# LET’S CHAT | First impressions, Hijab, Highschool Awkwardness | New Series with Dr Tesneem Alkiek

**Author:** Dr. Tesneem Alkiek
**Series:** Real Talk Series
**Published:** 2025-11-26
**YouTube:** https://youtu.be/lMJm_uIPC7w
**URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/real-talk-series/lets-chat-first-impressions-hijab-highschool-awkwardness
**Topics:** Allah, Faith, Family & Community, Marriage

## Description
Ten episodes, three days, and numb legs. In this bonus session, Dr. Tesneem Alkiek and host Qaanitah Hunter spill the secrets of filming Real Talk and discuss everything from first impressions to high school awkwardnes to maintaining trust in the timing of Allah. True to title, the two get very...

## Chapters
- 0:00 Meeting Expectations vs. Reality
- 0:54 The Challenges of Filming
- 1:16 First Impressions and Surprises
- 2:15 Discussing the Series and Favorite Episodes
- 5:58 Reflections on Social Media and Personal Growth
- 11:37 High School Moments and Confidence
- 12:18 Journey with Hijab in Journalism
- 13:25 Challenges and Resilience
- 16:44 Reflections on Gaza and Syria
- 22:55 The Power of Knowledge and Reflection

## Transcript
**[0:00]** I thought I was going to meet a strict woman and I need to watch my tone and I absolutely cannot joke and I was like okay I respect doctora. I had to have

**[0:16]** like all the self-talk to be like forget it I don't really care what she says I don't care what they say like am I doing this for God or not like right I had to have like that self-talk. This is the first time I'm hearing this guys. When we met online and we had that conversation it's like I'm not on social media who

**[0:31]** am I meeting who this weirdo. There was only two occasions that my hijab was a problem and guess what both occasions it was Muslim men that brought it up. I'm gonna try my best. Bismillah. Let's see what happens next.

**[0:49]** Qanita. Tasneem we did it. We did it. We just shot okay so number one let me just be clear I was told we have 10 episodes to shoot. Yeah. And I was like okay we're gonna have 10 days to shoot them right. How many days did we just shoot 10 episodes? We had three days. With three days. Three very long days. 14 hours

**[1:09]** almost every single day. I think my legs are still a bit numb. I could I could sleep for the whole rest of the weekend. But let's rewind to when this idea to do the series came about. I went and watched all of your content and I was terrified of you. That's actually very embarrassing because there's so much like

**[1:27]** it's a problem with the internet. You say something like five years ago and whatever you said is there for the rest of your life. You know what I thought I was going to meet when I landed at Turkey Airport. I thought I was going to meet. This is the first time I'm hearing this guys. Go ahead. Please continue. When I

**[1:44]** landed at Istanbul I was like I'm going to meet a strict woman and I need to watch my tone and I absolutely cannot joke. I was like okay I respect doctora. Then what did you find? Someone waiting with my coffee. You got a hug.

**[2:04]** It's actually amazing because I was asked to do a series like years ago and I was like no no no for a million reasons. Then suddenly your name pops up. I'm like okay look can we talk about your news anchor? How did you switch from being like in the showroom? Is it called a newsroom or showroom?

**[2:24]** Showroom. Newsroom to be like let's go hang out and talk. I just want to say three days before I did my first interview with you I interviewed the president of South Africa. Exactly so like how do you switch like why would you agree to this? Have you seen the state of politics in the world?

**[2:40]** It's a good refresher. I've done it for many many years and I was like hmm let me interview someone who's actually making a difference. I think so I think it's Yaqeen. You know but it's funny because then they said all right let's put Qanita in the picture and I was like I don't know it really depends on who she is and then after one meeting I was like she's exactly my vibe.

**[2:59]** Well you go out in the world. I live under a rock but like we're both like Can we say this? Is this a thing? We're both sociopaths. We could be sociopaths. I'll take that one. I still don't drink my coffee black though. Correlation. I do.

**[3:18]** I'm on my way. But you're not used to the big bad world right? I'm not. I don't if I don't have to be a part of the big bad world I will stay in my house. And in your cave with your books so we dragged you kicking and screaming to Istanbul to

**[3:33]** answer our real talk questions. And I think I think I managed to answer a few of them. Did I? No absolutely. I mean I thought it was incredible. Asked to do a series will find you a host. Great. Where do they find you? All the way from South

**[3:48]** Africa. Like how cool is that that both you and I got to fly to a middle meeting point which is Istanbul and work on this project that resonates with not just an American audience not just a South African audience but really like a multinational you know. Our lives could be so different yet the one thing that

**[4:10]** brings us together is our belief in God. It's incredible and it's especially exciting because we're here in Istanbul and like you're on the streets you're running not just Turks but Arabs and Europeans and Americans and South Africans. So like being able to do this across the world with you I think is

**[4:27]** like captures and the fact that we both like the fact that you could resonate with my problems as an American and my responses and solutions. What does that say? We think we're different but we're much alike in the world like we all have the same problems. We all have the same problems and then and experiences but we

**[4:45]** we get to learn from each other I think that's what's really cool about this project. What was your favorite episode? Favorite episode to marriage just because I wrote a paper on this for Yaqeen so if you watch the video and you want more check out the paper. But it did rain mid-shoot right? It rained mid-shoot

**[5:01]** but it was like barakah from the sky you know. Inshallah. May Allah accept from us Marriage is fun and is Islam defined by men. Do you know what was really cool for me? Sitting in Hagia Sophia alone. That was incredible. I still have goosebumps

**[5:18]** thinking about it. Can we like we need to thank our production team like the fact that they were able to reserve the Hagia Sophia for us only was just unbelievable. Pinch me. That was incredible. But also like sitting at the Everything. The sights that we were able to enjoy in Turkey this week okay so we

**[5:38]** had to work and they worked us to the bone but it was beautiful. It was like the whole time it was like is this real life? Like this is a dream? I can't tell but Alhamdulillah that was the views I mean Istanbul's absolutely beautiful so

**[5:53]** it was like the perfect location I think to shoot this first batch. What episode surprised you? I was surprised I even talked about social media how about that? The episode didn't surprise me because I obviously knew the topics beforehand but I just don't talk about that stuff and it was like the first time I had to

**[6:08]** collect my thoughts and talk about something that I don't even I'm not even on. And I like when we met online and we had that conversation it's like I'm not on social media. Who am I meeting? Who is this weirdo? Who's not on social media and she's gonna come

**[6:25]** and preach that we should not have iPhones and we should have Nokia 3310s in 2026. You know that's actually the big move I would you don't be my friend if I'm like that you know you don't have to talk to me in that case but I can convince you and I have guys like get off social media. I was off social media

**[6:44]** for most of this week that I was in Turkey my life has changed. Just three days right and and like you feel like a better human being. I had mind space that I never had before. I'm being honest. Yeah yeah and imagine if you do this day in and day out like forget whatever forget social media or not but just like

**[6:59]** put your phone like in a box or in your room or on airplane mode for like two hours straight and you feel like a different human being afterwards. It's incredible. Do you know what episode I enjoyed doing? Oh what? What was your favorite? No no wait I lie. Do you know what episode made me extremely nervous to

**[7:16]** do? Which one? Hustle culture because I am the biggest hypocrite. I had no reason talking about hustle culture. I could not if I felt. You are a hustler. I mean. I'm a hustler too. That was actually fun because it was like it was like self-therapy if

**[7:35]** anything like to me I'm like how do I. No we're imposters. We're totally imposters but I kept thinking to myself like how do I always tell myself like Tasneem you need to cut it out and it was like all the stuff that is in my head that I tell myself I shared with you so please forgive us. We are who we

**[7:52]** are. Well we're trying to. Like after that episode I'm like what did you say? Be bored. No no that is actually so therapeutic. Look at you you were bored for like two seconds this week and that was life-changing. It was life-changing. So after we shot our last episode I had so much adrenaline and I just kept

**[8:12]** thinking about everything we said and what we did and our production team and all the laughs. I was gonna say you had an adrenaline rush I was exhausted after the last shoot. There were many retakes of intros but we got through it.

**[8:28]** What was something that you would have liked to talk about and you never got to in the series? There's a lot I feel like I could have shared. Like there's a lot more like personal experiences that I feel like made me who I am today. You just look back and you think like it's just a normal experience but sometimes

**[8:44]** like I don't know I hear someone say like oh I went through that I think to myself like oh like it that makes me feel better. You know what one story I really wanted to share. I'm back in high school at the time whatever I know I sound like I'm seven years old but I'm not. At the time hijabi fashion like

**[9:01]** modest clothing was like much harder to find so I was like very strictly like I'm just gonna wear jilbab it's the easiest thing I can do I can wear abaya is like like I don't have to think about finding modest clothing and so I remember this is my senior year of high school. I don't know if high school is the

**[9:17]** same would you guys call it high school in South Africa? Yeah yeah. Like it's better rock there's a world outside America. I talked to the Brits and like suddenly it's like uni and I don't know what do you get like what do they say for high school? They say like whatever they different words you know I'm trying

**[9:36]** to be relatable to an international audience. There's a world outside America let's do that. Anyways senior year like that's like a cool year it's supposed to be popular I wasn't at Islamic high school like it was a public school and I was like you

**[9:51]** know what I'm just gonna do I'm gonna wear abaya and I'll never forget it's not supposed to be sad okay it has a happy ending. I'll never forget the first day I walk in I'm walking into school and it took like so like I mean abaya is not cool right? In public school like hijab is not cool let alone like added layer. Now I'm thinking like it's okay I can do this whatever it's not a big deal and

**[10:10]** Muslim friend comes up to me and goes like wow that's really embarrassing you're wearing that. Embarrassing? Why don't you basically wear your prayer clothes like what do you like do you got too lazy to get dressed this morning that you wore that? And it took me like three hours not okay I'm being

**[10:26]** dramatic here but all morning I was like hyping myself up like let's go let's go I got this right and I show up and then this Muslim friend right who says this and I was like it was the first time I like it felt like I got punched in the face. I wasn't expecting it from you right I go home that night I'm like a

**[10:45]** mess because I'm just like man this is so much harder than I thought like I wasn't expecting that and super super sad super deflated and then I was like you know what I don't like I had to have like all the self-talk to be like forget it I don't really care what she says I don't care what they say like am I doing

**[11:00]** this for God or not like right I had to have like that self-talk and I was like you know what I'm gonna do this I'm gonna get myself back I'm gonna get back on my feet right anyways okay this is like the high school like scene right I'm sitting in the cafeteria there's all like everyone's there and then after all

**[11:16]** this like prep talk to myself a non-Muslim girl comes up to me and goes like and okay to give her credit that I happen to look like a sack of potatoes it's the same material okay the same material I don't know why I bought it it was like that I don't know like linen but like it looked like a sack of potatoes but you don't ever

**[11:34]** acknowledge that they're right right see what are you wearing you used to look so cute now you look like a sack of potatoes okay high school moment here everyone like gets quiet cuz like oh right and I was like and I still managed to look better than you ah girl drop the mic right there and then she turns so

**[11:51]** red but like I feel like those moments they're so silly when they happen but it's like it's like you hear other people go through that and you're like wait a minute like I can do it too right yeah like and I think that's like for me it's so important because like I grew up with a very very incredible community

**[12:08]** yeah and a very very confident family so like I got that from them and I'm like you know what you just got to spread it yeah you got to spread like sprinkle the confidence like because that's funny is that a story that I wanted to say when we were recording and I didn't get to was about my journey with hijab because

**[12:26]** I have a very public career yeah like big deal you are a hijabi news anchor on what is it prime time television so they call it these days yeah like so I'm very front-facing I like I'm a journalist and there was only two occasions that my

**[12:43]** hijab was a problem and guess what both occasions it was Muslim men that brought it up tell me more it was Muslim men on two different occasions in my career one when I was like starting my career and one much later and it's easier when it's much later because I'm just like don't start but earlier on it was like don't

**[13:03]** you think your hijab is going to affect your opportunity no because I said to him I really want to be a political journalist and he started laughing and he was like not like that not like that and he was like you know political journalists have to drink tequila to be successful and I was like try me try me

**[13:22]** brother and 15 years later here we are like exactly that kind of story because like imagine how many women are out there who are just trying to like wear hijab at school like do basic things we're not talking about even being you know climbing up in a career just like going out groceries like school life

**[13:39]** like life happens they just want to know that other people like we did like we didn't just you know get to where we were because like no one ever said anything to us and we just sort of lucked out like no no we looked it in the face and we said like we don't care like but that like sometimes that doesn't

**[13:56]** like you're not born with that you gotta build it yeah and I guess you have to make a bit of a fuss of it because it's a big deal some it's easier it's easier not to it's like I'm trying to say is that it's easier to like give in it's

**[14:13]** easier to give in but I think had I given in and it's my god let's do whatever like I would not be like it may just like doubled my confidence because it's like no no I'm gonna get past it and when I got past it and got across the finish line I was like I feel fantastic but also I loved what you

**[14:29]** shared about your journey of studying of Islamic scholarship and how you how you got there because that's not an everyday career it's not and I feel like there were very few like examples say like I want to go down this path I want to be like this person because you like your thesis was in Islamic law yes Islamic

**[14:46]** law and I and I and to be honest like I just that's again it's like that's the confidence like the self-talk you need to do it's like well what am I actually doing no one's doing this anyway what's the point you get past it you really have to motivate yourself have that like and again and and to be clear that motivation

**[15:04]** isn't like natural I don't wake up thinking like I got I'm gonna take on the world you're gonna have lots of ups and downs lots of ups and downs like sometimes I mean I still have imposter syndrome like it doesn't go away right yeah it'll never go away but just like okay what am I doing I'm gonna try my best Bismillah like let's see what happens next

**[15:20]** I'm gonna reveal Tasneem was like just gaslight yourself it's all your life's fine is that what I said on the social media episode I don't even remember I must have been so tired but it sounds about right just you like it's all great be grateful for your life like just

**[15:36]** be grateful listen man sometimes you need some tough love people have some real struggles they do I remember when I was first pregnant and I was just like just puking my brains out for weeks on end and I like I was miserable and no one ever talks okay this is totally

**[15:53]** digressing right no one ever talks about how difficult it is and so I never expected that experience for so for months on end I was just like like a hot mess like I couldn't get out of bed I couldn't lift my head I couldn't do anything and every time I'd call my mom my mom you want to know where it comes from it's from my mother why I am who I am it's

**[16:10]** my mother I call my mom about a month in she's like this is life you're gonna be sick I say alhamdulillah and keep it pushing and I remember I don't cry I cried like a baby right that was like no one relates to me or whatever and then like a day later I was like that

**[16:26]** was really good advice I just needed someone to tell me that and I snapped out of it right like so that doesn't work for everyone right it doesn't work for everyone but sometimes you need just like a little push I felt like like like Tasneem is just like any problem I brought her she's like get over it we'll figure it out like that's life life is all

**[16:43]** ups and downs Tasneem when we were filming real talk you spoke about how Gaza was a game changer for everyone everyone had to stop and reflect about what's happening in Gaza and it changed my life I had to think about like what am I doing why am I doing what I'm

**[17:01]** doing tell me how has it changed you I mean Gaza has I think changed the world in so many different ways and one thing that I've been thinking about a lot lately especially as this is being drawn out significantly right we all we all thought maybe a few weeks months

**[17:18]** year passes and I've been thinking about the ayah in the Quran Allah says تلك الأيام نداولها بين الناس these days the life that we're living like every moment that passes God just like he he passes it from one person to another oppressor to oppressed you know someone who's righteous

**[17:37]** someone who's not righteous and like I'll tell you what happened it's what now 2024 2024 actually let's go back a bit let's go back almost 10 years ago Syrian revolution happens and for the longest like stretch in time months a year there was like this really strong hope

**[17:59]** that things were going to change like people saw it people were on the streets like finally like after decades of oppression at the hands of the Assad regime like finally something was changing people were motivated right coming out in the millions and then there's a 14-year war

**[18:17]** pre-war like during the protest people like the violence escalates and hundreds of thousands are now dead or are over you know hundreds and thousands of more are now fleeing the country and it was like that moment of like oh my god things are going to change and then it was like

**[18:35]** back to where we started but much worse right and that feeling stayed for a long time for years and I can't help but think about those few days was it what November or December of 2024

**[18:51]** within just 10 days everything changed like it was so fast we couldn't even process it like is this real like is this a like I we can't tell what's happening and just like that obviously of course with all the sacrifices that happen all of the sort of the effort that goes in

**[19:10]** prior to that within 10 days it was like 14 no not even 14 years decades worth of oppression of violence of torment gone like and I like I can't explain to you that feeling that I had because it was just like this deep like sense of like it's goosebumps and like the power of God

**[19:30]** because once God says be and it is like it is that right and I was in Syria two months after that and it's still something most people can't comprehend it's like how yeah like it still feels like a dream like what just happened right like think we're just a moment in time in the sense

**[19:47]** that let's find out that there's it's the promise of God he is going to say it's going to be like right if it's not our generation and may it be our generation like that's a du'a we always make but even if it's the next generation a third generation just like we look back at history and think to ourselves like wow like the time like we just focus on you know when when Muslims

**[20:07]** conquered Istanbul or Constantinople right it's like this moment in history but we don't we forget about all those years of of torment that that sort of led up to it so it's like placing yourself in this bigger picture what like this timeline just like that you're a speck in history and just like

**[20:24]** that God says everything will change right so it's important like we put in the time and effort you might not even see it in your lifetime right like but the that motivation that inspiration to continue pushing forward to continue doing whatever we possibly can to make du'a throughout every single

**[20:42]** night it's not because you hope to see it it's not because you expect to see it but you you hope and you know that God's promise will be true right and so like to me it's that like shifting in perspective and I think time is ticking like days are passing and just like that God promises us

**[20:59]** things are going to change Subhanallah says it's a promise by God that those who believe and do good deeds he will he will grant you the the stewardship of this world he'll grant you that land right he will grant you you know

**[21:17]** rulership over whatever it is that's in God's hands now it's up to us to continue to struggle to fight to do what we can and keep that vision in mind to keep us motivated. Tasneem, I know you'd much rather not be here you'd be you want to be in your cave with your books

**[21:34]** and your papers that nobody reads. But you've done my gender roles paper as by this time it's out it's going to be released and I'm sure everyone's going to want to read that one so maybe maybe someone will read a paper after this but why did you do this podcast?

**[21:52]** Someone made du'a that's all I have to say I did not want to do this podcast someone made a lot of du'a because I said like doing things online it's just online is a brutal world I don't want to be a part of it in a sense but I was convinced because I don't know I prayed Istikhara I thought about it and for some reason it felt like the right time and I'm just like I kept thinking

**[22:13]** can someone else do it please can someone else do it can someone else and no one was able to do it unfortunately logistically just wasn't working out and it was like one of those I guess I have to fill the void for now but hopefully someone will be inspired by the episodes we'll go start studying and I won't have to do this again so.

**[22:29]** Can I tell you what I loved about this series I think I've probably told you this 500 times now but I love that you did not bring the same cliches that we hear about in Islamic talks or like online content like the stories examples of the sahabah of the life of the Prophet (ﷺ)

**[22:48]** that I've never heard before in my life and I thought that was really really cool what do you think people will take away from the series? You know I really hope my like the way I think and I approach like hadith and ayah it's like I feel like sometimes we're trained to understand like you read a hadith in a very specific context

**[23:07]** you learn Quran in a very specific context and those contexts are important but like sometimes I feel like it's just it's it's become where this is the only way you can understand a hadith or Quranic ayah and like we lost that invitation to have like more like reflection and more just like

**[23:22]** what does this mean for me like in the 21st century what does this mean for me today like how has this looked different right so for me like that's how I think I arrived at those answers just because I'm like I personally deeply think about these topics and I really hope people start to think about like opinions they've heard for the first time like I want them I want you to think

**[23:40]** differently about it not good not bad I just want you to be more creative about your understanding think bigger picture think like invitation this is an invitation for you to learn more and to grow and to really like make a difference. That's my biggest takeaway like learn more don't be limited because I get so enraged by what I see

**[24:00]** online yeah and that anger gets me nowhere. Yeah and it's easy to be reactionary and most of the time like the things you hear like I get react like I have a reaction right and I'll like I remember this one time that we're on I'm on a WhatsApp group right someone sends like this

**[24:18]** very provocative message about like Islam and patriarchy and Islam and men or whatever and it was like the argument was awful and I remember reading it and I was so enraged by it because I'm like are we seriously entertaining this idea and all I responded was with like a million like anger

**[24:34]** emojis and someone was like can you explain your thoughts on it like what's your take Tasneem and I was like I don't know how to express my take to me like that was like a terrifying moment because I was like I was so angered by that post but I couldn't explain why and it was like that moment

**[24:51]** that I realized I need to learn more because if I can't express it that means I'm not processing it entirely and I can't respond to it and to me like now every single time I feel that sense of like deep like anger or like reactive to to like something online to think to myself if it's like

**[25:08]** my emotion is taking place from my lack of knowledge yeah and that's like my I gotta read more about this the first thing you need to do is like armor yourself like go learn yeah and now it's like I see something reaction like provocative online I'm like okay you don't know xyz abc like

**[25:24]** I'm confident I'm calm because I'm like I know my deen I know my religion and I can respond to it and that makes the biggest difference and I want I want people to have that type of confidence I love that so we're gonna let you go back to your cave it's a long journey back home but I get lots of book time reading time on on the flight so I'm excited you're not going to talk to the person next

**[25:42]** to you oh I'm not one of those you know please don't ever talk to me on a flight just don't but yes on the way here I did talk to a who was a truck driver it was a fascinating story but no I would prefer not to head in book head in book head in book inshallah shukran Tasneem we really appreciate this and thank you to the viewers let us know what you think about the series we're

**[26:01]** really excited to get your feedback and hopefully improve and make things better and better just to be able to acknowledge the situations the problems that you're facing and hopefully provide solutions that work the best for you inshallah so uh can we talk about season two let me sleep for tonight

**[26:17]** and then we'll think about season two inshallah

## Other Episodes in "Real Talk Series"
- [Build Your Relationship With the Qur’an Before Ramadan | Real Talk ft. Dr. Tesneem Alkiek](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/real-talk-series/build-your-relationship-with-the-quran-before-ramadan-real-talk-ft-dr-tesneem-alkiek.md)
- [When You Feel Conflicted About a Hadith | Real Talk ft. Dr. Tesneem Alkiek](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/real-talk-series/when-you-feel-conflicted-about-a-hadith-real-talk-ft-dr-tesneem-alkiek.md)
- [Tips for When You're Struggling With Your Faith | Real Talk ft. Dr. Tesneem Alkiek](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/real-talk-series/tips-for-when-youre-struggling-with-your-faith-real-talk-ft-dr-tesneem-alkiek.md)
- [Are We Becoming Too Self-Centered? | Real Talk ft. Tesneem Alkiek](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/real-talk-series/are-we-becoming-too-self-centered-real-talk-ft-tesneem-alkiek.md)
- [The Healthy Way to Think About Feminism | Real Talk ft. Tesneem Alkiek](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/real-talk-series/the-healthy-way-to-think-about-feminism-real-talk-ft-tesneem-alkiek.md)
- [Spiritual Burnout is Real | Real Talk ft. Dr. Tesneem Alkiek](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/real-talk-series/spiritual-burnout-is-real-real-talk-ft-dr-tesneem-alkiek.md)
- [The Social Media Spiral | Real Talk ft. Dr. Tesneem Alkiek](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/real-talk-series/the-social-media-spiral-real-talk-ft-dr-tesneem-alkiek.md)
- [The Problem With Hustle Culture | Real Talk ft. Dr. Tesneem Alkiek](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/real-talk-series/the-problem-with-hustle-culture-real-talk-ft-dr-tesneem-alkiek.md)
- [What if it's Not a Gender War? | Real Talk ft. Dr. Tesneem Alkiek](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/real-talk-series/what-if-its-not-a-gender-war-real-talk-ft-dr-tesneem-alkiek.md)
- [Why is Marriage So Complicated? | SERIES PREMIERE | Real Talk ft. Dr. Tesneem Alkiek](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/real-talk-series/why-is-marriage-so-complicated-series-premiere-real-talk-ft-dr-tesneem-alkiek.md)
- [Trailer | Real Talk with Dr. Tesneem Alkiek and Qaanitah Hunter](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/real-talk-series/trailer-real-talk-with-dr-tesneem-alkiek-and-qaanitah-hunter.md)