job. Those who have a job, they lose their mind over it. And now they just kind of lack patience, they're distressed and they don't know what to do. And then they go and they call some friends so-called friends. So they call somebody, hey, I lost my job. Now these people, they're going to start laughing at him. Well, I told you so. Well, you deserved it. And so they're mocking him for the trial that he's going through or she's going through. You can imagine what does it mean right now when you complain to other people thinking that they will show mercy and compassion, maybe give you a hug or give you a few words of encouragement and so forth. They end up, unfortunately, even showing you mockery and they laugh at you and even making things worse for you. So that's the difference. When you complain to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, to Allah Azza wa Jal, Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala will always take you in. When you complain to these people, they're probably going to complain to the wrong person and make things much worse for you. Again, there's a big difference between complaining to Allah and complaining about Allah Azza wa Jal. Complaining
about Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, that's what it says is Muharram, it's not acceptable. But complaining to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, that is the example of Jacob, when he went and he asked Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, he says, I only disclose my grief and sorrow to Allah. I only disclose my grief and sorrow to Allah. And then Allah says, and I would like to exercise this beautiful patience. How come now? He's talking to Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala about what he's going through, but at the same time calling this beautiful patience. Because his complaint right now is to Allah, not about Allah. Shaykh, now also the ulama say about Jacob that he was teaching his kids a lesson too. So when he was telling them, it's like when he says to them, that I'm going to seek forgiveness for you. He was telling them that I'll seek forgiveness for you, as some of the ulama said in the last third of the night. So he's also teaching them a lesson that I will have beautiful patience despite the pain that was inflicted upon me. And that's a lesson for them to actually think about the pain that they caused as well as what beautiful patience looks like. So now he continues, he says, look, differentiate between someone complaining about Allah to another human being versus what's coming next. This is, this answers the most frequently asked question of night number one. The difference between counseling and complaining. The difference between complaining and seeking counsel. He says to tell others about a condition
of hardship that you are in, with the intention of seeking help or with the intention of seeking advice or with the intention of seeking their support to find a means of resolution. He says this does not contradict Saba. This has no contradiction whatsoever to patience. He said it's like a sick person who goes to a doctor and tells them about their suffering. Why do they tell them about their suffering? You're not going to the doctor to complain about your suffering. You're going to seek a cure for your suffering. Or the oppressed person who speaks of their grievance to someone to get their support. Or a person who is in distress and mentions it to a man with hopes that he will notice and help him out of his trouble. So seeking counsel is not the same as advancing a complaint. And he's saying this is totally okay and we have means for this in our Sharia. So that includes the example he mentioned over here from our time for example. Counseling. You go to a counselor because it might help you with a few tips that might improve your life, your family life, your business and so on. Coaching. You go for somebody who might help you to improve the quality of your life probably. The quality of your products or business. Whatever that you do. Also going to a lawyer. This is like when you, for example, you feel that you've been oppressed and you need someone to help you alleviate the suffering and the injustice that's been imposed upon you. So go for someone who can help you with that. And the same thing when you go just to talk to somebody who can help you to remove that suffering. But then comes right now the most important question many people ask. What about venting? Venting. I know this person is not going to help me. Like for example, the wife goes to vent to her husband about his mom. What do you guys think? Is she going to get any solution over this matter? Well I hope so. Right? I hope so. But there are some examples where people just call a friend.
Sometimes you call your brother, you call your sister. You don't need to get solutions from them. Nothing. The only thing that you would like to get from them is what? Just to listen. Listen, let me get it out. Let me just get it out. So now in this situation people, they ask, is it permissible for me to complain about my situation to them? Again, if it doesn't include complaining about Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, that's number one. Number two, you're not practicing ghibah. What does that mean? You're not backbiting the individual that you're complaining about. You're not saying this, you know, dirty or this, you know, and speak about them in a very vulgar language or even an offensive language. Describing the actions is okay. But when you start now labeling the individual that you're complaining about, now that becomes backbiting. So the big difference over here. So describing, he says, like describing the situation as it happened, is one thing. But then start to talk about the person who caused this situation to happen to you in an offensive way, that is not acceptable. No matter who that person is. That's why the ilmah mentioned when you're going to do an exception, because this would be an exception to ghibah, right? There are permissible forms of backbiting. You only exercise it to the extent that is necessary to warrant that exception. Okay? You don't exercise it beyond the extent that is necessary to warrant the exception in the first place. Otherwise, you're fooling yourself. You know, people talk about, you know, dhikr al-fajr, talking about a person who is you know, who's sinful, right? So even if you're talking about someone in the community, for example, that is causing harm through their actions or setting a bad example, if I want to warn you about someone because their actions are now penetrating our youth, for example, I'm not going to sit there and insult the person and talk badly. I'm going to point specifically to that particular aspect of their behavior not being
a good example for you and the need to shun that particular aspect of their behavior. So try your best to stay within the bounds of the exception and not transgress in the exception to where you end up, you know, yourself becoming sinful in that regard. And I also would like to point to the person who's going to be the recipient of that complaint. And also to differentiate between these things. I know specifically, and I hear specifically talking about husband-wife situations. The husband complains to his wife, for example, about her family, or the wife complains about his family. Now, when they start talking to you about their family, remember, as long as within these boundaries we described, just listen. Just listen. They're not doing any backbiting, they're not saying that your family is, you know, in an offensive way, described in an offensive way, just talking about circumstances, situations that they had to go through and they felt so negative about it. Just listen. You might not need even to offer any solution, other than just the fact that you're being not there for them, and you listen, and you care. The most important thing. If the situation requires taking action, now that's when you probably need to seek maybe the help of a professional. You might not be able to do something about it because you're in the middle of the situation yourself, so maybe an outsider can give you a very objective overview of the situation. So once again, he says that to describe the situation or the circumstances as they are, is okay, as long as you're describing it to somebody who can really offer that help that you're looking for. Then he goes on, and now he's bringing the evidence for this. He says that when the Prophet ﷺ used to visit a sick person, he would say, And he was doing that ﷺ to inquire about his condition. So these days when you say, you know, See, I threw in some Somali there as well already.
But these days when you say, how are you, you're already asking for them to give you an answer. You already predetermined the answer. So it's, say alhamdulillah. It's like, salamu alaikum wa alaikum salam. And anything beyond that, it's like an invitation to transgression. The Prophet ﷺ, when he used to say to you, How are you? He's actually asking you about your condition, ﷺ, because he's actually concerned about it. It's not just a follow-up within the conversation. If someone comes to you and you're sick, and they ask you how you're feeling, and you say, oh my God, I have a terrible headache. And they say, astaghfirullah, say alhamdulillah. Is there anything wrong with saying, I have a headache? They ask. How are you feeling? I have a headache, for example. Did you cross the line over here? Did you break your level of patience in that regard? Imam Ibn Qayyim, rahimullah, answers this question right now down here. He goes. وَإِنَّ الْأَنِينَ شَكْوَةٌ بِلِسَانِ الْحَالِ يُنَافِي الصَّبْرِ So he's asked about, aneen is here moaning. It's moaning and groaning. It's clearly exercising with your body language and making a noise that is fitting to that pain. And it's not as a result of the pain. It's as a result of you trying to convey to the person in front of you that pain. There's a difference between, like, something hurts and you go, and you're actually doing that because the pain is there. Versus someone's in front of you and you want to show them how hurt you are. So you emphasize the pain, you put more into the groaning so that that person can see it.
So he's asked that, is a person groaning in pain against patience? And he said there are two views reported from Imam Ahmed, rahimullah, and Abu'l-Hussain, rahimullah, said. The correct view is that it's makruh, it's reprehensible. And it is reported that Tawus, rahimullah, disliked a person groaning during illness. And Mujahid said, every word that the son of Adam utters is recorded, even his groaning during illness. And in the view of these scholars, when a person moans or groans, coupled with body language that's incompatible with patience. You know, when the scholars, when Allah says, ma yalfidu min qawlin illa ladayhi raqibun ateed. Every word that you say is recorded. Realize that the lisan is not just this, it's not just what you say. When Aisha, radiAllahu anha, did this for Safiya, radiAllahu ta'ala anha. The Prophet, salAllahu alayhi wa sallam, you know, indicating that she's short. The Prophet, salAllahu alayhi wa sallam, condemned, said, you've spoken a word. So you can type, you can move, you can say, poof, and that's uff. You didn't say the word uff to your parents, but you rolled your eyes at your parents. And you gave them the same effect of uff. SubhanAllah, this is what the ulama are speaking about here in terms of the body language that comes with it. I have to bring again the husband-wife situation here. So the guy is sick, he's sitting in his bed, his wife is upset with him, and right now he wants to have her sympathize with him or just have empathy on him. So he just keeps saying, oh, oh, kind of like out loud, making so much noise for his wife to hear from the kitchen. So she can come and say, are you okay? But she knows he's just faking it, so she's ignoring him. That kind of attitude is what the imam is mentioning. Look, doing it when there's really no reason for you other than just kind of complaining about the condition you're in. He says, فَإِنَّ الْأَنِينَ شَكْوَ بِاللِّسَانِ الْحَالِ وَهُوَ يَنَافِ السَّبْرِ This is a body complaint.
A body language complaint is not necessarily by tongue, but your body, your demeanor, basically, is expressing and displaying a complaint that is unnecessary. So therefore, that's not okay. But if the person is truly, genuinely crying because of genuine pain, real pain, there's nothing wrong with that. It's okay. The person just naturally is crying because of that, as long as they try their best to control themselves. However, imam Ahmad, in this riwayah, which means this actual opinion, he says, even if the pain is real and genuine, you better control yourself. It's better that you don't do that. And here's an example from his life and himself. فَأَخْرَجْتُ الْكِتَابِ I have to mention this here, to comment on this one. He says, عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بِنِ اِمَمْ أَحْمَدٍ Abdullah, the son of Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal, and he was one of his students as well. His son and his student as well. And he was the one, as a matter of fact, who wrote a lot of his ilm and his knowledge that was collected from the statement of Imam Ahmad. He said, قَالَ لِي أَبِي فِي مَرَضِهِ الَّذِي تُوفِّيَ فِيهِ When my father was dying, when he was on his deathbed, he told me, أَخْرَجْ لِي أَخْرَجْ إِلَيَّ كِتَابَ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بِنِ اِدْرِيسِ He goes, Can you please pick up the folder of Abdullah bin Idris? For those who don't know Imam Ahmad, he was a great muhaddith. And his major book and his famous book is what? Does anyone know his book? What is it called? The famous book of hadith by Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal. What is it called? المُسْنَد Muslim Imam Ahmad. The meaning of Muslim, it's a book of hadith that is actually organized based on the names of the narrators and the sub-narrators. So you have the chapter of Aisha. All the hadith of Aisha in one folder. All the hadith of Abu Huraira in one folder. All the hadith of Umar in one folder, for example. In that fashion.
So he told his son, he says, Can you pick up for me the chapter of the book of Abdullah bin Idris? So he pulled it out for him. فَأَخْرَجْتُ الْكِتَابَ فَقَالَ أَخْرَجْ أَحَدِيثَ لَيْثِ ابْنِ أَبِي سُلَيمِ He says, Can you find in the big folder, again he categorized all these hadith based on the sub-narrators. He goes now, look for the chapter on Laith ibn Abi Sulaym. Laith ibn Abi Sulaym, one of the sub-narrators from Abdullah bin Idris. قَالَ فَأَخْرَجْتُ أَحَدِيثَ لَيْثِ I got all the hadith of Laith. Every chapter is called Musnad. قَالَ فَقْرَعْ عَلَيَّ أَحَدِيثَ لَيْثِ Read for me the hadith of Laith. Now, before even I read what he said, what comes next? What do you understand from this situation, from these circumstances right now? Something about Muhammad ibn Hamar. What do you understand about him? Nothing? On his deathbed, he is dying for God's sake. And he still remembers everything. Give me that book. And he picked it up. And he looked for a hadith of Laith in that chapter. He is dying. Look, subhanAllah, his ilm is preserved. That is a ni'mah, a blessing that each and every one of us would need in a moment like that. In a moment like that, the man is agonizing. He is dying. He is in pain. And he still remembers the hadith. And he goes to his son, can you find the hadith that Abdullah bin Idris read for me? And he got it. Okay, I got it. Which one do you want? Look for Laith. He got it. So could you read it for me? Allah, when you reflect on that, it's just like, what kind of people were they? At what level were they when it comes to their interest in knowledge and ilm and deen? Even to their last breath, they are still seeking knowledge. And they want to make sure they die in accordance to the sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ.
That is the manifestation. My salah, my acts of sacrifice, my life, my death, all for the sake of Allah. Even on his deathbed, he wanted to die according to the sunnah. That is why they call Imam Ahmad, Imam Ahlus Sunnah wal Jum'ah. Because he was indeed the man to the last breath. So he read the hadith for him. He said, I told Talha, one of the sub-narrators, He said, I recited some of the hadith. One of them was Talha narrating that Nattawus al-Qaysani, may Allah have mercy on him, he used to dislike al-anin, which means being vocal and being loud, groaning and moaning because of the pain. He said, when he was told, he was never heard crying out loud or complaining out loud, groaning and moaning. And then he said, when this happened, when I read this to my father, he said, I've never heard my father do it until he died. I think, subhanAllah, sheikh, the fact that he took refuge in the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ and in those riwayat, in that knowledge that he was collecting, he was trying to manifest it in every way. It's one thing to read, it's one thing to narrate, but to actually try to absorb it in every single element of your life, in every single facet of your life, to that level of detail and perfection. He wasn't just trying to preserve every narrator. He was trying to preserve every narration in his own heart and in his own practice. And that was something that definitely distinguishes Ibn Rahimahullah. And I want to mention here, and this is a word of caution, to an extent, when you read many of the narrations that will come in this chapter,
these were people of ihsan, people of excellence. So, when they read a narration like that, they always erred on the side of more reward. Okay? So, sometimes you'll see some of these narrations, and they'll come from this book, and you'll say, it's too much. Like, I can't do that much. But when they came across a narration, they wanted to err on the side of reward. So that's part of their war'a, which is that extra level of caution. Just like they leave off half of halal out of fear of falling into haram, when they see a narration like that, they say, let me choose the one with the greatest azm, the greatest determination. But they don't necessarily bind the masses by that. They bind themselves by that, so they can collect the greatest reward. The second opinion in regards to expressing yourself in pain. So, this is the other opinion in the second narration about Imam Ahmad. Well, that's important. And again, when we talk about what you bind the masses with versus yourself and seeking the higher reward. When he was asked about a person complaining about their illness, and if he knew anything from the Prophet ﷺ, he said, the report of Aisha radiAllahu anha, which we actually covered very recently in the first, when we did the seerah of Aisha radiAllahu anha, when she said, my head hurts. And the Prophet ﷺ did not condemn that. In fact, the Prophet ﷺ engaged Aisha radiAllahu anha in that discourse.
So, Imam Ahmad was saying, it's okay to do so. And Imam Marudi said, I visited Abu Abdullah Imam Ahmad during his illness, and I asked him about his condition, and his eyes were filled with tears, and he told me about some of the hardship, the agony, that he went through the previous night. So, if you take this narration versus the narration of Abdullah, there are a few ways to reconcile them. One of them could be that Abdullah is talking about the later point of Imam Ahmad's life, like closer to his death, that at that point, Imam Ahmad is really dying, and he's asking for narrations, and he heard that narration, so then he went an extra layer, an extra level of caution, or that Imam Ahmad was practicing an extra level of determination in this particular setting, while still engaging what he saw as permissible in another setting. Wallahu ta'ala alam. Then he now concludes this particular masalah, or issue. He said, أَنَّ الْأَنِينَ عَلَىٰ قِسْمَيْنٍ أَنِينُ شَكْوَةٍ فَيُقْرَهُ وَأَنِينُ اسْتِرَاحَةٍ وَتَفْرِيجٍ فَلَا يُقْرَهُ وَاللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ So he says the correct view is that moaning is of two kinds. The one of complaining, which is makruh, which is hated, and the one that is meant for relief, which is permissible. So a person moans out of relief to relieve themselves in their pain, and this is permissible, and he said Allah knows best. وَقَدْ رُوِيَ فِي أَثَرٍ أَنَّ الْمَرِيضَ إِذَا بَدَأَ بِحَمْدِ اللَّهِ ثُمَّ أَخْبَرَ بِحَالِهِ لَمْ يَكُنْ شَكْوَةً وَقَالَ شَقِيقٌ البَلْخِي مَنْ شَكَى مِنْ مُصِيبَةٍ نَزَلَتْ بِهِ إِلَى غَيْرِ اللَّهِ لَمْ يَجِدْ فِي قَلْبِهِ حَلَاوَةً لِطَاعَةِ اللَّهِ أَبَدًا
Alhamdulillah When you know someone is sick and you visit them So you ask someone How are you? You're checking up on them You visit them and they're in a hospital bed They're in a bad condition How are you? Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah You know, the doctor said that this is happening So I'm waiting to get back the results on this This is where I'm kind of looking forward to Make dua that this goes well Alhamdulillah Allah has been so kind to us That's not complaining about Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala It would be Alhamdulillah You know, if someone said Alhamdulillah But then contradicted the hamd of Allah That's where the problem is And that's what a lot of people do They say Alhamdulillah And then they say something insulting about Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala Or they question Allah's qadr No, no, you don't question Allah's decree Alhamdulillah And then, you know And make sure it's a meaningful Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah, we're doing well And at the same time, you know Here's what's happening with me right now And you say that to describe your condition And he's saying that if a person, however, complains This is in the reprehensible form of complaint About their condition to anyone but Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
They'll never get in their heart the sweetness of ta'atillah The sweetness of that worship of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala That obedience to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala You won't taste the sweetness if you complain to anyone but Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala Hidin, rahimahullah wa ta'ala Explains the two types of complaint that happens He said, the two types of complaint Complaint in the language of saying And complaint in the language of the situation And perhaps it's the greatest And that's why the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, ordered Whoever was favoured by him or favoured by him To show Allah's favour to him And greater than that is one who complains to his Lord while he is doing good For this is the best of creation in the sight of his Lord And he said, perhaps the latter Meaning by your deeds, your actions Is actually greater of the two And he said, this is supported by the hadith from the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him In which he commanded those who received favours from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala To show it to the people The most serious complaint is that which comes from a man who is well off And yet he complains about his Lord He is the most hateful person to his Lord SubhanAllah, this is another clarifying sentence here وَأَمَّا بِنِعْمَةِ رَبِّكَ فَحَدِّثْ If Allah has bestowed a blessing on you حَدِّثْ Say alhamdulillah Praise Allah for that blessing Praise Allah for that blessing Don't boast about it But this is what the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, meant When he said, if Allah azawajal has blessed a person Then Allah likes to see the blessing on that person This is a form of showing your rida with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala And saying, I could not have got it without Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala You're not going to extravagance But when Allah blesses you with something You say alhamdulillah, I'm good Allah has been kind to me, has been merciful But how hated is the person to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala Who Allah blesses with all of that And then you ask them how things are going And all they do is complain
You know, all they do is talk about the things that are going wrong Despite all of the things that are clearly going right That they're failing to acknowledge Sometimes people can complain in a very explicit way So when you ask about the situation They always say, it's terrible So they immediately start talking about everything that is horrible in their lives That's what they talk about Other people, they complain in a subtle way And that's something I hear a lot from brothers and sisters And I keep telling people, just please don't say that Don't say it Like for example, when you tell them, how are you doing They say, alhamdulillah, I cannot complain I said, you already complained But why did you have to add that statement afterwards If it's alhamdulillah, it's alhamdulillah But once you say, I cannot complain It's a subtle form of complain Worse than that, when people say Alhamdulillah, it can be better Like, are you kidding me? You already complained So this is shakwa that we talk about Sometimes comes in a very subtle way If you say alhamdulillah, that's alhamdulillah That's it, stop Now, in regards to people who've been blessed with khairat Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, He blesses people with so much And He says, rahimahullah That the worst of all these people who complain Those who've been blessed with so much And they only highlight the negative things in their lives Relatively speaking And I would like to give an example One time I was sitting in a gathering Masha'Allah, I was invited for a dinner somewhere And tabaraka rahman The majority of the people were professionals sitting around Wallahi, you know what I heard that with my own ears, wallahi And I was shocked about how these people speak It was back in 2008-2009 when the economy was going down They were talking to each other And they were complaining One of them was complaining He said, subhanallah, it's so horrible This year I only made $13 million And the other one goes, wallahi, you're right I couldn't get what I got last year I only made $7 million And I'm eating my food And I'm just about to bite the spoon
Like, what are these people talking about? Wait, you mean that we're not millionaires, sheikh? Astaghfirullah Apparently, people think we're millionaires Is it because of the socks? Maybe so But wallahi, I was shocked Wallahi, jama'at, I was shocked I was sitting there And inside, I'm really crying At what level of astaghfirullah There's no gratitude There's no blessing They don't see beyond their, masha'allah Fancy mansions and walls and dinner tables and so forth Because they live in a bubble They go to work They make, masha'allah, so much Alhamdulillah, may Allah bless them They come back again to their houses Live in their own small circle of friends And social circles and so on They have no clue what's going on beyond these circles So for them, from $20 million to $13 million That's like, they're now under the line of poverty Allah al-musta'an So that's why Imam Ibn Qaymi says These are the worst people So be careful not to fall into this category, jama'at If Allah blessed you with a nice car Stop complaining about your car because it's not Lexus, for example Or it's not a Tesla, or this Stop complaining If you would like to upgrade, just do it, quietly You don't have to complain about the blessings of Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala Because if you look at others, you'll appreciate the na'm that Allah blessed you with And that's what the Prophet, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, is teaching us when he says Which he refers to in the hadith, he says, salallahu alayhi wa sallam If Allah blessed you with wealth, let it show If Allah blessed you with wealth, let it show Let it show, moderately Moderately, in accordance of your ability, alhamdulillah rabbil ameen Because Allah loves to see his na'mah that he bestowed upon his servants to be in display Otherwise, if Allah blessed you with na'mah and you just try to live cheap I'm not saying to live frugal or reasonable, living cheap That's bad, that's stinginess, but you have to live in a level to show that
Alhamdulillah, you're happy with Allah's blessings, Allah's khairat, Allah's na'm Better than that, live a simple life and give in charity, alhamdulillah rabbil ameen So you can get a reward for that Then the other thing that he said here as well When people complain because they've been given so much khair, the Prophet, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, says In matters of dunya, don't look up, look down Look down, look at those who are less than you Otherwise you're going to scorn and you're going to belittle the na'm that Allah still blesses you with If you always look at those who have more No matter what you have in your hand, it means nothing anymore Because it can be better than that Versus when you look down there and see, subhanallah, how much people, the thing that they don't have Allah musta'an I mean, I have to mention on the recent visit that we went to Turkey After the earthquake, subhanallah I mean, we come, mashallah, spoiled From a very comfortable lifestyle and you have many things And eventually when you go there to Turkey, people live a very simple life We met these orphan kids in an orphanage Sheikh Abdullah was with us there, he brought with him balloons and stickers What are balloons and stickers to our children today? Probably it's nothing You give them balloons, he goes, balloons? What do I need balloons for? I need a car, right? Or an iPhone or something like that But these kids, when they saw the balloons and the stickers Wallahi, as if you've given them a million dollars The smile on their faces You would love to pay yourself a million dollars to get that smile from them Just for balloons and stickers It makes you happy and joyful And subhanallah, for me, I noticed that difference When I used to live in Bosnia before I was coming from the Middle East, from Kuwait, from Medina at that time
So we were not exposed to the exquisite lifestyle of the Western countries But you go to Bosnia And we have seen those who come from non-profit organizations from the West And they come to Bosnia, you can tell the difference But when you come and live here for so long, two, three decades And then you go yourself to these countries, you realize, oh my God So that's how it felt back then We get used to the ni'mah, so much so That we think everybody lives at our standards But it's not the case So complaining, complaining When we have, alhamdulillah, so much khair and blessing He says this is the worst thing you can ever do to yourself So this is a subhatul hadith So you remember this term That Imam Ahmed, rahimallah, he narrated from Ka'ab That among the good deeds is to speak of the glory of Allah Subhatul hadith is literally tasbih, the glory of Allah And among the evil deeds is to omit it And Abdullah was asked, what does that mean? What does subhatul hadith mean? He said to say, subhanallahi wa bihamdihi, during conversation And he says, and what is omitting it? He said that people begin the day in a good state And when asked, they start complaining that they're in a bad condition Subhanallah, two things here Why subhanallahi wa bihamdihi? Why here, subhatul hadith? Because when you do that, you're not just attributing the blessing to Allah You're also attributing perfection, the origination of that blessing to Allah Like, not only has Allah blessed me
But Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has given the means to attain, to appreciate Allah made it happen You're still ascribing imperfection to yourself as well Because it's necessary that when you ascribe perfection to Allah You ascribe imperfection to yourself So he's saying in the course of conversation Say, subhanallahi wa bihamdihi, subhanallahil adheem Subhanallahi wa bihamdihi, subhanallahil adheem Glorify Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and praise Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala And this last part of the narration That you start off your day in khayr You start off your day good And then you're asked later on And you say that you had a horrible day Now by the way, this is, once again, in some ways This is just an extrapolation Correlating to what we were talking about, about the end of the day Al-asr People generally wake up, you know, and you have a certain mood The crankiest time of the day is what time of the day? It's also the crankiest time of the day is al-asr Right, that's when we're most cranky Right, gone through work You've dealt with people, headache It's all that time, right And then you come home And if someone asks you how you're doing at 5 o'clock You're not happy Alright The believer does what? And there's a hikmah to this There's a wisdom to this You have adhkar al-sabah wal-masa The morning remembrances and the evening remembrances In the morning, the first thing you say when you open your eyes is Alhamdulillah alladhi ahyana ba'dama amatana The first words that come out of your mouth are Alhamdulillah I've been given life Right That's the first words that you utter And then you have adhkar al-sabah The morning remembrances Which are full of gratitude Asbahna wa asbahal mulku lillah Walhamdulillah la ilaha illallah And so many of those types We wake up praising Allah Glorifying Allah When are adhkar al-masa supposed to be done?
When are the evening remembrances supposed to be done? After asr After asr And what are you doing? You're literally just taking the dhikr You're taking the remembrance And you're replacing asbahna with amsayna To say my condition has not changed of praising Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala Just as we woke up praising Allah for His blessing We now go into the evening praising Allah for His blessing You're literally just switching out asbahna from amsayna Instead of this day, this evening And so a person has to maintain the disposition of gratitude Throughout the day No matter what circumstances unfold during the day Surah Al-Baqarah So he says And this is reiterating The actions that are in contradiction to patience Are tearing the clothes Striking the face Striking one hand on the other Shaving the head And calling out words of perishing Of course these are all very cultural things The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam Declared himself free from the one who screams From the one who shaves their head And tears their clothes out of grief But he says Weeping and expressing grief are not against patience Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said about Ya'qub alayhi wa sallam That his eyes went blind because of his grief And he was filled with sadness So his eyes were full of They went white And on the inside He was indeed filled with grief Explained that he was filled with grief But he only said good words By the way a question for you all
Why did Ya'qub cry so much? Why did he cry so much? Yusuf alayhi wa sallam This narration is very powerful That Yusuf alayhi wa sallam After he was reunited with his father He asked his father He asked Ya'qub alayhi wa sallam Oh my father Why did you cry yourself blind? Didn't you know that Even if in this life We're separated from each other That on the day of judgment We would be brought back together? And Ya'qub said to him O my son I was afraid that you would die For someone other than Islam So I was forbidden from meeting you On the day of judgement He said Oh my son I was afraid you were going to die On other than Islam And then I wouldn't be reunited With you on the day of judgment And that's why when the Bashir Came to Ya'qub alayhi wa sallam With the shirt of Yusuf alayhi wa sallam And he was in grief He said How did you leave Yusuf? How did you find him? And he said I left him as the king of Egypt He said I'm not asking you about his kingdom Or his physical situation What religion was he on? He said The nation of Islam And then Ya'qub alayhi wa sallam Burst into a smile And he said Alhamdulillah Now the blessing is complete That he remained upon Islam He remained on that state of blessing He remained on that state of gratitude So not all people cry in the same way And not all people cry Out of the same reasons Ya'qub alayhi wa sallam Had a concern for his son That was beyond simply The human element Which is certainly part of it Of wanting to be with his son But he also wanted salvation For his son as well And that was causing him The greater sadness I want to add a tangent over here In regards to Ya'qub alayhi wa sallam Losing his sight Because of crying, obviously
What brought his sight back to him? The shirt of Yusuf, right? What's so significant about that? That's what the ulama Subhanallah They speak about I gave khutba on this A long time ago And I always remember that From the first time I heard From one of my shuyukh in Medina When I speak about And he named it He called Ma'atjaba ra'ihata al-walad He goes There is nothing like The fragrance of a child There is nothing more powerful To a parent Than the fragrance of a child No matter how old How young you are When you think about it, jama'ah It's so ridiculous For babies, for example How do babies What do they smell When you sniff your children, jama'ah? Spoiled milk Or, you know Their diapers, probably Parents, they find joy In doing that Like when my teacher Was telling us You have no idea When you hold your child In your hand And you start smelling their head And sniffing their hair And all that spoiled milk And for us We were single kids Broke, sitting there Just like What are you talking about? We have no clue What he's talking about One of my friends He says when his family They traveled They went overseas Away for a few months I visited him And I just was shocked And this guy He takes his kids' pajamas And he put them on his bed Next to him And I'm like Oh my god I never thought That you're so soft You're like this, man Because out there He's always like a cowboy Seriously He's strong and tough But subhanallah When it comes to these matters He's just very soft Look how The frankness of a child Can really break that person To become so mushy and so soft So Ya'qub alayhi salam That's the blessings Of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala He lost his sight Crying for his son He broke back his sight The frankness of his son That he lost Sheikh He didn't forget The sense of his child For 20 years Subhanallah He didn't forget How Yusuf smelled For two decades May Allah help our brothers And sisters That are missing
Their loved ones Because I know You hear often In grief counseling You know When people lose Their loved ones And they still can smell Them on their clothes They can smell the scent Of their loved ones In the room On the furniture Subhanallah However Advice for parents Right now When you go home Especially if your kids Are adults Or teenagers Don't go start Sniffing them around Easy on them Okay In the name of Allah And he continues He says He said Hussein Ibn Abdurrahman Ibn Yahya Ibn Hibban Ibn Abi Jabla He said The Messenger of Allah Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Said Those who spread Didn't wait So he said That there's also Sheikh actually Sheikh Zayed On Yusuf Ibn Bahran On Ibn Abbas On Nabi Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam On him He said This is the measurement Basically He said What was from the eye And from the heart Was from Allah and mercy And what was from the hand And from the tongue Was from Satan This is the most Important narration here Okay Because it gives something Measurable for you That the Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Was narrated to have said In this hadith What comes from the eyes And from the heart Is from Allah And a sign of mercy What comes from the tongue And from the hand Is from the Satan What comes from the heart And from the eye Is from Allah And that is rahma That is mercy What comes from the tongue And from the hand Is from the Satan Because it's only going To be displeasure When you act With those two things And subhanallah That's exactly what The Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Said When Abdul Rahman Ibn Auf Radiyallahu ta'ala And who saw The Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Shedding tears Over his son Ibrahim That scene by the way The Prophet The Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Holding his dead son Ibrahim in his hands And the Rasulullah Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Tears soaking his beard And even the way Anas describes it It's very hard to describe The tears of the Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Falling on his child Can you imagine That sight Right Rasulullah Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
Holding his dead son And the tears of the Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Are falling on Ibrahim Right And that's where What comes from the eyes Is from the heart And a sign of mercy What comes from the heart Right And that's where Wa anta ya Rasulullah Like wait You too You too ya Rasulullah You're supposed to be Superman You don't You don't cry like that And he says This is rahma This is rahma The heart's pain right now For my son Is rahma The tears that are coming Down from my eyes This is mercy Lakin la na qool illa ma yurdi Allah But we only say What's pleasing to Allah Subhanallah Sheikh can we go to The last paragraph In the chapter Which summarizes The meaning of All the things That contradicts Patience When people start Practicing or behaving In a form In a status of Hala Hala like panicking When you start panicking At the strike of a Musiba Strike of a calamity Or instead of Facing a trial Or fitna People start Kind of like Losing it So he described That by saying The one who's always Panicky The one who's never Actually is patient Always impatient He goes So you know When Allah says Inna al-insana khuliqa halua That man was created Restless Khuliqa al-insan ajula He was created in haste And here Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la says Khuliqa halua Restless Like pacing Restless And so here
He says that If you're interested In knowing the character Of one who is restless It's the man who As soon as he's hungry As soon as he's hungry He starts demanding food immediately And as soon as he feels pain He quickly speaks about it And starts complaining About the pain And as soon as he's under pressure His weakness And that submissiveness shows And as soon as he feels You know Some of the pain of hunger He promptly falls to the ground And he starts complaining And if he notices An opportunity to satisfy His greed He immediately rushes to it And then he holds on to it For his dear life Showing absolutely No consideration For other than him All of this As a result of his You know Here I think the word Would actually be Pettiness You know The lowness of the soul That is secretly rooted Within him You know I think what he's Talking about here Just like how There is a discipline Of your patience When it comes to Haps and naps When it comes to When you see a desire Like you need to measure Your pace Your portion Of how much You're going to satisfy That desire With everything That's permissible The slightest You know Slightest annoyance The slightest aggravation They almost become Predictable In their response Halwa Like You already know You know Don't poke that person You know When the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam Talks about the person Who is Who people leave off You know Correcting them Intiqaa fuhshihi Because they don't want To deal with their mouth You know Aisha radiAllahu anha Imagine the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam Did not advise a person Who had some characteristics And the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam Said the worst person People leave them off Because they just don't want To deal with their temper One little prick And they immediately Halwa They immediately show That restlessness That low character They resort to the lowest Possible response The believer starts From the default of haps
The default is restraint Why? Because if you can Default to restraint Then you can measure Your response But if you respond first And then try to practice Restraint Then it's always Going to be too late But the default is haps Let me think about this Restraint Let me think about this What's the best thing To do here? How do I respond? And so the believer Has calculated responses Because they default To restraint And he's saying This is how the believer Has to be This is how the Muslim Has to be They have to know How to grab in the beginning And again I'll tell you Go back to the chapter Of 20 techniques of patience And practice those techniques I hope you'll read That chapter inshallah ta'ala Over and over again Throughout the year And hold yourself And then respond in a way That is pleasing to Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala And shows a higher aspiration Inshallah ta'ala We're going to start Taking questions right now So if you guys are watching Or right now We're going to display The QR code Use your phone to scan it If you have any questions Inshallah If it comes from The sister's side Make sure your padlet is colored And if you have Any question coming From out of state Or out of the country Please indicate Where you're sending Your question from Inshallah And please make sure That the question is relevant Number one To the topic of our discussion Number two Make sure that it's short That I can read In a few seconds Because if you send me An essay I'm going to have to send it To someone else Type here Bismillah Question Is it about my Somali? No Actually someone says Please do the Moroccan language For a poem tomorrow Shkoon? Moroccan I don't know What the Moroccan language is That sounds like A great suggestion Bizaf We'll see it tomorrow We'll figure it out Tomorrow Inshallah ta'ala That was Tunisian By the way Okay But Then they ask A serious question here They say What's the difference Between Somali and Moroccan language What's the difference Between Somali and Moroccan language They say When it comes to Crying during Salah
Or during Dua Al-Witr Is that form of crying Permissible? Crying during Ibadah Is actually Look It's Ibadah in itself It is Ibadah itself You cry to Allah It's always good Cry to Allah Break yourself to Allah Even if it's Not good It's always good Cry to Allah Break yourself to Allah Even if it's Not good It's always good Cry to Allah Break yourself to Allah Even if it's Not good Complain to Allah That's always good No, take it back to Allah That's all fine That's all A part of their Ibadah As a matter of fact the Prophet Was known for that When he used to pray She said One time she woke up at night And she couldn't find the Prophet In his bed So it was kind of like Looking for him in the darkness Of the night And she grabbed his foot And he was making du'a And he was crying And the Sahabah said When the Prophet Used to recite We used to hear We used to hear In his chest Vibration Like a boiling pot Like he's trying to control His crying But he couldn't help it sometimes So as an active Ibadah Yes, however Doing it excessively To the extent that You start distracting Other people Becomes a problem Becomes a problem Like some people When they cry They just open up And mashallah As if that's By themselves And they cry Out loud The whole neighborhood Can hear them I remember one time We were praying tahajjud In the masjid A long time ago In Kuwait And sheikh Abdul Rahman Abdul Khaliq He was the qari And leading the salah There was one brother In the back It was tahajjud salah So it was one brother He starts crying Mashallah And he really let it go He was crying Crying The sheikh Had to cut the salah short And he said The brother who's crying Jazakallah khair If you can't control yourself Otherwise Go cry outside When you don't come back in Inshallah ta'ala It's really annoying He couldn't even recite So that's just To let you know Inshallah This shows you How quickly we can Depart from the spirit Even people from the
Tabi'een The next generation And they cry And pass out She says The sahaba didn't Used to do that The sahaba Like the prophets Didn't used to do that Abu Bakr and Umar Had more fear of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala Than anyone They didn't used to have These like panic moments And scream And then pass out That's not the deen It's a dignified cry Like think about Hearing the cry Of the prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam The boiling of the chest How beautiful is that Even that is sincere In and of itself You could hear The boiling in his chest Like even Abdullah Masood Radiyallahu anhu When he said I was reading To the prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam And as he was reading Surah an-Nisa He said The prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam Hand just came on his knee And he said I looked up And I saw His eyes were like fountains Like the tears were flowing Salallahu alayhi wa sallam They were flowing From his eyes And like he didn't even notice Before While he was reading To the prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam But then he looked up And like the eyes were flowing May Allah grant us Wet eyes And sincere hearts Bid'ah A question Can I chase wealth And success While balancing Looking at those below us How do you balance this Is it rewarding To chase wealth For the sake of Success Or is it Is it rewarding To chase wealth For the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala If I may comment Something very quickly Some of the most The most righteous Sahaba Some of the most righteous Companions of the prophet Salallahu alayhi wa sallam Were the wealthiest Were the wealthiest That wealth Wasn't in their heart It was in their hand That's the big difference Someone like Uthman radiallahu ta'ala An-Nawar The prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam Says Who can supply This army of Thousand people Uthman says I'll do it Uthman I'll supply this Water well He said I'll do it People were in famine Hunger and starvation A caravan came from Sham Caravan that Feeds the entire city The merchants of Medina Tried to bargain With Uthman radiallahu ta'ala Can we give you Double the price Triple the price More He said Ten times He goes Someone was paying
Me more than that And he said Look We are the merchants Of Medina here No one can pay More than this He goes How can they be so clever Subhanallah I wish I could have This level of skill That I can spend So much money And I can still get As much And not even more Subhanallah So the point is That look Among the most Sincere The most Righteous Sahaba Of the prophet Salallahu alayhi wa sallam Were the wealthiest People But that wealth Never Never Occupied their hearts Only occupied Their hands So they were in Control of it The upper hand Is better than The lower hand The upper hand Is the giving hand The lower hand Is the asking hand Meaning you should Seek to be In a position Of ease So that you can Help more people In hardship So that's the ideal here Is that you don't Seek to be Because you see The prestige of being The upper hand You precisely want To be So you can Help more people That are From the downtrodden And bring them Up to that level So it's about Fixing your intention In sha Allah ta'ala Even when you're Looking at those that are Lesser than you And lower than you In that regard Question Advising the impatient This is coming From the sister side Is it better to avoid Advising people With bad tempers And weak patience When you know They will react In a negative way So you know The hadith Of the prophet Salallahu alayhi wa sallam Where he saw A man who was Losing his temper And he said Something that If he said it Then his anger Would dissipate There's wisdom In the prophet Salallahu alayhi wa sallam Not going to him At that moment And saying Say Because he might Have committed Kufr at that moment He might have said Something to the prophet Salallahu alayhi wa sallam That would have been A form of kufr even So pick the right time Pick the right words Don't give advice Out of frustration
Give advice Out of trying To help a person So if you don't See that there's A reasonable opening For you to actually Say something to them Then At that moment Don't do it And subhanallah Sometimes Even the perfect advisor Will get the worst response Ibrahim alayhis salam With his father Ibrahim with his father Subhanallah Chose the right room The right words The right praise Every word of Ibrahim Was measured to perfection Ya abati Lima taabudu Ma la yasma'u Wa la yubsiru Wa la yughni Anka shayya Ya abati Inniya I mean This is such a Beautiful portion Of surah Maryam And his father Responded and said Get out of my face Or I'll kill you Right So sometimes Even the perfect advice Will have the most Despicable response But That is the exception Not the norm If you Give someone Advice at the right time And with the right manners Usually At the bare minimum At least they'll appreciate The method by which You gave them advice Even if they're not Necessarily going to take Its substance Some people are asking Very very private And specific questions This is not really The platform to publicize These questions over here So if you have a question Like this I highly prefer That you go to someone Who's local to you And discuss this with them Insha'Allah But of course These matters to be with Professionals Question How can mothers Show patience With their little kids I have to ask this question Because I have the answer Stop trying to make them Adults They're still young At that age So treat them as kids When they reach the age Of five, six, seven That's when you upgrade Your treatment to them Sometimes parents When they have kids Who are seven years old They want them to be As they are twenty So they have to be Prompt in everything They have to behave As if they know What they're talking about They want to be adults At this age Yes We need to teach our kids In that age To be also responsible Age appropriate responsibility But we want them To become responsible As if they're Martial arts in college That's not fair To our kids Like sometimes You have to let kids Be kids And you're the father
Of the mother You need to make sure We've seen the Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Even with al-Hassan al-Hussein He allowed them to play On his back When he was making salah But when al-Hassan Was about to eat From zakah He went to him And he goes He goes Kakh kakh Spit it out Spit it out And he spoke to him Like an adult He goes Don't you understand We're the people of Muhammad We're the family of Muhammad We don't eat charity How are four, five-year-old kids Going to understand this anyway But the Prophet Was speaking to him To show him The importance Of that action I'm not going to remember What the Prophet Probably said But remember one thing That is important That don't do that again Because the Prophet Sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Took it seriously It must be for something That is very important Just I want to comment On this No, that's a great response And I say it to myself As a father of young children As well That it's obviously The most difficult thing One of the most difficult things But you know That self-restraint And having a calculated response Even with your kids That's also important too So if you blow up On your kids Then that can get Out of hand really quickly And it can be more About you releasing Your frustration Than actually growing Your children To a place That they need to grow So blowing up On your children Is never really a good thing You can show The seriousness Of a situation Without blowing up And again As a father of young children I get how hard that is May Allah help us all With that But it is The prophetic response I know that we can't You know Like you said You can't You can't You can't You can't You know Like you read The prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam With anas And you're like On anas He says The prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam Never once Raised his hand on me He never admonished me He never said Why did you just You know You're like Well he is The prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam And you kind of like Immediately excuse yourself Well there's no way I could ever be like that You're right We can never be as great As the prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam But a restrained response Even with your children Is always better Than a rapid response Getting that frustration out And the older that they get The older that they get
Because unfortunately We have to deal With this all the time The less they're going To become responsive To rapid response And so what are you going to do You're going to escalate The severity of your rapid response That's going to get Really ugly for you Because you're going to say Something heavier You might hit harder You might Whatever it is You're going to escalate The response Because you're going to see That that type of That's not working for them As much as you're going to Say something heavier You might hit harder You might Whatever it is That's not working for them As they're getting older Right So trying to find A healthier balance In advance Is actually Very important inshallah In preparing yourself Mentally for that That they're going to get older They're not going to respond Well to that later on And I can't just keep increasing The intensity of my response Because all that's going to do Is alienate them from me And then they're going to hate me And then they're not going to Respond to anything That I have to say to them And we don't want that type Of a situation That happens a lot May Allah give us Sabr With our families Allahumma ameen There's so many questions Actually that came about Counseling And they're asking If a husband and wife Dealing with some Maybe one of the couple Dealing with some private sins That they're You know Kind of like embarrassing And going to a counselor If we start talking About these things Are we going to be Disclosing our sins To the public Or to someone else Would that be okay To do that or not And the answer to this Is absolutely You are allowed to do that If you're seeking help If someone May Allah protect you all For example Dealing with pornography And it's damaging Their relationship With their spouse Now Is there a lot for them To go to a counselor And say hey I have this problem And they talk about it For example So they can seek help From them The answer is absolutely Yes You're going to have To disclose that to them Now we know That the counselors They're bound by The ethics of the profession They're not going to take This out to the public You know Obviously of course They're not going to go out there Unless it's something Legal matter That requires for them To disclose these issues So you need You need to trust yourself And trust other people Who are professionals Hopefully inshallah To help you with that But
This is just an example But many And a couple actually questions Came More than two About counseling Am I allowed to speak like this Would that be considered You know Contradictory to patients And Disclosing Our sins and secrets And so forth Once again If you talk to someone Who's professional Who can help with that Inshallah That's okay But just to talk to somebody For the sake of venting That might be dangerous Depending on who You're talking to Another question That came also about family Is Husband wife saying Is it okay After coming You know After a long day at work Is it okay If I can just You know Vent to my spouse In order to gain Words of comfort And have a supportive ear The answer is yes You are allowed to say that As long as you don't Backbite your boss Or your coworkers You know And speak ill about them Speak about the situation That's okay But My advice To my wife In this situation Choose the right time for it And I'll say There's no right time For it anyway But just The point is Don't start Don't start From the moment You arrive home And they ask How was your day And oh my God I don't want to say Doors of Jahannam open But not Doors of Jannah For sure And they start Talking about Everything Horrible About what Happened to them This might not be The best time To start talking So you find For example The moment the husband Arrives home What would the wife do? She goes to him Finally Oh my God The sink You know Is leaking The kids Drove me crazy How Why did you Come late And take it easy That's not the time for it The same thing Husband The moment he arrives He starts complaining Why the kids Are nowhere In my office Why the toys Are all over the place Why this Why that I always recommend For couples To make sure That the The most important 10 minutes And 10 minutes To exercise Patience with each other The last 10 minutes
In the morning Before you separate And the first 10 minutes When you come After a long day Those are the most Important 10 minutes And 10 minutes Of your day And your evening The most important 10 minutes Why is that Because if you look At these last 10 minutes Before you separate How does it look For a husband and wife Chaos Why my phone Wasn't charging Who took you To my keys And the kids Why aren't they So ready Always yelling At each other And when they leave They leave with a bitter taste So they don't even Wish you to come back And if you Come after a long Long day Obviously Everybody is dreading Those moments right now The husband He stays in the car Parked outside Checking his phone Until he just You know Feels better Then he walks in Checking his phone Until she feels okay Now I can go in Why do we have To start looking For those moments Outside of our relationship So the first 10 minutes And the last 10 minutes Are extremely important When you meet each other After a long day Don't talk about Anything like that Just talk about You know How amazing you are Oh Alhamdulillah Thank you for coming back With this beautiful 10 minutes Relax And then you can Start talking about Whatever you want to do Sheikh Be honest Do you complain about me When you go home Do you tell your wife About me I do You keep copying me man See you tomorrow For our final session Our final session Of this beautiful Session of this year Assalamualaikum Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakatuh
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