# What Shaped My Personality? | Why Me?

**Author:** Dr. Omar Suleiman
**Series:** Why Me
**Published:** 2024-03-13
**YouTube:** https://youtu.be/I6VBsllL0bI
**URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-shaped-my-personality-why-me
**Topics:** Afterlife, Faith

## Description
How much control do you have over the qualities you possess? What aspects of your personality are innate, and what are you to cultivate? Everyone is born with a set of gifts and talents, and given the opportunity to nurture them. Will you nurture them in a way to bring you closer to Allah, or will...

## Transcript
**[0:00]** Any parent could tell you that each of their children were so different from the start. One might have been loud and hot-tempered, another quiet and calm, and another might have tried to push the boundaries as soon as they could crawl.

**[0:18]** Allah has endowed each of us with a unique set of personality traits, and we're all born with different spiritual dispositions. How you cultivate your talents or temptations is up to you. But how much control do you have over the qualities you possess?

**[0:57]** Everyone acts according to their nature. Everyone is born with the nature Allah created them upon. And as they grow, their personality is shaped and molded by the people around them, and the experiences that they're going to have.

**[1:12]** So for example, what was it like the first time you went into the masjid? And how did all those people receive you? Were you met with smiles and warmth? Or were you publicly scolded for being disruptive? These early experiences are going to dictate how comfortable you feel in large crowds,

**[1:28]** and more importantly, how comfortable you feel in the masjid. How was the prayer introduced to you? Was it introduced to you as a burden or a blessing? Did your parents teach you why you pray and then positively affirm you after you pray? Or did you feel like it was forced on you with no explanation,

**[1:45]** and then you were just disciplined if you failed? In many cases, your parents are the first window into the reality of Islam in all of its aspects.

**[2:06]** Everything from being generous to the less fortunate, to the blessing of feeding your family, especially in Ramadan, to the value of charity in all of its manifestations. Abdullah ibn Umar (رضي الله عنهما) would not have a meal at his home

**[2:21]** without an orphan at the table. And he said that was directly tied to what he learned from his father about the importance of feeding the orphans. But some things are not influenced by anyone, and you just find yourself naturally drawn to them. Some children are extroverts, and they thrive in large groups.

**[2:38]** And some children grow up introverted, enjoying their own inner world with their idea of fun being engrossed in a book, but hopefully not social media apps. Some kids can find discipline and responsibility to be hard. Other kids grow up being responsible and independent for their age.

**[2:56]** Some kids hate doing chores. Other kids love the idea of being helpful to their family. But it's not only the positive things that get imprinted onto us. Some of us witness a lot of negative behavior, maybe even in our households.

**[3:18]** As a child, seeing your parents argue can shake your world, and you can end up internalizing the way that they dealt with their emotions. So hot tempers often get inherited, and you can't help but feel bad about it.

**[3:35]** So hot tempers often get inherited, or being afraid of a hot temper gets inherited. People-pleasing, for example, is a common response to witnessing continuous parental disputes, because you feel so helpless all the time that you just want conflict to end.

**[3:52]** So how much of your personality was ever really yours to develop? And how much of it was decreed? How much of it can you learn? Your personality is both nature and nurture, and you carve out your akhlaq, meaning what becomes your character, out of your personality.

**[4:09]** The scholars say think of your personality traits like seeds that still remain in their soil. They're waiting for the rain of revelation and the light of faith to nourish them so that they can become beneficial crops. Every personality trait has the potential to grow into a virtuous quality.

**[4:26]** Every personality trait has the potential to grow into a virtuous quality, or it could become the opposite. There was a companion by the name of Al-Ashajj Abdul Qays (رضي الله عنه), and this was a man who was a leader of his tribe. And so when his tribe came to see the Prophet

**[4:42]** (ﷺ), they were so excited that they left everything behind. Camels were untied, things were all over the place. And so he stayed behind, not because he was slow, but because he was deliberate. And as a leader, he was getting everything put back together. And then he proceeded to the Prophet (ﷺ)

**[5:01]** later than everybody else. Now, when he got to the Prophet (ﷺ), he wasn't condemned. In fact, the Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Inna feeka khaslatayni yuhibbuhum Allah, al-hilmu wal-ana." Verily, you have two qualities that Allah loves.

**[5:17]** Your hilm, which is your patience with the people, and al-ana, which is how deliberate you are. Hilm is when you're forbearing, you can tolerate people. Al-ana is when you're calculated. You want to make sure that everything is in order.

**[5:32]** Now, both of those qualities can be mistaken for something negative. You could see al-hilm as disgrace. You could see al-ana, which is being very deliberate, as being slow and having a lot of self-doubt, but they're not. And in another narration, the Prophet (ﷺ) said to him,

**[5:48]** "Al-hilmu wal-haya," it's your forbearance and your shyness. Shyness can be mistaken for weakness, but it's not. So now he's all happy and he says to the Prophet (ﷺ), "Ya Rasulullah, did I acquire these traits? Or did Allah create these traits within me?"

**[6:05]** The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Rather, Allah put them in you," meaning you were born with these traits. And he responded and said, "Alhamdulillah alladhi jabalani ala khuluqayni yuhibbuhum Allah." All praises be to Allah who shaped me with two qualities that He loves.

**[6:22]** So they're God-given traits because they start as seeds when you're born, created by Allah, and then Allah guides the individuals to draw out the potential from their unique personalities. Now forbearance, patience, and modesty are made easy if a person is naturally introverted.

**[6:40]** So the seed of introversion can give these fruits through the guidance of Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) with your striving. But even if these qualities come harder to you, they can still be acquired. That's why Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) says, "Wal-ladhina jahadu feena lanahdiyannahum subulana."

**[6:58]** Those who strive in our path, we will guide them to our ways. And that's why the Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Innama al-ilmu bitta'allum wa innama al-hilmu bitta'hallum." Knowledge is through seeking knowledge. And likewise, forbearance is through practicing forbearance.

**[7:15]** How many people have you seen unlearn a bad temper? It's difficult, but the Prophet (ﷺ) says it is possible. And if you could learn forbearance and unlearn a bad temper, you can learn any good quality and unlearn any bad quality. And the reward is simply going to be greater for you

**[7:33]** because you had to strive harder to get to that station. "Husn al-a'mali nata'iju husn al-ahwal wa husn al-ahwali min at-tahaqquq fi maqamat al-inza." Good deeds are the results of good states.

**[7:48]** And good states arise from the stations wherein those who have spiritual realizations abide. You cultivate your potential by undoing even the worst of qualities and turning them into good ones. Instead of arrogance, you convert strength into courage.

**[8:04]** You put your eloquence into being a voice of truth instead of falsehood. The same things that made some of the Sahaba horrible enemies of Islam made them the greatest forbearers of Islam once they became Muslim and governed their traits with taqwa. The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "People are like precious stones.

**[8:23]** The best of you in Jahiliyyah are the best of you in Islam if you have understanding and faith." And just like how it's sunnah to eat from what's closest to you, we run to Allah with the qualities that are closest to our personalities.

**[8:38]** And then just as we eventually move away further in the plate, we start to expand our personalities to focus on gaining those qualities that might not be easy, but they are beloved to Allah (سبحانه وتعالى). And so they've become beloved to us.

**[8:55]** We become inspired by our friends and our families to expand our personalities, to try new things, to build new strengths and new talents. And when we have conversations and share moments together, we learn more about each other and expand our horizon.

**[9:10]** And while personality is the driving force behind your journey to Allah, it isn't the only factor that determines your life path. Your health and your illness and your physical abilities or your disabilities might just push you in directions you didn't expect.

## Other Episodes in "Why Me"
- [Did My Life Really Matter? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/did-my-life-really-matter-why-me.md)
- [When Life Comes Full Circle | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/when-life-comes-full-circle-why-me.md)
- [What Will The Day of My Death Be Like? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-do-i-feel-when-im-dying-why-me.md)
- [Will Allah Still Forgive Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/will-allah-still-forgive-me-why-me.md)
- [How Can I Accept That I'm Dying? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/how-can-i-accept-that-im-dying-why-me.md)
- [What If It's Too Late? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-if-its-too-late-why-me.md)
- [Do Good Deeds Extend My Life? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/do-good-deeds-extend-my-life-why-me.md)
- [Why Is There So Much Suffering in The World? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-is-there-so-much-suffering-in-the-world-why-me.md)
- [Can I Escape The Outcome of My Sins? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/can-i-escape-the-outcome-of-my-sins-why-me.md)
- [Is Allah Testing or Punishing Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/is-allah-testing-or-punishing-me-why-me.md)
- [Why Is Everything Falling Apart? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-is-everything-falling-apart-why-me.md)
- [Why Did They Have to Die? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-did-they-have-to-die-why-me.md)
- [How Do I Find Love in Loneliness?  | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/how-do-i-find-love-in-loneliness-why-me.md)
- [I Didn't Mean to Hurt You | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/i-didnt-mean-to-hurt-you-why-me.md)
- [Why Do They Get the Life I Want? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-they-get-the-life-i-want-why-me.md)
- [What If I Could’ve Changed Things? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-if-i-couldve-changed-things-why-me.md)
- [Why Were Hurtful People Put in My Life? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-were-hurtful-people-put-in-my-life-why-me.md)
- [Will I Ever Find True Love? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/will-i-ever-find-true-love-why-me.md)
- [Why Make Istikhara? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-make-istikhara-why-me.md)
- [Why Won't Allah Answer Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-wont-god-help-me-why-me.md)
- [Did I Choose To Be Muslim? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/did-i-choose-to-be-muslim-why-me.md)
- [Why Do I Have to Carry Their Burden? |  Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-i-have-to-carry-their-burden-why-me.md)
- [Why Am I Rich or Poor? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-am-i-rich-or-poor-why-me.md)
- [Why Do I Look Like This? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-i-look-like-this-why-me.md)
- [Why Do I Have These (Dis)Abilities? |  Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-i-have-these-disabilities-why-me.md)
- [Why Is This My Family? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-is-this-my-family-why-me.md)
- [What Happened On My Birth Day? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-happened-on-my-birth-day-why-me.md)
- [Why Did Allah Choose This Time for Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-did-allah-choose-this-time-for-me-why-me.md)
- [Where Was I Before I Was Born? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/where-was-i-before-i-was-born-why-me.md)
- [Trailer: Why Me? | A Ramadan Series on Understanding Qadar](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/trailer-why-me-a-ramadan-series-on-understanding-qadar.md)