# Why Do Bad Things Only Happen To Me? | Trauma Ep. 1 **Author:** Najwa Awad **Series:** Trauma: Your Lord Has Not Forsaken You **Published:** 2019-03-13 **YouTube:** https://youtu.be/oZzWJlIoW8s **URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-do-bad-things-only-happen-to-me-trauma-ep-1 **Topics:** Psychology & Mental Health, Trauma ## Description In the first episode of Trauma: Your Lord Has Not Forsaken You, Dr. Najwa Awad explains the distortion of filtering, its affects, and a tool to work against it. Read “Why Do Bad Things Always Happen to Me? Breaking the Cycles of Negativity“. ## Transcript **[0:01]** Assalamualaikum, Najwa here from Yaqeen Institute. Welcome to episode 1 from our series, Your Lord Has Not Forsaken You, the Impact of Trauma on Faith. Today we're going to be talking **[0:20]** about filtering. When bad things seem to be happening back to back, and it's just one trial after another, you might be bogged down with pain and feel like you're in a big storm and just can't seem to get out. As one bad thing happens after another, you might start to wonder, is there something wrong with me? Why do bad things only happen to me? How is **[0:40]** it possible that so many trials can happen to me and not other people? When you begin to have these questions, then in your mind you start to build up these assumptions or unhealthy ways of thinking and then eventually biases about how the world works. When you **[0:56]** are internalizing these negative things that happen to you, then you begin to look at the world in the same light. So for example, when you start to get caught into negative thinking and thinking that everything around you is not good, you'll begin to overlook some of **[1:11]** the positives in your life. So for example, say you were thinking, why is everyone out to get me? Why does everyone hate me? If someone buys you coffee in the morning and your child hugs you on the way out, you will actually overlook those things. But when you are crossing **[1:28]** the street and someone says something really mean to you, you'll hone in on those things. Filtering is like a coffee filter. All the things go inside, but only the negative comes out. And over time, it really begins to impact mood, it begins to impact productivity, because **[1:44]** everything around you just seems to be negative. So one of the really destructive things that filtering does is it builds up these self-fulfilling prophecies. And self-fulfilling prophecies, they not only can be done to us by other people, but we can also do them to others. So say **[1:59]** for example, you are a woman who has low self-esteem. So you built in this filter that I'm worthless, there's nothing good about me. What happens over time is that you might start to act in that way. And so what happens is other people around you will begin to act on you in that **[2:19]** way. And then you say to yourself, well, I was not worthless. I was worthless this whole time. And so it becomes this whole self-fulfilling prophecy in which your thoughts and your feelings actually turn out to be what's going to happen to you. So this can be done in a good way, **[2:37]** but it also can be done in a negative way. There was a landmark study done in the 1960s in which teachers were told that certain students in their class were ready to bloom. They did IQ tests in the beginning of the year. And at the end of the year, they did the same test as well. And they found that those people who were ready to bloom, which actually were **[2:56]** just randomly picked, the students that were randomly selected as ready to bloom actually significantly did higher on their IQ tests. And that's all because the teacher had a different perception of them and nurtured them in a way which helped them bloom. **[3:12]** So one way to gain insight into filtering is to take a step back and reflect. Instead of looking at how is the world imposing itself on me, how am I imposing my views, my feelings onto the world? And when you take yourself out of being a more passive participant and **[3:32]** more of an active person in your life, you will find that you have more power than you think. And although bad things can happen over and over, when you start to come from a place of empowerment and say, I do have power over my environment, I do have the ability **[3:50]** to make my own decisions. And even if things are not good, I can change them. I can turn bad things into good things. When you do that, then it doesn't feel like, why are all these bad things happening to me? It's more like, how can I take these events in my life that **[4:06]** are neutral and how can I turn them into something better? How can I impose myself on the world and make it a better place? One tool that you can find in our article is something called through the Prophet's eyes. When you're feeling negative and that everything around you just feels really terrible, **[4:28]** one exercise to do in your head is you can close your eyes and reflect. If he, Sarrasum, was sitting in front of me, what blessings would he say that I had that he doesn't? If you think about it, he had so many traumatic events in his life. He was in poverty. He **[4:46]** didn't have food to eat. He was persecuted. So when you look at it from that framework, what blessings, even through small blessings, do you have that he doesn't? And when you look at it from that perspective, you will reflect and you will see that maybe there **[5:01]** are more positive things in your life than you would have thought. For more insights, tools, and tips on the cognitive distortion filtering, check out the chapter, Why do bad things only happen to me? ## Other Episodes in "Trauma: Your Lord Has Not Forsaken You" - [How Can I Ever Trust Again?](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-can-i-ever-trust-again-infographic.md) - ["Why am I so unlovable?"](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-am-i-so-unlovable.md) - [Touched by Trauma: "Why Isn't My Iman Stronger?"](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/touched-by-trauma-why-isnt-my-iman-stronger.md) - [Touched by Trauma: "Why Do Bad Things Always Happen to Me?"](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/part-2-touched-by-trauma-why-do-bad-things-always-happen-to-me.md) - [“What Did I Do to Deserve This?” Conquering the Assumptions that Hold You Back](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/what-did-i-do-to-deserve-this-conquering-the-assumptions-that-hold-you-back.md) - [Healing the Community | MASCON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/healing-the-community.md) - [Touched by Trauma: Your Lord Has Not Left You Alone](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/part-1-touched-by-trauma-your-lord-has-not-left-you-alone.md) - [Coping with Grief: A Spiritual and Psychological Guide](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/coping-with-grief-a-spiritual-and-psychological-guide.md) - [3 Reasons Why You Think the World Is Against You](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/3-reasons-why-you-think-the-world-is-against-you-animation.md) - [Why is Everyone's Life Better than Mine? | Trauma Ep. 9](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-is-everyones-life-better-than-mine-trauma-ep-9.md) - [“Why Is Everyone’s Life Better than Mine?” Protecting Yourself from the Dangers of Comparison](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-is-everyones-life-better-than-mine.md) - ["How Can I Ever Get Past This?" Reclaiming Your Future After the Abuse Has Ended](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-can-i-ever-get-past-this-reclaiming-your-future-after-the-abuse-has-ended.md) - [How Can I Ever Get Past This? | Trauma Ep. 8](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-can-i-ever-get-past-this-trauma-ep-8.md) - [“It’s All My Fault”: Quieting and Healing Your Inner Critic](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/its-all-my-fault-quieting-and-healing-your-inner-critic.md) - [I Must Have Done Something Wrong - Is It My Fault? | Trauma Ep. 7](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/i-must-have-done-something-wrong-is-it-my-fault-trauma-ep-7.md) - ["Everything is Falling Apart": Dealing with Unexpected Life Detours](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/everything-is-falling-apart-dealing-with-unexpected-life-detours.md) - [Understanding Traumatic Grief - Najwa Awad | ISNACON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/grief-as-a-source-of-trauma.md) - [The Impact of Grief on Faith - Sarah Sultan | ISNACON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/the-impact-of-grief-on-faith.md) - [Everything is Falling Apart | Trauma Ep. 6](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/everything-is-falling-apart-trauma-ep-6.md) - [How Islam Addresses Grief - Dr. Altaf Husain | ISNACON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-islam-addresses-grief.md) - [The Duha Approach: A New Model to Treat Trauma - Najwa Awad | ISNACON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/the-duha-approach-a-new-model-to-treat-trauma.md) - [The Impact of Trauma on Faith - Sarah Sultan | ISNACON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/the-impact-of-trauma-on-faith.md) - [Addressing the Topic of Trauma and Faith - Sh. Omar Suleiman | ISNACON 2019](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/addressing-the-topic-of-trauma-and-faith.md) - ["Why Does Allah Hate Me?" Rescripting Negative Self-Talk](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-does-allah-hate-me-rescripting-negative-self-talk.md) - [Why Does Allah Hate Me So Much? | Trauma Ep. 5](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-does-allah-hate-me-so-much-trauma-ep-5.md) - [How Can I Ever Trust Again? | Trauma Ep. 4](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-can-i-ever-trust-again-trauma-ep-4.md) - ["How Can I Ever Trust Again?" Navigating Betrayal](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-can-i-ever-trust-again-navigating-betrayal.md) - [Why Bother Living if the Future is Filled with Pain? | Trauma Ep. 3](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-bother-living-if-the-future-is-filled-with-pain-trauma-ep-3.md) - ["Why Bother Living if the Future is Filled with Pain?" Reclaiming Our Thoughts](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-bother-living-if-the-future-is-filled-with-pain-reclaiming-our-thoughts.md) - [I Should've Gotten Over It by Now | Trauma Ep. 2](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/i-shouldve-gotten-over-it-by-now-trauma-ep-2.md) - [How to Cope with the New Zealand Mosque Shooting Tragedy](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-to-cope-with-new-zealand-tragedy-infographic.md) - [How to Cope with the New Zealand Mosque Shooting Tragedy | Trauma Special](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/how-to-cope-with-the-new-zealand-mosque-shooting-tragedy-trauma-special.md) - ["I Should've Gotten Over It by Now": Surviving the Impact of Grief on Faith](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/i-shouldve-gotten-over-it-by-now-surviving-the-impact-of-grief-on-faith.md) - ["Why Do Bad Things Always Happen to Me?" Breaking the Cycles of Negativity](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/why-do-bad-things-always-happen-to-me-breaking-the-cycles-of-negativity.md) - [Your Lord Has Not Forsaken You | Trauma Series Introduction](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/your-lord-has-not-forsaken-you-trauma-series-introduction.md) - [Your Lord Has Not Forsaken You: Addressing the Impact of Trauma on Faith](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/trauma/your-lord-has-not-forsaken-you-addressing-the-impact-of-trauma-on-faith.md)