# I Didn't Mean to Hurt You | Why Me?

**Author:** Dr. Omar Suleiman
**Series:** Why Me
**Published:** 2024-03-26
**YouTube:** https://youtu.be/k_FQmubE7ec
**URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/i-didnt-mean-to-hurt-you-why-me
**Topics:** Afterlife, Faith

## Description
Sometimes, what you see as someone else being unfairly favored might actually be qadar at work in your favor. So beware of envy and defeat overtaking you, and make an effort to recognize the wisdoms in your life. Because when it comes to Allah's decree, it's not the most materially blessed or...

## Transcript
**[0:00]** What if you were the one who wronged them? Perspective helps you grow and realize how you could have been better.

**[0:19]** When you begin to reflect on yourself, you might see you were the one wronging where you once thought you were being wronged. Or that you were the oppressor where you once thought you were oppressed.

**[0:40]** In all those moments where you thought you were the victim, you may find that you were in fact the aggressor. These flashes of insight are a gift from Allah who guided you to realize your wrongs.

**[1:00]** There's a powerful hadith of the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam,

**[1:16]** where he mentions three men that get stuck in a cave and at the entrance of that cave, there's this huge boulder. And all three of them say to each other, let's make du'a to Allah with the deed that we did sincerely for His sake in hopes that He'll remove the boulder.

**[1:33]** Now, I want you to pay attention to the second man who makes du'a and what exactly he says. He says, Allahumma innaha kana li bintu ammin ahbabtuha ka ashaddi ma yuhibbu arrijaru nisa. Oh Allah, I had a cousin of mine that I fell in love with and I loved her

**[1:51]** deeper than any man could love any woman. Fatalabtu minha fa abat. And then I asked her to be with me and she refused. And then she goes into deep debt and he says, I manipulated her by taking advantage of her desperation and telling her, look, I'll give you a hundred

**[2:08]** dinars if you do what I want you to do. So she agreed in her desperation. So he says, falamma waqa'tu bayna rijlayha qalat yaa abdullaa ittaqillaa wala taftahil khaatama illa bihaqqihi

**[2:23]** Just as I was about to commit that deed and I had her exactly where I wanted her, at that moment, she shouts out and says, Oh, slave of Allah, fear Allah and do not break a seal that he hasn't given you permission to. So he says, I got up and I ran away.

**[2:40]** And he says, Oh Allah, if I did that for your sake alone, please remove this boulder and Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala allowed it to move further. Now, subhanAllah, compare how trapped he felt in that moment in the cave to how trapped she felt that night by him, but he woke up and that changed

**[2:58]** the course of his divine decree. And it definitely altered hers as well, but we just don't know how. We often don't see life through the other person's eyes, and we definitely don't see how our significant encounters may have significantly

**[3:16]** changed the course of their lives. Just like people are a test for us, we too can be a test for people. And as our lives unfold, we worry so much about the harm that comes to us through other people's spiritual diseases.

**[3:32]** How do I protect myself from someone else's anger, someone else's envy, someone else's hypocrisy, but the companions were far more worried about their own anger and envy and potential hypocrisy because to harm someone here is to harm yourself in the hereafter.

**[3:47]** Whereas to endure someone's harm here is reward in the hereafter. And I'd rather the physical cost of bearing someone else's issues than the spiritual cost of causing someone pain. That's why the prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam said, be the slave

**[4:03]** of Allah that is murdered, not the one who murders. In essence, be the slave of Allah who is wronged, not the one that wrongs others. And this is part of what Imam Hassan al-Basri Rahimahullah meant when he said that the eye of the hypocrite always looks outwards, whereas the eye

**[4:19]** of the believer always looks inwards. Allah describes the hypocrites with a trait. يَحْسَبُونَ كُلَّ صَيْحَةٍ عَلَيْهِمْ They feel like every shout is against them, meaning they're insecure. And if anyone says anything, even if it has nothing to do with them, they take it as a personal shot and then use that to justify their

**[4:37]** own aggression against others. The believers on the other hand, not only do they excuse people who are obviously offending them, they watch even the tone of their own voice to make sure that they're not being offensive. إِنَّ أَنْكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَسَلْطُ الْحَمِيرِ

**[4:52]** The worst voice is the one that is like the brain of a donkey. At the end of the day, every relationship is going to show up on the day of judgment. And if we're accustomed to always making ourselves out to be the victim, we may become blind to the harm that we have caused.

**[5:08]** And it takes deep introspection to look at yourself and what you have done out of fear of that showing up on the day of judgment. Otherwise you're always just the Musa of your own story. But is the other person really the Firaun that you made them out to be?

**[5:24]** You see rarely in a conflict is either side a hundred percent right. And if they were 70% wrong and you were 30% wrong, own the 30 and seek the reward for the 70 because Allah Subh'anaHu Wa Ta-A'la says فَمَنْ عَفَى وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُ عَلَى اللَّهِ

**[5:40]** So whoever forgives and pardons, then his ajr is on Allah, meaning on the day of judgment, Allah has a heavy reward for him, but for the one who used to not see their own wrongdoings towards the people, they might end up bankrupt on the day of judgment because all of those small transgressions add up and they

**[5:56]** become a heavy burden at the scale. While few people are gifted to realize they were in the wrong, even fewer people

**[6:19]** are gifted with the ability to put their head down and admit that they were wrong. Especially if it's towards the people who they think provoked them or instigated their conflict in the first place. But Wahb ibn Munabbah Rahimahullah says the righteous inclined towards three

**[6:40]** qualities, number one, having a generous soul, number two, to be patient despite being harmed, number three, having pleasant speech. And when you do that, you don't just get the reward in the hereafter.

**[6:58]** Allah says that sometimes you get the reward in this world as well. ادفع بالتي هي أحسن فإذا الذي بينك وبينه عداوة كأنه ولي حميم Respond to that which is evil with that which is better.

**[7:19]** Then the one you previously had animosity with may end up becoming a loving friend. And if you've harmed people in the past that have now passed away, let your redemption be in the people that Allah will continue to put in your way. How many enemies of the Prophet SallAllahu Alaihi Wasallam repented after

**[7:37]** literally killing companions, but they took that regret and turned it into legacies of redemption. Wahshi who killed Hamza radiAllahu ta'ala Anhu with a spear could never bring Hamza back, but he used that spear against the enemy of Allah Musaylimah.

**[7:53]** Sa'id Ibn Aamir radiAllahu ta'ala Anhu who was present at the crucifixion of Khubaib radiAllahu ta'ala Anhu, he couldn't take back being present in that great injustice, but he established justice in entire nations based upon the guilt that he carried for the death of that one individual in Khubaib and at every moment

**[8:12]** where we become heedless with ourselves, we risk still doing things that hurt others, whether it's something as small as a rude gesture that ruined their day or a major sin that ruined their lives. It's best we come to terms with those misdeeds while we're still

**[8:27]** here and can repent from them. Tashawwufu ila maa batana feeka minal ayoobi khayrun min tashawwufu ila maa hujiba anka minal ghuyub. You're being on the lookout for the vices hidden within you is far better than

**[8:44]** you're being on the lookout for the invisible realities that have been veiled from you. Self-accountability breeds healthy regret over the way we may have treated people in our past and humility with how we treat people in the future. Humility keeps you from oppressing others and yourself and raises

**[9:03]** your rank in the sight of Allah. Allah tested you through people and he tested people through you, but the more you seek to be the blessing that he sends to others, the more he starts to send you people to be a blessing to you.

**[9:23]** You might even be the one you've been so desperately waiting for.

**[9:47]** You might even be the one you've been so desperately waiting for.

## Other Episodes in "Why Me"
- [Did My Life Really Matter? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/did-my-life-really-matter-why-me.md)
- [When Life Comes Full Circle | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/when-life-comes-full-circle-why-me.md)
- [What Will The Day of My Death Be Like? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-do-i-feel-when-im-dying-why-me.md)
- [Will Allah Still Forgive Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/will-allah-still-forgive-me-why-me.md)
- [How Can I Accept That I'm Dying? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/how-can-i-accept-that-im-dying-why-me.md)
- [What If It's Too Late? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-if-its-too-late-why-me.md)
- [Do Good Deeds Extend My Life? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/do-good-deeds-extend-my-life-why-me.md)
- [Why Is There So Much Suffering in The World? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-is-there-so-much-suffering-in-the-world-why-me.md)
- [Can I Escape The Outcome of My Sins? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/can-i-escape-the-outcome-of-my-sins-why-me.md)
- [Is Allah Testing or Punishing Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/is-allah-testing-or-punishing-me-why-me.md)
- [Why Is Everything Falling Apart? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-is-everything-falling-apart-why-me.md)
- [Why Did They Have to Die? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-did-they-have-to-die-why-me.md)
- [How Do I Find Love in Loneliness?  | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/how-do-i-find-love-in-loneliness-why-me.md)
- [Why Do They Get the Life I Want? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-they-get-the-life-i-want-why-me.md)
- [What If I Could’ve Changed Things? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-if-i-couldve-changed-things-why-me.md)
- [Why Were Hurtful People Put in My Life? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-were-hurtful-people-put-in-my-life-why-me.md)
- [Will I Ever Find True Love? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/will-i-ever-find-true-love-why-me.md)
- [Why Make Istikhara? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-make-istikhara-why-me.md)
- [Why Won't Allah Answer Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-wont-god-help-me-why-me.md)
- [Did I Choose To Be Muslim? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/did-i-choose-to-be-muslim-why-me.md)
- [Why Do I Have to Carry Their Burden? |  Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-i-have-to-carry-their-burden-why-me.md)
- [Why Am I Rich or Poor? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-am-i-rich-or-poor-why-me.md)
- [Why Do I Look Like This? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-i-look-like-this-why-me.md)
- [Why Do I Have These (Dis)Abilities? |  Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-i-have-these-disabilities-why-me.md)
- [What Shaped My Personality? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-shaped-my-personality-why-me.md)
- [Why Is This My Family? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-is-this-my-family-why-me.md)
- [What Happened On My Birth Day? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-happened-on-my-birth-day-why-me.md)
- [Why Did Allah Choose This Time for Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-did-allah-choose-this-time-for-me-why-me.md)
- [Where Was I Before I Was Born? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/where-was-i-before-i-was-born-why-me.md)
- [Trailer: Why Me? | A Ramadan Series on Understanding Qadar](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/trailer-why-me-a-ramadan-series-on-understanding-qadar.md)