# Did I Choose To Be Muslim? | Why Me?

**Author:** Dr. Omar Suleiman
**Series:** Why Me
**Published:** 2024-03-19
**YouTube:** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGdznSHyJUQ
**URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/did-i-choose-to-be-muslim-why-me
**Topics:** Afterlife, Faith

## Description
Some people have the trial of discovering Islam for the first time later in life. Others who were born Muslim, however, may find themselves at a point where they ask, "Am I really a Muslim or was I just raised that way?" The act of renewing your faith can be just as hard as discovering it for the...

## Transcript
**[0:00]** Some events leave us reeling from shock. But then once the shock wears off, the aftermath can lead us to all sorts of existential questions.

**[0:15]** Wake-up calls are almost never as simple as people think they are. They can leave us more confused than ever before, and make us question everything we thought we knew.

**[0:30]** People are telling me to come back to Allah. But am I a believer in the first place? What if I believe just because my parents do? But if I don't have faith, then who am I? What am I? What life do I really deep down want to live?

**[1:00]** Why is it that some people leave behind everything you could ever want for Islam, while others who had Islam handed to them are so ready to throw it all away?

**[1:17]** Sometimes the struggle to find Islam is the reason why you get to taste the sweetness of iman. Now struggle might not be the only way to renew your faith, but it might be the only thing that pushes you to do so. And the Prophet (ﷺ) said,

**[1:36]** That verily faith wears out in your heart, just like a shirt becomes worn out. So ask Allah to renew the faith in your hearts.

**[1:51]** Our iman goes up and down with the tides of our qadr. But it's never stagnant. And we're all going to have points of our lives where we have lower iman. And Shaytan is going to try to convince you that low iman is the same as no iman, and it's not.

**[2:10]** It's just a warning to refill your tank of faith. And sometimes we don't appreciate the light that we had until we get lost in the dark. Until we get lost in the dark. And that's when Allah sends a spark to reignite that flame.

**[2:35]** Hasn't the time come for those who believe to humble their hearts to the remembrance of Allah and the truth that He revealed?

**[2:51]** You already know Allah and you know the truth, but you need a hard reminder to come back to it. And maybe it's not your conversion story, but it is your redemption story. But the urgency of getting it right has to be there. In fact, Umar (رضي الله عنه) used to say,

**[3:16]** I want to take a moment to remind you that I want you to imagine being Abdullah ibn Khabbab ibn al-Arat. You're born in Medina and you awake to the masjid of the Prophet (ﷺ) and a ton of companions around you, all so righteous.

**[3:32]** You grow up in the shade of the Quran. Everything around you is about Islam. And as you're narrating hadiths from your dad one day, you ask your dad why he has these severe burns on his neck and his back. And your dad Khabbab starts to tell you about how he was enslaved in Mecca

**[3:50]** and his master used to pour hot coal down his back until she burned off all of the flesh. Why? Because he wouldn't stop saying la ilaha illallah. Think about how opposite Abdullah's life was from his father Khabbab. But that struggle was part of why Khabbab treasured his faith so much.

**[4:09]** Now, if we're not feeling that attachment, we have to start with diagnosing our distance properly. Sometimes it's an intellectual battle about a specific issue. And more often than that, it's unresolved personal trauma. Now, if it's really intellectual, the Prophet (ﷺ)

**[4:26]** said that the cure to ignorance is just to ask. And you'll always find that there are convincing answers in Islam that do make sense, even if they don't agree with your sensibilities. And even then you come back to Allah knows best because this is clearly divine revelation and this Prophet is clearly a Prophet from Allah.

**[5:39]** So, for example, you know a family member that was abused by your husband, and then you take that disgust that you have and you transfer it into doubt. And then you project that doubt onto the character of Islam instead of the abusive husband.

**[5:57]** And it's understandable why that happens, even if it's not right. Imagine how Musa (عليه السلام) felt when he sees al-Khidr kill a young boy in Surah al-Kahf when Musa himself survived a genocide of children at the hands of Fir'awn. And any one of us would have had an uncomfortable reaction to that qadr, but especially him.

**[6:17]** But notice he doesn't accuse Allah in that episode. He's just trying to come to terms with it. And in reality, when you're personally in the heat of the moment and have no answers at all, that's when you might learn to have the most faith in al-Khabir, the one who knows all the answers.

**[6:33]** Take for example Salman al-Farisi. If he was just born in Medina and became Muslim along with the other Ansar, do you really think he would have been the same person? On the other hand, if he would have stayed in Persia and not let his curiosity about faith take him on this incredible journey in the first place, he would have been Ruzbi ibn Razban,

**[6:53]** a footnote in the Persian empire defeated by the Muslims. But every moment of torture, every teacher he meets, every journey he travels, every moment he spends in slavery is part of the construction of Salman al-Farisi. And just like him, when Allah created you in the womb of your mother

**[7:11]** and then brought you out into this world, He wasn't finished creating you. And whatever makes us turn back to Allah with all of its twists and turns is ultimately going to be a blessing.

**[7:32]** And just like taking shahada does away with all of the sins that come before it, sincere tawbah does the exact same thing. When Ka'b ibn Malik repented to Allah years after he already became Muslim, the Prophet (ﷺ) tells him, أَبْشِرْ بِخَيْرِ يَوْمٍ مَرَّ عَلَيْكَ مُنذُ وَلَدَتْكَ أُمُّكَ

**[7:51]** This is the best day of your life since your mother gave birth to you. Because whether you come to Islam the first time or come back to it again, it's a chance to be reborn. But notice for Ka'b, it was a sin that was his catalyst to come back to Allah.

**[8:08]** So even if we may not be proud of our past, it is part of our story. But your sin doesn't have to be the end of your story. It can be the beginning of your redemption instead. And just like with someone who becomes Muslim for the very first time, Allah can turn all of those sins into good deeds.

**[8:24]** أُولَٰئِكَ يُبَدِّلُ اللَّهُ سَيِّئَاتِهِمْ حَسَنَاتٍ Those are the ones who Allah converts all of their sins into good deeds. And as Ibn al-Qayyim (رحمه الله) said, a sin that brings you back to Allah is better than a good deed that takes you away,

**[8:40]** because it gives you the necessary urgency and humility to come back. It could be a near-death experience facing the consequences of your sins, or the emptiness of an otherwise seemingly perfect life that sets you back on a pursuit

**[8:57]** of Allah spiritually and intellectually. Now, if you're a convert that had to find Islam fresh, you've already tasted the sweetness of faith. And what an incredible reward that awaits you. You've shown that you were willing to give up everything for this precious gift of Islam,

**[9:12]** and Allah has so much more to give you in exchange for it all. And if you had parents that raised you in Islam and taught you how to rise up, what an amazing opportunity to raise your rank beyond even what they taught you. Allah gave you a head start, so don't squander the opportunity.

**[9:29]** Ponder upon the lines, Ya Rabb, razaqtani al-Islam wa lam as'aluk, farzuqni al-jannah wa ana as'aluk. Oh Allah, You granted me Islam and I didn't even ask You for it. So grant me Jannah and I am asking You for it. Things are going to happen to each one of us to make us rediscover

**[9:47]** why we're Muslim in the first place, and how Muslim we want to be. But that renewal isn't a one-time thing, and it's never hard to find your way back, so long as you're really trying. la yukhafu 'alayka an taltabisa at-tariqu 'alayka wa innama yukhafu 'alayka min ghalabati al-hawa 'alayka

**[10:06]** What is feared is not that the ways leading to Allah will be confusing to you, rather what is feared is that your desires will overcome you.

**[10:28]** Somehow Allah is speaking to you, but are you listening? And are you willing to act?

**[10:47]** wa aghfir lana dhunubana wa kaffir 'anna sayyi'atina wa tawaffana ma'a al-abrar Our Lord, we heard the one who was calling to faith, calling on us to believe in You, so we believed. Our Lord, so forgive us of our sins, absolve us of our misdeeds,

**[11:04]** and allow us to die as one of the righteous. But that doesn't mean you aren't still going to have some questions that trouble you. But what do you do when you feel like Allah isn't listening to your concerns?

**[11:27]** Has He not welcomed you back? Is it too late?

## Other Episodes in "Why Me"
- [Did My Life Really Matter? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/did-my-life-really-matter-why-me.md)
- [When Life Comes Full Circle | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/when-life-comes-full-circle-why-me.md)
- [What Will The Day of My Death Be Like? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-do-i-feel-when-im-dying-why-me.md)
- [Will Allah Still Forgive Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/will-allah-still-forgive-me-why-me.md)
- [How Can I Accept That I'm Dying? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/how-can-i-accept-that-im-dying-why-me.md)
- [What If It's Too Late? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-if-its-too-late-why-me.md)
- [Do Good Deeds Extend My Life? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/do-good-deeds-extend-my-life-why-me.md)
- [Why Is There So Much Suffering in The World? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-is-there-so-much-suffering-in-the-world-why-me.md)
- [Can I Escape The Outcome of My Sins? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/can-i-escape-the-outcome-of-my-sins-why-me.md)
- [Is Allah Testing or Punishing Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/is-allah-testing-or-punishing-me-why-me.md)
- [Why Is Everything Falling Apart? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-is-everything-falling-apart-why-me.md)
- [Why Did They Have to Die? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-did-they-have-to-die-why-me.md)
- [How Do I Find Love in Loneliness?  | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/how-do-i-find-love-in-loneliness-why-me.md)
- [I Didn't Mean to Hurt You | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/i-didnt-mean-to-hurt-you-why-me.md)
- [Why Do They Get the Life I Want? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-they-get-the-life-i-want-why-me.md)
- [What If I Could’ve Changed Things? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-if-i-couldve-changed-things-why-me.md)
- [Why Were Hurtful People Put in My Life? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-were-hurtful-people-put-in-my-life-why-me.md)
- [Will I Ever Find True Love? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/will-i-ever-find-true-love-why-me.md)
- [Why Make Istikhara? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-make-istikhara-why-me.md)
- [Why Won't Allah Answer Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-wont-god-help-me-why-me.md)
- [Why Do I Have to Carry Their Burden? |  Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-i-have-to-carry-their-burden-why-me.md)
- [Why Am I Rich or Poor? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-am-i-rich-or-poor-why-me.md)
- [Why Do I Look Like This? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-i-look-like-this-why-me.md)
- [Why Do I Have These (Dis)Abilities? |  Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-do-i-have-these-disabilities-why-me.md)
- [What Shaped My Personality? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-shaped-my-personality-why-me.md)
- [Why Is This My Family? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-is-this-my-family-why-me.md)
- [What Happened On My Birth Day? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/what-happened-on-my-birth-day-why-me.md)
- [Why Did Allah Choose This Time for Me? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/why-did-allah-choose-this-time-for-me-why-me.md)
- [Where Was I Before I Was Born? | Why Me?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/where-was-i-before-i-was-born-why-me.md)
- [Trailer: Why Me? | A Ramadan Series on Understanding Qadar](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/why-me/trailer-why-me-a-ramadan-series-on-understanding-qadar.md)