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How Do You Handle Rejection And Ridicule? | Attaching to Allah - Episode 2

Slander. Ridicule. Humiliation. The wounds of unwarranted, harsh criticism and rejection from others can be too painful to process. But prophets Ibrahim (as) and Muhammad ﷺ are prime examples showing not only how to effectively deal with those moments of pain at the hands of others, but how to stay balanced and grounded when facing it all.

Tune in with Dr. Omar Suleiman, Ustadha Sarah Sultan and guests for episode 2 of Attaching to Allah, Yaqeen Institute's 2022 Dhul Hijjah Series.

Download the full list of du'as from the series.

Transcript

This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings.
And I was so hurt because so many people there knew me and acted like they loved me. And there they were, silent and not in my defense. So, up until this moment of being thrown into a fire, Ibrahim A.S., you know, he's threatened every once in a while. But at the end of the day, I mean, he's still walking freely amongst his people and he's not being harmed. He's not being ridiculed. Now one of the things about every single prophet of Allah, without exception, is that they were slandered and ridiculed. Kudzibu, right? Whether they were killed or not, that's a different story. But all of them had some sort of denial, some sort of lie against them to discredit them. And when you're looking at Ibrahim A.S., even though he was spared from the fire, the wounds of that moment are still there. There's still something there that is going to harm him and that he's going to hold with him that takes him into that next part of his journey. And we see that even with the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam, right? What was harder on the Messenger SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam? It wasn't Uhud over Ta'if. Even though Uhud, he was physically wounded more than Ta'if. He was almost killed SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam. They thought he was dead. But Ta'if, because Ta'if comes with a whole package of humiliation, of ridicule, of the words that were said to him SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam, of the people that wouldn't even
look at him, of the spit, of the humiliation, of the fact that he had no one to turn to, no one's carrying him the way they're carrying him in Uhud. It's just him and Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. So can any of you reflect on sort of a moment in your life where you feared ridicule and then Allah brought you through something and it wasn't as severe as it was going to be, or you conquered something in that regard where it was just you, but you overcame that fear? I've definitely had multiple situations, but I think I'm going to go with when I was teaching, they always tell you keep away from the teacher's lounge because that's where the gossip happens. And I was in the middle of doing an experiment and I had to run into the lounge to get some kind of item. And all of a sudden, everybody that was in there just went quiet. And you all know what that means, you know. And I was like, okay, you know, and I told everybody, I was like, is everybody okay? And I feel like one of the people there said, we were just talking about you. And I was shocked because how are you going to say this like in front of me? And so the sad part is it was a bunch of Islamic studies and Quranic features. And so I was like trying to think, I'm like, okay, what can I say to get out of this so that I don't, you know, I just, I want to think good about them. So I said, no, inshallah, it was good things. And unfortunately, they said, no, it was not. And I was so hurt because so many people there knew me and acted like they loved me. And there they were silent and not in my defense. And so I walked out trying to teach the rest of my class.
And I remember thinking, like, I mean, I just got hasanats, that's good. But I also thought like, wow, this really hurts. You know, this is something that is going to be really hard for me to go through. And I had to go back to tell this one, I thought I definitely had to cry about it. And I think emotions like that, sometimes we don't give each other the space for it. You know, especially for me, I didn't have the space for it in that moment. I had to go back to teach, you know. And so in that moment, I needed to just say like, hasabi allahu na'mil wakil, like just Allah Subhanu wa ta'ala put peace in my heart right now. I don't want to think ill of anyone. Let me be, you know, it wasn't even about being the bigger person. It was just I want to be at peace. And this is something I can only imagine that Ibrahim alaihi salam shows in such a more elevated place, you know, like he has the whole community talking bad about him behind his back and in front of his back. And that I can only imagine, this is probably an inkling of a feeling of what he was feeling. And I think that humanization is important of the prophets because, I mean, they have feelings too. And sometimes we look up to them and say, look, well, they did it and that's how we should act. But we subtracted the feeling that maybe wasn't necessarily expressed, but was there. So that was my story. I think it's very interesting that you comforted yourself initially by saying, well, I just got some hasanat. I just got some good deeds. Because if you think about it, that's really the mindset of the believer is that they take the pain in this world, even if that pain is not physical pain again, and they channel it towards Allah seeking a reward in the hereafter. Abdurrahman ibn al-Mahdi saying, if I didn't want people to sin, I would hope that everyone
in the world backbited me because what's sweeter than finding a good deed on your record on the day of judgment that you didn't even know about, right? Like where'd all this come from? Well, these people were talking about you and these people, but at the same time, it doesn't feel good when you're in the moment. And even the prophet, it hurt him. Allah Azawajal acknowledges that it actually causes you huzun. It causes you sadness. What they say, you know, they're saying things that cause you sadness. But SubhanAllah, look at the mechanism. And this is actually pretty amazing because what did Ibrahim alayhis salam do? Wa la tukhzini yawmi yub'athoon. Allah don't disgrace me on the day that we're resurrected. Right? He took that day and he understands that this is a very temporary moment. It hurts being thrown into the fire, being stripped. But he says, wa la tukhzini yawmi yub'athoon. Don't humiliate me on the last day. And Allah honors him as we know with a garment on that day. The first person to be clothed on the day of judgment is Ibrahim alayhis salam. Brought in front of everyone and clothed in a beautiful way. And that du'a, interestingly enough, you find it in our du'as as well. Wa la tukhzina yawmi alqiyama. You know, when we're calling upon Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, as we're taught in the Quran, do not disgrace us on the day of judgment. Do not disgrace us on the day of judgment. When Allah says, yawma la yukhzillahu an-nabiyyi wal-ladhina amanu ma'a. The day that Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala will not disgrace the Prophet and those that believe with him. So it's really powerful because, you know, what is khizi? What is true humiliation? Right? innaka man tudkhilin naar faqad akhzayta. Those that you enter into the fire, those are the people that are really humiliated. That's true humiliation because everything else, just like every other pain, is temporary. Right? But when you're in the moment, it doesn't feel that way. Right? When you're in the moment, you hurt. Do you think it's okay to ask Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala to spare you from humiliation in
this world as well? Well, yeah, I think humiliation looks different to different people, but I would say humiliation in this world, to me, would be anything that would disgrace me in front of Allah as well. So I don't know. Interesting. Can you elaborate on that? I'm just thinking of all the times that there is a moment where I needed to act on something that was required justice. And if I was meek or not forthright and not defensive, but rather putting the right actions forward and even though it might hurt me, I find that that's humiliating to me, to be put in a space where I could have helped create more justice and I didn't. That I find is humiliation. I also don't think that it's what Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala would have wanted. Anyone else? Is there? Just to add to what you said, just taking a step back. I think secretly everybody worries about being humiliated and they're afraid of it. They're worried that somehow they'll say something, they'll do something, and somehow they'll be humiliated for it. So absolutely, and the dua we make, Allahumma astara wa radi, one of the duas that we make to Allah is to cover up our faults. And that is because indirectly we're worried about being humiliated. So that is why I think it's absolutely, I think as a Muslim, we make dua for it in this dunya and the hereafter. And that's one of the things where the Prophet's dua's are so beautiful and comprehensive. He would seek refuge in Allah from humiliation in this life and punishment in the hereafter.
Because no one wants that, right? But at the same time, where is the key difference between the believer and the one who doesn't have something to anchor them in the midst of that ridicule? Wala yakhafoona laumata la'am. They don't fear the blame of the blamer. Meaning the blame of the blamer will not be enough to stop them from pursuing the reward of the most high. And so the scholars say that you bring it back to this. You compare the praise of Allah to the praise of others, and you find more sweetness in the praise of Allah than the praise of others. And then you compare the blame of Allah to the blame of others. If my Lord were to punish me or to call me to account for something I have done, to if people were to call me to account or punish me or ridicule me for something I'm doing right, you compare the blame. So the praise from Allah is sweeter than the praise of others. The blame from Allah is more bitter than the blame of others. And then the punishment of Allah is harsher, more severe than the punishment of people for doing the right thing. And then you sort of package that all together and there is that, you know, I'm not going to compromise the praise of Allah for the praise of people. I'm not going to risk the punishment of Allah for fear of the punishment of people. And I'm not going to let that fear of humiliation and disgrace in this life drive me to a place where I end up being disgraced and dishonored in the next life. And at the same time, SubhanAllah, what we find is that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam, he sought refuge from humiliation in both worlds. And while he suffered in this life for some time, and while you still have people that will say things about him sallallahu alayhi wasallam, right, the sweetness of all of these
people that are following him sallallahu alayhi wasallam, right, overcomes all of that. SubhanAllah, the last thing he saw in this life was what? His followers. Knowing that there will always be some people that will speak about him. But at the end of the day, what are you seeking? He was always doing it for Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And when those people harmed him, he knew that he always had a reward to look forward to from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So Sister Sara, wanting to be seen in a positive light by others is pretty natural, but obviously you can't let that drive you in your decision making. So how do you find a healthy balance when facing criticism from others, especially when it's from those that you love? It's definitely a natural human emotion to want to be accepted by others, to want to have a sense of belonging, to want people that you care about to be happy with you and to be pleased with you. Even when the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu wasallam was experiencing so much hatred coming from so many different places, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala actually comforts him by saying, you know, we know that you're saddened by what they say, right? If he's validating the emotion of, we know that it's hard. You know, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala knows that it's hard when the people that you care about are criticizing you and are against you. But one of the antidotes that's so powerful, and it's mentioned in this verse where Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says, we know you're saddened by what they say, but they're not turning away from you, right? They're turning away from the truth, right? They're turning away from the truth of our verses, subhanAllah. And that's one of the things that I think is really helpful to remember when you're facing criticism, is that criticism a lot of times is actually more of a reflection of the person doing the criticizing than it is a reflection of you. And as a human being, as a person, your actions.
And so separating that can be very helpful. And that's something that Ibrahim alayhi salam, we see in his story, he does so beautifully, subhanAllah, where he's realizing that the criticism that he's facing from people has to do with the fact that they're rejecting the truth and not necessarily has to do with him as a person personally. And so you can depersonalize that, which is very, very powerful, mashAllah. And then also realizing, and Ibrahim alayhi salam, mashAllah, does this so beautifully, is realizing that a lot of times people's opinions of others do not align with the value that Allah subhanAllah assigns a person. And we see that in the example of so many of the prophets, that so many people turned against them. They're struggling with the perception of the people around them, but they are the most beloved people to Allah subhanAllah. So realizing that the value assigned by people is not the same as the value assigned by Allah subhanAllah. So if you're prioritizing Allah, then you're winning. You're winning at the end of the day. And you realize like Ibrahim alayhi salam, when he's catapulted into a fire, subhanAllah, he's realizing that Allah subhanAllah is al-Aziz. He's the one who is the source of all honor. He's al-Mu'izz, the one who bestows that honor. And so when we realize that, that can be a very powerful way of being able to survive dealing with criticism. So can you reflect back on a time when your reputation was on the line, but you still found the resilience to get through that and found Allah's reward? Please share with us in the comments.
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