TRAILER: The Book of Heart Softeners | Dhul Hijjah 2026 | Dr. Omar Suleiman and Sh. Ali Hammuda
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Ep.3 Your Tongue Will Speak Against You | Dhul Hijjah Series | Dr. Omar Suleiman & Sh. Ali Hammuda
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The Book of Heart Softeners Dhul Hijjah 2026
Ep.3 Your Tongue Will Speak Against You | Dhul Hijjah Series | Dr. Omar Suleiman & Sh. Ali Hammuda
This episode of The Book of Heart Softeners confronts one of the most dangerous sins of the tongue: speaking about people after they’ve passed away. From gossip and public criticism to the temptation of always having an opinion, this conversation explores the Islamic ethics of silence, sincerity, and accountability before Allah. When does speaking out become necessary—and when is silence safer for your soul? Through prophetic guidance and timeless reminders, this episode calls us to examine not just what we say, but why we say it. Join Sh. Omar Suleiman and Sh. Ali Hammuda as they reflect on guarding the tongue, honoring people’s dignity, and preparing for the day our own tongues testify for or against us before God.
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings.
00:00What will people say about you when you die? If you weren't someone speaking bad about
00:11you when you die, that's a terrible situation to be in. May Allah have mercy on a person, glad tidings to a person who dies and their sins die with them.
00:24There is this almost arrogant assumption that some of us harbor that every time somebody passes away, there is almost a duty upon me to interrogate what is happening in that grave.
00:34As though I have been appointed, if not by Allah, then by the people to be the arbiter between me and this individual or the world and this individual.
00:58Prophet ﷺ said that do not abuse the dead, for they have already
01:14reached the result of that which they have done. Do not speak ill of the dead, for they have already reached that which they have done. Now subhan'Allah, if you just think about the stages, whoever loves to meet Allah, Allah
01:28loves to meet them. Whoever hates to meet Allah, Allah hates to meet them. And then the separation from everyone and everything that you loved at the graveyard. And then now suddenly we're talking about this hadith which seems to be about other
01:40people but first and foremost I just want you to realize, the way you speak about other people is just as much about you as it is about them.
01:50What gives you the time and the concern about everybody else except for yourself? And so there are two things to really break down from this hadith. One of them is the
02:00direct command here. Obviously there is a reason why it is being brought here. If backbiting is like eating the dead flesh of your brother, if gossip and all of these sins of the tongue
02:13kill the heart, then what about speaking about someone who is literally dead and what that does to the heart in the book of heart softener. So there's the direct part and then there's the implication for us and how busy we are
02:24with our own journey back to Allah. So Shaykh, what are the implications of this hadith? What does it mean to speak ill of the dead and to speak well of the dead as opposed to that?
02:37So the essence of the hadith, there are several really messages taken from the statement of the Prophet ﷺ, don't revile the dead, they've already made their way to the consequences
02:51of their deeds. These are lives that have come to an end. These are stories that were
03:02authored and you have no more accountability towards them in the sense that they have emerged from the human courts. They have now made their way to the court of Allah. These are
03:15sentences that have been issued but our sentence is still in the writing, it still hasn't been issued. So the idea here is focus on yourself, why occupy yourself with a matter that is
03:28outside of your jurisdiction. That is from one angle. There is a second angle here, another narration related to this hadith that you just heard where the Prophet ﷺ said,
03:46don't curse the dead because you will harm those who are alive. So any bad opinion that you may have, especially of a believer who has moved on, whatever you may say will not
04:01reach him or her, they've gone, the book is closed. But who is it that will be affected by this bad opinion? It's a mother who is still grieving, it's a spouse that still hasn't
04:12gotten over it, a friend who is struggling to accept what has happened, that's the person who will be affected. So la tasubbul amwat. Now that isn't to say that the idea of speaking
04:25ill of somebody who has died is forbidden in an absolute sense because we do have certain narrations that suggest that the Prophet ﷺ approved of certain condemnatory language
04:40used by the companions for some who died. So we have the famous hadith of Anas ibn Malik in the Sahih where a funeral procession passed by some of the companions and they spoke ill
04:52of it, they spoke ill of the person who had died and the Prophet ﷺ commented saying wajabat, meaning it is incumbent. Then a second funeral procession passed by and they praised
05:04it and he said wajabat, it is incumbent. So they said to him, what do you mean by that? And he said hadha athnaytum alayhi khayran fa wajabat lahul jannah, wahadha athnaytum
05:16alayhi sharran fa wajabat lahul nar, antum shuhadao Allahi fi ardhi. He said this funeral procession you spoke ill of it, so hellfire is incumbent upon it. And this funeral procession
05:28you spoke highly of it, so paradise is incumbent for it because after all you Muslims are Allah's witnesses on earth. So the idea here is how do we reconcile this seeming contradiction
05:41between these two narrations. On one side you have the companions speaking ill of a funeral procession or a person who was the focus of the funeral procession and this hadith
05:51here that says don't revile the dead. And another narration that said la tathkuru hal kakum illa bikhayr, only speak well of your deceased. How do we reconcile it? It's very
06:03simple. The default is that the honor of a Muslim is prohibited. The default is silence. The default is to speak well of somebody who has passed away. Unless this person is known
06:17to have been openly a cause of harm for the Muslims in some way or another, then if there is a particular benefit in making that known, then it is to be known at a specific timing,
06:29within a specific context, by specific people who know the specific parameters of doing so. That is why Imam al-Nawawi rahimahullah, Shaykh Omar when quoting this hadith in his
06:41Riyad al-Saliheen, he titles the chapter as
06:53Chapter: The prohibition of reviling the dead except in truth or because of a valid shari'ah benefit.
07:02Barakallahu fi shaykh. I think subhan'Allah it's really profound when you actually look at the life of the Prophet ﷺ and how he dealt with very specific cases. You have a
07:13rule and then you have prophetic reasoning, revelation, wisdom, mercy, and it makes those rules so much easier for us to not just understand but to implement and to further fall in love
07:27with our religion. Now you'll see the Prophet ﷺ when he talks about Mut'im ibn Adi, an honorable non-Muslim, he doesn't exceed as well in praise. So I don't have to get
07:39into RIP, rest in peace, may Allah have mercy on him and things like that. I don't have to get into any of the grey area here. I can mention the good quality of that person because
07:49speaking about the good quality of that person matters. It sends a signal that we appreciate that good quality. The Prophet ﷺ taught us, whoever does not thank the people does not thank Allah. We're grateful for that quality and that was in fact the context in which he spoke
08:04about that. Okay so there's transgression this way, that way, but it matters how you speak about people and observing the limits of Allah. And when you lose that, you could
08:14fall into either glorifying an oppressor. Like what does it mean to glorify a wicked person, glorify an oppressor? You're dishonouring the oppressed. You're hurting the people that they hurt even further. I don't have to talk about an oppressor with nice rosy terms and
08:28speak about them as if their wickedness and their harm did not hurt people, but I can observe silence. Or if there's a particular benefit, warn people away even from the legacy of that harm so that it doesn't transition, within bounds, within limits. But the last
08:42part of the hadith, and this is what I want you all to do, is to keep refocusing this on yourself. The ridiculousness of going to hell because you spoke about someone who died
08:53before you, and this landed you in the bottom of the fire, don't busy yourself. Don't talk about other people. That's the lesson. You're too busy with your journey. Like you have
09:05a test coming up, you don't have time to entertain what everybody else is doing with their life. Did you hear about this person? Did you hear about that person? I'm too busy for that. You know there's a story that I read, I never found the sanad for this shaykh, so I never
09:17found a primary source for this, but like that Abu Hanifa, one of the salaf was asked about the fitnah between the Sahaba, some of the strife between some of the companions, and he said, I doubt that on the day of judgment I'll be asked about this person, about Ali
09:30radiyallahu ta'ala anhu, or about Aisha radiyallahu anha, or any of, I'm not going to be asked about them, I'm going to be asked about me. Like why would I busy myself with those things that happen? Like I'm on a journey, I have a test, I have an exam, I've got a meeting
09:43with Allah to prepare for, I don't have time to talk about everybody else's business, especially after they've passed away. And the last thing that I'll say here is, what will people say
09:52about you when you die? If you weren't someone speaking bad about you when you die, that's a terrible situation to be in. Tubá man mata wa matat ma'ahu dhunubuh.
10:04May Allah have mercy on a person, glad tidings to a person who dies and their sins die with them. Like most people, generally speaking, people will say nice things about them when they die. If you're so bad that people will even say bad things about you when you pass
10:19away, that must mean that you've really transgressed people. So be careful as well, that you're not someone that people will remember the harm, and again, they'll be relieved from you when you passed away. And in fact, you want to be someone who is relieved from this
10:32world and not someone that the world is relieved from. One of the key words I take from what you said, Shaykh Omar, was limits, parameters.
10:43There is this almost arrogant assumption that some of us harbor that every time somebody passes away, there is almost a duty upon me to interrogate what is happening in that grave,
10:54as though I have been appointed, if not by Allah, then by the people, to be the arbiter between me and this individual, or the world and this individual. And it happens time and
11:04time again. A famous Muslim identity passes away, be it a scholar, be it an activist of some sort, or a thinker, online personality, and the internet just erupts. May Allah have
11:17mercy on him, may Allah Almighty curse him. Alhamdulillah we will miss this person, thank Allah Almighty this person has disappeared, and everyone
11:26now is weighing in into what awaits this person or what he was hiding all along. Who is the one who appointed this person to speak on behalf of the Ummah? What is it that caused
11:38him to busy himself with an account that Allah Almighty has spared him from? So with that, brothers, if we were to do like an istiqra' or an inductive reading of the
11:49sources, this hadith being one of them, we can deduce several parameters as per how to behave when somebody has passed away, moved on, and what the scope is for us to speak
12:04about this person in a negative way. And I will suggest that there are six guardrails. Try to take note of them if you can in your minds.
12:12The first of these guardrails is the idea of public necessity. Is there a true necessity for this person to be spoken about now that he or she has passed away? Does the community
12:26need that at this particular moment? Are you the one who weighs the public interest versus public harm? That's number one, public necessity. Is there a true need?
12:38Number two is accuracy. Before speaking, ask yourself the question, what was my source? You mentioned primary sources, Shaykh Omar. Is this verified information or is it just
12:50gossip? Is it a WhatsApp chat? Is it a screenshot? How accurate is my info that I have built my assumption upon this person? Number three is the idea of the niyyah, the intention. What is your motive when speaking
13:02about this person? And no one must assume well of himself when engaging in this operation, but rather to be critical of himself, herself. What is my intention? Is it a sectarian noise
13:13that's coming from me? Is it the thrill of public critique? Is it because I want the algorithm to submit to me and bow? What is it? That's number three.
13:24And then you have number four, which is the aspect of nuance. Am I trained in this field? Do I know the 'ilm, the genre, or the science of al-jarh wa al-ta'dil, of what they called the science of impeachment and validation? Or is it just al-jarh wa al-jarh, impeachment
13:39and impeachment? And if you claim to be the person who has the credentials to engage in this type of critique, who said that you have that credential? Who has given you that tazkiyah, that verification?
13:50And then we said the timing. This is number five, timing. Not every truth needs to be said. And even if it does need to be said, does it need to be said at this particular
14:03moment in time when, say, the wounds of the Ummah are still wide and fresh open? Fresh open and you saying something about this person is just going to rub wound into something of an injury? Timing. Is this the time?
14:17And then number six, the final parameter is the aspect of proportionality. Does your condemnatory language about this person who has passed away match with the reality of his or her
14:28mistake that may have been true? There is a difference between somebody who engages in a minor sin and a major sin. There is a difference between somebody who engages in a private major sin and a public major sin. There is a difference between an innocent
14:43mistake and an intentional one. There is a difference between a sin and a deep deviance that is persisted upon. And there is, my brothers, a difference between somebody whose heart
14:56is with the Islamic project as a whole, irrespective of his label, and someone whose heart is against the Islamic project, irrespective of his label. These are six guardrails, parameters, which
15:10through a reading of the sunnah will keep a person in check when a person passes away and anything short of this, that we fall victim to the ayah where Allah Almighty says,
15:23"Don't pursue that which you have no knowledge of." Because the hearing and the seeing and the heart, all of these things will be questioned on the day of judgment.
15:37I was to ask you guys a question. What do you think is the wisdom of Allah telling us don't curse other people's gods, other people's idols, don't make a mockery of them? What do you think of this?
15:52They might retaliate and curse Allah. Thank you so much. They might retaliate and they might curse Allah in return. So what's the point? You cursed their gods, and who's more worthy of being cursed than someone or
16:04something that is worshipped beside Allah that doesn't even have a righteous basis? I mean, shirk as a whole is problematic, right? But think about something that is falsehood
16:13upon falsehood upon falsehood, but all that would do would provoke a reaction, right? And so how you speak of the dead affects the living, right? This is the lesson that we take from the hadith and it affects your heart.
16:26Two more things insha'Allah ta'ala to conclude here. Allah 'Azza wa jal says, تِلْكَ أُمَّةٌ قَدْ خَلَتْ لَهَا مَا كَسَبَتْ وَلَكُم مَّا كَسَبْتُمْ Allah is speaking in a particular context to the people of the book, and he's saying
16:38that this is a nation that has passed. They have what they have earned and you have what you have earned, right? And the tafsir of this ayah in a specific context, right, is like, don't try to dress
16:49the prophets that you claim with your sins. And the benefit that extends beyond that is don't think that their good absolves you of your sins. You at the end of the day will
17:01be raised up as an individual. And the last message that I want you to think about, we were told to visit the graves to be reminded of death, but not all deaths are the same. And every single person as they're at the janazah, I want you to observe how many people
17:14are there, not because quantity matters, what are they saying? What are they remembering? Specific good deeds that were done. Why am I here? This person did this for me in a hard time. This person always showed good character. Or the opposite, right? Observe the manner
17:27of the janazah. Observe the way that that person died. Observe what's being said. Because that's going to be you one day. And so instead of trying to put on trial that person when you have no right to do so, and think about what their grave looks like, you're supposed to
17:41go there and ask yourself, what's my grave going to look like when I am put in a situation and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tests me with the exact same thing.
17:52I had a question. So is there a time where public necessity outweighs taking the passive approach in the sense that you need to say something?
18:04Yeah, no doubt. There will be cases where somebody who was, for example, a person who
18:15was openly and wholeheartedly and continuously showing sentiments of opposition to anything
18:25that is connected to Islam or the Qur'an or the prophetic tradition or the aspirations of our religion. If you find that this person is always a thorn in the side of the Muslims
18:39at every possible occasion, where on the other hand he may be or she may be very forgiving into things that are far heavier than what their brethren in faith may have committed,
18:51then this is a sign, a painful sign that the intention of this person, the aspirations of this person, the motives of this person were not truly aligned. So this is an example,
19:03not an individual specific one, of somebody who would be called out by the Muslims, whether dead or alive, right? But for somebody who is mastoor al-hal, as we say, someone who
19:15like you and I and everybody else, we have our day-to-day sins, we have our mistakes, nobody is perfect. This is a person who we go to the default. What is the default? إِنَّ دِمَاءَكُمْ وَأَمْوَالَكُمْ وَأَعْرَاضَكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ حَرَامٌ
19:29The Prophet ﷺ said in a farewell sermon, your wealth and your blood and your honor
19:37is haram. If in doubt, then the default should be what? To abstain and to only speak well of the Muslims. But yes, there will be circumstances for those in authority, those in charge, those
19:50who will derive, who know how to derive the correct rulings from the sources, they will be in a position to advise about this person.
20:01We'll take another question. I believe the cat has a question, but we'll take human questions only. Sheikh Ali, you gave us some good guardrails, but I wanted to ask, is there a hadith or
20:14a narration on how the Prophet ﷺ acted when an enemy of Islam passed away? The reason I ask this is, obviously he's our role model, and there are some enemies of Islam nowadays
20:27that if they happen to pass away, there are certain emotions that us Muslims would feel. Is there something that we can look at so that we can try and imitate from our Rasul ﷺ?
20:41So I gave the example of Abu Jahl, for example, that this was something that the Prophet ﷺ abstained in the presence of Ikramah because it would hurt Ikramah. But the same Abu Jahl,
20:51the Prophet ﷺ stood over him after the battle of Badr along with the other enemies, so that we have found what Allah has promised us to be true. Have you found what Allah has promised
21:01you to be true? And we obviously know the legacy of Abu Jahl in his enmity towards Islam. So generally speaking, the Prophet ﷺ, he doesn't gloat, he never gloats over the death
21:14of anyone, but he would only cite the example of what came about this person. But even then, the point that we can take from this is that I can say what needs to be said to warn people
21:26from a behavior without doing so in a way that would actually turn people away from the Deen. You come off as so callous sometimes. You don't have to go to the opposite extreme and
21:38say may Allah have mercy on them and may Allah forgive them and they were good people. No, you don't have to go to the extreme of saying good things about them. You don't whitewash. But on the other hand, you need to think about how you're coming off because there is da'wah
21:51even in the way that you speak about that person after they passed away. And so would my expressing
21:59joy in a way that comes off as callous help cement the idea that Islam is a religion that is violent, that is ruthless, that sees its enemies as less than human, that, you know, and the list goes on and
22:13on, right? And if that's the case, what's the point? Now, if there's a specific thing to cite as an example, like Shaykh Ali said, right, then we can do so. And especially when it's someone
22:24who's an open enemy to Islam and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala shows us justice in a way that they die in a manner that fits even the oppression that they used to commit. These are all specific
22:35situations. The best thing is to always opt for safety and to follow people who can observe the limits insha'Allah and the boundaries and the rules.
