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How can I help my child with my du'a? | Attaching to Allah - Episode 7

Prophet Ibrahim (as) modeled parenthood for us. He was a father who prayed for the righteousness of his children before they were even born, and whose prayers were answered with two pious sons—and with many future prophets, including Rasulullah ﷺ. How can we build relationships, as both children and parents, in which we are the coolness of each other’s eyes?

Tune in with Dr. Omar Suleiman, Ustadha Sarah Sultan and guests for episode 7 of Attaching to Allah, Yaqeen Institute's 2022 Dhul Hijjah Series.

Download the full list of du'as from the series.

Transcript

This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings.
I heard from young age that, you know, our parents are going to be asked about how they raised us. You know, we're going to be questioned about our actions and I never want to be the reason why they don't, you know, pass on to, you know, Jannah or something because something that I did, you know, goes back and falls on them. So, it's not just that Ibrahim A.S. is gifted with progeny, but it's when he makes that du'a that's actually really profound. Allah Azzawajal mentions that he makes this du'a as he is walking away from the fire and distance from his father and his people. Falamma itazalahum wa ma ya'buduna min doonil laah. Once he left them and what they worship besides Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala. Wahabana lahu ishaq wa ya'qub. We gifted him with not just ishaq but ya'qub. Two years later, it wasn't going to come yet, but not just his son Isaac but Jacob as well as haq and ya'qub. It was at that moment that he says, rabbi habli minas salihin.
Oh my Lord, grant me from the righteous. Now this is a really interesting point with Ibrahim A.S. The timeline. So you got this long period where he doesn't experience having that progeny. Then he has Ismail A.S. and then he has to give up Ismail A.S. And then 13 years later is haq and then he lives long enough to where he gets to see children, grandchildren and dies surrounded by many. And he made that du'a, rabbana hablana min azwajina wa dhuriyatina qurrata a'yun. Grant us from our spouses and our offspring the coolness of our eyes. What makes them the coolness of your eyes? The ilmah mention, for the believer when you see them increase in righteousness, then they become the coolness of your eyes. It's not just the parent that becomes obsessive about seeing their kids get straight A's, get through med school, the coolness of their eyes, a certain wedding or whatever it may be. But the moment that you see your progeny worshipping Allah subhana wa ta'ala, praying, reading Quran, having a moment of reflection and realization for themselves. And what you start to notice is that with the prophets, this is a much more expansive meaning. Ibrahim A.S. is abu al-anbiya, he's the father of the prophets. The prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said that I am to you like a father, wa allimukum, I teach you. So my relationship to you as my ummah is like a father, I teach you. And subhanAllah that last proud moment of a father was when he's seeing his ummah in prayer. The prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam moves his curtain and like I'm going to die now. And as Ibrahim said, ma ta'buduna min ba'di, what are you people going to worship after me? And they affirm Allah. And then the children of Ishaq, Jacob, Allah, and then Jacob talking to his kids, we're going to worship one God.
And the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, that proud father moment, where he pulls that curtain to the side and my ummah's in prayer, hamdulillah, like my children are good. There's something to be taken from this about legacy, imprint. And I want to take from that inshaAllah ta'ala, obviously the notion of praying for children, righteous children, not just children, but righteous children and progeny. But also this idea of, you know, actually leaving behind an imprint in someone's life that increases in righteousness because of something that you infuse in them and that becoming a sadaqah jariyah that goes on after you. And some of the scholars say subhanAllah, look at Aisha radiAllahu anha, our mother. Aisha radiAllahu anha, our mother, right? Technically, biologically, she was childless, but she has all of these children that quote her in the ahadith that come close to the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam through her, right? And that imprint that you leave behind, that legacy that you want to leave behind. What does the phrase coolness of my eyes, what cools your eyes? What do you think about, you know, in those last moments of, may Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant us good lives and righteous endings? What do you think about when you think about the coolness of your eyes? I think there's a science behind the type of tears that you have. Like there's a warmth when you're really upset. There's a coolness when you're happy. And I think that there is, you know, there's an interest, it's an interesting play on the effect of our tears as well as, you know, just like emotion in general.
Normally when your body is hot, there's some kind of anger or frustration, but when it's cool, there's calm and serenity. So I mean, for me, I find the coolness of the eyes means peace. And that's what I would grasp out of that. SubhanAllah. Beautiful. You know, subhanAllah, the coolness of the eyes, the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wa sallam said that his ultimate, qurratu ayn, his ultimate coolness of his eyes was in salah, like prayer. As much as I love my family and things of this world, sweet scents, the way that people like sweet scents and perfume and whatever it may be, just, he said, my qurratu ayn, like the coolness of my eyes in my salah is in prayer. Like that's where my true joy and comfort comes from. But undoubtedly Rasulullah salAllahu alayhi wa sallam looking at Ali radiAllahu ta'ala anhu and Fatima radiAllahu anha and Zaid radiAllahu anhu, I mean, that's the coolness of his eyes. Al-Hassan wa al-Husayn, right. You know, may Allah be pleased with them. Like that's the coolness of his eyes, right. Looking at them like, wow, what beauty here. When he picks up al-Hassan radiAllahu ta'ala anhu, he's on the manbar giving khutbah and he picks up al-Hassan radiAllahu anhu, you know, Hassan's tripping over his garment to get to him. He's cute little kids, right. And he pulls him up and he says, this son of mine is a Sayyid. He's a leader. One day Allah is going to bring together two massive parties amongst the Muslims, two massive groups amongst the Muslims that are fighting. Allah will bring them together through this Sayyid of mine, right. It's interesting, subhanAllah, these visions that Allah gave to them. You know, Umar radiAllahu ta'ala anhu, he saw a dream of Umar bin Abdulaziz, his grandson, who he'd never lived to see, but he wakes up smiling. He says, who is this man, man hadhal fatah man nasli, who's this young man from my offspring that's going to fill the earth with justice after it's been filled with injustice. Like who's going to carry this legacy and carry it well.
So subhanAllah, if you realize that the connotation of coolness of their eyes is really about that which is pleasing to the sight of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and leaving things on this earth that please the sight of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, right. Like that's what you constantly see here and you know, whether it's children or elsewhere. Something for me that like I always get emotional about and that I love about Islam is that stress on family and legacy and to think that, you know, the decisions that you make can, you know, can affect the ones that come after you. And you know, I don't have children yet, inshallah, you know, may Allah grant us that blessing one day. But you know, just making, just thinking about, you know, who this future child could become, that maybe might do off for them or might do off for their children and you know, whoever they marry, you know, can, you know, affect them in a positive way. And to think that, you know, maybe I would never live long enough to see who that grandchild is or you know, the great-great-grandchild, but to think that the du'as that we make can, you know, ultimately affect how they become. And from, you know, from the story of Mariam's mother that the du'a that she made for them was, you know, I'm going to give my child, you know, to you for service for their life. And reflecting on that as a child, you know, with parents, I heard from a young age that, you know, our parents are going to be asked about how they raised us, you know, we're going to be questioned about our actions.
And I never want to be the reason why they don't, you know, pass on to, you know, Jannah or something because something that I did, you know, goes back and falls on them. I want to make you the source of the coolness of their eyes. I want to be the coolness of their eyes. It's a different perspective. I want to be the coolness of my parents' eyes. You know, this idea that we're the answer to a du'a, you know, it could be a parent's prayer or a grandparent's prayer that we talked about earlier that Allah molds your entire life in accordance with that person's prayer, that the du'a of that righteous mom, how many people do we find in history, the du'a of the mom, right? And you want to please them and get that du'a from them and have those righteous du'as. And subhanAllah, it's not just, it's not even just connected to the immediate succession here, right? Ibrahim alayhi as-salam made du'a, وَبْعَثْ فِيهِمْ وَسُولَ مِنْهُمْ Like someone in my offspring, oh Allah, send this person who's going to teach them the book and its wisdom, send this person from my offspring, the Prophet Muhammad alayhi as-salam from his offspring, thousands of years later, right? He's the answer. The Prophet alayhi as-salam said, أنا دعوة أبي إبراهيم. That's how he introduced himself. I am the du'a of my father Ibrahim. That's his introduction to the world. How do you introduce yourself? Who are you? أنا دعوة أبي إبراهيم. I'm the du'a of my father Ibrahim alayhi as-salam. That's his first way to introduce himself, sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam. I mean it's beautiful, it's profound. Someone once shook me, subhanAllah, they were sharing, you know, and it was recently and I can't remember who said this first, but it shook me. He said, you know, here in this land in North America, what persecuted, enslaved Muslim made du'a for Malcolm X? For Allah to say, like who was he the answer to, you know?
Was there a woman at the bottom of a ship that was, or someone that was being tortured and oppressed and their religion taken away from them with everything else that said, oh Allah, you know, plant the seeds of this deen in this place where it's being taken away from us. Because there's a disconnect, right, between those that were brought in chains long years before this revival of Islam, right, which comes through multiple people, not just Malcolm certainly, but like whose du'a was he an answer to? You know, and Allah knows, only Allah knows, but it's a powerful thought, right? It could have just been some person, you know, that was just, subhanAllah, in the midst of that torture, trying to hide the Quran and still practice the religion that said, oh Allah, you know, revive it here. And we get that glorious history. So that's the coolness of the eyes, subhanAllah, the coolness of the eyes, right? And the people that have passed, they get the news of those that are still here, you know, subhanAllah. You never know what your du'a could plant, your du'a in and of itself could plant in terms of righteousness and succession on this earth. SubhanAllah. Imagine Ibrahim alayhis salaam when he saw Ismail alayhis salaam and he's about to sacrifice him and he says, ya abati fa'al ma tu'mar, oh my father, do as you've been commanded. You'll find me to be from the patient. Like what a moment of emotion, right? Like look how righteous this boy is and I'm being commanded to take him, to sacrifice him, subhanAllah. He's giving the answer of salam, right? Islam, peace and submission to his father and he has to take him and Allah blesses him to where he's not taken but that's, I can't imagine what was in the heart of our father Ibrahim alayhis salaam in those moments, right? Like wow, what a beautiful boy this is, you know, that he responds this way and Allah subhanAllah, He spares him in those moments. I want to add one more layer to this which is especially for those parents that have
lost children because that's the most painful, arguably the most painful trial that a person can go through, right? And actually losing their child and subhanAllah, I think it's important to remind them that there's no greater coolness to your eyes than when you see your child on the day of judgment extending their hand ready to take you into the gates of Jannah. So just because they're not the coolness of your eyes in this life does not mean that they're not the coolness of your eyes in the next life. I think it's important, you know, there was a very powerful mother who had lost her daughter to cancer and Allah have mercy on her and grant them firdat, firmness as parents. She said, you know, you have these dreams and she died of a very specific type of cancer, stomach cancer. So, you know, people have these dreams of raising their kids to graduate and walk across the stage and walk them down the aisle. But Allah blessed me to have a shaheedah, you know, a martyr for my children. She has to keep reminding herself of that. So subhanAllah, the coolness of our eyes can come in multiple forms. But the point of it at the end of the day is what is pleasing to the sight of Allah becomes pleasing to my eye as well. And that was the station that our father, Ibrahim A.S., achieved. If anyone else has, I don't want to close it because it's a powerful subject. Can I ask a question? So we're talking about children and, you know, having children. I think about the mothers and, you know, just parents are the couples in general that have trouble conceiving or infertility is not talked about a lot. A lot of times people just expect you to have a child, you know, that you're able to do that. And, you know, thinking that, you know, your child one day could reach, like you said,
you know, reach out for your hand on the Day of Judgment. You know, for people that are not able to, you know, conceive, what would you say to them? What I would say to them, subhanAllah, is of the four perfect women that the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam mentioned, Khadija, Fatima, Asiya, and Maryam. Everyone has a path back to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in that regard. And it's rizq at the end of the day. And just like when poverty is inflicted on a person, it's not a form of deprivation. It's a pathway to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. There's the niyyah, there's the intention, and then there's also the impact, the effect, and all that is brought out of that. When a person leaves behind Aisha radiAllahu anha being the primary example of that, right? And so legacy is not restricted to lineage. Motherhood is obviously praised in Islam, it has a high position, but it's not the only pathway to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. That doesn't mean you diminish the rank of motherhood, that means that you increase the rank of the believer no matter what their circumstances, that they have this way back to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala no matter what. So Sister Sara, having hope is one thing, but sometimes we only have hope. How do we actually take our hopes to the next level, especially as it pertains to our children? You know, we always, da'at is actually a very active way of showing our hope in our children, but we can even take that da'at into an actionable level. And I think as parents, one of the most beautiful things that we can do is to pray for our children but I think we also need to question what do we bring to the table for them? So a lot of times we make da'at for our children to be the coolness of our eyes, to be a source of comfort for us, and I mean for all of us insha'Allah. But also asking ourselves, what am I doing to be a source of comfort and coolness to
my child as well, and to my parents as well, in order to model that for my children? I know my dad, may Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la protect him, the way that he dealt with his mom made me want to deal with him in that way, insha'Allah, that he was so good to his mother and prioritizing her, that modeling made me want to do that for him as well. And I think that that's something so beautiful. And then in my own life with my kids thinking, you know, I want them to be a comfort to me, but am I a comfort to them? Can I work on being more of a source of comfort to them? And one of the things that we find in research and just in the field of psychology is that a lot of times our connection with Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la emulates our connection with our parents. And so when we can try to develop this sense of comfort and security and tranquility in our relationship with our children, that insha'Allah is going to help them to develop that stability and comfort in their relationship with Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. And one of the things that we see in the example of Ismail Alayhi Salam is when his father, Ibrahim Alayhi Salam comes to him and says, you know, I've had this dream that, you know, I have to sacrifice you. And Ismail responds in such an incredible way where he says, well, insha'Allah, you're going to find me from amongst the patient, right? Go ahead. And that to me is so profound, number one, because it shows the trust between Ismail and Ibrahim, their relationship, but the other thing is it shows the separate relationship Ismail has with Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. And that's something I think so important for us as parents is don't allow ourselves to be intermediaries between our children and Allah. Allow them to have a separate relationship with Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. And that's something that can be very powerful in allowing them to have that sense of comfort and serenity and allow our hopes to now become something even more for them, insha'Allah.
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