Barred From That Which You Love: Lessons From the Life of Umm Salamah

During the trial of the COVID-19 pandemic, many believers have grieved the loss of acts of worship most beloved to them—the gathering for Jumuʿah, the shared iftār in the masjid during Ramadan, and journeys to the lands of Islam. It is natural for the heart to feel this loss deeply, for these outward devotions are often the moments in which a servant feels nearest to his Lord. Yet the true reality of worship must not be forgotten. Ṣalāh, dhikr, Jumuʿah, and fasting are all forms of worship, but their worth rests upon the intention behind them and the faith of the one who performs them. Just as one who has no belief in his heart earns no reward for the outward act of fasting, so too the person of faith is not punished for abandoning an outward act of worship due to circumstances beyond his control. Indeed, a Muslim may be rewarded for his very intention to worship God by refraining from an act—as when one stays away from the masjid to prevent the greater harm of spreading illness.

The essence of servanthood is obedience to God, not the mere performance of ritual. A true servant is not one who prays when God has commanded him not to pray, such as one in a state of ritual impurity; nor one who fasts when it is better not to, such as one who is ill; nor one who gathers for Jumuʿah when both religious authorities and secular law forbid it. Worship differs according to peoples, individuals, and circumstances. Thus when a menstruating woman does not pray, when a sick person does not fast, and when the Muslims do not gather during a pandemic, this refraining is itself an act of worship and devotion, for it is obedience to God. In such trials our faith is tested, and our conviction is either strengthened or weakened. We must therefore ask ourselves whether we are attached to God Himself or merely to our acts of devotion, to the outward form of worship or to its inward reality—and whether, when turned away from those acts, we turn toward God or away from Him.

In this matter there is much to learn from the example of Umm Salamah, may God be pleased with her, a devout worshipper who faced many obstacles in her path of devotion, and who in each of them chose conviction over despair. Three incidents illustrate this most clearly: when she was prevented from making hijrah to Medina, when her husband died, and when the Muslims were barred from ʿumrah after the treaty of Ḥudaybiyah.

When her husband Abū Salamah, may God be pleased with him, prepared to migrate to Medina, he set her upon a camel with their son. But the men of her clan, Banū al-Mughīrah, seized the camel's bridle and took her from him, and the clan of Abū Salamah, Banū ʿAbd al-Asad, in turn took away her son. She was left in Mecca, weeping daily and longing to be reunited with her husband, the Muslims, and the Messenger of God ﷺ. After continually pleading with her family, she was at last permitted to leave with her young son. Along the way she was accompanied and protected by ʿUthmān ibn Ṭalḥah, may God be pleased with him, of whom she said, "I have, by Allah, never met an Arab more generous and noble than he." She was then reunited with Abū Salamah, with whom she shared a bond of deep mutual love. From this we learn that though she wept over her loss, she did not lose her conviction, for God says: "Whoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out of every difficulty." When one door closed, another opened; she entrusted her affairs to God, persisted in her good intention, and He sent her help. The lesson is to persevere in good deeds even in less than ideal circumstances.

The second trial was the death of her beloved husband. Once, remembering the words of the Prophet ﷺ, "Whoever is married on earth will be married in paradise," she proposed to Abū Salamah that they pledge never to remarry so they might be together in paradise. But he refused, telling her to marry after his death, and he prayed that God would grant her, after him, someone better who would not grieve or harm her. Abū Salamah then died as a martyr from a battle wound. The Prophet ﷺ closed his eyes, saying, "When the soul is taken away, the sight follows it," and cautioned his grieving family, "Do not supplicate for yourselves anything but good, for angels say, 'Amīn' to what you say," before praying for Abū Salamah's forgiveness, the raising of his rank, and light within his grave. Overcome with grief, Umm Salamah held fast to the counsel of the Messenger ﷺ: "If any servant who suffers a calamity says, 'We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange,' Allah will give him reward for his affliction and something better in exchange." She repeated these words continually, wondering who could possibly be better than Abū Salamah. Though sought in marriage by ʿUmar and Abū Bakr, may God be pleased with them, she declined them both. When the Prophet ﷺ himself proposed, she hesitated on account of her age, her children, and her jealousy, but he put each of her doubts to rest, and she accepted, becoming one of the Mothers of the Believers. Thus she did not surrender to despair but grew more devout, and God rewarded her patience with marriage to the best of men and an honored station.

The third trial came at Ḥudaybiyah. When the Prophet ﷺ received the verse, "Surely We have given to you a clear victory," he knew triumph over Quraysh would come, yet not immediately. Under the truce many Muslims felt Quraysh had been favored, and the believers were turned back from visiting the Kaʿbah. When the Prophet ﷺ commanded them to cut their hair to complete the ritual, they hesitated. Umm Salamah, present on that journey, witnessed his anguish and advised him to cut his own hair first. He did so, and the moment of discord passed as the companions eagerly complied. Through her trials she had gained the wisdom to find a way out of difficulty—seeing one door closed, she opened another, and that path proved superior.

In sum, when barred from Medina she waited patiently, then trusted in God and departed despite the hardship; when her husband died she mourned yet turned her sorrow into deeper devotion; and when she saw the Prophet's difficulty with the companions she did not despair but found an alternative means to the same goal. Her example calls us in this time of crisis to bear with patience, to hold fast to the rope of God, and to persevere—while still feeling the genuine sadness and pain of our trials, for experiencing pain and bearing it patiently are not mutually exclusive. The believer does not deny the pain of loss, but uses his faith as a means to endure it. Umm Salamah teaches that we are never truly barred from that which we love, for the believer's true love is God, who will always open a path to draw near to Him: "...So let them hear My call and let them trust in Me, so that they may be guided."