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Hadith #28 – The Rights of your Aunts, Uncles, In-laws, and Extended Family

February 7, 2018Dr. Omar Suleiman

Sh. Omar Suleiman describes the rights of extended family members including aunts, uncles, and in-laws in Islam and also touches on the benefits of an extended family system.

Transcript

This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings.
So last week we talked about the framework for understanding the rights of the spouses. And we've sort of been talking quite a bit, or at least the last three halaqas have been about the rights as framed within a family setting. So the parents, the children, spouses with each other. And then it sort of becomes everybody else, because it gets really complex after that. Whether you're talking about in-laws, uncles, aunts, step-brothers, step-sisters, step-mothers, step-fathers, cousins. And then if you're Palestinian, cousins, cousins, cousins, cousins. And it's like a hundred of them on each side, and everyone's got a bunch of cousins. And you have all of these different people that get involved in the discussion of who is family, and what does that come with. And what are the rights and responsibilities in regards to those broader extended families. So subhanAllah, tonight actually turned out to be one of the most beautiful halaqas in preparation. At least I found it to be as such when I was looking through the material and the content. Because it really shows how Islam broadens that scope of mercy and compassion and love. And I personally just really enjoy the narrations in this regard. I know that I told you guys that there probably wouldn't be class tonight. I thought I would be out of town. So alhamdulillah, I'm still here. So I appreciate those of you that came out. So we'll start inshaAllah ta'ala, and we'll try to frame this from different angles. We'll try to look at this through different angles. The hadith we'll start with is a hadith narrated by Ali ibn Abi Talib radiyallahu ta'ala anhu. And it's really beautiful, and it's also tragic. We've all heard of the martyrdom of Hamza radiyallahu ta'ala anhu, and the way that Hamza radiyallahu anhu was killed. And Hamza was a beloved man to the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam. The Prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam cried over Hamza like he cried over nobody else.
The sister of Hamza came running to the battlefield to see his body, and she cried and cried and cried and wept over Hamza radiyallahu anhu. So he clearly occupied a major position in the hearts of those people around him, in the hearts of his family members. And usually when you think of Hamza, you think of Hamza the warrior. But Hamza radiyallahu anhu clearly was a very beloved man to his people. Now, you don't hear about the effect of Hamza's martyrdom on his family, on his wife and his kids. And that's just usually because those things get lost in the stories and the epic battles and in the tales. And this hadith addresses what happened. It's actually a tragic scene that after Hamza radiyallahu ta'ala anhu was killed, the daughter of Hamza ran after the family of Hamza radiyallahu anhu, meaning his cousins and Banu Hashim basically, ran after Banu Hashim crying. She pursued them crying. And Ali is the narrator, so Ali obviously is related to Hamza. How is Ali related to Hamza? Ali is his nephew. His father, Abu Talib, is the brother of Hamza radiyallahu anhu. So Ali radiyallahu anhu is the nephew of Hamza. So as they're dealing with the aftermath of the martyrdom of Hamza and the way that Hamza was brutally killed, the daughter of Hamza comes running after the family. And the first person she comes to is Ali. She recognized Ali radiyallahu ta'ala anhu. And she went to Ali and Ali radiyallahu ta'ala anhu took her by the hand. And it's a very emotional scene. And Ali radiyallahu ta'ala anhu told Fatima, his wife radiyallahu anhu, who is also related to Hamza of course, because she's the daughter of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam. I don't want to lose you guys. I want you to just appreciate the gravity of the scene and how everyone's got a connection here. Ali is the nephew of Hamza. So this is technically his cousin.
Fatima is the niece, the grandniece of Hamza because Hamza is the uncle of her father Muhammad salallahu alaihi wasalam. And they're married to each other so they both obviously have a deep connection to this child. So Ali radiyallahu anhu, emotionally he takes the hand of this girl and he says to Fatima, his wife, that take your uncle's daughter, meaning that she's coming home with us. Basically she's our responsibility now and we're going to take her in. So Fatima picked her up. Then Zayd ibn Haritha radiyallahu ta'ala anhu, he also staked the claim and he wanted to take care of the daughter of Hamza. Zayd was the adopted son of the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam and also paired off with Hamza when they migrated to Madinah. So when they migrated and the Prophet salallahu alaihi wasalam paired people off, he made them brothers. So Zayd felt a connection to Hamza and Zayd said, let me take her in. And then Ja'far ibn Abi Talib, the brother of Ali, also said, let me take her. And he said, she is my uncle's daughter and I have the greatest right to her. Now Ja'far is the brother of Ali, right? So that makes him his nephew, Hamza's nephew. But Ja'far was also married to Asmaa bint Umais. Asmaa bint Umais who was the sister-in-law of Hamza. Asmaa bint Umais is the sister of Salma bint Umais, the wife of Hamza. Asmaa bint Umais, the wife of Ja'far, is the sister-in-law of Hamza. So that would make her related to this girl how? How would she be related to the daughter of Hamza then? She is her maternal aunt. So Ja'far says, I have the greatest right to her. And when Ja'far said that and the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said that, the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam saw that, the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam ruled in the favor of Ja'far
because he said, al-khalatu bimanzilatil um. He said, the maternal aunt is like the mother. The maternal aunt is like the mother. So it's best that she goes with the family of Ja'far and Asmaa bint Umais. Now, the reason why I start with this hadith is because this hadith obviously comes in the context of custody and the context of who has the right to an orphan if a child is left in that situation. But there is so much more to it than that. Why did the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam specify the khala, for example? We start with the khala. The aunt, and particularly the khala, is the maternal aunt. The scholars mention that this goes far beyond custody. That the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam recognized something within the aunt and the special connection that someone should have with their khala, with their aunt. And so Imam al-Zahabi, he said that, the aunt shares the status of the mother in kindness, in birr, in ikram, in honoring, and in sila, in keeping the ties connected. The aunt shares the status of the mother in birr, which is kindness, ikram, which is honoring her, and sila, which is keeping close ties. SubhanAllah, my aunt visited me from Philly, my maternal aunt visited me from Philadelphia a few weeks ago. It was really beautiful being in her presence. I wish I would have read up on this before she came. I probably would have appreciated her visit so much more, although I knew this hadith. So this is what the scholars mention. Birr, which is obedience and kindness, ikram, which is honoring, and sila, which is maintaining the ties. And then there's a beautiful hadith from Ibn Umar, where the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam was approached by a man who said to the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, that I have committed an enormous sin. Now you might remember the Ibn Abbas story with the mother, right?
That I've committed a... that he killed a man, and Ibn Abbas said, Ummuqa hayt, is your mother alive? And he said no. So he told him, just seek forgiveness from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. But here, this is possibly where that manhaj, that methodology comes from. This man says to the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, that I've committed an enormous sin. Is forgiveness, halli min tawba? Am I going to be forgiven from Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala? The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, hal laka min um? Do you have a mother? Qala la. He said no. Qala hal laka min khala? He said, do you have an aunt? He said yes. So the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, so show her that birr that you would have shown to your mother. Show her that kindness that you would have shown to your mother. So the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam actually directed him to the maternal aunt. And there are many different extensions that we find from this. Did Aisha radiyaAllahu ta'ala anha, what was her kunya? Kunya is um something or abu something. What was her kunya? Um Abdullah. Why? Do you know? Anyone know? Aisha radiyaAllahu ta'ala anha's name, her kunya was Um Abdullah. But she didn't have a son named Abdullah. And the context of that is that she said to the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam that she kind of wanted a kunya, that she wanted to have a kunya, she wanted to be um something. You know, it was common in that time to give a kunya to someone, abu something or um something, the father of or the mother of, even if they didn't have that child, or even if they hadn't given birth to a child, like if you intended. So for example, in some cultures it's common for the oldest son to be expected to name his son after his father. So he's already abu, you know, he's the father of his father's name, right, that's kind of given to him at an early age. So Aisha radiyaAllahu ta'ala anha complained to the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, this goes back to marital rights, he complained to the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam that all of her friends had kunyas but she didn't have one.
So you talk about emotional rights. So the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam just go, are you serious? Like, just make one up. He actually gave it thought. And Sheikh Yasir beautifully spoke about this in the khutba this past Friday, about how the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam listened to Aisha radiyaAllahu anha tell this huge long story, and he weighed in very thoughtfully, he didn't just dismiss it or like, yeah, whatever, just do whatever you want. The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam listened to her, so the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said, well how about I give you the kunya of Umm Abdullah because she was the khala of Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr. She was the maternal aunt of Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr. Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr, his mother was who? This is a lot of history here, refreshing your understanding of the prophetic biography. So because of that she was called Umm Abdullah, the mother of Abdullah ibn al-Zubayr because she was her khala. So this really further reinforces the notion that umm and khala, that the mother and the aunt are interchangeable. They're interchangeable. So that's regarding the maternal aunt. Some hadith in regards to the paternal uncle gets really specific here. Maternal aunt and then paternal uncle. Now we know that it's your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, right? So the first right goes to al-khala, first right goes to maternal aunt. After the khala comes the amd, the paternal uncle. Where do we get that from? It's in regards to a hadith, or two hadith narrated about al-Abbas, the uncle of the Prophet ﷺ, the paternal uncle of the Prophet ﷺ. Every time al-Abbas would enter into a room, the Prophet ﷺ would stand up, he would kiss him on his forehead,
and he would sit him down on his right side, and he would say, haza ammi, haza ammi, this is my paternal uncle, this is my uncle. Faman sha'a fal yubahi bi ammi. So whoever wants to boast of an uncle, look at my uncle. The Prophet ﷺ was making al-Abbas feel good, and al-Abbas felt bad. He said, ya Rasulallah, O Messenger of Allah, I don't deserve for you to say that. I don't deserve for you to speak of me in such high regard. And the Prophet ﷺ said, wa lima laa aqoolu haza wa anta ammi wa baqiyatu abi wa al-ammu walid. The Prophet ﷺ said, why should I not speak of you in such honorable terms, and honor you in such a way, where you are my uncle, you are the leftover of my father, baqiyatu abi. You are what's left of my father. And he said, wa al-ammu walid, and the paternal uncle is like a father. So the Prophet ﷺ said, the maternal aunt is like a mother, the paternal uncle is like your father. And he said this in another hadith by Abu Huraira radiallahu anhu, which is also authentic, and it's also in regards to al-Abbas. The Prophet ﷺ said, al-Abbas wa ammu Rasulillahi ﷺ, wa inna amma rajuli, sinwa abihi, aw min sinwi abihi. The Prophet ﷺ said, al-Abbas is the uncle of the messenger of God, and indeed the uncle of a man is the equal of his father, or from the equal of his father. Sinwa refers to the equal of the father. So first you have the hadith which mentions the maternal aunt, and says that the khala, the maternal aunt, is like your mother. And then you have the paternal uncle is like your father. And that's why the Prophet ﷺ sometimes was referred to as the son of Abu Talib. Abu Talib was the uncle of the Prophet ﷺ. But in cultural terms, in societal terms, sometimes they would call him, refer to him as the son of Abu Talib,
even though he wasn't really his father. So the scholars actually mention the order amongst the uncles and the aunts, just to show you how specific these terms were, that the first person after your parents that deserves honor is al-khala, is the maternal aunt. Then comes the paternal uncle. I know that you guys are thinking, mamu, chacha, all that stuff. That's really confusing for someone who doesn't speak Urdu, by the way. Like I had to figure out why I'm getting called mamu and getting called chacha and getting called all these different things, right? But in Arabic, it's am or khal. Khal comes from the maternal side, am from the paternal side. So first comes your khala, your maternal aunt. Second comes your paternal uncle. And then the scholars that continued, they said, then comes your maternal uncle, then comes your paternal aunt. Why? Because the mother takes precedence over the father in terms of ikram, in terms of showing that love and showing that honor. So some of them actually went in that order. Behind all of these ahadith, obviously the beauty of these ahadith is the hidden reciprocation that's yielded from this extended family system, this idea that it's all one family. And that's why with the Prophet, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, you see that as he grew up, due to the poverty of Abu Talib, his uncle needed help basically distributing his kids amongst his older nephews. It was an entire support system in poverty. So Ali radiallahu anhu was raised by the Prophet, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, even though he was his cousin, because it was Abu Talib, I had to take care of my little brother basically.
So Ali was brought in sort of like a little brother, because Abu Talib was like a father to him. And Ja'far was taken in by Al-Abbas. So Ja'far technically was raised by Al-Abbas, not by Abu Talib, because it was that understanding that we all have to sort of take care of our own. And this sort of refers to the way that the Prophet, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, saw that extended family taking care of one another, showing that love, showing that honor, the maternal aunt to the paternal uncle. Now why? A lot of the scholars try to talk about why the maternal aunt, why the paternal uncle first. Because the person who's going to be most like your mother will definitely be, if you have a khala, would be the maternal aunt. The person who would be most like your father would be the paternal uncle. And when the Prophet, salallahu alayhi wa sallam, spoke about it in terms of custody in a house that a person is being raised in, then obviously the goal is not just to provide from a financial perspective, but also from an emotional perspective as well, that the love that would be shown and the character, so that there isn't such a radical change in a person's life. It's best to stay then to the maternal aunt, who could somewhat replace, if you will, not replace, but take over for the mother and the paternal father, who could take over for the father and maintain that type of love. And subhanAllah, you find this in some of the, not too long ago, in Palestine. I'm just giving this example in Palestine because I'm very aware of it. The way that they would deal with a sudden death of a father, it was expected of the brother, the paternal uncle, to sort of step in. And he would marry the widow and take care of the children, because he was supposed to then assume that role of fatherhood. So that extended family was meant to be one of support, not one of headaches.
Not for the sake of making your life crazy and piling on. When I say it takes a village to raise a child, well, this is how it works. Everyone sort of comes together, puts their hands in. And you can also see that there is a stake in the entire family, the children that are growing up. I care for the success of my niece and my nephew the same way that I care for my own son and my own daughter. Also when it comes to grandparents, also we find in the Sharia, the grandparents are like the parents. So you refer to them as well as father and mother. And the inheritance is as such, in some cases, the love and compassion is expected to transfer as well, that the grandmother could be like the mother, the grandfather like the father as well. So this refers to the overall conception within the Ahadith of the Prophet ﷺ. And then the scholars talked about cousins. And Omar r.a mentioned that the closer the cousin is, the more right that they have upon you. So these were things that were to be thought of in every situation. So what does this mean in terms of the benefits of an extended family system that they spoke about? Well, first and foremost, it means that in regards to marriage, when two families come together, they also share their resources. They come in and they try to both contribute to the human, economic, and emotional resources at the service of the newlywed couple. And this is something we saw from the Prophet ﷺ. I haven't started with in-laws yet for a reason. When Ali r.a and Fatima r.a had a dispute, think about this. The Prophet ﷺ comes home and his daughter Fatima, and Fatima was not just any daughter, I mean Fatima was the heart of the Prophet ﷺ.
He loved his daughter. I mean he adored Fatima so much that it truly is, in and of itself, a magnificent story. The way he treated her, the way he honored her. He didn't just call her the queen of Jannah, he treated her like a queen in this world. I mean he used to sit her in his spot, he used to hold her hand, he used to kiss her all the time. He used to say, whoever hurts her hurts me, whoever loves her loves me. It was all Fatima. Fatima was the Prophet's ﷺ little girl. And he comes home to Fatima and he sees that she's crying and he says, where's Ali? And she says, you know, we had a fight and he left. He didn't leave to go somewhere in Mecca where people would go when they get angry or something like that. He went to the masjid, so that's a good place to go if you're upset. He went to the masjid of the Prophet ﷺ. The Prophet ﷺ walks into the masjid and he sees Ali laying down. And the Prophet ﷺ immediately diffuses the situation. He doesn't yell at him or curse him, you know, just because you upset my daughter, you made my daughter cry. There's a sense of justice and there's a sense of treating him like his own son. He walks up to Ali r.a and he starts, you know, he picks him up and he starts patting the dirt off of him and he says, Qum ya aba turab, sit up, oh father of dust. Turab is dirt, so sit up, oh father of dirt, instead of Abu Talib. And Ali r.a was laughing, the Prophet ﷺ was laughing with him, like, come on, alright, enough of this, go back home now. He didn't open it up with Ali r.a and say, tell me what's on your mind, those types of things, or how dare you make my daughter cry right now. He didn't make a judgment on the case, he didn't treat Ali wrongly. But it's like, you're my son, she's my daughter, and you both need to get together and put this behind you. So the Prophet ﷺ immediately diffuses the situation. Ali r.a said, that became my favorite nickname, Abu Turab, the father of dirt, instead of Ali ibn Abu Talib.
He said, it became my favorite nickname, since the Prophet ﷺ called me that, that day. So it was endearing the way the Prophet ﷺ tried to solve the problem. A lot of times, when families get involved in marital dispute, they compound the issue and suddenly become possessive once again. And my daughter and my son starts to fall back into it, but we see from the spirit of the Prophet ﷺ, that truly it becomes, once my son marries, that's my daughter now, and once my daughter marries, that's my son now, and we support them as a couple, and we try to make sure that we bolster their marriage and we keep them together, instead of leaving them to their own, or immediately retreating back with our own child when things go wrong. So that support system is there in the spirit of the Prophet ﷺ. And it's interesting, some of the scholars also mention that with the extended family, when you have a family climate, when you have multiple people around, invested in different children, invested in each other's welfare, that it also creates an ummah-like feeling, the feeling of community. And that feeling of community is nurtured, and that's the opposite of individualism and egotism, and everyone sort of resorting to their own self-interest. When families come together and they all try to raise their kids together, they try to raise their families together, and they're invested in one another's children. They also mention, obviously, the benefits in regards to the mother. Obviously, Islam did not prohibit a woman from working or from having a career, even in those early days. In fact, her earnings belonged to her, but if she was a mother, having that nuclear family or having that extended family allows for some support system for her to be able to take on multiple tasks at times. So that's why it would be encouraged as well.
And then finally, the idea of avoiding alienation in old age. That many times, in a hyper-individualistic society, as everyone takes care of themselves and only worries about themselves or worries about their own children and things of that sort, then there is a great chance of alienation and people dying alone. But this idea of people being together, that if my cousin or if my brother doesn't, if my cousin can't take care of his father, then his father is like my father. If my cousin can't take care of her mother, then her mother is like my mother. That attachment actually has serious implications in regards to treating our elderly when they grow older. Because sometimes the immediate children don't have the capacity to take care of their own parents, but when you create that family-like structure, then you make sure that everyone is taken care of and no one is left alone towards the end of their lives. This is something that we find within the Qur'an as well. In one of the ayat of Hijab, Surah An-Nur, verse 31, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala mentions the houses of your fathers or the houses of your mothers or the houses of your brothers or the houses of your sisters and the houses of your father's brothers or the houses of your father's sisters or your mother's brothers or your mother's sisters. It's all sort of spelled out and it's insinuated that you will frequent the homes of your extended relatives and you will always be together. And Allah azawajal mentions there's no blame whether you eat together, eat separately, or when you enter each other's homes that you give salam to one another. Obviously I just paraphrased the ayah because it's a very long ayah, ayah 31 in Surah An-Nur. Or Allah azawajal mentions, Am kuntum shuhada'id hadhra ya'qub al-mawt if qala li banihi ma ta'buduna min ba'di qalu na'budu ilaha ka wa ilaha aabaika Ibrahima wa Isma'ila wa Ishaq. Ilahun wahidun wa nahnu lahum muslimun.
Allah mentions in Surah Al-Baqarah verse 133 where he witnesses when death approached Jacob. When Jacob said to his sons, what will you worship after me? So he's talking to who? His children, the children of Ya'qub, the children of Jacob. And they said we will worship your God and the God of your fathers, Ibrahim and Isma'il and Ishaq. Is Isma'il a father of Ya'qub or is he his uncle? He's his uncle. Jacob is the son of Isaac, son of Ibrahim. But they included Isma'il from the father, the fathers of their father. Right, Isma'il and Ishaq as well as the grandfather Ibrahim alayhi salam. We worship one God and we are in submission to him. And Allah mentions it in regards to charity. Wa aata al-mala ala hubbihi thawil qurba wal yatama wal masakina. Allah azza wa jalla mentions that they give first and foremost to their relatives, thawil qurba. So qurba is a spectrum, closeness. How relative, how close are they to you? But you start with your relatives when you give charity and you look to those that are within your extended family. And in almost every book of zakah, they mention that the greatest right starts with those who are closest to you when you give your zakah. And those who are closest to you means even within your relatives when you find people within your relatives that are poor. But you start with them and you try to take care of them as well. And Allah similarly mentions in surah al-Balad, yatiman tha maqraba. Looking towards the orphan of close relations. We saw a practical example of this in the first hadith we mentioned today in the situation of the daughter of Hamza. That look to the yatiman tha maqraba, look to the orphan of your own close relatives, of your close relations. You also have the generality of the hadith about maintaining the ties of kinship.
And a lot of times we don't want to take on the extended family because we feel like it might reduce from our provision and it will increase our responsibilities. And that's why the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam said, whoever wants to have his rizq expanded, his provision expanded, and his life prolonged, let him maintain the ties of kinship. Whoever wants to have his rizq, his provision expanded, and his life prolonged, let him maintain the ties of kinship. He also mentions salallahu alayhi wa sallam that Allah azawajal has said, I am ar-Rahman, I am the most compassionate, I have created the womb and derived a name for it from my name. Rahim, which is the womb, comes from ar-Rahman, the womb. So if anyone maintains the ties of kinship, then I maintain connection with him, and I cut off anyone who cuts them off. That refers to the extended kinship as well, that which is made connected to you through the womb, that you try your best as well to extend first to your blood relatives and then those that come afterwards. What else do we see from the companions on how they actually live this concept? Another beautiful scene. Abdullah ibn Umar radiyaAllahu ta'ala anhu was on route to Mecca, and he was riding his donkey and he encountered a Bedouin man. Ibn Umar radiyaAllahu anhu says, are you so and so? He asks him, are you... and he mentions his name. And the man says, yes. Umar radiyaAllahu anhu gets down from... Ibn Umar gets down from the camel... I'm sorry, the donkey. He gets down from the donkey. He takes off his turban. He puts his turban on the man, and he says, take this donkey and keep the turban on your head. You can imagine, it's just this seemingly random man on the way that he just stopped and he sees this Bedouin man walking, and he says, are you so and so? And he said, yeah.
And he takes off his turban, puts it on his head, gives him his donkey, and now he's walking. And Abdullah ibn Dinar was with him. So, you imagine you're riding with this man, and all of a sudden we're walking, and he doesn't give you an explanation as to why he just gave away his turban, gave away his riding animal. So, Abdullah ibn Dinar looks at him and he says, ghafarAllahu lak, he said, may Allah forgive you. He said, these are Bedouins, they're simple people. The guy would have been satisfied with a lot less than that. If you would have just given him a few coins or given him some dates, he would have been happy. He would have been satisfied and been on his way and thanked you. It's like you go up, the homeless man that stops you at the intersection, you give him a dollar, you give him ten, he'll be happy. You don't have to give him a hundred, right? It doesn't... It just didn't make sense to him. Why did you give him all that? Why did you treat him that way? And Abdullah ibn Umar radiyAllahu ta'ala anhum, he said that this man's father was a close friend of my father. His father, the man's father, was close to my father. And he said, I heard the Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam say that one of the greatest acts of kindness is for a man to kindly treat the loved ones of his father after his death. So he actually was living that hadith where the Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam, he mentions, Inna abarra al-birra an yasir al-rajulu ahla wuddi abihi. The Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam said, from the greatest acts of kindness and obedience to your father is that you continue to maintain kindness and connection with those who your father loved, those who were close to your parents. And so that was Ibn Umar who actually narrates the hadith. He heard it from the Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam directly and he was a living example of that. We see that with the Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam and the relatives of Khadijah radiyAllahu anhum. Right? The family and the friends of Khadijah. After Khadijah passed away, long after she passed away,
every time a gift came to the Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam, he cut it up into portions and he sent it to the friends and the family of Khadijah radiyAllahu ta'ala anhum. And every time he heard the voice of the sister of Khadijah, he used to say, Allahumma hala, oh Allah it's hala, oh Allah it's hala. He would run to the door because her voice sounded like the voice of his deceased beloved one, Khadijah radiyAllahu anhum, and he always used to gift her with something. He would give everything that came to his house to the friends and the family of Khadijah radiyAllahu ta'ala anhum. There is a practical application of this, that when your parents pass away especially, subhanAllah, to reconnect with their friends, their close ones, their loved ones, and to just show them appreciation. Now it's so easy to just send someone a message, send someone a card, let them know that you're thinking of them, to maintain that relationship, to maintain that connection out of love for them. And this is something that the Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam mentioned to us in a broader sense. So how does this relate? What about the hadith about in-laws? I'm going to read to you all of the hadith about in-laws. Are you guys ready? There are no hadith about in-laws. So what's the conundrum here? This is where typically in-laws becomes burdensome, and it's tough for people to deal with their in-laws, and what are the rights of the in-laws, and things of that sort. Technically speaking, they're not there. They're not actually listed out. So no, you can't tell your spouse that my parents are like your parents. They're not like her parents, and they're not like his parents. They're their parents. You should honor them out of respect for them, and treat them with love, and you can show them that love, and that's ihsan and excellence on your part. That's excellence on your part. That's love on your part. If the Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam honored the relatives and the friends of Khadijah radiyaAllahu anha, what does that say about how we honor our spouses, parents, or their brothers, their sisters, and their families as much as we possibly can? So all of that is in the realm of ihsan. And you could look at, which is excellence, and showing love, and showing compassion.
You can look at that in two ways. You could say, Alhamdulillah, I don't have to do anything for my in-laws anymore. Or you can look at that and say that every single moment of kindness and love that I show to my in-laws is a means of getting close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. When I honor my mother-in-law like my own mother, that is a means of getting close to Allah, the means of bringing me closer to my spouse, whatever it may be. Those are all means by which I draw closer to my Lord and closer to my Creator. So the incentive is there. And then beyond that, truly just thinking about all these ahadith, what does this really mean here? What's at the root of all of these things that the Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam taught us to do? When you love someone, when you truly love someone, you will love those that were beloved to them, or that are beloved to them. You show love and respect to those that are beloved to them. So for example, the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam mentions, love me because of your love for Allah. And love my family because of your love for me. So we love the family of the Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam because we know how much the Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam loved his family. So we love them because we love the Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam. We love the Prophet sallAllahu alaihi wa sallam because we love Allah. Right, so when you love someone, you honor those that are beloved to them as well and that doesn't have to wait until after they pass away, they pass away, that's while they're alive as well. And that's a means of showing that love to them and that's a means of showing that desire to come close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And Allah knows best, so may Allah allow us to always fulfill the rights of our kinsmen, of those who are close to us, our relatives, and those who are beloved to our relatives. And may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make us lights and joy to our communities and to those that are around us. Amin.
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