Sincerely, Yours
22 / 25
Sincerely, Razia Hamidi
Join our live talk-show hosted by Sh. Imam Ibrahim Hindy and Sh. Abdullah Oduro every Wednesday starting at 7 PM EST.
Share your thoughts, questions, and suggestions for our talk-show: https://yqn.io/sincerely
Transcript
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings. Jazakumullahu khair for joining us for another episode of Sincerely Yours. This is Ibrahim Hindi. I'm with my guest, sorry, my co-host Sheikh Abdullah Duru. We've done enough of these. I can't mix up my guests or my co-host. How are you doing, Sheikh? Alhamdulillah, I'm good. Good. Alhamdulillah. Healthy, happy, alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. How's everything going on right now in your neck of the woods? I'm waiting for you to come down here, man. Are you coming today or tomorrow? I can't come, unfortunately. What? I won't be there. Yeah. You know, I was thinking I was going to see the Yaqeen logo behind you. You're going to surprise me. Say, I'm right down the street, bro. Come on, man. I wish. I wish. Make du'a for me, inshallah. Soon. Alhamdulillah. So for all of you out there, we want to hear from you. And let us know. Give us your salam. Let us know where you're coming to us from. We love to build this community online and to have that connection with all of you. I see, assalamu alaykum, sister Umm Mohsin from Toronto. So all of you who are watching, give us your salam. Let us know where you're coming to us from. InshaAllah, we have another great episode, another great guest, inshallah, to talk to, to get to know better, for you to get to know them better, inshallah. I see another person from Canada. InshaAllah, Canada is representing right now. Is this only live in Canada or what's happening? Where are my Americans? Sister Sophia, assalamu alaykum from Guatemala. There you go, Texas. Allahu Akbar, representing. There we go. London, UK, assalamu alaykum. Yes. People around the world, alhamdulillah. It's a beautiful feeling to just feel connected to Muslims everywhere. May Allah reward you for tuning in. Alhamdulillah. Hope you all enjoy it. Alhamdulillah. So let me introduce, inshaAllah, our speaker today, who I think, inshaAllah, all of you will benefit from, biidhnillah.
And throughout our conversation, if you have any questions, put them in the chat. I usually have one eye on the chat, inshaAllah. So if you have any questions that you want us to present to our guest, just throw it in the chat, and inshaAllah we'll be able to take it during our show today. So our guest today is Razia Hamidi. She is a spiritual and relationship coach who calls to Allah. She is the program director with Discover You Life. She completed her Arima studies and other studies with different mashayikh in topics of fiqh, hadith, aqidah, and others. She is a community leader, a teacher, an advocate. She supports women on their path to success by being grounded in faith first. She was the first Muslim chaplain in Quebec. She's worked on national committees and boards to develop programs and leadership training focused on sustainable development for community growth, inspired positive grassroots campaigns, and she works one-on-one with individuals to spark lasting change through Allah's work. So join me in welcoming Sanzar Razia. How are you? Alhamdulillah. Assalamualaikum. Waalaikumsalam. So Shaykh Abdullah Ibrahim and I were commenting on the crisp quality of your camera, and I'm like we need to get on that. InshaAllah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Yeah, inshaAllah. Both of you actually are really good. I'm lagging, clearly. I need to make some improvements, inshaAllah. The main thing is they say it's the glass. It's your lens. The main thing is the lens. Get a good lens, inshaAllah you're straight. Yeah, inshaAllah. I was in Dallas actually two weeks ago, and it was like the coldest weekend we had here in Toronto, and I got a nice warm breeze in Dallas, and then all the folks in Dallas were just telling me how, you know, you're lucky to be here because our summers are not fun, and I was like, oh, how bad is it? And apparently it gets really bad, and it's not a wear.
It can get really challenging, yeah. Alhamdulillah. I'm like, I'm grateful for what we have. Alhamdulillah. InshaAllah. Alhamdulillah. Some countries, we live in the cold, so we're always like trying to get out of the cold, but I went to Kuwait once, and everybody's like, in the summer, there's no one here. Everybody leaves. I've heard that from over there. I mean, although I feel like I'm definitely trying to be a snowbird already. I keep telling my husband, like, that's it. We're going. Every winter we plan something. It's the panalat. It's I think just the shorter days that really do get hard, like the shortness of sunlight. They obviously, you know, seasonal depression is a factor. So I'm mindful of that. But I do I did want to commend both of you, Mashallah, for this podcast. I got to benefit and watch the previous episodes with Sheikh Yahya, Sheikh Marie Mamir. And, you know, one of my things and like really what I try to bring out in my work is the vulnerability. I think so often. So one of my favorite quotes is, you see the glory, not the pain. And I feel like we're oftentimes in Islamic circles, it's very much the finished polished product or we're not very personal. And that connection isn't often made to people. It's like, OK, here's the Dean. Here's, you know, a lot of those words. Here's the Hadeed. And that's kind of it. And it's almost like sanitized of like human emotion and vulnerability and experiences. So I think this is a really beautiful effort and kind of, you know, giving people behind the lens like there's the struggle and the growth and the path that everyone's kind of been on and continues to be on. I think these conversations are so important. Absolutely. I would recommend like for people to watch Mustafa Omar's episode with us because he started talking about like his teenage years and not even believing in God. And I was so like he said things I think a lot of imams and mashayikh would, you know, really shy away from. But like you said, like that vulnerability is important. I think it helps everybody who's watching as well.
And obviously being tactful about it. But, you know, there's a place for it. So I'm going to watch that one. So part of the whole reason we do this is to get to know you better and so that everybody who's watching, inshallah, gets to know who Razia Hamidi is and what your life is and what your journey was. And so let's start off like when you're younger, you know, we tend to ask converts always like, how did you find Islam? How did you find Islam? But all of us have a journey to it. Right. Otherwise, like it just wouldn't mean much in our lives. So what was that moment? Do you have a particular moment in your mind where you like decided, OK, like this is this is something I believe in. This isn't just like a culture or heritage or a name. This is a religion I believe in. Yeah, I feel like I had a couple of those moments and I have to put a disclaimer. I'm really bad at talking about myself. Like I was really uncomfortable with the idea that I'm usually interviewing people and I love like, you know, learning about people's stories and picking their brains on like, oh, God. But subhanAllah, I took my nephew today, who's the teenager, I took him out for lunch and I was telling him about the conversation we'll be having. And I was asking him, I'm like, when did you decide to be Muslim? You know, he's like looking at me like, um, and he was giving some like really lame things. I was like, oh, so maybe you haven't had that moment yet. But Alhamdulillah, like, you know, he's firm upon the bean and he's like, I haven't thought about it. So I feel like I had two moments in my life. One was just before high school. So I grew up in a small town that's not so small anymore. London, Ontario, mainly Caucasian. I was probably one of two Muslims in my class growing up and, you know, child of refugees. First generation. And I don't know what it was, but just that summer before high school, Allah put the love of hijab in my heart. Like my mom wore it, but it wasn't something my parents preached or, you know, like Islam was part of her life very much.
But I don't know what it was. I just, Allah put that love and I just knew I wanted to wear it. I didn't have any Muslim friends, didn't know anyone Muslim in my high school. So I knew I wanted to wear it just before I started and before high school. And so I think that was the moment where I knew, like, I do want to be identified as Muslim. And even if at that point I wasn't fully praying and practicing all the other elements of the deen or very new very much, because actually at that time in London, they didn't have Sunday schools at that time when I was growing up. So I knew I loved hijab. I knew what it represented and I knew it was a connection to Allah. And so I started from there. And then the second thing where I feel like that's really when I took hold of the rope of Allah. And I feel like that was right after I finished high school. I it was my final semester and I was starting to I starting to have conversations with Allah that I never had. And I was just I was calling upon Allah, making dua and I was making dua. And Allah blessed me with everything I wanted at that point, scholarships, the success I was asking for. And it's crazy. I had this beautiful moment. I got to share it with Zain Bika. So I was in the car with my oldest sister and we're driving and she's playing his nasheed. And at this time, you know, she's in university, she's coming to MSAs. And so she's immersed in that experience. I'm in high school, have no connection to that. And we're in the car and she's playing the nasheed. And so it's my first time hearing it. And it's Zain Bika's nasheed and it's one of the classics, right? The pioneers. And it says, give thanks to Allah for the moon and the stars, for what is what and what was. And I'm going to probably get emotional and talking about it. But it's just that moment of shukr. That Allah put that guidance in my heart. And I'm like, ya Allah, I have so much to be grateful for. And I really went from wearing like skinny jeans one day to the abaya the next day. I went to my sister and was like, am I praying Fajr today? Can I practice refreshing my prayers?
I'm like, I want to go buy an abaya. And Alhamdulillah, that opened, that lit a fire inside of me that I think to this day hasn't gone out. Alhamdulillah. And so I'm like, that was my born again Muslim moment. And that nasheed was just, Alhamdulillah, it was just that reminder of like, it starts with shukr. Like you have so much to be grateful to your Lord for. And how can you not in every moment give shukr for that? How can you not open your eyes to that? And so Alhamdulillah, that opened the door and that opened the path for me. And that was just before I started my undergrad. And I have a close friend of mine who later told me she had met me that summer. And I told her that I'm thinking about wearing abaya. And she's like, I remember looking at you and the way you're dressed. And I'm like, OK, sure, you like, you know, what are you thinking? And she's like, you know, I never imagined. I was like, that was that was purely from Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. That protected me from so much. And Alhamdulillah, my journey began in terms of like knowledge and just constantly being thirsty and seeking out opportunities and really trying to Alhamdulillah, walk that path. And yeah, Alhamdulillah, that was my moment. SubhanAllah, that's a powerful memory, just like that moment of shukr and gratitude. It just makes me think of something like, SubhanAllah, we talk about having shame in front of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. People always think of that in terms of like, you know, don't do bad things because have shame in front of Allah, which is part of it. But then there's also the shame of like when you think Allah did so much for me. And just and like it's almost like a shame out of love. So like I feel ashamed to not do something. Right. In response to all that amazing things, all those amazing things that Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la did for me. And that's kind of what you described there. And even when you do it, you're the one who's still benefiting. Like that's what's crazy, right? Like you think, oh, like, you know, how can I not be grateful? I should worship. But it's like even that ibadah is still like I'm the one who benefits from that.
And Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. Yeah. Alhamdulillah. It's amazing. Did you you mentioned, you know, it was high school. And then I guess you mentioned upon graduation of high school, the two moments. Right. Who would you say you mentioned your older sister? Was there someone that played a catalyst, served as a catalyst or an influence, you know, in your life in that time frame that made you kind of turn it up a notch? Or let's just say kind of be a little more attentive to your, dare I say, practicing Islam, saying it loosely. I mean, my dad, for sure, he never gave up on us. Like in terms of even where those bratty, rebellious, like high school kids are. So we're six siblings. We'd hear the Fajr then every morning. He'd be making it. And like, get downstairs. We pray in Jammah. That was a reality. And so he refused to give up and he refused like his love of Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la and the resilience my parents showed it. Like, again, refugees being here, but they always like a love as part of their life. Like I didn't grow up very cultural. So my parents are Afghani and growing up people like, oh, you're Afghani. Like when I meet other Afghans, I'm like, I don't really know much about the culture. Like, yes, Alhamdulillah, I'm proud of the heritage. But like I just knew Islam. Actually, there's a funny story in my undergrad when I started, you know, MSAA days, I didn't know what Sunni Shia was. Like my parents didn't like, you know, that wasn't part of the conversation. Like so I remember when I first entered, they're like, are you Sunni or Shia? I'm like, what's that? Like, what are you talking about? So for sure, my dad, like his his example. And his love of Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala, Alhamdulillah. And then my older sister starting her journey. So she was starting to talk about it. But I don't think I was as receptive or like, you know, we had those moments as much. But, you know, she was in the background of him exposing me as well. So, yeah, I would say both of them. You said six siblings. Yeah. Wow. So are you the oldest, youngest, or second oldest? I'm the youngest girl and I've got two younger brothers.
OK, OK, OK. I got to like watch everyone else make the mistakes and then learn like what I didn't want to do and what I would do. Alhamdulillah. I know you talked about your middle child. I feel like I've talked about that a few times. He's got some healing to do from the middle child. And Shaiq Abdullah, are you the oldest or youngest? I'm the oldest. He's got that like older sibling protectiveness energy. I'll just say it's the gray. That's what it is. That's what it is. Oh, come on. I'm discovering these. Discover you, right? I've discovered me. And the way that you trolled Shaiq Omar. You know, that's what an older brother would do. He deserved it. He earned it. I saw a video of you calling him out in the gym. But I feel like I always see Shaiq McAllen, you, I see the banter and I'm like, no, I can see that big brother. Yeah, that's so funny. I just got off the phone with him about an hour ago. You guys got to have him on. He's awesome. I trolled him when I came to Dallas. He didn't always respond to my messages. So I had to go through his wife. We're working on a project. So then I showed up to Qalam and I was like, Shaiq, I came here just to speak to you. And he's like, what? That's my man. That's my man. So. So. So it was OK. You thought of gratefulness. You know, that is one thing I tell a lot of people, particularly those that may not be Muslim and they want to know about Islam. I just say, look, and I tell the youth a lot of times, it's like God, you know, the Sharia, the deen of Islam is just the way that we say thank you. It's just ultimately a way that you say thank you. And one thing that I always remind myself, you know, is like I always say it all the time is that,
you know, we forget more of the sins that we remember than we are. Those we remember. We just think about that concept is like, man, you know, everything that I've been given. I just have to be thankful for it because I was talking to somebody the other day and they're like, there's no concept of reciprocity with Allah. It's like Allah give me this, I give you that. Or because I did this, you know, Allah, although he gives you a Ziyadah and extra. And that's this. That's the basis of the relationship. So I think there's a lot of pain that comes up for people when it becomes transactional. And I hear that often as a spiritual coaching. I do it. I'm making you offer this. I started praying to Hajjah like, why is this not happening? I'm like, it's not that, you know, you start doing this with the intention. Like now I'm waiting. Okay, that should be enough. I almost feel like it becomes an entitlement at that point. And it's not, you're not worshipping Allah, you're worshipping like almost your worship and expecting something from that. So, yeah, I feel like I can't help myself. And so Alhamdulillah, Shukr is a beautiful cure for it, right? Yeah, definitely. Oh, without a doubt. Without a doubt. I heard you mentioned in the intro. Oh, go ahead, Shukr, you had something? Well, I was just going to say, like, it's also amazing that like what triggered, you know, that response from you was the line in the Nashid. I know. That's how people like this Nashid. I'm like, no, no, no. Like, like, songs, again, properly done, have a place. It's, you know, evoke emotions that sometimes just a lecture can't. Sorry to cut you off. No, definitely. I mean, it's so true. And we think of it as just like for the kids to hear something in the car. But it has an effect and like just the good word. Right. It's like saying something good. And whether it's in the form of Nashid or giving advice to your friend or you have no idea how that one word could travel and could make an impact on someone's life. And that's something that, you know, when it comes to dawah, like Sheikh Muhammad, my love and mercy on him, he used to remind us often, like, not creative enough.
We like we don't have vision because it's like, oh, here's a lecture. You know, it's encouraging. Think of different modalities. Right. Think of the hearing. Think of the senses. Like, how do you invoke experience? And when you look at secular curriculum and what they plan and there was this one exhibition I went to, it was at the Science Centre in Montreal, and it was about sound. It was so mind blowing. Like they had these different exhibitions for you to experience just the impact of different sounds on you, how you can look at a video. And it was the same video of like a couple driving on a cliff and one had like scary music. You know, you could already you would already make up assumptions and had happy music. You would make up. And so, you know, I feel like sometimes in our dawah, like we're just so dry about it. And I feel like, again, like there's prophetic examples of, I think, stories and connections. And ultimately, there's connections to it. Right. But we need to start approaching. And again, like not to sidetrack, but I also like I think one of the passions in my life has always been like, I have another relationship. I think sometimes when you think of like dawah and making an impact, it's always like that grand scale. And it's like the power of building like personal relationships with people and how that can open their hearts. And then, you know, I've been I'm a product of that. The people who have made those investments, be it mentorship or just, you know, relationships that have been able to open me up to see how other things. Right. Yeah. I just feel like there's we got to be a little more creative when it comes to our dawah. Well, I mean, just the whole concept of discovering. And this is my segue to the intro. Discover you. Yeah. How did that happen? Like, OK, no, no, let me let me start. You know, I can't do that without mentioning someone that has left a huge legacy on this earth. Mashallah. It's a barakah. I want to say, you know, Mashallah, all around the world. Muhammad Al-Sharif, Rahim Allah Ta'ala. When did you first meet him? Like when did you encounter him?
And if if if that's OK, you know. Yeah, of course. And I was reflecting on that today, too, because he's such a big part of my journey. Alhamdulillah. So actually, it was first in university. I came across one of his CDs and I actually think my style of speaking and dawah, like I realized so much of it was his early influence. I listened to one of his CDs. I was like, I love the stories I love. And he was a coach. He was always a natural coach. By the way, I have to put out like the Prophet was a coach. The way he nurtured challenge when I when people are like, oh, what do you do? I'm like, I call to a lot because I'm like, that's what the person did. He was the ultimate coach. And I was like, I love that. Actually, talking to Michael the other day, she had the light and we're talking about, you know, even a coaching the coach. I'm like the Prophet. I send them had injured a bit. I'm like he was his coach, you know, he would be rehearsing and nurturing. But yeah, so I the way like she would challenge frameworks and things like those are things I realize now. Wow. I adopted that very early because of his work and being exposed to that. So I heard a CD, heard him at conferences and that was it. Like that was, you know, I knew him and everyone else knew him. And then I went for my first test and I knew I wanted to go with him. And I, you know, even that was a beautiful that was answered. And we got like the last two spots in his group. And I knew like much a lot, you know, who he was and the way he approaches had just so different than other groups. And so we got to go with him and, you know, did my thing. I got to benefit. And the following year I got invited to volunteer and be part of the women's group for his head group. And so that was like kind of crazy. And then from there, I learned about Discovery You and then he was hiring and completely like, you know, I get it right off. I've seen a position of brother who's also part of Discovery, you know, and one of the CEOs. So I applied as like, you know, I was at a point in my life, I was leaving education as a teacher.
I didn't see myself in that role in the system. And so I was like, you know what, I let me see where this goes. I really had no idea where it was going to head. So I applied for a position. I knew that I was a bit overqualified for it. And that's I think a message to everyone who was younger to just get your foot in the door. Sometimes people expect to like be hired and get some executive position right off the bat. Like, you know, so I applied for a position and he hired me. And then within months, things just, you know, like I think I showed where my strengths were and our relationship developed. And he's just he's such an like I could never it's so awkward. Even today was like, you know, National Boss Day. And I was like, I never felt that relationship with either more in terms of them being a boss. They were mentors and so receptive and open in terms of the contributions. And I wanted to have ideas and projects. Then they would just like, yeah, run with it like that. That sounds great. And I'm slowly over time, I was able to propose initiatives and programs that they need to develop. We actually have a program right now, Paradise Beneath My Feet, which is a parenting program that I did deal with some of your folks. We've got Sister Sarasultan, Dr. Hassan Omarji, Ibrahim on there, developed that program last year, Alhamdulillah. And so we're watching that right now. If you guys want to join us, amazing, really empowering mothers, you know, giving them the resources to, Alhamdulillah, really honor that role of Jannah being beneath their feet. So that was kind of where the relationship started, Alhamdulillah, you know, how it grew and grew over the years. So so for those that don't know, just to kind of backtrack, Muhammad Al Sharif, he started an Islamic organization, for lack of better words, is to teaching people. It's kind of giving the people the feel of how it was to study overseas, but primarily in your own neighborhood or college campus called Al-Maghrib Institute.
I think it started out roughly in D.C. He started teaching at a school, Safiqan. He was a principal at a school in the D.C. area. And it just, masha'Allah, it just it just morphed because I was from Houston. You know, I remember one summer and then I heard this, you know, Al-Maghrib Institute. It was like 2005 or six. And masha'Allah, it just morphed from there, you know, and just went worldwide, masha'Allah, to Barak Allah. So from there, I think years after he started what is called Discover You. Would you mind explaining what exactly that is in the description and goals? So Al-Maghrib was focused more on just Islamic traditional knowledge, classical knowledge. And then Sheikh started developing Discover You in 2007 when he first established it. And it was basically the idea of tazkiyah, self-development. Right. But really being focused on that and using secular knowledge to complement it. So certain practices, you know, a lot of the self-help that's out there, it's what's in our deen, just repackaged. And so Al-Hamda, he started bringing that into the framework. He was one of the first pioneers to have Islamic coaching certificates. So, again, like there's a lot of practices out there that really can, you know, are not fully aligned with the things that they teach. And in terms of the development of the focus, like development just for the sake of development. So Al-Hamda, he was his focus with Discover You was grow, but keep a lesson at the center. And what is personal growth look like? And so he even developed programs in terms of growing as an entrepreneur. Right. Not just wanting to make money, but how do you leave a legacy? And so Nishro is a program that he developed early on as well that he had done. And then Visionaire, which was like the big one, harnessing and really understanding what the power of dua is. Not how to make dua, but how do you understand the power of dua? How do you live with that reality? When you say that Allah's prophet is the most generous, would your dua, and this is a question for everyone right now watching and who's on here,
if you looked at your dua right now when you make them, are they reflective of Allah being Al-Kareem? Or are they like you're asking your next door neighbor for a cup of sugar? Like that's how low ball your dua's are, right? And so Visionaire was Al-Hamda him really creating experience and exercise and activity, taking students through that journey of like you have the Lord of the King of Kings, Al-Hamda. How do you ask, how do you craft your life intentionally? Because so many of us are living down here and we're treating life like it's a test run. And Allah's call us to play at a higher field. And so Al-Hamda, that's really what Discover You is about, Inshallah, like raising the bar for ourselves and doing that through different aluminias. So like I said, we have the parenting course, supporting parents, so we understand, you know, Rusi Yafteen has come out with the research as well. Like parents have the biggest impact on shaping their child's identity, their values, Al-Hamda. So that's one aspect we've had, like I said, Nishra, which is also a business program. And Inshallah, in the coming months, we're coming out with our first kind of revamp, but Muslim coaching certification, which is very much through Islamic optics and framework. So Sheikh Mehmed is going to be part of that. Mashallah. And Abdullah, I don't know if you remember, I first connected with you. So one of the organizations we were supporting, Sheikh Yusuf Idris, was New Muslim Academy. And so I had contacted you like years back. So I was coordinating the curriculum. And so we had you on. And I remember you had given a talk and Sheikh Yusuf was like, you know, this is an upcoming Sheikh, Mashallah, like he's amazing and gets with the Qanward experiences. And I remember first coming across you there. And Al-Hamda, that was just so nice to see like someone who, because again, I think, you know, the new Muslim experience sometimes doesn't get its proper hack and justice. Al-Hamda, that was I was like, and I'm sure Sheikh Abdullah probably doesn't remember, but I was like, I was behind the scenes coordinating that time when we had had you on.
And that was a project that Sheikh Mehmed, Mashallah, facilitated and helped Sheikh Yusuf. That was beautiful. No, Mashallah, I mean, a lot of words, y'all, and those that are in the background, you know, yourself, because y'all are the ones that make things happen, Mashallah. I don't think you'll get enough credit for the logistical behind the scenes, Mashallah. Mashallah, Allah bless you. Sheikh Yusuf is a great guy too, Mashallah. He is, Mashallah. He's a great person. I have a really funny story that's really embarrassing if you want to hear it. Yes. Embarrassing stories of sheikhs? This is what we're here. So our second hedge, young, naive Razia, you guys all know, like the people now probably don't, but Sheikh Abdullah may be a brain, you know, that viral video from the Mehdi and Sheikh Yusuf. I didn't see that. No. OK, so you don't have to go watch it now for this. This is like viral video of him giving this massive, you know, at this conference in India, I believe, and he's, you know, Sheikh Yusuf is giving a talk and this person comes to the mic. He's like, I'm the Mehdi. And Sheikh Yusuf's like, really, you're the Mehdi? Can you please recite Fatiha for me? And so he or he's like, can you recite Qutb Anar's speak Arabic? So he starts reciting Fatiha and he's like, no, I'm asking you to speak Arabic because that's a sign. I do think I do think now I vaguely remember it. Yeah. That's all the recitings. I watched that video and then I met Sheikh Yusuf on the second hedge and I'm like, Sheikh, I'm like, are you from that Mehdi video? And he was just like, obviously at that time, I didn't realize fully who Sheikh Yusuf Idris was. And so he's just like, yes, sister. And then we ended up like months later connecting through the Muslim Academy. And so, you know, I introduced myself, he's like, no, I remember you. And I'm like, oh, of all the things. His father is a great, great scholar.
So many of us benefited from and he's much a lot great man himself. A lot of protective, preserve both of them. I mean, yeah, I remember that was like a video in like India or something. Right. Is that conference there somewhere? Yeah. Let me check that out. Let me check that out. Sister, when did you, when did you, I guess when you worked with Discover You and then you moved up on that ladder, working with Discover You and kind of helping and influencing people, Mashallah, Tabarak Allah. When did you consciously say to yourself, because you mentioned that you transitioned over from a teacher to a, what would we term it, coach? So with Discover You, I wasn't, I didn't start off as a coach. And I mean, now I'm in that more coaching role, but I'm doing a lot of program development. I started my full coaching practice. It's been three years, but I've been doing it for a decade. So I was in my chaplain role in Montreal. So I lived in Montreal for the last 11 years. I haven't like publicly announced I live in Toronto now. So I still get a lot of people who see me and they're like, do you live here? Like, what are you doing here? So for anyone watching us, I officially live in Toronto. I have to claim that now. But yeah, so when I first started Discover You, it was more development role and support. And then from there, I moved to Alhamdulillah Designing. Now I develop the programs and I do a lot of training as well. And then also conducting a lot of the seminars. I used to do that alongside of Sheikh and then Alhamdulillah, now, you know, continuing that forward. And I designed our coaching programs that we have that complement Alhamdulillah, our full program. And then I so from so I still so I have to these two babies, I have my Discovery role and then I have my own coaching practice that I have established. And that came from the need of really infusing Alhamdulillah like spiritual practices and just helping people find that disconnect.
Again, like, I feel like because, you know, I'm in my late 30s. There was a time for conferences. But I feel like we've outgrown that. And we need, you know, there needs to be a space for like real connection and real knowledge that we interact with. And so Alhamdulillah through my programs and through my one on one coaching, it's trying to give people a connection to that, you know, so panel, it's really, I think there's just so many gaps when it comes to the way we a lot of people either approach knowledge, I think they just take a class or so many people and as we you know, know the research around unmasked like a lot of my clients, I would say are practicing Muslims, but Muslims, unfortunately, are not going to a lot of them women, right women who are either through motherhood and they feel isolated professionals who don't know that they feel part of the community. And unfortunately, again, you know, the research is there, it leads to breakdown of obviously their relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, their spiritual practices, their identity, and ultimately, like really affecting how they perceive themselves. And so Alhamdulillah through my coaching, you know, my focus is a to connect you with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, again, reconnect you and what that really means. So like I said, you know, simple, active, you know, when we talk about like reading Quran, like what does that mean to you in your life? Like how do you live with the Quran? How do you understand this one verse? We have 6400 thoughts a day. Is it or any of those thoughts just a verse of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala? Is that a truth that you look at yourself through? Because we're constantly making frameworks, right? We have frameworks that we look at our life through. And so why is that framework not coming from the Quran? And so that's my goal. And through that, inshallah, to build resilience, because for some reason, many of us operate in life, thinking that the presence of Allah means the absence of tests, or that, you know, there's there should be no difficulty. And so when something comes up, I'm questioning everything. And so it's really building spiritual resilience, right? Like Alhamdulillah, we're made to, we're made to do hard things. And the believer has an endless fountain with the Quran and with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And we just need to tap into that.
So that's something I've been working on in my own coaching practice, Alhamdulillah. I think that was the question, right? Yeah, because I mean, subhanAllah, you said you've been, you've established your own practice for the past and you established it four years ago? Yeah, so officially, like, you know, doing a website and all that. It's been four years. Yeah, I think four years in April. But you said you've been doing it for like 10. Yeah, so I was mentoring like university students, older women throughout. So I've always been active in Alhamdulillah in the community, developing, mentoring. That's been, again, I feel like being a believer, like that's part of our DNA. Like right, that hidden, that service, like that's the prophetic model. Right, right. So I guess for the past, I mean, was there a certain event or something that took place on your sixth year that made you say, you know what, I'm going to, I'm going to go ahead and make this official, right? What was it? Because, you know, it's obviously something that you do, you wouldn't do for money, right? So something that you look, I can already tell by the way you're talking about it, you're very passionate about it, right? So, you know, so the past six years, what made you say, or was it someone that was older and they said, you know what, you need to really do this, you know, what was that place? So you know what it actually was? I was, so I was developing different programs. I was, you know, I was part of RIS, which is one of the largest Muslim conferences that happens here in Toronto. I was part of that for six years at the organizational level. And I was doing local, part of local conferences, program development. And I kept seeing like, there's only so far you can go when people have broken relationships. If someone is broken inside, their relationships are falling apart, you can give them every, I have, and you can give them everything. It's really hard for them to move forward. So when I actually started my coaching practice, my goal was about preventative, but I still support couples, but preventative work with couples, because I reckon, and I started looking
into the research, I started looking at what ISPU does. I got to, you know, from the Ibrahim and Kordi, I got to do a thing with the Akeem to showcase an importance of preventative focus instead of reactive. So I realized at one point that, you know what, we have such a reactive approach in our community when it comes to counseling for marital issues. If we got better at, start building your boat before things are bad, like we would be so much more far ahead. And when people, like Shaytan knows the power of a strong marriage, right? Like that beautiful Hadith of the Prophet, Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam, where he said that the Shaytan gathers every day and he brings his army and he says, what did you do? And they each come, they're trying to boast. And he's like, you did nothing, you did nothing, you did nothing. And then the one comes and says, today I separated a husband and wife. I'm like, even Shaytan knows the power of a strong marriage. And so therefore he works very hard at it. And so many people I think are unfortunately struggling at life and most importantly, the relationship of love because of these broken relationships when it comes to marriage. So when I first started off, my goal was actually preventative focus in empowering couples. I'm a product of a strong marriage. It's not perfect, but Alhamdulillah, I'm a product of one that's rooted in the Laws of Kata'la where we both are striving on that path. And so I wanted to bring that up. So that's where I started. And then I started sharing my message, and message is to start kind of Alhamdulillah became like me sharing Alhamdulillah, my experiences through my knowledge, my growth, my development. And it spoke to a lot of individuals and women. And I was like, okay, maybe I need to not just focus on couples, but really the more I focus on strengthening individuals, Alhamdulillah, the marriage does get strong as well. So from there I started transitioning. So I still work with couples, Alhamdulillah, I do a lot of premarital work as well. And for older couples, but primarily, primarily I would say my focus is really focusing on making the individual and trying to get ourselves to that level of being, you know, inshallah strong moment. How strongly do you advise, drumroll, duff drum by the way, it's okay, we're going to
do, do, do, do, do, premarital counseling or premarital coaching? And is there a difference? How strong do you advise that? I would pose the question and ask, you know, how many years did you invest in your degree for the job that you're going for? And this is the most important relationship you're going to have and you want to just wing it. Right. So I think if you feel like you have proper resources and tools and sound frameworks of what marriage should be and that you're building, but for sure, you know, it's not for you. But no, I think, and again, the research is there, like it brings divorce rates significantly down. Alhamdulillah, every premarital session I've ever done, and now Alhamdulillah I have done hundreds, I have every couple was like, this was the best investment we made. This opened our eyes to so much. It's literally like someone's turning a light switch on, like you don't know what you don't know. Right. And so, so many people go into marriage, very ill prepared with very poor models of marriage. And I'll give you just one example. So one of the questions I ask couples in my premarital, and again, everyone who's here, you can answer this question. So one of the questions I ask is, how did you see forgiveness modeled in your, in your parents' marriage? Or, you know, like in your household, because the cost of a human relationship is that you will get hurt. And I think that by Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la, the two names he chose to define himself by are Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim, because having a human relationship, you have to be able to forgive because we're going to hurt each other. So I, so I always ask them, like, how did you see forgiveness modeled? I have not had one couple yet who has said, oh, my parents would forgive each other by expressing this or by doing this. It was always like, it's brushed on the rug. They would just continue talking, and this is so detrimental. One of the signs of a successful marriage is how we repair, and forgiveness is part of that. And not just forgiveness with each other, but one of the, again, you know, my work is rooted in Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. So talk about tawbah. If you as a couple, when you have a conflict, if you don't first go make tawbah with Allah
Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la and seek forgiveness from one another, you're on shaky ground. Like, what does it mean to live a God-centered marriage, right? Like, so we're all Muslims, but then when it comes to our marriage, even the most practicing of us don't have elements and experiences and really lived experiences of what it means to practice that. And so that's something that, alhamdulillah, I try to focus on. Simple questions I'll put in my sessions, too, is like, what's the purpose of your marriage? What's the vision you both have? And it has to be beyond this dunya. And that's what allows my husband to make the sacrifices where he doesn't get to see me much sometimes because, alhamdulillah, we know what we're working towards, right? Does this sometimes, I'm going to use this word loosely, stress you out? I mean, because sometimes you hear something about a couple, I mean, it's for, and we're both imams, myself and Shaykh Ibrahim. The sister comes and talks, but then the husband's like, I am not coming to put my business on front street, middle street, nor back street, no street whatsoever, right? And then you see the woman is suffering, right? And the woman maybe wants to leave and the husband's, he just leaves her hanging, right? So, yeah. Does this stress you out at times being that you're someone that's helping change lives and trying to help people? And the reason I'm asking this question is because there's probably a lot of sisters out there that organically have this concern and desire to help couples, to help women, to help men, you know, in these couples. But subhanAllah, it can stress them out and they may say, you know what, this may not be for me. You know, it's just too much. Has this happened to you? And if so, what do you do? What's the formula? So, A, I don't get stressed. I actually get more passionate about my work, alhamdulillah. But I think one of the primary questions that qualifies a couple that I will work with them is, you know, the first question I ask is, are you willing to take responsibility for where your marriage is at? If one party says no, right, the way you have an indication that nothing's moving forward, right?
Someone's not taking responsibility for what their part is in getting things to where they are. That's a huge risk, right? And so, yes, that can be frustrating. And especially if one spouse is showing up and they're the only one wanting to do the work and make the changes, like that's, unfortunately, they're going to have to go and accept what that reality is telling them. And so I accept my limitation in terms of I don't expect to, you know, I can't change everyone's life. I'm not responsible for the actions I'll take. My goal is honestly one of the words that I often ask people when I give feedback, like, what do you think of when you think of my work? And it's hope I want, even if that sister has to accept this reality that her husband won't take responsibility or he's not willing to make those changes. I don't want her to lose her hope in Allah because her hope is in her husband. And often that's what people are showing up with. Their hope is in their husband and their situation. Let's shift that hope to Allah. That's where I, you know, I'll focus on that and I'll help them, inshallah, build their hope and what that translates to. Right. How do you live that way and what decision they choose to make after that? Obviously, you know, it's all mine. I love that. That's so important because so many people, like you said, like they put so much or like the relationship between husband and wife ends up being tied up with their relationship with Allah somehow. So things go sour in their marriage, ends up hurting their relationship with Allah. People do that with their parents, too. Like if the relationship with their parents gets messed up somehow, then their relationship with Allah gets messed up. And being able to make sure that they're held firm with that hope in Allah, that's so important, I think. And that's reflective of, you know, everyone's expecting from relationships things that you should only expect from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. And much of the pain. And again, like we understand, right, modernity, secularism, like all of this has fed that. And that's why I talk about framework, like the frameworks are so important. And I would encourage, you know, whoever's here, like ask yourself, right, ask yourself, like, what is my framework for when things don't go well? Simple, simple question. You know, Ibrahim has sent me some of the questions we're going to explore.
One of the hadiths that Alhamdulillah, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala introduced me to, you know, much early in my journey of growth. How beautiful is the affair of the believer where everything for him is good. And even when calamity strikes, he is patient. That's my framework. There's no bad that can happen to me. Right. Like everything for me that is happening is good, Alhamdulillah. And whatever I have to be patient with, there's good coming in that, too. Right. So we have to ask ourselves, what's the framework? Because many of us, unfortunately, when we're falling apart, it's because our framework was skewed. And so just challenging that and coming back to the Quran, coming back to the hadith, Alhamdulillah, it's so, so powerful. It's so simple. Like I always feel like sometimes I say these things. I'm like, like, it's so basic. But we're so sometimes like we don't want the basic. Right. It's too easy. It can't be that easy. You know, it is because Allah is the Rahman. It is that easy. So we have a bunch of questions to take from the audience. But first, we'll do a quick game of rapid fire questions. I tried to come up with some new ones. We've been doing the same. Yeah, I'm trying. OK. This one, just because I have to share your coffee. My coffee? Shayer coffee, chai or coffee. Oh, would you choose? I don't. I'm very sensitive to caffeine. I'm high on life. I don't do caffeine. She doesn't get stressed. She's high on life. What's the hell of it? My phrase for this season of my life, you guys, is I'm the most happy, exhausted I've ever been. I'm exhausted, but I'm so grateful for my life and what I do and the work. But, yeah, no, I'm very sensitive to caffeine. It's a simple, simple thing. I'm sure you guys, anyone who's struggling with anxiety, if you drink coffee, try being off of it for a week and watch how your anxiety goes down.
You just got to be aware of what's feeding the anxiety and coffee. You just tell my wife that. I'm in trouble now. No, we're good friends. I'm sure May will be open, but I know she loves your coffee. All right. Pancakes or waffles? And we actually had some good ones this week. So my husband can't cook, but he has mastered pancakes and waffles. I'm going to say pancakes. A book or a podcast? Oh, that's hard. I find with audio books now, they're almost the same to me. I will count them as the same. Yeah, I don't know. That's a tough one. The big decision. OK, I'll say book. All right. I'm only asking this one because I know your brother. Brisket or ribs? So when I came to Dallas, I actually ordered ribs and I was like, why do people pay for this? There's no meat on this. It was so fatty. I felt sick by the end of it. I think the only thing I'd like is the barbecue sauce. And I just ordered from a place, but there was not a lot of meat. Is there a rib that has meat on it? Yes, we just came from Yummy Burger. Yummy Burger is probably the one you went to. It was near Epic. It was some place near Epic. I don't know what it's called. OK, but I don't know. I don't like either of those. I'll say brisket. Have you had mine? I think it's been a while. So let's go fresh on that. All right. I got you. Shekhesh Rajesh was just here and he was telling me his son is into it, too. Making all those brisket and ribs. He's like, I'm the one paying for it.
I wonder, and I'd be curious about this. Do you guys think this like recent phenomenon? It's not recent. It's been some years where men are getting into it. Is it just that intermasculine energy that people get to channel elsewhere and that fire in the meat? Oh yeah, always from the beginning. I mean, before it was getting trees and then chopping it down. And then now it's just getting the cue, hanging in the backyard, talking to a whole bunch of John. It's kind of like the barbershop, but you get to end it off with eating some good food. I mean, like in Shekhesh's Master, there's like three or four brothers that have their own barbecue. Yeah, company. Yeah. So yeah, it's definitely, definitely therapeutic. So I mean, Ibrahim started his and he was like making amazing ones on the weekend when I didn't live here. And now that I live here, he has stopped. Inshallah, I got plans for next year. I'm going to do something big. All right. What language do you wish you knew? Arabic. Like Fusha, like Quranic Arabic. What's your favorite city in the world? But you can't say Mecca, Medina or Al-Quds. That's hard because I love traveling. I feel like every city I go to, I'm like, oh, I'm going to live here. I went to North Carolina. I loved it. So Barbados is a special place in my heart. I go there like almost every year. And so not necessarily the city, but the island, like I love it. So maybe there. If you had to choose between these two, which one would you choose? The ability to fly or the ability to read minds? Why? I don't want to know what people are thinking. I thought as a counselor you would want to coach. Once you start doing this, by just meeting someone in like two minutes, you guys are probably familiar with Blink. Right. Like in a blink of eye, you can tell a lot about people and we're not as unique and complex as we think we are.
So that's true. I'm like, we're good. All right. OK, let's get to some of these questions out here. Sister Ali is asking, what are the best ways to teach children the religion without using force? I would first ask, why do you think force is the only way or why have you seen that it's only force? Honestly, and again, the research shows that it's modeling so much of what you're passing on to your child is in the moments that you think they're not paying attention. Right. What do you model? And the love of Allah that you will model in your life, the way you approach Quran, the way you talk about Allah, that will like affect your child. I'm a product of that. I'm absolutely a product. And again, there's so much research around this. I'm not a parent, of course, that we developed last year. So many of the interviews I actually got to pick Dr. Osman's brain before we were developing it. Like you, the parents are the most impactful people. And here's the really heavy part for parents to understand is you're the first godly figure to your child. So the relationship you have with your child is basically transferred to the relationship you'll have with Allah. So that's that's really important. And a lot of people actually start their healing journey once they get that part down, because then I'm like reflect on broken promises from parents. There might be a reason why you struggle with the wafqa. You know, if your parents constantly made you feel despair for not being perfect, there might be a reason why you're not very hopeful in Allah subhana wa ta'ala. So to this parent, I would say it is your relationship with Allah. It is what you model, the energy, the messaging that you give, all of that. Insha'Allah, you know, strive for that to establish that kind of energy in your home. You know, normalizing the beautiful small practices, which I'm sure you guys have addressed, like making up card together, reading a hadith together, right? Like Salawat, like these beautiful, beautiful, small, impactful things that should be part of the culture of your home.
You know, simple things like really having a moment before you start dinner and saying Alhamdulillah, right? Saying Bismillah before you start as a family, like these small things that we don't really practice or think about. And you don't understand the values you would be passing on to your child. And so one of the things we know is the boomerang effect. So if you instill insha'Allah by the culture in your home and what you model, the certain values that are obviously, insha'Allah, aligned with our deen, your child, regardless of what happens, research shows they will most likely insha'Allah come back because of those values. Just the values, Alhamdulillah, grounding them in the deen that way, even if they have that relapse in those moments in teen years or later, insha'Allah, the research is strong and evident enough that they will come back because of those values. So don't lose hope, but force is definitely, again, we have to define what we mean by force, but yeah, that's what I would say. This question says, it would be nice if we could know as which famous people in Islamic history, such as Aisha and Fultima, that you are inspired by the most. So there's Islamic history and then there's people that are not mentioned in the Sahaba. And I'll be honest, my oldest sister named me and I was named after the first female Muslim queen of India. And that had a very defining impact on me in my life. I definitely know the leadership skills I have, what I aspire to, the vision. And I don't get teared down easily. And I know Alhamdulillah, like knowing her history, knowing how Raziul Sultan conquered and maintained certain parts of India and like really held her own, really defined who I was. But in terms of our Sahabiyat and the mother of the believers who really inspired me, definitely Khadija Radhan, her incredible sacrifices, her resilience, just her grace that she had as a woman.
And then for sure Aisha Radhan has her tenacity, her ability to, mashallah, she loved Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. And even after the Prophet's passing, she did not ever back down in calling to Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la through her teaching, through her grassroots efforts. I don't have children and I feel like they connect with her journey of infertility and never letting that define who she was. And so Alhamdulillah, she's definitely someone I channel my inner Aisha and Khadija Radhan. A few other questions here, but let's use this one. How can one remain patient during difficult emotional times? Yeah, I gave a talk on this today, emotional stability. Do your emotions have you or do you have emotions? So many times, unfortunately, we're in the secular age of feeling. And nowhere in the Quran does Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la precondition worship to be, you know, if you feel like it. And so I think we just need to start keeping seeing emotions for what they are. They are not facts. They are feelings I have. They give me signals. Alhamdulillah, emotions are a lahna from Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la. There's no bad or good emotions. They're all neutral. It's how you respond. So I would encourage you, you know, when it comes to being patient with emotions, maybe first ask yourself, which emotions am I enslaved to? So for some people, it's anger. Some people, it could be frustration. You know, what emotions do you feel like you have no control over? Figure that out and then figure out what's the stories that you attach to it. Right. What are the thoughts? So some people, it's like, you know, when they feel frustrated, like, oh, no one cares about me. And then we become enslaved to that thought and that propels or spirals us forward. So I would encourage you to actually that's like the route. And then sabr actually gets easier because alhamdulillah now I'm not just reacting to every emotion I have.
OK, so we're coming up on the hour mark, which is kind of our time limit, but we like to always end with a question. Like if you can go back in time and you can give your younger self advice, what advice would that be? So I would say, you know, stop waiting for everything to be aligned to start. I think we all wait for some perfect scenarios, a perfect moment, some perceived romanticized moment, like when this happens, when that's, you know, once I'm married, then I'll grow. And once this happens, then just take that step towards Allah. Right. Like whatever growth, whatever, maybe a business, like whatever it is in your life right now that you're wanting to do, like just step into it. However imperfect things may seem. Oh, I don't have access to the perfect teacher. I don't have access to all of this at this moment. That's what I would tell myself. I just start and just keep going, keep moving forward because I think that's so essential. I think even right now, like so many, so many of us keep waiting for some perfect reality to happen in order to make that next move or inshallah, just in our relationship with Allah. Once the kids are older, I'll focus on this or then I'll start doing the Hajj, whatever it may be. Like however imperfect it might feel right now, like just start. Right. Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala, He's for the broken. And you don't have to be a perfect believer to have that. You know, this is interesting. You mentioned this. I remember. I can't remember who it was, but I think they took what Sheikh Mohammed Al-Sharif and he mentioned something and it stuck with me. He said, you know, in Arabic, when they say that you're going to do something, what do they say? What is it in Arabic? When you're going to do something in the letter, it's seen or it's or sofa.
So that's why they call the sofa the sofa. You're sitting reclined. You're never going to really doing it. That's where they get the sofa. He had a few few sayings about that. I'm trying to remember it, but I mean, obviously, give your exclusive excuses of black guy. That was the main one. But, you know, in general, he's like, you know, the person will say, I want to do this. But and that meant that like you're actually saying that you don't want to do it. Yeah. Well, that is not important to you. Right. So he's like, why are you lying? So he's like someone who's like, oh, I want to learn Arabic. It's been like 10 years. Stop lying. Like it's not important. And, you know, obviously, you know, since he's passed, everyone's talking about, you know, like obviously how many. But like he was blind and I love that. Like he didn't hold back his punches. He was like it's like, bro, like you did that just for the post. Like, what was your intention? You know, like he'd he was I love that about him. It took I think I developed thicker skin because of it. I appreciated that tough love so much. But yeah, he wasn't going to sugarcoat things for you. So we have a lot of mercy on him. I mean, I mean, she's like, well, I had for coming on and giving us your time. This is actually the last episode for this quote unquote season. We're going to take a bit of a break and then inshallah come back. But just like I said, for your time. And I think a lot of people really did benefit. And I see in the comments, people really loved a lot of the things that you had to say and share. So we ask Allah to make this a benefit for everyone. And on your on the scale of your good deeds on the Day of Judgment. And just ask Allah to head this wonderful conversation. Yeah. OK. See you. OK, inshallah. Assalamu alaikum. Wa alaikum salam. Wa alaikum salam.
Welcome back!
Bookmark content
Download resources easily
Manage your donations
Track your spiritual growth
1 items
1 items
1 items
50 items
9 items
