# How Do I Find Love in Loneliness?  | Why Me?

**Author:** Dr. Omar Suleiman
**Series:** Why Me
**Published:** 2024-03-27
**YouTube:** https://youtu.be/jJGwJ7XLZ8U
**URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/how-do-i-find-love-in-loneliness-why-me
**Topics:** Afterlife, Faith

## Description
Sometimes, what you see as someone else being unfairly favored might actually be qadar at work in your favor. So beware of envy and defeat overtaking you, and make an effort to recognize the wisdoms in your life. Because when it comes to Allah's decree, it's not the most materially blessed or...

## Transcript
**[0:00]** In a world full of people, how come you're the only one without a companion? Is happiness not your lot in life?

**[0:21]** You've been created to want a companion, a family, a community, and the absence of them leads to a deep dissatisfaction with life. If you're in a stage of your life now where it's in your qadr to be alone,

**[0:36]** how can you come to terms with that? How do you deal with loneliness and the fears that come with it?

**[0:57]** How do you deal with loneliness and the fears that come with it? O Abu Dharr (رضي الله عنه), you will live alone, die alone, and be raised up alone on the Day of Judgment.

**[1:15]** Some people were not meant to be surrounded by others, but most of us were. In fact, one of the roots of the word insan in Arabic is uns, which is a word used to describe the comfort that comes with special human connection. So human beings seek comfort through connecting with others,

**[1:33]** and Allah created us to be within families, extended families, neighborhoods, and communities. That's why the sunnah has created all types of spaces of community and belonging. The five daily prayers at the masjid, the taraweeh prayers at night in Ramadan,

**[1:49]** sharing meals and feeding people together. And even when traveling, the Prophet (ﷺ) advised to always have a companion. In some narrations, he even forbids spending the night alone or traveling by yourself if you have the choice not to.

**[2:04]** An yabita ar-rajulu wahda, aw yusafiru wahda. Why? The Prophet (ﷺ) said that shaytan is like a wolf that always attacks the lone sheep. Fa 'alaykum bil-jama'a wa al-'amma So stay close to the community and do not isolate yourself.

**[2:20]** That's actually partly why it's an act of worship to have a walimah after a wedding and an 'aqiqah after a newborn. The Prophet (ﷺ) praised circles of knowledge and remembrance as gardens of paradise that the angels roam around the streets every night looking for.

**[2:36]** Allah created nearly everything in pairs. Wa min kulli shay'in khalaqna zawjayni la'allakum tadhakkarun Wa min kulli shay'in khalaqna zawjayni la'allakum tadhakkarun And of all things, we created pairs so that perhaps you will remember. Musa (عليه السلام) asked for Allah to give him in his brother a prophet.

**[2:54]** Ushdud bihi azri wa ashrikhu fi amri Strengthen me through him and let him share with me in my burden. Some of the scholars said that no one has ever done a greater favor for someone else like Musa. Through his du'a, his brother was made a prophet. And of course, human beings crave for a spouse to find comfort from loneliness.

**[3:15]** Wa min ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusikum azwajan li taskunu ilayha From His signs is that He created for you a wife to live with. And from His signs is that He created for you a husband to live with. Wa min ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusikum azwajan li taskunu ilayha

**[3:32]** And from His signs is that He created for you a wife to live with. Wa min ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusikum azwajan li taskunu ilayha And from His signs is that He created for you a wife to live with. Wa min ayatihi an khalaqa lakum min anfusikum azwajan li taskunu ilayha

**[3:47]** From His signs is that He created for you spouses from yourselves, so that you can dwell with them in tranquility. The Prophet (ﷺ) encouraged marriage so strongly that he said, An-nikahu min sunnati Marriage is from my sunnah, and whoever turns away from my sunnah is not from me.

**[4:05]** And it's a bond that fosters love and mercy. The Prophet (ﷺ) comments on this by saying that one of the signs of Allah in marriage is that a person can have even more love for a person that they just met a few months ago than the family they've known their entire lives.

**[4:24]** And the best unions are the ones that bring families together. The people that loved you before, and the people that you are to love now, whereby you give everyone their rights and grow the circle of mercy and tranquility.

**[4:44]** And before you know it, you may have a new life ahead of you, and a partner to share it with you. Your destinies are now forever tied with each other.

**[4:59]** In Jannah, no one is single. And if two people make it to Jannah together, they have each other there too. So you might actually be marrying a piece of your Jannah here.

**[5:14]** And just as your life was filled with beautiful moments in this world, Allah will make your spouse the most beautiful part of your Jannah if you do the righteous deeds that earn His pleasure together. But what if loneliness is your decree here?

**[5:29]** And beyond marriage, why would that even be the case at different points of your life? The scholars mentioned various types of loneliness. When you're without a companion or a friend or a family member, it is difficult, but it could be to unlock the gifts of khalwah, seclusion,

**[5:47]** and learning to ponder upon the signs of Allah without the distraction of people. Then there's the loneliness of estrangement, and that's the hardest type. When people leave you because of who you are, or who you are naturally causes you to drift away from people.

**[6:02]** You can have loneliness decreed upon you because you have such bad character and no one wants to be around you. And the Prophet (ﷺ) said that the worst person is the one that people abandon because they don't want to deal with their foul mouths.

**[6:17]** So Allah could be prescribing you loneliness in that form so that you can finally work on your temperament and your understanding. So that you can work on your temper or bad character, so that you don't alienate the people you love anymore. And the same thing is true for sin and lowliness.

**[6:34]** Some people around you might want to break bad habits that cause them failure in this life or the next. And you get left behind, stuck in them, with Allah giving you a warning to get your priorities right, then the right type of people will be put back into your life.

**[6:49]** But subhanAllah, sometimes it's not your sins that push you away from people. Sometimes it's actually your good deeds and the new higher standards that set you apart. And that's the praiseworthy estrangement known as ghurbah. Because when we grow in our faith and abandon old lifestyles, we can lose old friends and some family members can even become distant.

**[7:07]** So as Ibn al-Qayyim explains, it's not that loneliness is in and of itself a spiritual station. But when a person rises in rank, their loneliness can be a decreed consequence from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. As he says,

**[7:24]** The knower of Allah finds closeness to Him, which causes him distance from other than Him. So both the good deed and the bad deed can lead to a decree of being alienated from other people. But whether it's through what Allah has decreed through physical loneliness,

**[7:39]** estrangement, waiting to find your spouse, or not having your friends and family with you anymore, finding Allah as a result is the greatest qadr you can have. Whether people are around or not. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in a hadith qudsi,

**[8:11]** If he remembers Me in himself, I will remember him in Myself. And if he remembers Me in a gathering, I make mention of him in a greater gathering than his. When Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala decrees a loss of rizq in possessions and you are patient, He gives you with a greater possession in paradise.

**[8:27]** But when Allah decrees for you loneliness and a loss of people and you are patient, He gives you something far better than that. He gives you Himself. When He alienates you from His creatures, then know that He wants to open for you the door of intimacy with Him.

**[8:43]** Accepting that someone you wanted to be with before has been chosen for someone else can be the path to tasting the sweetness of iman. Regret over something bad you did to someone else could be the key to treating everyone else alike.

**[8:58]** Contentment is to look at your current sustenance as a lot while not despairing over what you don't have. Contentment is to look at your current sustenance as a lot while not despairing over what you don't have. Contentment is to look at your current sustenance as a lot

**[9:14]** while not despairing over what you don't have. Contentment is to look at your current sustenance as a lot while not despairing over what you don't have. Contentment is to look at your current sustenance as a lot while not despairing over what you don't have.

**[9:30]** When it comes to relationships, it's also to look at who you currently have but might not have been paying attention to all while enjoying the new companions Allah may have gifted you with.

**[9:47]** But in that excitement of finding someone else, you may end up having to say goodbye to those who never forgot you and who eagerly used to wait for you to remember them even with a simple call.

## Other Episodes in "Why Me"
- [Did My Life Really Matter? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/did-my-life-really-matter-why-me.md)
- [When Life Comes Full Circle | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/when-life-comes-full-circle-why-me.md)
- [What Will The Day of My Death Be Like? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-do-i-feel-when-im-dying-why-me.md)
- [Will Allah Still Forgive Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/will-allah-still-forgive-me-why-me.md)
- [How Can I Accept That I'm Dying? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/how-can-i-accept-that-im-dying-why-me.md)
- [What If It's Too Late? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-if-its-too-late-why-me.md)
- [Do Good Deeds Extend My Life? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/do-good-deeds-extend-my-life-why-me.md)
- [Why Is There So Much Suffering in The World? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-is-there-so-much-suffering-in-the-world-why-me.md)
- [Can I Escape The Outcome of My Sins? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/can-i-escape-the-outcome-of-my-sins-why-me.md)
- [Is Allah Testing or Punishing Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/is-allah-testing-or-punishing-me-why-me.md)
- [Why Is Everything Falling Apart? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-is-everything-falling-apart-why-me.md)
- [Why Did They Have to Die? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-did-they-have-to-die-why-me.md)
- [I Didn't Mean to Hurt You | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/i-didnt-mean-to-hurt-you-why-me.md)
- [Why Do They Get the Life I Want? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-they-get-the-life-i-want-why-me.md)
- [What If I Could’ve Changed Things? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-if-i-couldve-changed-things-why-me.md)
- [Why Were Hurtful People Put in My Life? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-were-hurtful-people-put-in-my-life-why-me.md)
- [Will I Ever Find True Love? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/will-i-ever-find-true-love-why-me.md)
- [Why Make Istikhara? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-make-istikhara-why-me.md)
- [Why Won't Allah Answer Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-wont-god-help-me-why-me.md)
- [Did I Choose To Be Muslim? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/did-i-choose-to-be-muslim-why-me.md)
- [Why Do I Have to Carry Their Burden? |  Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-i-have-to-carry-their-burden-why-me.md)
- [Why Am I Rich or Poor? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-am-i-rich-or-poor-why-me.md)
- [Why Do I Look Like This? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-i-look-like-this-why-me.md)
- [Why Do I Have These (Dis)Abilities? |  Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-i-have-these-disabilities-why-me.md)
- [What Shaped My Personality? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-shaped-my-personality-why-me.md)
- [Why Is This My Family? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-is-this-my-family-why-me.md)
- [What Happened On My Birth Day? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-happened-on-my-birth-day-why-me.md)
- [Why Did Allah Choose This Time for Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-did-allah-choose-this-time-for-me-why-me.md)
- [Where Was I Before I Was Born? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/where-was-i-before-i-was-born-why-me.md)
- [Trailer: Why Me? | A Ramadan Series on Understanding Qadar](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/trailer-why-me-a-ramadan-series-on-understanding-qadar.md)