# Why Does Allah Hate Me So Much? | Trauma Ep. 5 **Author:** Najwa Awad **Series:** Trauma: Your Lord Has Not Forsaken You **Published:** 2019-09-03 **YouTube:** https://youtu.be/Ci20R0WIYtQ **URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-does-allah-hate-me-so-much-trauma-ep-5 **Topics:** Psychology & Mental Health, Trauma ## Description In episode 5 of Trauma: Your Lord Has Not Forsaken You, Najwa Awad, LSCW-C discusses the trauma associated with rejection and highlights a practical activity we can use to understand and dismantle our emotional reasoning. Read the full publication here. ## Transcript **[0:01]** As-salamu alaikum, Najwa Wad here from Yaqeen Institute. Today we are going to be talking about the very difficult thought and question of why **[0:17]** does Allah hate me so much? Feeling rejected is one of the most difficult feelings humans experience. Studies show that the feeling of rejection feels the same as physical pain. And so if you feel like you're really hurting from rejection, that's because you are. **[0:34]** When you feel like you're repeatedly hurt by someone, you might start to ask yourself, what's wrong with me? Why is it that I'm so unlovable? Or why is it that people can't see me for the person that I am? The same kinds of feelings that we have about people can also spill into spirituality as **[0:50]** well. So just the way that you might feel rejected by people, sometimes you might also feel like you might be being rejected by Allah. You might start to wonder and ask yourself, why is my du'a not being answered? Or why am I getting one trial after another? Have **[1:06]** I done something so bad that Allah is rejecting me? When we start to think and make decisions based off of emotions instead of logic, we're engaging in a cognitive distortion or unhealthy way of thinking called emotional reasoning. This is when we start to look at the world and make decisions based off our emotions **[1:25]** instead of fact. So for example, I feel ugly, so I must be. People don't like me, so I must be unworthy of people's affection. The same kind of unhealthy logic can also happen in our relationship with Allah. One way to gain awareness into emotional reasoning is to know that your feelings are not fact. **[1:46]** There is a spectrum of how people look at feelings. You have the people who are very cerebral and think, feelings are not important at all. I just need to do what I need to do, and I need to ignore them. And then you have the opposite crowd. They say, follow your heart no matter what. Feeling is fact. If you feel it, it must be true. **[2:04]** And the truth is that it's really the truth is in the middle. Our feelings are not fact, but our feelings are also very important. Our feelings tell us important things about our body. They tell us when something might be uncomfortable or when something is not right. But at the same time, just because you have a feeling doesn't mean that it's **[2:23]** true. One of the most famous American psychiatrists and contributors to cognitive behavioral therapy was Aaron Beck. And he said that when our reasoning is bogged down by emotions and by illogical reasoning, we become almost like we're blind. So when you're thinking, or when **[2:39]** you're feeling rather, that Allah hates you, you kind of have to go and look within yourself to see where this is coming from. Because Allah does not hate you. There's nothing written that says that he hates you. So this must be coming from within yourself. A lot of people's views about Allah can stem from their views about parenting and attachment. **[3:02]** So for example, if you had a very unforgiving or a very mean parent, not on purpose, but you might be taking some of those feelings and applying them to Allah as well without even knowing it. Thoughts don't happen completely spontaneously. Or they can, but what happens **[3:19]** is like a seed is planted and they grow over time. So when you begin to really feel and internalize that Allah hates you, then looking within yourself to see where that comes from is very important. So it could be the whole parent thing that I talked about, or it could **[3:35]** be somewhere within your development, whether it's in childhood or adulthood, that you started to go down this path. One very useful technique, it's a free association technique in looking at and exploring why you feel that Allah might hate you. You can take a piece of paper and fold it down the **[3:53]** middle and on the one side you can write why you feel that Allah hates you. You can maybe on the top you can write, I feel that Allah hates me because. And really take the time to sit by yourself and reflect on what are these reasons. Is it because you feel like **[4:10]** your dad is not being answered? Do you feel like you're just having one misfortune after another? Once you've identified some of those negative thoughts, on the opposite side of the piece of paper, for each thought, write the opposite. Go and reflect and think about **[4:29]** a healthy way of looking at the same question. So for example, you might say, I feel that Allah does not love me or has rejected me because I keep getting one bad trial after another. On the other side you can write, the prophets were tested with enormous difficulties **[4:48]** and they endured so much but we know that Allah loved them. So I cannot assume that just because I have these hardships that Allah has rejected me. To take things even further, you can write down some of Allah's positive attributes to really enforce some of those **[5:06]** positive connections that you might be lacking and not connecting with him on. And lastly if you feel stuck, go to the Quran and reflect on the ayat in which Allah talks about what he loves. And when you start to do those things that he loves and exemplify the things that **[5:23]** he loves, not only do you know that you're doing things beloved to him, but you also might start to feel love for him and that love can grow. For more insights, tools, and reflections on the question of why does Allah hate me so much, check out our series, Your Lord Has Not Forsaken You, on www.yocleaninstitute.org. ## Other Episodes in "Trauma: Your Lord Has Not Forsaken You" - [How Can I Ever Trust Again?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-can-i-ever-trust-again-infographic.md) - ["Why am I so unlovable?"](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-am-i-so-unlovable.md) - [Touched by Trauma: "Why Isn't My Iman Stronger?"](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/touched-by-trauma-why-isnt-my-iman-stronger.md) - [Touched by Trauma: "Why Do Bad Things Always Happen to Me?"](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/part-2-touched-by-trauma-why-do-bad-things-always-happen-to-me.md) - [“What Did I Do to Deserve This?” Conquering the Assumptions that Hold You Back](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/what-did-i-do-to-deserve-this-conquering-the-assumptions-that-hold-you-back.md) - [Healing the Community | MASCON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/healing-the-community.md) - [Touched by Trauma: Your Lord Has Not Left You Alone](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/part-1-touched-by-trauma-your-lord-has-not-left-you-alone.md) - [Coping with Grief: A Spiritual and Psychological Guide](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/coping-with-grief-a-spiritual-and-psychological-guide.md) - [3 Reasons Why You Think the World Is Against You](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/3-reasons-why-you-think-the-world-is-against-you-animation.md) - [Why is Everyone's Life Better than Mine? | Trauma Ep. 9](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-is-everyones-life-better-than-mine-trauma-ep-9.md) - [“Why Is Everyone’s Life Better than Mine?” Protecting Yourself from the Dangers of Comparison](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-is-everyones-life-better-than-mine.md) - ["How Can I Ever Get Past This?" Reclaiming Your Future After the Abuse Has Ended](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-can-i-ever-get-past-this-reclaiming-your-future-after-the-abuse-has-ended.md) - [How Can I Ever Get Past This? | Trauma Ep. 8](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-can-i-ever-get-past-this-trauma-ep-8.md) - [“It’s All My Fault”: Quieting and Healing Your Inner Critic](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/its-all-my-fault-quieting-and-healing-your-inner-critic.md) - [I Must Have Done Something Wrong - Is It My Fault? | Trauma Ep. 7](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/i-must-have-done-something-wrong-is-it-my-fault-trauma-ep-7.md) - ["Everything is Falling Apart": Dealing with Unexpected Life Detours](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/everything-is-falling-apart-dealing-with-unexpected-life-detours.md) - [Understanding Traumatic Grief - Najwa Awad | ISNACON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/grief-as-a-source-of-trauma.md) - [The Impact of Grief on Faith - Sarah Sultan | ISNACON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/the-impact-of-grief-on-faith.md) - [Everything is Falling Apart | Trauma Ep. 6](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/everything-is-falling-apart-trauma-ep-6.md) - [How Islam Addresses Grief - Dr. Altaf Husain | ISNACON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-islam-addresses-grief.md) - [The Duha Approach: A New Model to Treat Trauma - Najwa Awad | ISNACON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/the-duha-approach-a-new-model-to-treat-trauma.md) - [The Impact of Trauma on Faith - Sarah Sultan | ISNACON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/the-impact-of-trauma-on-faith.md) - [Addressing the Topic of Trauma and Faith - Sh. Omar Suleiman | ISNACON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/addressing-the-topic-of-trauma-and-faith.md) - ["Why Does Allah Hate Me?" Rescripting Negative Self-Talk](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-does-allah-hate-me-rescripting-negative-self-talk.md) - [How Can I Ever Trust Again? | Trauma Ep. 4](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-can-i-ever-trust-again-trauma-ep-4.md) - ["How Can I Ever Trust Again?" Navigating Betrayal](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-can-i-ever-trust-again-navigating-betrayal.md) - [Why Bother Living if the Future is Filled with Pain? | Trauma Ep. 3](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-bother-living-if-the-future-is-filled-with-pain-trauma-ep-3.md) - ["Why Bother Living if the Future is Filled with Pain?" Reclaiming Our Thoughts](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-bother-living-if-the-future-is-filled-with-pain-reclaiming-our-thoughts.md) - [I Should've Gotten Over It by Now | Trauma Ep. 2](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/i-shouldve-gotten-over-it-by-now-trauma-ep-2.md) - [How to Cope with the New Zealand Mosque Shooting Tragedy](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-to-cope-with-new-zealand-tragedy-infographic.md) - [How to Cope with the New Zealand Mosque Shooting Tragedy | Trauma Special](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-to-cope-with-the-new-zealand-mosque-shooting-tragedy-trauma-special.md) - ["I Should've Gotten Over It by Now": Surviving the Impact of Grief on Faith](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/i-shouldve-gotten-over-it-by-now-surviving-the-impact-of-grief-on-faith.md) - [Why Do Bad Things Only Happen To Me? | Trauma Ep. 1](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-do-bad-things-only-happen-to-me-trauma-ep-1.md) - ["Why Do Bad Things Always Happen to Me?" Breaking the Cycles of Negativity](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-do-bad-things-always-happen-to-me-breaking-the-cycles-of-negativity.md) - [Your Lord Has Not Forsaken You | Trauma Series Introduction](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/your-lord-has-not-forsaken-you-trauma-series-introduction.md) - [Your Lord Has Not Forsaken You: Addressing the Impact of Trauma on Faith](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/your-lord-has-not-forsaken-you-addressing-the-impact-of-trauma-on-faith.md)