Sincerely, Yours
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Sincerely, Tesneem Alkiek
August 11, 2022
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Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. Jazakumullah khair for joining us for another episode of Sincerely Yours. You have myself, Ibrahim Hindi, and my co-host Sheikh Abdullah Oduroo here to have some great conversations inshallah with our guests and with all of you. So as always we want to hear from all of you. Let us know where you're watching us from. We love to say salam to all of the people who are viewing us and from all the different parts of the world who are with us. So inshallah we want to hear from you. Put your questions in the chat, comments, and let us know. Give us salam from wherever you are inshallah. Sheikh Abdullah, how are you doing? Alhamdulillah, I'm good. I'm good. Looks like it's about to rain here, but alhamdulillah, that's a good thing as well. The ground is cracking here a little so I want to make sure that the foundations of our houses stay stable. So Allahumma aghifna. Ameen. Yes, subhanAllah. I think sometimes we take it for granted like rain and things like that. Exactly right. I'm actually on vacation right now if you can't tell by my attire. I forgot to bring a film. Cancun sun, is that what it is? I wish. I'm like standing behind, I couldn't show it because the sun is too bright right now, but it's Lake Huron behind me for those who know the Great Lakes. So still in Canada. I haven't gone anywhere. Alhamdulillah, it's a nice lake view that we have here. MashAllah. I see sister Fatima Abdullahi from Ontario, Canada. As-salamu alaykum sister. Hidayatu Barry from New Jersey. As-salamu alaykum. May Allah ﷻ bless all of you. Great to see all of you. Thank you all for tuning in. Do you know the Great Lakes like all of them? Oh man, you're going to put me on the spot. No. No. No worries. Inshallah, we'll ask our guest. I have a feeling our guest is going to know it, even though I don't know for sure.
But we'll ask her inshallah. So great to see all of you. And inshallah, we'll introduce our speaker. We have Dr. Tasneem, who obtained her undergraduate degree in early Christianity and Islamic studies from the University of Michigan. She went on to complete her PhD in Islamic studies at Georgetown University with a focus on Islamic law. Tasneem currently serves as the director of expanded learning where she works with her team to create curricula and other resources for communities to engage with the Afin's research. She is also a lecturer in the Department of Philosophy and Religion at Rutgers University, Camden. So we'll invite Dr. Tasneem, who is not a stranger to either of us. As-salamu alaykum. How are you doing? Wa alaykum as-salamu alaykum. I didn't realize you're basically like right across Michigan if you're on, and Huron. Yeah, technically if I were to swim straight across to Michigan. What are you waiting for? I'm a middle child. I don't know if you know this. So that means that all of my siblings can swim except me. Oh, that's interesting. How'd that skip you? You know, the earlier two and the later two are very close in age. So they kind of got put into things together. And yeah, I have the experience of a middle child. Alhamdulillah. Never too late to learn. That's true. That's what they tell me. I'll give it a shot at some point. I'm pretty disappointed in you. Like Huron, Erie, Superior, Michigan. What am I missing here? I think I said them all. Erie, Michigan, Superior, Huron. Ontario. I was going to say like Ontario. I was going to say that one. Yeah. Well, I'm a cheater since I'm from Michigan. So that was like the one thing we learned in history class. I was going to say in school, it was always like you got to learn this. I don't know why exactly, but you definitely have to learn it.
I think I lived around here. Alhamdulillah. So Dr. Tasneem, I think people don't know a lot of the work that you do. So people out there, they should know, obviously, the curriculums that Yaqeen produces. But also, for the viewers out there, the things that you see on social media, on Instagram, Dr. Tasneem is very involved in all of that. Alhamdulillah. So all of you have benefited from her, even if you haven't, didn't realize it. Alhamdulillah. And I think one thing that you did that was really well received was your video series on Habits to Win, which is productivity and things like that. Maybe you want to expand on that a little bit for the audience. Yeah. So we put together a quick series, and it was nice and short and sweet, where we give some tips on how to just make the most of your day. It's really about time management, thinking about your day differently, right, thinking about your day holistically, where you're block scheduling, you're planning your goals beforehand. Because a lot of times when it comes to getting things done, people think that it's like, oh, you either have a personality to be getting things done, you have to be like a type A person, or you're just, it's a lost cause. And that's not true. It really always boils down to organizing your time properly, planning out your goals ahead of time, and then sort of executing through practice. And so we wanted to share some tips in a way that could really just help anyone. It doesn't take a certain type of person, doesn't take level of education or anything like that. And so what's awesome about it in terms of being productive and really just meeting your goals is just takes commitment. And the first way to get that commitment started is inshallah, by watching the video series and setting your schedule straight. Yeah, you know, subhanAllah, we think about, you know, people throughout our Islamic history from the Prophet ﷺ, through to so many of the companions and so many of the righteous people.
And you get the sense that they're really productive and they're doing so much with their time. Recently, you know, last episode, we were talking to Sheikh Muhammad al-Faqih about the death of Sheikh Muhammad al-Sharif. And one of the things that came up there was he's very productive. He was doing so many different things, so many different initiatives. So like you mentioned as well, people kind of think like you're born with this A type personality and you're able to get things done or you're not. And that's not true. A lot of people are introverts and things like that tend to be very productive. But do you think people kind of use those things as crutches to make excuses for themselves? Like, I can't wake up early. That's just not the kind of person I am, things like that. And how do you change that mindset? You know, that's a very good question, because I've been trying to work with a few people to help, you know, think about what they can do differently to really be productive. But I think a lot of it is a reflection in terms of your goals in life, because I think a lot of people haven't taken the time to sit down and think like, what do I want to do? What's my three-year plan? What's my five-year plan, ten-year plan? Where do I see myself as an adult? Do I see myself with the family? What's my career looking like? What's my Iman looking like, most importantly? And so I think the first step is always to have that opportunity to sit down and to reflect, because once you have that sense of like, this is who I am and this is where I want to go, then that's when, you know, you can start putting things into place. You can start planning. Otherwise, if you don't really sit down and think about it, it's very difficult to want to go anywhere. Why would you want to improve if you have no, you know, nothing ahead of you to look forward to? And so one thing I always tell people that have told me, like, well, I don't really have any plans. I don't have any motivation, anything like that. Everyone wants, you know, whether or not they've thought about it explicitly, everyone wants to be someone eventually. And so it's a matter of really taking this time to sit down, think about like, where do I want to go? And then from there, working backwards, essentially, is to like, okay,
what are the little steps I can do to build myself up to get to that final place, inshallah. Yeah. Shahabdullah, what do you think about that? Do you get people kind of, you know, just kind of thinking that they're a doomed case in terms of being productive? And, you know, how do you advise people in those situations? No, I mean, it's pretty much the, okay, I'm not on mute, right? Because usually I'm on mute and you have to tell me. We can hear you. No, that's the same thing. Yeah, mashallah. I mean, you know, it's making those goals and kind of having the general goal of what you want to do and understanding that and, you know, kind of ultimately having that macro purpose in life, you know, and when you have that in mind, it kind of gives you the drive. But then it's like the day to day. How do you make sure that that is stable and maintained, you know, to be disciplined, right, as opposed to motivated? You know, you always want to be disciplined. But knowing that there's going to be days you're going to fall down, you're going to fall back. But then it's getting back up, right? You know, when you get back up and you keep moving with looking at the light at the end of the tunnel, that's what I always try to tell them, you know. But enjoy the process as well. I always tell them enjoy the process, you know, and you enjoy the process when you love what you're doing, which, you know, by doing different things, you can find that out, inshallah, tala. Yeah, I just want to add, like, I feel like that's always the missing link. Everyone always is looking for something. I want motivation every single day of my life. I want that excitement, that energy that I get every day. The reality is that's not the case, right? That, you know, that's why you create habits, because then you can sort of fall back into that discipline of, like, training yourself, your mind, your body to be able to do those things every single day, even when it's not easy or fun or hard, but when it is hard. So enjoy it when you have that motivation, take advantage of it. But know that that's not always going to be the case and that it's about creating discipline in your life to build these habits and really shape your day to day based on these habits. Absolutely.
You know, the question of goals, too, has been really interesting. Actually, my wife and I have been talking about bringing the kids together and having, like, family goal sessions where as a family we say, okay, what's our goal? Which obviously should be Jannah, first of all, but then how do we get there? What do we need to do? What are the things we need to implement in our lives to get to that goal? And then, you know, maybe every six months or so or sooner come together and say, okay, are we achieving it or not? And, you know, we haven't done it yet. We plan on doing it, inshallah. But I really started to see, you know, just in myself, the idea of having a goal, even if it's a modest goal, that when I have that goal in mind and I have a time limit that I'm trying to achieve it in, it's just, you know, day and night from trying to be more productive in kind of like a general sense versus in actually writing things down. But I will say this, I had trouble writing things down because I felt like if I did so I kind of like boxed myself in or maybe, okay, I'm going to get a little vulnerable here. I didn't want to lose the goal and then feel even worse about myself. And I'm wondering if that's something like you've experienced before, that's why people are really hesitant to put goals in their life. That's actually the most normal experience ever, I think. And when I first started doing so what I talk about for those who haven't seen the series is block scheduling where essentially you're writing out throughout your day, okay, from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. I'm going to do this and 11 to 12 or whatever. And when I first started doing it, I remember thinking to myself, this is ridiculous. I missed one block and now I'm completely off, right? And so then you think to yourself, like, what's the point of this? I just missed a block and the whole day is gone. Now I don't know what to do. Honestly, I think it's more so a mentality than a rigid structure because there's been, I mean, almost every day of my life I have to rearrange the blocks essentially. But the idea is that you're just mindful of your time.
I think that's what it boils down to. And even when it comes to goals, there are so many goals that, like today, I had a completely different plan in mind and have led to not go any way as planned. But I think one thing I try to emphasize and one thing that I try to practice is just about being consistent. So the days that, this morning, for example, I really wanted to get a certain word count done for a project I'm working on. Totally didn't meet that goal, the original goal that I had. So I told myself, you know what, I have 30 minutes. Let me still make the most of it. And so that doesn't happen, that didn't happen to me like right away when I first started this whole schedule. It took a few years, in fact, for me to be in that mindset of like, OK, well, I didn't meet my big goal. Let me just do something little. And I don't do it all the time. But I think at the end of the day for me, it's just like even if I didn't meet that specific goal today, it's about being consistent, reminding myself, I'm going to try again tomorrow and being flexible with my schedule. So I think I think recognizing that no one is actually like day to day, eight to eight and, you know, having this exact same schedule just makes it more human and realistic. So definitely, definitely not alone in that regard. Dr. Sneem, I have a question. So why blocks as opposed to like, why block, why are blocks important using that term blocks and what is that? The block scheduling, essentially, is that, you know, from this chunk of time to this chunk of time, I'm going to be doing this. So, right. If I'm saying 9 a.m. to 11 a.m., that's going to be my writing session or whatever. Or if you're in sort of like a corporate setting, I'm going to be this is when I get these two meetings done or whatever it is, or I have class at that time. The idea is that you're not like planning every minute of your day, but that you're allotting certain amount of time for a project or whatever it is.
That way, if you finish early, then you have like you have every essentially like you're working out your meals, your family time. There's there's always a specific time allotted beforehand for those things that things that are important for you, things that are important for your goals. And so that, say, for example, you don't have this schedule in mind. What happens to me on weekends, because I try to do it like every Saturday, I don't have any schedule just to kind of, you know, give myself some free space. What happens is I wake up and I'm kind of like, oh, I don't really know what I'm doing today. Let me just, you know, clean up. I'll run some errands. You know, I'm not really by the time one p.m. rolls around, I'm thinking to myself, what exactly did I do today versus, you know, my Mondays where I have every block. I sound like a crazy person right now. I have every hour of the day blocked off. Then by 9 a.m., I've already gotten three things done because I've had my day start at 6 a.m. or whatever the case is. And so it's essentially thinking ahead of time and making sure that you're holding yourself accountable for your time in the day and not thinking once like once I'm done with the project, OK, what am I going to do next? But I'm going to look at my schedule. I already have this next block assigned and I'm going to sort of like move forward with it. So, again, it's just about organizing your time. If other ways work for you, that works. But for a lot of people, block scheduling is is just a way to picture, I suppose, in your mind as the day goes by. So when you have that, like, for instance, your 9 to 11 a.m. right. It's a it's a meeting, for example. And from six to eight or from Fajr to eight was to, you know, sit with the baby and teach them the letters of the cross, something. And something happened. There was a yani'arad, something took place and it just came in. You know, we say monkey rings sometimes. I don't know what they say in Canada or Jersey.
Right. Something happens to where. That six to eight became six to ten, 30. So you shift that nine to 11 over to your 11 to one and the 11 to one moves over to the one to three or do you that nine to 11? It's going to tomorrow because I'm not messing up the rest of the other blocks. So there's I mean, it really depends on your flexible in your schedule. For what I do is that there are certain things in my day that are concrete. Like I can't move this around. I need to have this meeting. I need to do X at this time. Like if I'm teaching a class, like I have to be right. So those cannot be shifted. But the other you know, you know what, my three to five, it's not due today. It's not something urgent. I can push that to tomorrow and I can fill it in. So, yeah, it's really I mean, honestly, the flexibility is something you just have to get used to. It's not something that I woke up one day. I was like, all right, I'm going to be flexible today. You know me. I'm the most inflexible person ever. I'm just very like if my schedule doesn't go my way, I'm very frustrated. You know, and I feel like everything gets it gets thrown off naturally. But I've trained myself like, OK, you know what, we can move this block around, move this tomorrow. Just got to get a little done today. So the way you think about it is what is the big the main goal that I have today? What's the bare minimum that I have to do? What's sort of my stretch goal? What what can I do? Have a little extra time. And so this is again, I think this takes months of practice, if not years. But you start somewhere. And even if it's like, say you want to start somewhere where you have just like a nine to one block, not start up really big just to give yourself that flexibility. And then as the months and years go by, you can sort of be more particular, learn how to move things around. So, yeah, I want it like don't want anyone have the impression that's like, OK, that's totally not for me. It's for anyone who wants it. And it's just a matter of building it throughout, really, life as you go along. Yeah, like you said, it takes months before you kind of, quote unquote, get it down. Right. I mean, you know, it's it's it's the trial and error, but it's having that intention.
Question I know, Sheikh Ibrahim, I don't want to say hogging it, but taking, you know, but I go for it. There's a book I read, I think it's called The Power of No. Telling people no to where it doesn't conflict with your schedule and. Putting you first. If you can share one incident, one story to where or something, you know, you see that because I know it's good. When you try to schedule a schedule and then, you know, a family member or a friend and you're like, no, can't do it. And it was hard, but it has to be done. I mean, can you talk about the power of no? Is it important for someone that's trying to take this path of scheduling their life? Absolutely. So I was notorious in undergrad. Everyone would be out late at night and it'd be 9 p.m. Everyone's like to see him apply for pizza, want for bubble tea. And what would I say? Absolutely not. No, because if I go out late, then I'm going to sleep late. But I'm going to wake up late and then my whole day is gone. So in that I also didn't come overnight. It just wasn't one morning I decided, you know what, I'm going to start sleeping at 9 p.m. But it was a series of no's that it's actually you feel sort of empowered once you get used to the no's. I get asked to do things all the time. And you really need to prioritize, you know, what what it is you can do in life. Obviously, when it comes to family, when it comes to urgent needs and work and all of that, then the no shifts a bit. But you've got three pretty basic spheres in life. You've got family, work, social life. For me, I cut back a lot on social life so I can commit to family and work. For other people, it might be one of the others. So it's when you when you talk about striking a balance, it's about saying no to work, things that you really can't commit to. You don't have the time for family. It's about, you know, when you're with them, you're actually with them. You're giving them the full commitment. Social life. I have no I have no problem saying no to doing things late at night.
Anything that is going to affect my salon, honestly, affect my wake up, my my morning routine. I think it's actually very healthy to create a culture where we all encourage each other to sleep at decent times and wake up early together anyway. So my friends after a while just stopped asking me out after, you know, because they knew I was very rigid with my schedule. And to be honest, I've never felt a sense of like FOMO, not going out late at night because the few times that I've had to be in those positions. You just wake up the next morning and you feel groggy and it's just not worth it. So you get there are probably some people with some grays like me listening. When the world is FOMO. I'm sorry, FOMO, fear of missing out. So if you know, if you're one of those people who's like, man, you're watching everyone going out at night or hanging out on the weekends. You think to myself, what am I doing here? I could be with them. I have I have FOMO. Yeah, that's you get over it over time. I guess that's the one way I can put it. I think that is a big, a big thing that, you know, stops people from, you know, just fear of like missing out, fear of losing connection, fear of missing out on having memorable moments with your friends and things like that. And like that could be a huge draw to keep people away from, you know, dedicating themselves, having that discipline. How do you how do you like train people just towards that discipline to be like, no, I'm sticking to the schedule. I'll find other time to socialize, but I will do it in a way that's going to just mess up my day and maybe mess up my whole week as a result of it. Yeah. I think it's just a matter of being like more intentional. So there have been times where like my friends, you know, back in undergrad, say, you know, everyone was hanging out. There was times we were sort of spontaneous, and I knew that that wasn't going to work because spontaneous meant like a 1 a.m. outing to Insomniac Cookies or something like that. And for me, that I learned that's when I wanted to say no.
But if I, you know, we planned ahead of time that, hey, after Thursday, after Halakha, we're going to go out and get some bubble tea or something like that, then that was something that I could kind of schedule in. So I don't think everyone needs to have that level of discipline. I think that for me it works. But I think now, especially as like in terms of like my relationship with my family, for example, now that I live away from most of my family, when I'm around them, I try to be fully present. So that way, when I am working or when I am, you know, sort of trying to be productive, I've got my entire focus there. And that's sort of another concept, this idea of like, you know, deep work that when you're doing something, you've got your full attention, you're not multitasking, you can finish it better, more efficiently, faster. And then you have more time to do other things like social life and family life. What? Because I don't want to make the mistake of. Acquitting, you know, my my sheikh Ibrahim's experience as being fathers and men, you know, to a woman, Mashallah, a mother now, Mashallah, Tabarak Allah. What advice, you know, what have you went through and seen throughout your journey of being a student? Mashallah, I mean, you just attained your doctorate. Congratulations. You know, I'm surprised you're saying you're undergrad, but like the doctor, you really have to be in some deep, deep work, if I'm not mistaken. I mean, with that and then being a wife and then, you know, mother. I'm almost sure you ask this question, and if not, we can ask it now. You know how the block scheduling, how is that working with you? What advice would you give for those? I'll just say this. What advice would you give for those girls that are in school now and they're thinking getting married or some are delaying it or, you know, what advice would you give for them that they're on that path right now and they're trying to do that scheduling and it's just not, you know, working for them? I would this is how I mean.
It's almost it almost sounds like something fake, but I've said this, you know, across the board, a small action, small but consistent actions. Right. Prophetic hadith that the most beloved actions of Allah are those at the moment. When God write that no matter how small they are, as long as you're doing them consistently every single day, that translates incredibly powerfully in life that when you can do something just even a little do not overburden yourself. It's always about starting small. So for me, when it came to my Quran journey, that's exactly how I started. It was, you know what? First, I'm going to start off with just reading a couple of pages. Once I mastered that, when it took me maybe five minutes every single day, I got comfortable with it. Then I told myself, you know what? I'm really like this has become a habit where I've done this every single day for five minutes. Let's up the ante a bit. And then you put I pushed myself to ten minutes. You continue into that habit until continue with that action until it becomes a habit. And that's anything right. That comes for work. My even my dissertation. I had so many people ask me, how did you finish it in X amount of time? I had so many friends like what advice do you have? There was not a single all nighter I pulled. There was not a single day that I felt like I can't do this anymore. I'm working 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Almost every single day was a few hours in the morning. You take advantage of the better after vision. You do it focus where you have no distractions and you set yourself goals that are manageable. So I told myself, you know, every single day I'm going to write 500 words for someone who's writing a dissertation. That's that's that should be very manageable. Right. 500 was just what? I have a page and so, OK, that works for me. Even the days where I'm like, you know what, I feel like I can write three, four pages. No, that's that's not the point. Right. The point is to be consistent and small. I know so many people my love for just like go home, go big or go home. Right. If I can't do five hours of work really intensely, there's no point. It's all about getting past that mentality.
And I think that goes for work, for school, everything about, you know, like any new habit you want to start in terms of whether it's Quran or learning or studying any realm of life. Start super small and then just keep going bigger and bigger. No, that's beautiful. I don't know if you know on this brother, he started this. It's called hashtag Yalla 100 for 100. So we're doing 100 pushups a day for 100 days. But then I kind of added on to it. Mashallah, brother, brother, Haytham, Mashallah. So I added on to it and said, you know, if we break it up and we say 20 what is it? 20 pushups after every Salah and four pages after every Salah. So you do 20 pushups, four pages. So you've done 100 pushups. You read a whole juice in a day. You read the Quran in a month, inshallah. There you go. You know, so it's good. The Hadith, Subhanallah, I love the Hadith so much because it's so I don't want to say practical because Mashallah, the deen is is practical that we can we can practice. But, you know, it kind of hits home because it's within practicing the Sunnah is Barakah. And I guess this is one of the most proximate. And I guess this is one of the most proximal ways that one can see that when they just take it. Like you mentioned, you never done in all matter. I've never. That's the first time I've. That's Mashallah. Mashallah. I'm not saying Mashallah like, you know, how it's impossible. I'm saying Mashallah, the fact that you, you know, as Aisha mentioned, even at the end of the Hadith, that the Prophet said, do we have proof of it? You know, do we? Consistent on it, Mashallah. That's that's that's great, Mashallah. I mean, it leads me to a question that, SubhanAllah, it always happens. It used to happen at the Durs in the Medina and even in America at your local masjid. I don't want to say the first or second, third day, let's say the eighth or ninth day of Shawwal. First, start with your Ramadan scheduling. How what did you change, what did you alterate and then how did you get back from it in Shawwal? You check one general this past.
I get birth after I eat, so that is. I was off the radar. I'm good now, but in general, I mean, in general, yes, your Ramadan's, you know, the other Ramadan's. But in general, what I've done is I have like whatever X amount of goals in a month. So I have X amount of goals in Ramadan. But there's always one goal in Ramadan that I tell myself, this is the goal that I'm carrying out throughout the rest of the year. So last Ramadan, for example, was I wanted to be more consistent with praying Salatul Dhuha. And so, yeah, sure. I read more Quran in Ramadan. I prayed more Salah. I did everything else. I had a whole bunch of goals. But I said there's one thing that I want to make sure I cure out throughout the year, and that's praying Salatul Dhuha. And so I did that in Ramadan. And then that was the one thing that I was pretty adamant about afterwards. And so my mentality is that, hey, if every single Ramadan, there's only one thing I take away and I make, I really make that a habit the rest of the year. So I pray Salatul Dhuha every single day until the next Ramadan. Then the next Ramadan comes around and I choose one more thing. So one Ramadan, it was being more consistent about my ifqat in the morning and the evening. And then, OK, I've got that. This past Ramadan was doing a certain set of ifqat as well to add on. And if every single year all I do is add one thing from Ramadan for the year, what am I going to be like in 10 years? So it goes back to really having this long term goal of who you want to be is everything to productivity. It's everything in terms of building yourself, of finding motivation day in and day out. Because if I didn't know that, like in 10 years, if I could be this person, if I was like that person who could do X, Y, Z in terms of like Salah or fasting this amount of time. Or if I told myself, you know, in 10 years, I want to be this person who's praying X amount of Salawat or reading X amount of Quran every single day. Let's say I want to spend five hours reading Quran. You know, I've got this goal in mind, but I've done nothing to sort of break that down into bite sized goals to make habits.
I'm not going to go anywhere. I'm not getting anywhere. And then five years are going to come by and I'm thinking to myself, well, that was like, why would I? You're not going to wake up one day and suddenly be the superstar, right? It's all about building small habits. And so that's what my Ramadan looks like. It's what, what are the, all the goals that I've had set? What's that one thing that I want to continue throughout the rest of the year and just stick with that one thing. And then every Ramadan, add one thing, one thing, one thing. And 10, 20 years from now, maybe more of the superstars inshaAllah. Just one thing I want to say to the audience, we do have time to take your questions. I see some awesome questions already for us to talk about. So please inshaAllah as we're talking, put your questions in the chat inshaAllah. We will do our best inshaAllah to get all of them, to get to all of them. So if you've asked a question, also stick around so that when we get to the questions, you're here to listen to the answers inshaAllah. So I actually wanted to bring up the motherhood thing before Sheikh Abdullah. I'm happy he did it. So, you know, I was just thinking that's one thing that maybe people would be thinking about. You talk about productivity and people would be like, well, wait till she has a child. Well, now you have a child. So is there anything different that you've seen? Is, you know, you got the scheduling of the child involved when they want to sleep, when they want to nap, when they, you know, are fussy and you got to carry them around, things like that. Does that mess up maybe this block scheduling that you're working towards? How do you make more adjustments now that there's a child in the picture? Yeah, so that flexibility that I thought I never had, Alhamdulillah, I was a godson, made a lot of dua just to be able to be OK with flexibility and change.
But one thing that I've been very intentional about is that when I have to stop my schedule and because I'm so very adamant about following my schedule and I have to stop rather than get frustrated and care for my daughter now. So weird to say what I do is I think of this as an opportunity to gain barakah. That I, you know, I'm taking care of this child for the sake of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. I want I'm raising a human to essentially worship Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la and to serve his deen. That every moment, every time I have to stop because she's fussy or every time I have to stop to feed her. I don't think to myself is like that she's ruining my schedule right now or that I'm not being able to not able to finish what I want to finish. But if I stop right now, that will increase my focus when I go back to it or that my time will expand through barakah throughout the day. That, you know, I won't be as reliant on sleep as I usually am. And that mentality I think has been really a game changer and I'm very shocked at myself for being able to be this flexible knowing who I am. But that is the one change that I, it just makes you happier. SubhanAllah, and I think this is a lesson that I've learned that I can translate into any aspect of my life. Even Salah breaks, you know, when you're fasting things are difficult. It's really just all a mentality. And so I've been really focused on this paradigm shift and SubhanAllah, I've been able to get more work done than I had before having a child. And it's nothing to do because of my productivity but renewing my intention for Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la, continuously making dua. And SubhanAllah, Allah has promised us and it's real. Alhamdulillah. SubhanAllah. Actually, it reminded me of one thing. Like people sometimes ask me like, oh, I'm worried about having a child. I don't have enough money, things like that. And I'm always encouraging them because I'm telling them, listen, a child comes with barakah.
And I've always thought of that in terms of money. And I've experienced that. Like myself and my wife, every time we've had a kid, we've gotten something better out of it. SubhanAllah, better job, promotion, more money, whatever. Something will happen that improves our lives. Even though you think a child's coming with all these expenses and things like that. But I never thought about in terms of time. And I'm happy you brought that up because that's a barakah too, right? That's a blessing from Allah as well. And Allah will, you know, help you find a way despite everything as long as you try your best. Alhamdulillah, we have four kids now and a lot of them are pretty young. So it's difficult, but you know, you find a way and there is barakah with that. SubhanAllah, Jazakumullahu khair for mentioning that. Sheikh Abdullah, I felt like you had a question previously. No, no, I mean, talking about the children, you know, Allah talks about them in the Quran numerous times. He says, وَلَا تَقُلْتُ لَأُوْلَادِكُمْ خَشْيَةِ اِمْلَاقٍ In fear of poverty, Allah says, نَحْنُ نَنزُقُكُمْ مَا إِيَّهُمْ We provide for you and we also provide for them. So, you know, they would kill their, you know, take their children away from the earth, you know, because of fear of lack of providing for them or other reasons. But Allah SubhanAllah reminds them that He is the Razaq, you know, as long as you do that. And that's the beauty of barakah. Barakah is الخير الكثير في قليل. And it's a lot of good in a little amount. You know, I'm almost sure that there's times that we've done things and it's like, man, that was such a short time. I got so much done. I mean, you know, and there's other times like so long. It's like, I didn't get, you know, that's the barakah. And then children is, you know, it's funny. It's just like, this is Tasneem at the very end. She's like, it's just so, this, I just, it's just so good. You know, MashAllah, that's what children do to you. That's what children do to you. That's what children do to you. JazakAllah khairan. JazakAllah khairan. So have you, have you, have you, um, I remember one of my friends, he kind of, he was, it was a vulnerable moment for him.
And I didn't realize it while he was talking to me. He was like, you know, I never really finished anything in my life. And I never really finished anything. So when hearing you say that, you know, doing, doing one thing, I like how you mentioned that, you know, after Ramadan or within Ramadan, you just focus on one thing. Has there ever been a time where you kind of mentioned this earlier, where you've, you've, you've, you've bit off too much more than you can chew, right? Did you have to couple that with like, knowing yourself, okay, I cannot handle this. Maybe that person can, but me right now, I can't handle it. Has there been times that you had to reach out to somebody and get their naseeha? Or is it, you know, do you think I can handle this? Or when you face that moment that I don't think you can handle it, you know, was it difficult for you? What happened at that moment? Or has that ever happened to you? Yeah, no, honestly, it's happened a lot. And I think that's what made me so good at saying no, because I found myself at one point, I had put so much on my plate. And then I was just essentially doing everything at half capacity. And it very, it was very frustrating to me. So in fact, last year, when, when I had the left pregnancy was a lot of fun, let's put it that way. And I wasn't able to do most of what I could do. I had to resign from a lot of positions that I was, you know, volunteering for in the community. And it was hard because I felt really bad. But I thought to myself, you know, if I can't do something with ihsan, I can't do something with excellence, then that is a void that someone else can fill inshallah. And so I was very difficult, but I had to reach out to several different communities, you know, groups that I was a part of and say, sorry, guys, I'm going to have to, you know, I can't participate anymore. So that the things that I knew needed, I knew that I needed to commit to, whether it's family or specific work projects or goals, I could dedicate my time to that. And so it's the power of saying no.
And I think it was also the ability to get myself to tell people no after I said yes. I think that was very difficult because I felt like I was letting people down. But when I framed it in the way that like, hey, I'm doing this for you as well, because I don't want to, you know, lock in this position. It's only going to affect you negatively. And it's not fair, right? It's in terms of not doing something with Ihsan. And so I think when I framed it that way, people were very understanding and were actually very supportive in terms of my decisions as well. Nice. Jazakallah khair. So let's play some rapid fire questions before we get to the questions of the audience, inshallah. Oh, can I ask one thing? Yeah, go for it. I don't want to do, what do you call it? The marketing, like the fake mark, what do you call it? Miss marketing, what do you call it? I don't know what you call it. Why was the title cardio? Can you educate us? The title had to do with cardio. You know, so I was curious as to why that was the final decision, but I can say this much. I'm, Shahrdallah, I mean, you got competition coming your way because I'm crazy about working out every single day. And so that's one thing I tell everyone time and again, if you need a pick me up in the middle of the day, give it a 10 minute, 20, you don't have to do your workouts. I don't know what you're doing, probably something crazy. You don't have to do Shahrdallah level workouts. Just do a quick, you know, stroll around the neighborhood, just a quick 10 minute, you know, a core series, whatever it is. I'm very, very particular about incorporating physical activity in my life. And I'm so adamant about having that in the lives of everyone around me. So my friends, my family, I always try to bring that up, encourage people to go out, whether it's dragging people on hikes or walks or whatever the case is.
It's number one, I mean, going outdoors, that's a whole different conversation. Like the amount of opportunity for reflection and growth, just being outdoors and hiking, all that is incredible. But your physical activity, your physical health is just going to make you spiritually stronger. It's going to make you more productive in work. It makes you, it just, it gives you that life, that energy, that push. And it's in a manner, right? You're in Chile, you know, all this stuff, right? You live by this. So when it comes to cardio, I love to run. I love to cycle. I love to get anything with my heart rate up. And you know what, I make it the intention that this is my, you know, my 20 minute lunch break. I'm going to quickly work out to get my energy, motivation back, you know, get that, those endorphins running and get back to work. And it keeps you going throughout the day, alhamdulillah. Insha'Allah, Jazakumullahu khair. Very important. Jazakumullahu khair. All right, I'm ready for Rafiq. Bismillah. I want to see, I want to see both of you give us your best cardio stats or something. At some point, insha'Allah. I don't know. I don't know if Sheikh Abdullah can stand a chance. It might, it might put him to shame. So, uh, I won't say it to you guys. Definitely. Insha'Allah. Insha'Allah. By the way, Sheikh Abdullah, you got a ping pong competition against Sheikh Omar? Or you guys did that already? No, I saw him the other day. He was like, we gotta play ping pong. I said, man, we'll see. I'm going to keep instigating competitions for Sheikh Abdullah. So, we'll go easy first. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate. When I ask this question, everybody looks at me like, why are you even asking this? Who goes for vanilla? That's the question. I do. That's why I ask it. I'm trying to find somebody else in the world. Sheikh Abdullah, now we got to know your answer.
I don't even eat ice cream. Oh, we're talking ice cream? He said ice cream. He said ice cream, right? He said chocolate or vanilla. I can't eat chocolate. I'll look like an avocado. I'll just break out everywhere. I don't know what it is. Yeah. That's unfortunate. I live off of chocolate, so. All right. Spring or fall? Spring. Shade or coffee? Oh, coffee. Any day. Mountains or oceans? Mountains or oceans? Ooh, mountains. Good one. Outside of Mecca and Medina and Al-Quds, what's your favorite city? I'm biased. Istanbul. Istanbul? I'm biased. Been there? Plenty of times, alhamdulillah. Plenty of times, alhamdulillah. So this is kind of connected to that. What's the most beautiful place you've ever seen? Most beautiful place. Okay, this is tough, but Spain was incredibly beautiful. We did Granada. We did. You know, it's very unfortunate because I forgot the name of the city, but I remember we were taking a bus down to one of the one of the ocean side cities, and I remember waking up and we're driving through mountains and you can see the water on the side. And I remember thinking, am I dreaming? Like it was just unbelievably beautiful, subhanAllah. Like I remember thinking like, had a khadqullah, you know, this like nothing can compare. SubhanAllah. But yeah, that was just incredibly beautiful. What language do you wish you know? And I realize you speak three languages. So that's a good question. Which one do I wish I knew?
I guess the one I tough question. The ones that I want to know, I know. So I haven't really thought about other. No, sorry. Someone posted Urdu, not Urdu. It'd be convenient, I guess, to talk a little bit more to people. But Persian? I don't know. Farsi? So what languages do you know? Hold on, what languages do you know? Well, Arabic and Turkish. Arabic and Turkish. Yes. Okay. Spanish? Not Spanish. I did four years in high school, but I forgot it all. So yeah, I guess Spanish would be pretty convenient. That's pretty universal. So, yeah, Spanish. That'd be my answer. I like Farsi as well, because I think, I mean, I assume I don't actually know, but I think it connects you a little bit more with languages like Urdu and Hindi and some of the other languages in Southeast Asia. So there is there is something to that. What's the most interesting thing you ever ate or tasted? I wish I prepared for these. Ate or tasted? I don't know. You've got to answer that so I can get inspiration. I have eaten frog legs before. I didn't know. I'll say even though it is permissible in Salam al-Malakhim, I didn't know it was frog legs when I ate it. It tasted a bit like chicken wings. You said chitlins? What did you say? Chicken wings. Yeah, I don't know. I can't even answer that. I feel like I'm not very adventurous when it comes to my food, so I don't think I've tried anything too wild. What about turkey? I mean, in Turkey, not Turkey, but I mean, in Turkey. In Turkey? Was there like some good cuisine there? It was amazing, but it's all like it's pretty, I mean, meat based. I don't think there's anything too wild.
Actually, there is this thing that Turkish people eat and you get it. It's a street food as well. It's kind of like intestines and they layer them on each other and then they roast it on a spit. Where in Turkey do you go? It's everywhere. It's a street food and some of the restaurants have it as well. I'll send you a picture. It looks pretty good when you describe it, obviously, people are like, I don't want to eat intestines, but it's pretty good. Yeah, maybe if I know the name, I'll have heard of it, but that's a new one. They have mussels there and they're so good where they stuff the mussels. I could eat like packs of those. Shablai, have you seen those before? No. What are they called? They take mussels, they scoop them out and then they stuff rice and you like squeeze lemon on top. Wow, mussels? Mussels. Like lahmiyan? No, no, no, like from the sea. Yeah, like, oh, OK. M-U-S-S-E-L-S. I know you only think of the other mussels. I knew it. I was waiting for it. I knew she was going to go there. It's too easy. Delicious. It's worth the trip to Turkey just for that. OK, OK. We plan to go, so definitely. OK, I'll give you the last one. If you had to be an animal, which one would you choose? Animal? I know I've never really thought of that. I guess a bird so I could fly. Is that birds, animals? I'm not sure. Yeah, that's fine. I think when people answer that question, it tells us a little bit about themselves. About how little I know about animal species? No, like do they want to be a lion? I think that says something about them. Do they want to be a gazelle, a bird? That's a good one. OK, so we have a few questions. There's a couple that are kind of on the same spirit.
So this is a question from Sister Hafsa. She says, how do victims of domestic violence develop purpose and goals when their goal has always been survival? And another person asked a similar question. For someone who's struggling with depression, it can be extremely difficult to motivate oneself to do anything at times. Do you have any productivity tips for people who feel this way? And, you know, it's true in general for people who have trauma, whether it's from domestic violence or other types of trauma. Sometimes it is very difficult to, I guess, think beyond the day that they're in. So setting goals, things like that might be very difficult for a person in that situation. I was wondering if you had a take or any advice you can give people in this situation. I will admit to my limitations here is not having a background in social work or psych or anything. But I think that it's the small but consistent is more powerful than ever. And way underestimate whatever it is that you want to do. So if it's you know, if it's just about building a connection with Quran or as an example, right. If you think one eye is way too easy, way too simple to start with there and don't push yourself to do any more and sort of build from there. I think that if anyone is struggling with doing anything beyond that, that it's always just way underestimating what you think you can do, sticking with that and then just taking your time to really build on that over even if it takes months or years. It's like at the end of the day, it's all about your intention. Right. So if you see yourself in 10 years being able to read a juz' of Quran every single day, don't worry about what 10 years is. Start plan for today. Right. Just plan for I'm going to do one ayah. If Allah gives me that, Allah allows me that, then that's, you know, I'll make it there one day. But I have that intention. And so even if I die tomorrow, even if I don't make that, I don't end up meeting that goal, I have that intention.
And Allah will give us the reward for what we intend and put forward the effort for. There's another question someone sent in. So for the audience, there's a link in the description of this video where you can send questions for future guests or you can suggest new guests for us to have on the show, inshallah. Someone actually submitted a question that I thought was pretty good. They asked, have you ever had burnout while researching crucial issues of Islam? I mean, he says, you know, there's a lot of logical explanation, but because of burnout and taking in so much information, you just feel frustrated and maybe even start developing small doubts. I am a researcher. This happens to me very often. What should be done in this case? All the time. And I think that's, there's so much to say about the importance of having connection with the Qur'an as an example or salah. For me, it's the Qur'an. Like just find something in terms of that spiritual connection that you go to for your source of refueling, really. And for me, it's I have to do my Qur'an every single morning before I even open up a book because it gives me that energy. It gives me that reminder, that connection to why I'm doing what I'm doing and just really putting things into perspective that everything that I'm reading. None of it. These are all just noise. Everything that I'm doing, I'm keeping myself busy with. I have an intention, inshallah, to be the most part out of it. At the end of the day, what I do means nothing. Right. In the larger scheme of things. And so the Qur'an for me puts that into perspective. The other thing is, is that I do not open up a book and I've learned this from experience because I mean, the nature of academic research is that everything is critical. Everything is cynical. You're just trying to deconstruct everything to break everything down, to criticize and all of that. And so there's not a book that I open up that I don't, you know, first begin with,
seek refuge from the shaitan and making dua, Allahumma a'allamna mayanfa'una wa anfa'ana minwata'idhimana wa zanna minfadhika'ilmu ta'aliman Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la, to make dua that anything that I'm reading here is beneficial, is going to be of benefit to me, and I'm going to be able to use it to benefit the deen, inshallah. So I'm very intentional about that because I know exactly that that sense of feeling drained and feeling, I get to the point where I'm reading this and I'm like, what is, what's the point of this? And is this really true? And how do I feel about it? It's, I mean, whoever asked this question has definitely experienced this. And so finding something to connect to, whether it's Quran, salah, dhikr, anything, and very particular about that, obviously I pray everything else, but Quran is my go-to for that. And then always making dua before beginning my research, beginning reading, and always making dua to Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la to protect me from anything that is not of benefit. JazakAllah khair. Sheikh Abdullah, like especially this part of like, you know, searching questions about Islam and not finding the explanation that they're looking for and feeling like burnout, or overwhelmed by information, they feel frustrated, maybe even develop some doubts. So from that perspective of like developing doubts from not having the explanation that they're looking for, how do you counsel someone in that situation? Yeah, I mean, just like I wouldn't, I mean, I'm not the, the mutakhassus or special and specialize in the counseling portion, but just like what she mentioned, just really understanding the meanings of those duas. You know, she said, عَلَمْنَا مَعَلَّمْتَنَا Allah teach us that which benefits us وَانْفَعْلَمِي مَعَلَّمْتَنَا and make us benefit from that which you have taught us. You know, because it's ultimately Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la that's going to unlock that knowledge for you. You may be able to get all of this knowledge, but there's the tawfiq element of it.
The tawfiq and really just Allah, you know, enabling you to be successful in that, in your endeavor. So your endeavor, taking a step back and I like how she reads the Quran in the morning because it kind of gives you that firm ground and it makes it solid. That individual, what is your anchor? If that anchor is with Allah, i.e. meaning you have some intentional connection with Allah when you wake up, and this is one of the beautiful elements, the beautiful reasons for the adhkar and the ad'iyah. So when you wake up in the morning, first thing you say is, الحمد لله الذي أحيانا بعدما ماتنا وليء النشور So even though there's academic research, and if it's Islamic research, this is even more of a reason to look at your adhkar, like your dhikr, are you mentioning Allah's name? When you open a book, as she mentioned, are you seeking refuge in Allah? And even with that, there can be that element of burnout. So it's taking a step back. I mean, it's taking a step back and relaxing. And if there's elements of doubt, even throughout, like she mentioned, أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم When you feel it, أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم Having some individuals that you trust, that you can be a level of vulnerable with, that have iman, you know, that you can talk to in regards to, you know, I'm feeling kind of doubtful in this matter. Sending an email, you know, to us, يقين, we can do what we can. But the fact that you have that feeling is not abnormal. It doesn't mean that you have low iman or less of a person or less of a Muslim. It can happen. But just knowing when to step back and seek counsel with Allah سبحانه وتعالى and being very intentional upon your invocations and supplications and having one or two people that you can trust to talk to for counsel, inshaAllah. And Allah knows best. Jazakumullah khair. Other questions? We can't get to all of them, but we'll do our best inshaAllah. Sister Faltineh, she asks, do you update your schedule based on something you didn't get done? Do you schedule weekly? If she had a follow-up question, or is it daily? So there's different strategies you can go about it. So when I first started, it was very much a weekly thing. It was, like I said, very big blocks that,
hey, Monday, I'm going to just get this project done, whether it takes all day or not, right? And then Tuesday, I pass, I'm going to, you know, after class, do X, Y, Z. So I started off as this every Sunday night planning for my week. I would plan out throughout the week. And then as you basically get more refined over time, a few years into it, I started doing it daily because I could be more specific with my time, right? So now that I'm used to moving things around and being flexible, and I figured out how things work for my routine, I do it, you know, in early in the morning, sometimes the night before, just planning out, okay, from this time to this time, I'm going to do X, Y, Z. And for the most part, I mean, unless you've got very inconsistent responsibilities, which happens occasionally, I mean, whether you're in school or transitioning between work jobs or anything like that, for the most part, you're going to have very similar, you know, day-to-days, right? That, you know, from every day from 9 to 10.30, you're going to have a certain thing or whatever the case is. So you can make it daily, you can make it weekly. It's about really just your comfort level and building that out over time. And so what you think you feel is going to work better for you, stick with that, and then you can always push yourself later, inshallah, if you feel more comfortable with that. Another question that I thought was interesting, a question for Dr. Tasneem, what sleep schedule do you have, and would you recommend it? Absolutely, I would recommend it, but I don't think most people appreciate it. Especially in the wintertime when the nights are long, I'm out by like 9 p.m. and I'll be up by 5. The catch is I'm very adamant about getting eight hours of sleep. Most people don't. I know a lot of people who can function on less, but I can go work all day long without any breaks if I get my eight hours. So that's a priority for me. So I'm willing to forego my social life to make sure I get my eight hours.
So yeah, sometimes I sleep at 8 p.m. and I'll get up at 4 a.m. It just depends on Aisha events and when I can go to sleep. But yeah, you miss out on a lot, I guess I'd say for at least for the weekends, but it works for me. So there's FOMO, there's YOLO. Okay, and YOLO is you only live once, right? Yep, so I just got to get everything done. But in like the worst sense ever, because this is like, YOLO, let me go, I don't know, parachuting or something. Versus like YOLO, let me report out every day, you know, but hey, it's all about perspective, right? Okay, yeah, okay. Well, YOLO sometimes used in a pretty bad sense, like you only live once, so do whatever your desires tell you to do. So anyways, so yeah, so anyways, we don't believe in living once, we live multiple lives. I think those are most of the questions. I know there's a few others, I really apologize for not being able to get to all of them. But Jazakumullah khair and we do have that link if you want to add your questions, inshallah, or suggestions into that link, we do check it. We've changed this, you know, format of the show a few times based on your feedback. So we'd love inshallah for everybody to continue giving us feedback. Dr. Sneem, this was great, really appreciate your time. And, you know, before we end, we'd like to ask our guests to answer a question, like, if you can go back in time and give yourself advice, what advice would you give your younger self? So I guess I'd give the same advice that I'm trying to work on now, which is, you don't always have to react right away. I think that's what it is. So we live in a culture where everything's about immediate reactions, right? Number one, we're oversharing everything on social media. And number two, it's like, you have to, who's the first to like, who's the first to comment?
What's your first response? And that's extremely unhealthy. And I've come to realize that has seeped into the way we interact as well. So even in relationships, right? I got into an argument with someone the other day, and I remember feeling so angry about how the conversation went. And a few hours later, I was like, that wasn't even a big deal. Why did I get so angry? But because I felt the need to have a response ready immediately. And then I was overpowered by that emotion. And so one thing that I've been working on, and that there's so many incidents within the past five, 10 years that had I just waited and give it some time to think and reflect before responding, I would have saved face on a lot of things. And I would have been able to be more prophetic in my character in so many different ways. And so that's my biggest advice is that, you know, try to create a habit where you've got this break, sort of being mindful in terms of having a thought, having an action, and then responding. And that starts off with, you know, something as simple as, you know, conversations that you have with family or friends, and also, especially social media, resisting the urge to respond to everything. And that when you're, you know, you're feeling frustrated or anxious or angry, which are all very day to day, you know, emotions, not acting upon those emotions immediately, letting them sink in, reflect on them, and then having response. For me, it's, I've been trying to do this by saying like, hey, listen, I need a second to think about it. I'll get back to you. Just give me a few minutes, give me another hour, I'll get back to you. Leaving someone, not feeling the need to respond to text messages immediately. I remember I used to feel guilty if I didn't respond to someone immediately. It's like, okay, you know, everything, there's no rush. There's, you know, take your time, be patient, think, think, think things through. And then when you do respond, you'll have a lot more character and thought put into it. And it really only improves your relationships and really yourself.
So that's my advice to myself now and definitely to my younger self. I wish I asked that question earlier, because I feel like there's a lot we can dig in there. SubhanAllah. Like, just the algorithm online is pushing you away from that prophetic character. Like you decide, someone comments on your post and you decide, okay, let me wait a day to answer them. That means there's less comments immediately on the post. That means there's less follow ups. That means your post is going to be seen less. And subhanAllah, it's like functioned to make you go towards the worst character possible. JazakAllah khair. That's a great point and benefited a lot for your time. And I know everyone watching did as well. And inshAllah for everyone, we will be back next week at 7pm. Dr. Omar Hussain will be our guest, and we hope all of you will be able to join us for them as well. JazakAllah khairan. BarakAllahu feekum. Assalamualaikum. Assalamualaikum. Waalaikumsalam. Waalaikumsalam. JazakAllah khair. JazakAllah khair.
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