Lecture
38 / 84
17
Social Justice
Islam, A Coherent Social Justice Tradition | Omar Suleiman | 16th MAS-ICNA Convention
22
Jurisprudence (fiqh)
Appreciating Scholarship: Intro to Islamic Law - Tesneem Alkiek | Yaqeen in NY
26
Islamophobia
How Yaqeen Heals Internalized Islamophobia - Dalia Mogahed | Making Principled Progress
29
Education
How Yaqeen is a Resource for Our Community - Sh. Omar Suleiman | Making Principled Progress
34
General Psychology
Spiritual Personality - Zohair Abdul-Rahman | 2018 Yaqeen/MAS Academic Conference
35
Social Justice
Conflict Resolution: The Line Between Justice and Peace - Sh. Omar Suleiman | Lecture
47
Identity
Keeping Masculinity from Trending Toxic - Dr. Jonathan Brown | Reframing the Gender Question
The Role of Parents in Instilling Faith - Roohi Tahir | Yaqeen/MAS Academic Conference
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Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. Bismillah walhamdulillah, wassalatu wassalam ala rasulullah wa ala alihi wa as'habihi ajma'in. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh everyone. Alhamdulillah, jazakumullahu khair for coming out so early in the morning. I know first sessions are always a little bit tricky, but inshallah we have a meaningful discussion today. So my topic is the role of parents in instilling faith. And what I'd like to do is begin by sharing with you a study that was published a few months ago in the journal Religion, Brain and Behavior. And this study looked at 5,153 self-proclaimed atheists. All of whom had come from or do come from religious backgrounds and religious upbringing. What the objective of the study was, was to see if there's a correlation between the way in which their parents acted on their religious beliefs and the onset and outcome of atheism in these children. So subhanAllah you can see that this is such a crucial topic for us as Muslims. Now the outcome of the study is as follows. What they basically found is that yes, indeed there is a strong correlation in how parents actually choose to practice and the level of credibility, and I say that in quotes because this study uses something called credibility enhancing displays as a measure if you will to look at the means in which the religion, whatever religious faith that is, is being transmitted to the child. So when that credibility in the practice or the actions of the parents was relatively low,
what they found was that the age at which that individual, the child, turned to atheism was much younger. Was generally younger. This is the finding of the study. They also found, and this is again in correlation with similar studies that exist, and I believe I looked at a couple out of the University of Belfast. This particular one is focused around an atheism research collaborative out in Colorado. But there are other studies like this which also corroborate these findings and say that the inverse is also true. That when the credibility in the actions of the parents and the manner in which they practice their religion is high or higher, then what they found was interesting was that these children would then actually have a much likelier, higher level of likelihood of belief in the existence of God and also high certainty in their faith in general. So these are the results. Now one other important conclusion from this study that we need to mention is that these credibility enhancing displays, in other words the behavior of the parents, is not the only factor and not 100% a predictor of why people turn away from God. In other words there are other factors and I think logically speaking all of us, just in our human experience, can relate to that because we know that external factors exist. For us as the Muslim community, one of those primary external factors for example would be Islamophobia. Just the amount of negativity and hostility coming toward to Muslims has caused a lot of Muslims as we know to internalize that Islamophobia. Other, another major area would be trauma and traumatic experiences. Again I'll briefly make mention of it but that is not the focus of this paper but those deserve their own discussion so I'll say that right up front.
Going back to these, the actions of the parents and how parents transmit faith to their children, what can we say about the conclusion of this and what I took from this in order to really craft a paper from this? To me this really pointed to, we talk about faith crisis, what this really pointed to was actually something more fundamental and what leads to that faith crisis which is that it's the failure and really a crisis in transmission of faith, isn't it? Starting at the very onset of life itself, really at the very beginning and early stages of childhood and development as a human being and then as a practicing believer and in our case obviously as practicing Muslims. So this led me to two questions and that's really where I took the paper. Number one, does this apply to the Muslim community, to our community living here in North America? And the answer to that is yes and I say that because this, first of all this study doesn't give us results necessarily specific to the Muslim community. They sampled a number of people across the globe. But if we pair this with information that we already know, data that is being collected currently on our community, when we look at the work that ISPU is doing, when we look at the work that Pew puts out in terms of the most recent data, what do we find? That 23% of Muslims in America no longer identify with Islam as their belief. And of that group, a number as high as 55% no longer affiliate with any religion whatsoever. So that's a very concrete piece of data we have. We also know that the fastest growing group globally are those who are no longer affiliating with any religion whatsoever and we put that into the current climate which we know to be increasingly secular,
which we know to be liberal and calling away from morality and religion as a foundation. So all of these things can give us enough of an understanding that Muslims in America, particularly now add to that our own doubt studies that have been conducted here at Yaqeen, which I encourage everyone here, if you haven't already, to download them from our website and take a look at them. The first one is qualitative and the second one is actually quantitative. And both of these actually corroborate this study in the sense that one of the major areas and causes of doubt for Muslims is the behavior of other Muslims. And for a child, where would we start with that? We would logically start with, again, what they see in their own home and the influence of the parent or the parents in the very early stages of life. So putting this together and again looking at our mission here at Yaqeen in terms of the objective is to dismantle doubt and then to nurture conviction, when we look at that, the first step is to look to where, what are the sources of doubt? And so this led me to say, okay, so given this, what is the Islamic response? Does Islam speak to this corroboration between the actions of the parent and the way in which they model their faith and teach their children and pass the religion on to their children and the outcome of faith in that child, the outcome of belief practice eventually, obviously. And the answer to that is Islam speaks to it in a very resounding and a very powerful way. And so that's the objective of the papers to show the Islamic response. And it took a few minutes to set that up because I think it's really important to understand the framework of where this is coming from. So I've chosen six points to highlight and structure the paper on and I'll just briefly mention them and I think the rest of it hopefully can be expounded as needed in the Q&A.
The first point is the obvious one, which is that it is imperative and Islam actually mandates that parents take that primary role, take it as their primary and most important and crucial role to actively instill faith in their children, to nurture it and to take what is given by God. Again, this is our Islamic belief that as Muslims we are born innately with an inclination towards the worship of the one true God. And that is something that is referred to as the fitrah. And the fitrah is something that every child, as the Prophet ﷺ taught us, is born on the fitrah with an inclination towards God, towards the love of God, towards the worship of one God, the one God, Allah ﷻ, and that it is the parents that then direct that and nurture it and allow it to flourish and grow. And it is the parents then that will ultimately be responsible for how that develops or doesn't develop or changes to something other than the one truth from Allah ﷻ that we believe is in the teachings of Islam. And so when you look at the Qur'an and the Sunnah they give us, and again I won't be able to outline all of it here, but it is, inshallah, going to be included in the paper itself, but we see that the Qur'an and the Sunnah speaks very clearly about the guidelines and what are the most important and crucial things for parents to convey and to develop within the child. The first and foremost, obviously, tawhid, the message of one God, the sincerity towards God, ultimately how that then leads to behavior in the environment with Allah's creation, namely with those around you and how to successfully navigate through this world, ultimately with our beliefs obviously tied to that we are here for the purpose to worship Allah ﷻ,
this is the reason we've been created, and to return ultimately to Him for salvation in the hereafter. So with that comes the necessity then for a very strong Muslim self-identity, as we say, a confident Muslim identity. This is all part of what we really look to the parents to be able to do, and Islam requires of parents that provision for your child is not just in the worldly sense in terms of the physical and emotional needs, but that the spiritual needs, the moral compass, be a focal point. And with that will come this lens to view the world, and ultimately it needs to be beyond the scope of just the ritual practice or at certain times or occasions, but has to really be, again as I said, a lens through which to view the world and be able to navigate, particularly in times in the context of any time, but particularly in times that we're living in, where clearly that is being challenged on a daily basis. Where these, ideally these objectives, where they fall apart, and I'll just quickly say two or three points about the barriers to this. The barriers to this are clearly where both parents either have differ, they differ in their religious beliefs, or they don't transmit any sort of belief, and in other words give the child choice in terms of finding their own path to God. There were other studies that I looked at in which as high as 95% of those cases, they were done on American families, resulted in the child turning to atheism when they were simply given a choice, because religion occurred as a choice, not as a truth from God. So these are the messages that our actions can convey, and of course, again we compare this with cognitive studies
that will show that children will model based on what they see in the actions, even though parents may talk the talk, they really need to walk the walk, in other words, for this to be something that is modeled in the child ultimately into the future. So that's one area. The other thing is relying heavily on outside resources. Now do we need Islamic schools and weekend programs and Masajid to have activities? Yes we do. Do we need good company? Absolutely we do. All of those things are a necessity, but they cannot be the primary, they can't replace the primary role of the parents. So it has to work in tandem, and that's an area where many times, and again, many of you will be able to relate to your own personal experiences in your communities, if that's entirely outsourced, there's a problem there. So it needs to exist, but it needs to coexist with the parents being actively involved themselves. Moving on, so that was the first point, and that's the most important and crucial one for me to mention. The second is that in order for a parent to do this, we ourselves as parents need to be equipped with the proper and correct understanding of our religion. Now this is where, when we look at the Muslim middle, which is where Yaqeen focuses its primary efforts, we find that actually for a lot of people, now we've learned from various, in various means and ways, and we're not expected to all be scholars or academics or understand how to navigate every question that comes our way, and that's why we need the resources to get the answers. But what's incumbent is to find the answers. What's incumbent, what our deen teaches us, is the importance of seeking that knowledge. Again, ample, you know, areas of proof simply that in the Qur'an, if you don't know, ask the people who know. But at a basic level, and at a very crucial in terms of aqeedah, in terms of understanding what are the principles, what is the basics for me to be able to at least convey my religion in a proper manner to my child, so that when they come to me, this is what I encountered at school, this is what I encountered at philosophy class,
if I don't know the answer, I at least will have a place to go and find the answers. We need more resources like that. Yaqeen is obviously a gateway that we will heavily recommend today, and you'll hear it over and over again, but it is not the only resource. Many times there are gems in our communities who are very knowledgeable, and we need to surround ourselves with people who are like-minded, like us, who are looking for that. And again, we can elaborate on, there are challenges, no doubt, to that as well. If we don't have the conviction, the bottom line is we're not going to be able to convey that conviction to our child. Right? So that's the foundation of that point right there. The third is the need for it to be done with credibility. And Islam speaks so clearly on the concepts of sincerity, on the necessity to be that much more mindful of hypocrisy in one's actions, between what's inside and what's on the outside. So this speaks directly to the results of that study, in that, again, it goes back to that practice what you preach, or in our case as parents, practice what you teach. And so when there is inconsistency there, naturally you can see how this can fall apart, and the child will get a mixed signal from the parents, where I would like you to pray five times a day, but then if I'm not praying five times a day, what does that say? Or outside of acts of worship, being a Muslim 24-7. So in other words, maybe the business practices are questionable, or maybe there's some other ethics, or some other areas in just our social encounters on a daily basis that maybe our decision-making lacks that awareness or inconsistency somehow. The child will be observant of this as well, and it has to be a complete package of, you know, live what you believe. The fourth point is that of making sure to stay balanced. Again, when we look at the teachings of Islam, justice, balance, being the middle way, this is something that is a prevalent theme also in the principles of Islam.
And that's something that when we see extremes in any kind of situation, the chances are good that we're moving away from what is core and central to our teachings. What do I mean by that? Just to mention it. For example, and it will likely draw a reactionary response. So for example, if a parent is very liberal-minded in terms of let my child find their path to God and to Islam, let them just observe, and hopefully they'll pick it up, they'll be interested, they'll, I don't want to push it on my child. If we maintain that kind of an approach, there is a strong likelihood, as those studies showed, that the child may choose to walk away altogether, because it's now an option. The inverse of that is also true where how many times have we encountered people in our own doubt study, the interviews that were done showed this, where individuals said that they thought Islam to be oppressive. As Muslims, they're growing up thinking Islam is oppressive. And their reasoning for it was that this is how it was presented to them. Not just the exterior factors that we're seeing, of course, from the Islamophobic side of it, but within what they learned, what they were taught, because of unnecessary, undue hardship, excessive control, very authoritarian parenting. So there's clearly a balance in the middle somewhere, where Islam is not just simply a cultural choice, I can choose it if I want to, or a very rigid, you know, the dogmatic approach that moves away from what, truly what Islam is. The next point is a very important point to mention, and it goes to consolation. Consolation, why? Because, as we said, and this goes to that point in the study, the result of the study, where it was noted that the behavior or the actions of the parent can't always determine the outcome for the child. That we can't say conclusively 100%. How do we answer that Islamically?
This is where some of you may be thinking, yes, but I did all of this. I did all of this, and I have a conflict at home with my child on this issue, or with one child, or with my children. How do we answer that? We address that by saying this is where the qadr of Allah, the divine wisdom, that sometimes we aren't able to understand and comprehend fully. And it's not always known to us why. And examples of this are given throughout the Quran and the Sunnah. How many very, very righteous amongst the prophets of Allah, like Nuh, for example, take examples like that, where Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala is looking at our intentions, our effort, and the judgment is on that, and on the sincerity, as opposed to the outcome. The outcome is truly with Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, and we believe this as Muslims. And this gives us the spiritual framework. This gives us the consolation from a spiritual level, which is that we continue with dua, we never give up. There are beautiful prophetic duas for the well-being of the faith, the preservation of faith within our children, and for their future generations. They were very futuristic, thinking look at Ibrahim alayhi salam, look at the mother of Maryam, and so on. I can give many examples like this, but this gives consolation to us as believers. But the practicality and the reality of the situation is that Islam doesn't then say, okay, that's the only thing you do, and you're not to feel miserable about this, or you're not to grieve over this. The pain is real, and the pain is acknowledged. And I think sometimes people have a misconception that Islam is on one side, and then resources that can truly alleviate some of these issues, and try to reverse or work toward reversal of this kind of faith crisis is not possible, and that's actually inaccurate. The Islamic framework encompasses also tying your camel, also taking measures that you can to utilize resources, and this is a call for, it is necessary at times, when we say it takes a village, find the necessary resources.
So those external factors like, for example, adverse effects in childhood, trauma of some kind, it could be illness, loss of life, it could be, you know, abuse, it could be a number of things. We can all identify that we know the Muslim community is so assimilated in society today, is exactly experiencing things as our counterparts in other faith groups across the country and globally for that matter. So this is something that resources need to be increased for sure, but we do have resources for that. We are seeking religious scholarship, counseling from imams and social workers and people who are clinically trained to be able to address some of those other issues in order to help, but the umbrella is coming from our deen, one of, always one of hope that as long as somebody is able to try, we continue to try, and inshallah, there is a way back for those who choose to return. There's always, the door is always open. And then the final point that I will close with inshallah is that all of this is encompassed within the prophetic model, and the prophetic model, again, for many people is something that we have troubles at times relating to because we think, okay, this was history, this was 1400 years ago. And what I really want to bring forward in this paper is that Islamic principles, guidelines, and particularly the prophetic model, the seerah itself, when you look at the life and the times of the Prophet, and the way in which he conducted himself, gives us not only, we believe he is the ultimate role model for all of humanity, but it is a timeless example. And for every context that we live in throughout the cycles of history, people have faced challenges throughout history as we know. The challenges may differ.
They may have similarities, but Islam has an answer for it, because it is a holistic approach to the entire human being, from a spiritual, moral, and a very practical way of how do we find the solution? There is a solution. Look to the authentic sources and work from there. So, I could write another paper just on the prophetic model, but essentially to encapsulate all of what I've said today, that goes right back to that study, the findings of the study, and I think we'll see the connection, is that we have the example of, the ultimate example of conviction being lived very practically in an outward way that was visible to anyone who encountered the Prophet. We have the compassion and empathy to take every encounter, again, whether it's a child, a young companion, whether it is his own grandchildren, his own children, whether it is people who have been ardent opposers, but to impart some benefit in a way, having that emotional intelligence to know how to address someone at a level that will impact in a positive manner. Having the ability to provide leniency where possible, but maintain discipline, and taking a gradual approach, maybe teaching through repetition, maybe storytelling, if it is the most effective means, showing, again as I said, leniency, compassion, and empathy as a really overarching approach, such that anyone who met the Prophet would come away having a positive encounter of some sort. So, with that I'll stop here, I think there's a Q&A portion to this, and inshallah if I haven't clarified something we can clarify it during that,
and with that, it is obviously, from what we can see, this is a grave concern for people of all faith-based communities, but particularly for us as Muslims, that our practice, our success in this world, and our salvation is connected and centered on the one true belief, and the one true God, and then living our lives in accordance with that, so it is imperative for us as parents not to just look at parenting as, I'm raising my next generation, but to look at parenting as a preservation of our faith for future generations. So may Allah bring benefit from this, I encourage you all to read it when it eventually comes out, inshallah, and to share it with others as well, and may Allah put barakah in what we learn from it, and take it to preserving faith in ourselves and in future generations. Jazakum Allah Khair. As-salamu alaykum.
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