# Why Were Hurtful People Put in My Life? | Why Me?

**Author:** Dr. Omar Suleiman
**Series:** Why Me
**Published:** 2024-03-23
**YouTube:** https://youtu.be/xcLvWzLsSoA
**URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-were-hurtful-people-put-in-my-life-why-me
**Topics:** Afterlife, Faith

## Description
People can be the greatest blessing in your life, but they can also be the source of immense pain. But why does Allah put evil people in your life? And how do you show grace to those who've wronged you? Getting over heartbreak and betrayal and controlling your anger and envy may be difficult, but...

## Transcript
**[0:00]** Heartbreak has many faces. There's the sadness and ache of loss. There's also the anger and

**[0:15]** indignation of betrayal. Why did Allah put such people in your life? Does He want you to feel like you've been crushed to pieces? Where's the purpose in that? Allah says,

**[0:50]** خُذِ الْعَفْوَ وَأْمُرْ بِالْعُرْفِ وَأَعْرِضْ عَنِ الْجَاهِلِينَ Be gracious, enjoin what is right, and turn away from those who act ignorantly. When this verse was revealed, the Prophet (ﷺ) asked Jibril, what is this all about?

**[1:06]** Jibril said, I won't know until I ask my Lord. And he said, Verily, Allah commands you to reconcile with those who cut you off, to give to those who deprive you, and to pardon those who wrong you.

**[1:21]** Then later, when Ali (رضي الله عنه) receives the sword of the Prophet (ﷺ) after he passes away, he sees engraved in the sword those very same statements.

**[1:41]** Forgive those who have wronged you, reconcile with those who have cut you off, show excellence to those who have shown you evil, and speak the truth even if it's against yourself.

**[2:15]** Allah in all of His glory and power inscribed upon His throne, My mercy overcomes My anger. And He sent His Prophet (ﷺ) رَحْمَةً لِلْعَالَمِينَ

**[2:33]** who inscribes on his sword, an object that's associated with violence, words about mercy. Being able to swallow anger and resentment and deal with people with grace despite the pain of betrayal and hurt is probably the easiest prophetic quality to admire, but the hardest

**[2:49]** one to attain. The forgiveness of Yusuf (عليه السلام) towards his brothers, the forgiveness of the Prophet (ﷺ) towards those that persecuted him, and all these stories of noble people that dealt with the worst of people. But this was the standard that Allah held the best human being

**[3:06]** after the Prophets too. Abu Bakr as-Siddiq (رضي الله عنه), when a man slanders his own daughter, and that was a man he used to give charity to, Allah says, وَلْيَعْفُوا وَلْيَصْفَحُوا أَلَا تُحِبُّونَ أَن يَغْفِرَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ Forgive and pardon. Don't you want Allah to do the same with you?

**[3:30]** So while people can be a great blessing, they can also cause us the most pain. And Allah knows just how hard it is to not respond in kind.

**[3:50]** Whoever has patience and forgives them, that is certainly of the matters that requires the greatest form of determination. Good character really shows in how you deal with people with bad character. Can you withhold yourself from foul language if someone has pushed all of your buttons?

**[4:13]** Can you still work tirelessly fi sabilillah even if you're getting no respect or recognition? Will you still serve the people even if they show you no gratitude? The family you can't stand, or co-workers that seem so evil, they have all been placed there by Allah's decree for a reason.

**[4:31]** So yes, truly evil people exist in this ecosystem for a wise purpose. You don't have to love the tyranny of the tyrant, but you know that the resilience within you was brought out by that tyrant, and the reward will be great. Even the presence of the Shaytan is an opportunity for

**[4:51]** our elevation. So what then of everybody else? So with people, you find your higher level of iman and being able to swallow that anger, and even sometimes return the evil with kindness.

**[5:12]** And Imam Ibn al-Qayyim, he lists many keys to getting over betrayal or heartbreak. The first one he says is to realize that they too are tests, just like the tests of sickness, and famine, and drought, and physical pain. And many people are able to endure those tests

**[5:29]** because they see them as tests. But when it comes to being wronged by others, they don't actually realize that that pain too was decreed by Allah as a test. The second key he says is to choose patience over revenge. He says sabr brings about a great

**[5:44]** reward. Verily, Allah rewards patience without measure. While He rewards good deeds in accordance with their good, Allah puts no limit on patience. And in this world, it brings about inner

**[6:00]** peace and contentment. Whereas revenge almost always leads to regret, and then maybe even the consequences of your own transgression in response. Now that doesn't mean that we tell people that are being harmed to be patient. That means we give them justice and then put them in a position

**[6:15]** of being able to show grace. And we encourage them at that point to choose virtue over vengeance. And Imam Ibn al-Qayyim says the third key is to realize that by showing good to people who wrong you, Allah will show you His good despite your shortcomings and sins. And he quotes this beautiful

**[6:33]** poem. He says, That for your sake, O Allah, I put my cheek to the ground, to the one who insults me and to the one who's envious, all so that you can be pleased. SubhanAllah, it's one form of humility to prostrate

**[6:52]** our heads to Allah, but it's a whole nother level to place our cheeks on the ground figuratively for the sake of Allah. The next key is to achieve salamat al-sadr, to free your heart from grudges in a way that allows it to make peace with Allah's decree. Now, sometimes you need to see an example

**[7:10]** of that to understand that it's possible, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment. But talking to others that have gone through that before and learned how to not only cope, but seek the reward is a major way to at least believe that you have that chance ahead because they too had their own

**[7:26]** friends who caused them pain, but eventually grew them in piety. There was once a man who entered a gathering and the Prophet (ﷺ) said, this man is a person of Jannah. So Abdullah ibn Amr (رضي الله عنهما), he follows him home to talk to him thinking that he's going to be some sort of sage who prays all night and fasts all day. But as he speaks with him, he

**[7:46]** realizes that his station has nothing to do with extra deeds. It's because he cleared his heart of all grudges every night before he slept. That in and of itself is rewardable, but it also allowed his heart to be freed from the distraction of drama, the weight of a grudge, and all of the

**[8:03]** spiritual diseases that are born out of anger. And then the consumption with others that doesn't leave room for Allah in our hearts. The quality of that person's fajr with a clean heart is better than an entire night of qiyam with a heart full of hate. Sometimes all you need

**[8:18]** is time. Just like you had to learn to wait for the outcome of a du'a, sometimes you need to wait a bit longer to let a wound heal before you can even begin to ponder upon the wisdom of that wound. Allah swears by the passing of time, wal-'asr, and the Prophet (ﷺ) told us that

**[8:36]** Allah is al-dahr, meaning Allah creates and controls time. The passage of time with patience can heal wounds and bring tranquility even to the most agitated of souls. And you may even get to a point where you can tell that story again and again and feel no pain, just perspective. There's no getting

**[8:55]** around the heart work that you have to do no matter what stage you're at in your heartbreak. Reflect on the story of Yusuf (عليه السلام) and his brothers. When do you think he actually decided to forgive them? Was it when he first saw them in Egypt after so many years? Was it when they came back for Binyamin? Or was his heart pure of all the barriers for forgiveness so that before he even

**[9:15]** met them, he already had that willingness inside to let go, even if his brothers didn't initially show that they really changed at all? And that's the ultimate key. Unlock your higher self when you witness the lower selves of others. رُبَّمَا كُنتَ مُسِيئًا فَأَرَاكَ الْإِحْسَانَ مِنكَ صُحْبَتُكَ إِلَى مَنْ هُوَ أَسْوَأُ حَالًا مِنكَ

**[9:37]** You might be in a bad state, then you're associating with one who is worse than you, makes you see virtue in yourself. Otherwise, the heartbreak can turn into resentment, and resentment can turn into anger.

**[9:54]** And anger can make us do things that we regret for the rest of our lives and maybe even our afterlives. Ali (رضي الله عنه) said about anger, أَوَّلُهُ جُنُونٌ وَآخِرُهُ نَدَمٌ Its beginning is insanity, and its end is regret. There's a reason the Prophet (ﷺ) said to stay silent or to make wudu or to seek refuge in Allah

**[10:14]** when that anger starts to consume you, because rage is from the Shaytan, and Shaytan is from fire, and can lead a person to burn themselves and others all around them, rather than rise to a place of tranquility and inner peace.

**[10:32]** لَن يُصِيبَنَا إِلَّا مَا كَتَبَ اللَّهُ لَنَا هُوَ مَوْلَانَا وَعَلَى اللَّهِ فَلْيَتَوَكَّلِ الْمُؤْمِنُونَ

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