# Motivation is Overrated. Here's Why | Iman Cave **Author:** Sh. Abdullah Oduro **Series:** Iman Cave **Published:** 2024-09-26 **YouTube:** https://youtu.be/gT5lGKe89Xo **URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/iman-cave/motivation-is-overrated-heres-why-iman-cave **Topics:** Allah, Faith, Family & Community, Marriage ## Description Struggling to stay consistent in your daily routine? Are you close to striking gold on some great projects, but can’t seem to stay on track? Sh. Abdullah Oduro and cohost Yahya Taleb are joined by Tammam Alwan to discuss how to build real success, not through the spark of motivation, but through... ## Transcript **[0:00]** As-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. How's everyone doing out there? I'm Abdullah Oduro and welcome to the Iman Cave where we discuss issues of male excellence while being grounded in faith. I never thought that I would finish. I never completed anything in **[0:19]** my life. This is what was told to me by a dear friend of mine when he and I completed our graduation studies at the University of Al Medina. And I was rather surprised to hear from him because everyone knew him as a good student, which he was and is, masha'Allah. **[0:35]** But him saying that really hit me because he was capitalizing on the fact that he would always switch off and do different things and would never complete something in his life. So when he graduated from a prestigious Islamic university, some would call the Harvard of Islamic universities. I hope those from Al Azhar and other schools don't get at me. **[0:54]** But Alhamdulillah, it was very touching to me because it shows the importance of someone that does consistent acts of control to reach a desired goal. What do I mean by that? They're consistently going through studying, in this particular case, studying the Arabic language. **[1:11]** Okay, now you have the Arabic language, you're going into the Kuliyat al-Shari'ah or the Hadith, you're going to the College of Hadith or whatever college it is, or college in general, and there will be times where you feel that you can't make it, that you're not going to make it, that you're going to fail, that you're going to fail in the past, that you're not going to give it your best. Shaytan will come to you. That characteristic that I'm **[1:29]** talking about that gets any individual through, whether it's in school, whether it's at work, whether it's through a marriage, is none other than discipline. Discipline, discipline, discipline. And that's how I defined it earlier, consistent acts of control to reach a desired goal. We're **[1:47]** going to talk about that today, why discipline is important in the life of a man and how without it, the man will not be successful. Today we have, masha'Allah, to my right, many of you know him, Yahya Talib, alhamdulillah. He is an engineer and whatever I want to call him. When I asked him, are you an engineer? He said, yeah, whatever you want to call me, **[2:06]** just whatever you want to call me. Masha'Allah, the last name Talib, masha'Allah, means that he is searching and always studying and you can clearly see that in the previous episodes that he's always asking very good questions, the questions that you may have been asking. And if there are questions that you ask, don't forget to put them in the comments. We have **[2:22]** one of our last year's guests here, masha'Allah, brother Tamam Ilwan Bikasra. Ilwan, he is the director of development for Yaqeen Institute, where here we dismantle doubts, one truth **[2:38]** at a time. Don't forget to donate, masha'Allah. Tamam Ilwan, masha'Allah, he's the one that if you are going to donate, he's probably the one that you would talk to, alhamdulillah He's loved here in the office, alhamdulillah, and he is someone that is very, very disciplined. Those of you that know internally with Yaqeen and out, if you were to know him, masha'Allah, **[2:57]** he's a disciplined brother and he is an exemplar. Therefore, we're going to have a very fruitful, enriching and educational conversation on this topic. So when we talk about this word subject matter, very important pillar of a man's life and even of a woman's life, of **[3:14]** the human being's life of discipline, you know, we mentioned it's consistent acts of control to reach a desired goal. Islam, subhanAllah, talks about it and rather one's Islam is predicated upon it because there are certain pillars in Islam that if one does not perform it, **[3:31]** then to a certain degree, internally and externally, it could be controversial or contradicting to their faith or compromising the very fabric of their faith. One of them being the salah, which by the way, for young men in particular, is a huge challenge. You know, young men, **[3:49]** 16, 17, 18 years old, you know, waking up for salah, even though they stayed up at 2, 3 a.m. in the morning, mom and dad is waking them up and they're not waking up. And they wake up till the sun comes up. Mom gets exhausted, single mom gets exhausted from trying to wake **[4:04]** her 16, 17 year old son up and he wakes up when he wants to. And just to be totally honest, that is generally from the effects of shaytan, that he keeps you from waking up from salah to fajr. When we hear the word discipline, both of you gentlemen, what comes to your mind? Allah gave us Islam as a lifestyle. A lot of people like to compare it to other **[4:25]** religions, but it doesn't do Islam justice. Islam in itself is a lifestyle. It's not just, you know, praying your five or fasting Ramadan. It's a complete blueprint. Without this blueprint, you have to pretty much figure it out from the start. So a lot of times when I think **[4:43]** of discipline, I think of people who don't have it. And I like to say, okay, this is someone who doesn't have discipline. And I try to compare it to someone who does. And the difference is exactly like somebody who's building something off of a blueprint and somebody who doesn't have one trying to figure it out from the start. And a lot of times **[5:00]** you see, if you don't have that blueprint, you're running into mistakes, problems, and you never sometimes figure it out. And those who are smart enough to figure it out only find out so later on that whoever had it initially, whoever has the blueprint initially has already surpassed him, you know, years in advance. Fajr, for example, for me personally, that's **[5:19]** been key to success. When I wake up and I pray Fajr on time, my day is going to be good. No matter what comes down. I hit my first prayer. I woke up strong and subhanAllah, there's barakah in the morning and all these small things add up. We don't think about them, but that's why there's a blueprint. So when you're given a blueprint, you don't **[5:36]** have to think about the details because they've already been thought out for you. SubhanAllah, the creator, he's the one that's thought out all of this and he's given you these blueprints. So for me, discipline is the blueprint for this life. The first hadith that comes to mind is, **[5:54]** That if you have a goal, because you need a goal for discipline, right? Otherwise you're just going to be moving. You're not going to have something that you're aiming towards. If your goal is knowledge, then Nabi (ﷺ) says, you have to do ta'allam, this reflexive verb. You have to exert energy and you have to have focus and you have to have consistent behavior and action towards it. And if your goal is a behavioral change, like forbearance, **[6:14]** like being in control of your anger, for example, then you have to do that as well. And for me, the first story I can think of in my life that demonstrated discipline was when I was younger in the Metro Detroit area. I was in elementary school. You know, when it comes **[6:31]** to like goals and stuff, you have two major categories. Sometimes it's taqliya, you're trying to get rid of bad habits, right? And so you want to be disciplined about that. Sometimes it's tahliya, you want to add something positive. So for me, it's tahliya. I used to unfortunately swear a lot as an elementary school student. I don't know where I learned **[6:49]** it from, but I mean, I used to swear a lot. And eventually when I got to middle school, I was like, I need to get rid of this habit. What happened? What like did you, what happened when you, did someone, old auntie say, watch your mouth? Was there something like that? **[7:07]** I don't think that's what it was. I think it was a realization that I don't want to continue living my life this way, where my word choices are displeasing to Allah. I want to fix myself. It was like a character building. I don't remember all the details, but I remember that I had a strong desire in myself that I want to change. **[7:26]** What was the first course of action? So I had a non-Muslim teacher and he was, he was giving us American history as a class. And I remember him talking about Benjamin Franklin. So not a Muslim, one of the founding fathers of this country. And he talked about his habits and how he would use a piece of **[7:43]** paper and just write down the positive habits that he wanted to have and the negative habits he would write it down and just like have a sort of a muhasabah and murakabah of himself, basically watching himself and taking himself to account. Ben Franklin. Yeah. Astaghfirullah. **[7:59]** I know, astaghfirullah. Yes, that's his, bin yamin, Franklin. Bin yamin to do it. No, I'm saying that because again, discipline is not only confined to Muslims and Islam. True. And you can, you can take that from someone that has those good qualities, even though **[8:15]** with him, there are some bad as well. And those, but we don't take the bad. But recognizing that subhanAllah, you know, there will be people that don't have the faith, don't have the iman, but they still have those disciplinary qualities. And it's because of something that is fitri. It's something that **[8:31]** is innate, natural disposition, predisposition that is there. But I love just to interject when you continue how you mentioned that hadith because the Prophet, وَإِنَّ مَنْ عِلْمُ بِالتَّعَلُّمُ وَإِنَّ مَنْ عِلْمُ بِالتَّحَلُّمُ that you said, verily, knowledge comes with study and verily, forbearance comes with practicing **[8:47]** it and being forbearing. You know, that verb, tafAAal, is literally inherently a verb that expresses consistency. When you look in morphology, tafAAal, it means istimrar ala shay, right? You continuously doing that. And that's that, that hadith is so beautiful, which shows within **[9:05]** our religion, even the fabric of the Arabic language expresses and takes into importance, consistently doing something to reach somewhere. And that is discipline. Go ahead. So Benjamin Franklin. Yeah. Astaghfirullah. It's the truth. So I had a piece of paper again, and I remember **[9:25]** putting the squares in for like days of the week and having a pencil, a small pencil and a piece of paper that I kept in my pocket all day. And every time I would swear, I would pull it out and I would tally that, okay, that's one. And then after one day, let's say I had, I don't remember the numbers, but let's say I swore like 35 times. Then the next day I would **[9:44]** be like, okay, I want to do better. So maybe 33 or 31 or 32 and gradually in this way. It wasn't like cold turkey. Suddenly I stopped. It was a day by day plan. It was very slow and very gradual because I mean, I think that's the nature of discipline, right? We want instant gratification **[9:59]** these days. We want to just push a button. It's at our door. Suddenly, you know, things just happen. But if you want to achieve greatness, you want to make serious changes in your life, whether it's in terms of knowledge or in terms of personal practice or character, it's a lot of hard work. And I remember, I can still remember that first day where like, I was like, wow, none. It's a blank page. **[10:22]** What kept you going? Because man, it's you, every time that word came out, you were ready to just pull it out no matter what, just write it down, mark it and mark it. And you kept going until there was nothing left. So obviously the system that you use worked, but what in you allowed you to keep going all the way till you were successful? I don't know. I mean, that's a good question. **[10:41]** You know, like you said, Sheikh, but I think I wanted to succeed. I wanted to like, I wanted to check off the box of like, hey, I'm done with this. And I just kept thinking about that goal. I'm thinking of myself in the modern, like nowadays and basically superimposing or just **[10:59]** juxtaposing it on the past. And so I don't remember all the past, but I think that's what it was, because that's what drives me these days where I'm like, hey, I want to make this change in my life or I want this habit. I just keep looking at the end goal, that end vision for myself. And that's what drives me. And see, I guess to kind of ornament that is, you know, this is what **[11:18]** differentiates the Muslim, man, because I am automatically assuming and knowing, not even assuming, I'm knowing that you want to stop cursing for God. Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. Right. No, I'm just saying that's the subconscious spiritual element that is present within **[11:38]** every Muslim, every religious person. Let's be clear. Right. The unspoken kind of like why? Right. Right. So when we talk about purpose and you hear within these movements that the man must have purpose, the Muslim man's purpose is much more transcendent because it is for Allah. And you can have both of them. You can say, OK, I want to stop cursing because my mom doesn't like it. **[11:56]** Number one, it's very immoral. Number two is dirty language. It seems very, very uneducated. Number three. But initially it's because Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala is not pleased with it. It's an immoral practice. Right. Even though he says looking at the end of the tunnel, we know the big the bigger **[12:14]** picture is ultimately that. And that's why SubhanAllah, the disciplined Muslim particularly is someone that is it's a very honorable position because you could be disciplined as something that is bad. That's true. Yeah, that's true. You could be disciplined as something that is bad. So yeah. **[12:30]** Go ahead. I just remember it's like in college. I went to a university that was pretty large. It was known as being like a party school. You know, I remember maybe 60,000 undergraduates and graduate students. Like it was a huge school. And I remember just shortly after moving there **[12:46]** and I didn't want to be in the dorms because of the environment. Actually one of the prominent local Muslim brothers, he was the reason that allowed Muslims not to stay in the dorms the first year. To stay away from alcohol and the partying and the drugs and whatnot. And I remember being with my three Muslim roommates, like in the very first few weeks there was a party next door. **[13:06]** And them knocking on our door and saying, come on, come, come, come. And we're like, we don't drink. We don't want to partake. You don't have to drink. Just be. And we're like, no, we don't even want to be in that environment. And I remember like, and this relates to discipline, having that brotherhood as men is so important. Having those brothers who are like, hey, you know what, I'm with you. **[13:23]** We're not going to engage in that. And I remember, SubhanAllah, after four years of undergrad and one year was studying abroad, but still four years, I remember people coming back to me and saying, you know what, you stayed away from it. And I really messed up. I have so much respect for you for doing that. And that's from, you got to feel from Allah. We're not going to pass this up. **[13:41]** It's not going to please some people, but we're here to give the message of Islam. This is the religion, Allah's religion, not our religion. Dorm life. Would you advise it? I'm not going to ask a general question. I'm going to dig a little deeper. You mentioned that you were in, you said **[13:58]** there was some prominent Muslim figure that advised students not to go in the dorms. No, he worked with the university. I mean, I think I could say it. You don't have to. He basically worked with the university to allow Muslims to not be forced to **[14:14]** live in the dorms the first year of undergrad. Because usually my university, my alma mater, they said you have to live because we want you to be engaged in student life and integrated into it. That's what I was going to say. Some schools, it's a required thing for freshmen to be in this **[14:29]** environment. May Allah bless the brother, man. May Allah bless him. He's a man of so much good. Ameen, ameen. And so we were given that dispensation, if you will, to avoid that and that excuse. And so we went to an apartment complex that was nearby campus. That foundation **[14:48]** had to have been there, right? Because that, particularly in college, let's just say for those that go to the dorm, you know, that live in the dorm. Me personally, I wouldn't advise it. Like to live in a dorm, it's just too much pressure, man. I mean, testosterone is going **[15:03]** through the roof, right? And you know, you're around Muslims and non-Muslims, let's keep it real, that are not doing moral things for them. For that is like, OK, Friday night, school's out, you know, let's party. You got friends that are drinking. OK, no, you don't have to drink. It's **[15:19]** all right, man. Just come on, bro. That takes a high level of discipline at that moment, especially if those other Muslim friends would have went. Yes, agreed. And that's a big thing, by the way. A lot of times, a friend is who pulls you. Your friends pull you. No matter **[15:38]** how strong you are, it's like a stream. Once you get in, no matter how strong you think you can be, that stream is going to pull you eventually. So if you're going to stand against a stream, you have to be careful. Where is that stream going? You got to have some rock to hold on to, to keep you from. And even the rocks, if you're in the wrong stream, the rock is going to get **[15:55]** smaller and smaller. It's not going to be able to protect you anymore. And that's something my dad told me, because he would always tell me, I was telling my dad, like, Mama, come on, like, you know who we are, me and my brother and, you know, like our friends, we're good guys. Well, we know who we are. He's like, yeah, I know you guys are good guys, but you don't know how bad **[16:10]** this place is. You don't know how bad this environment is. So, SubhanAllah, he was giving me these examples and that was one of them. And I just stayed quiet after. I was like, man, you could be in a dorm because I was going to bring the question. Some brothers are forced, unfortunately. They're coming from overseas. They have no place to live. They don't know the system. They don't even know to go to another apartment complex and get another place. So, they're forced **[16:28]** to be in this dorm. So, for them, there is really no option. So, it goes down to what can you do in the environment that you're in? I feel like that's the root of discipline. Yeah, man, I think, man, see, in these environments, you have to be ready. And, you know, Wallahi, when I became a Muslim, **[16:46]** you know, a hadith was so comforting to me, even though there's different elges or different understandings of the hadith and they're all Sahih, InshaAllah ta'ala. The hadith, Tuba lil ghuraba. Oh, yeah. I love that. Right. Glad or different understandings of what Tuba is, excuse me. Any glad tidings for the strangers or Tuba could be known as the tree **[17:07]** in Jannah. Right. For those that are the ghuraba, that are the strangers. And some would say, strangers, when it comes to immorality, your morals seems very strange to people. Therefore, you're outcasted or strangers because of your faith. Because of your aqidah, **[17:24]** because of your purpose again. So, here, you know, I've seen both cases, man. I mean, I remember when I was in school, you find the guy, there was one guy, man, we didn't like him because he could grow his beard. In high school, we wanted to grow our beard. Oh, yeah. I was not **[17:39]** real. Like, man, we'll just do his name was Ahmed. We didn't like he was cool, but we just didn't like him because he had the dispensation to grow his beard. Right. And he was never involved in all the foolishness and that we would get into. But he was strange to us. Right. But he was strange to **[17:58]** the degree that we didn't want to like hang around him. Right. So most afraid of what was going on? Maybe. But the thing is, is like, look, you have to be ready to be strange to people. It's going to be those awkward moments, those couple of five seconds. No, bro, it's OK. No, no, it's OK. You know, one of those like, you're not from us. Sorry. You know, you know, what? **[18:20]** Say your name again. What? Yeah. Those moments. You as a Muslim, it's important that the parents, especially the fathers, tell them you say your name with pride. Like they're not going to understand it. And that's totally fine. They're not your reckoner. You know, they're not the ones **[18:37]** that are your ultimate judge. So being from discipline is that you're not going to please people, which leads to the fact that which coincides with all this with dorms and friends. And you may have this, for instance, elementary school, you know, but your friend's mom and dad got a divorce and, you know, he's trying to find some comfort somewhere or maybe didn't get a **[18:56]** divorce, but he still has some baka. He has some energy that he wants to let out in this way. He wants to be cool. He wants to be relevant to this particular person or that particular girl. But you are not going that way. So realizing what your discipline, with your power of saying no, **[19:16]** you may lose that friend. And that is a huge part of masculinity, bro. That's a huge part of mass. You're willing to lose friends for your principles. You know what I mean? That's huge. Like with the dorm life or with the one that's, you know, **[19:35]** the brother that's foreign and barely understands English and, you know, has to figure it out. He has to figure it out. But because of his solid foundation, you know, he's like, I don't have a problem. They're like, they can go drink the sea. I don't care what they do. **[19:50]** Well, he doesn't like me. That's fine. I know as long as I'm doing the right thing. Allah knows. He knows the name of Allah. He knows it. So what's the trick? How do you make that... How do you let that, you know, burst of energy turn from a small, temporary little burst into a long-term plan **[20:12]** that can take you further and help you achieve your goals? So the trick is that there's no trick. I remember I was taking some courses at Stanford University's Graduate School of Business and Dr. Jeffrey Pfeffer, I like some of his books, he was giving us a class. **[20:29]** And he was telling us, he's like, look, I've consulted for, you know, multinational, billion-dollar corporations. And every time they have their retreats, they want to go to Hawaii, they want to listen to some music, hear the drums, dress up in different things, put cucumbers on their eyes and whatnot. **[20:45]** And they think this is going to, like, engage productivity. And he's like, and nobody wants to hear what I have to say. But research shows that it's not exciting. How you actually are successful, even these huge companies are... These are literally the examples he mentioned. **[21:00]** He said, taking meeting minutes, writing down action items in your next meeting, just following up. Did I do this? Did I not do this? He's like, they're simple things. But people don't want to do the daily work. They don't want to put in the grind. And so I think discipline, it's, you know, when you think about it, yeah, you're right, motivation is that little spark. **[21:19]** But discipline is like... It's black and white. I mean, I don't want to work out, but I'm going to do it because today I wrote down that I'm going to work out. And so I'm going to go there. I don't want to go on a walk, but I'm going to do it. You know what's even deep, man? There's one statement I always said, motivation moves you. **[21:37]** Motivation moves you. Discipline proves you. Allah. Right? You get started, you know, like I said, shawal, you're moving on, you know, you're going. But discipline is what is consistent over a period of time. And like you say, which is deep. Now, I want you to get this. **[21:54]** I love working out and going to the gym, right? But working out itself can be a distraction. How? Because that at a point can be not as important as an obligation that you have. **[22:11]** Yep. So for instance, you know, you go and your friends say, hey man, let's go to the gym, man. You know, I'm motivated. You know, I just saw a video of whatever and I want to go work out. We'll meet at 2 p.m. All right. Asr comes in at 4 p.m. **[22:27]** And then you have a meeting at 430 with your guidance counselor on Zoom. So 2 p.m. comes around. You work out with your friend. 2, 2 is fine. But then now it's 357 and you're still working out with your friend. **[22:43]** Now it has become a distraction. Now you're acting, you're not acting disciplined here. Because when you're disciplined, you'll stop because you have to pray Asr and then you have a meeting. Which means you got to stop working out with your friend. You got to go home and take a shower. **[22:59]** Make salah because you have a meeting. But instead, I'll delay Asr and then right when I get home, I'll get on the Zoom. Looking all tired and you know, whatever the case is. So now you're slowly trickling away at the actions of a disciplined person. **[23:14]** So something that may even be halal in essence can be a practice of lack of discipline. And that's where SubhanAllah, you know, it's in this curriculum that I have. It's talking about like the phases of discipline. The first thing is something will cross your path and you'll see it. **[23:29]** Do you respond to it? Like we were talking about, I think we're going to talk about, what is it called? Hell scrolling? What is it called? Doom scrolling. Doom scrolling, right? Doom scrolling is where you just scroll down all these websites. Endlessly. **[23:44]** Endlessly, right? And they do that on purpose because you know, there's thousands of engineers behind the screens that want you to be distracted. So you can buy their product or give them your attention. Social media, their number one commodity is your attention, right? That's why these companies pay these social media outlets to where you can be seen in front of them. **[24:01]** So, you know, you'll scroll and you'll look and you'll just lose yourself. And that is one of the easiest ways to lead to not having any discipline. So when you do those particular things, it comes in front of you. Do you respond to it? If you respond to it, now you're going into another world and you're leaving off that world of deep work **[24:20]** or that which is more of a priority over this. I think that's important as well for a man to realize, okay, discipline. I think the first thing of discipline is azm, determination. And in Islam, subhanAllah, the hadith, **[24:37]** You have to have the intention. You know, the scholars when they talk about niyya, there's a book, two volumes by Salah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam on niyya itself. It talks about that there's stages of niyya, right? That there's ham, then there's azm. You just have the inclination that you want to do something. **[24:52]** But then azm, you reach to the level of azm, there's like five stages. There's a stage of azm, determination. That's what we call the five prophets, ulul, azm. Because they were determined. Nothing was going to stop them. Why? Because their foundation was with Allah. **[25:09]** And I think that relates to purpose, which you started out with. If your purpose is pleasing Allah, then it's going to be manifest in the discipline you have. Whether that's cutting off friends who are like taking you away from what pleases Allah, **[25:24]** or getting up and like forcing yourself to do that. Forcing yourself to stop some things and forcing yourself to start some things. Yes, SubhanAllah. And that's why, you know, with the statement of Umar bin Al-Khattab (رضي الله عنه), حَاسِبُوا أَنفُسَكَمْ قَبْلَنْتُ حَاسَبُوا وَزِنُوا أَعْمَالَكُمْ قَبْلَنْتُزَنُوا **[25:43]** Hold yourselves accountable before you'll be held accountable. Like what you were doing with the... I wish you had those... Did you keep them at all? That's a good memoir. No, not at all. In today's world, with so many distractions, you just can't. **[25:58]** And I want to bring something to your attention. As a person, as a human, as a man, whatever, you have a little, almost like a storage of how much attention you have throughout the day. And your attention will deplete no matter who you are. The most successful will tell you and the least. **[26:14]** Everyone has a capacity. No matter how successful you are, you have a capacity. So when that notification pops up, you have now volunteered to give away some of that attention towards something else. So I think a part of discipline is having a meter on that. **[26:30]** It's like, okay, I'm almost out for the day. I'm almost fried. I'm all day working, working. And I've been scrolling through for two hours. I can't get back to work. I wasted like two hours of my brain towards this. So where do you start? Where do you stop? **[26:45]** I mean, there's books on this. What is it? Willpower by Balmeister. It's a book on willpower. It's probably one of the most famous books on discipline and willpower. And even also The Willpower Instinct by Katie McLonagall, **[27:00]** talking about how you have only a certain amount of energy throughout the day. And they call that glucose. Your glucose will deplete throughout the day. And this is hard for me to understand because I'm about to open a subject matter that's tied to this. **[27:15]** So you need to do what's most important at the beginning of the day. Yes. Right? But then when they talk about glucose depletion, what about us as Muslims with fasting? If we fast, if we look at that observation, we say, okay, if you're fasting, then you're prone to be undisciplined because your glucose is low. **[27:36]** Right? But then it hit me and aloha Adam. It's that when your glucose is low, that in itself is the jihad. When you're fasting, you may not have as much energy to read or to do this and to that, but staying focused while fasting and not letting gluttony, **[27:53]** which is the total opposite, overtake you. That is where it comes to where you're able to really guide and hold into control and hold it by the reins yourself, your inner self, **[28:08]** the one that wants to do that, which may not be fitting. Or particularly if you're fasting, you may get grumpy. You may get those griefs. And that's why subhanAllah, the hadith of the Prophet (ﷺ), إِذَا سَابُهُ أَحَدٌ أَوْ شَتَمَةٌ فَذِيَقُولُ إِنِّي صَائِمٌ **[28:28]** Right? If someone was to curse him or to speak badly or evil to him, then they just say to themselves, really, I'm fasting. Fasting, you got to be focused. You know what I mean? That's why a lot of times if you see a lot of men that are men, masha'Allah, **[28:44]** they have this honor with them or they value honor. When they see a Muslim, they respect them because they say he's disciplined. I don't know if you've ever seen that. They always say like, yeah, man, that guy is disciplined. **[29:01]** There's been youth that have come to my messages, teenagers. They'll come with their Muslim friends and I'll say, Hey, Muslim, why did you come to Islam? It's because Muhammad, man, he was just real disciplined. He's on it. Yeah, he's on it. **[29:16]** We play soccer and he just stop and go pray. I was like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm praying. You're praying? So you stop to go pray to God? That's discipline. They respect that because they need order. They need structure. But when you fall short within your program, right? **[29:32]** So you have a program. Do you have times? Do you do time blocks? I do time blocks for some things, yeah. Okay, just briefly explain what time blocks are. Time block is basically, you want to complete something and you say, I'm going to devote 30 minutes. That's what I usually do, 30 minutes. The Pomodoro technique is used. **[29:47]** The who? It's like a technique. It's like those apples where you put like a 30 minute timer on. You know those old apples? Yeah, yeah, the old timers. Yeah, you kind of wind them up and then they ring. And now they have them for phones and whatnot as apps. You basically say, I'm going to, let's say Quran, right? **[30:03]** To memorize the Quran takes a lot of discipline. Well, I'm really busy today. Well, can you devote 30 minutes and memorize something? Can you devote 30 minutes and do murajah or temkin of what you recently memorized or what you memorized in the past? That's time blocking. Now, how much are you going to finish in that 30 minutes? **[30:19]** Is it one juzah in terms of review? Is it half a juzah because it's like a little bit shaky? It doesn't matter. You say, I'm going to from this time until this time, I'm going to devote it to that and once I'm done, I'm done. Just stay where you're at, stay where you're at, semicolon. If you don't time block that particular thing, **[30:36]** is that proof that it's not that important to you? I had some people that was like, when I was learning about Google Calendar and one of my mentors, he was like, if you don't schedule it, it's not important. I don't think so personally because, so I have a friend, masha'Allah, amazing story, **[30:52]** Michigan, he memorized the Quran while in grad school in seven months. Oh, masha'Allah. From Nass to Baqarah? Yeah, all of it. And so when I spoke to him, I said, what happened? He said, I fell in love with the Quran. I couldn't stop reading it. **[31:08]** He's like, it was to the level where I could barely sleep. He's like, I just kept reading and memorizing and reading and memorizing and reading and memorizing just from morning till evening. He didn't time block it. He didn't schedule it. That's a gift. But to be fair, that is what people would call obsessed, not negatively speaking. **[31:24]** You know, like the ones that are disciplinarians, he's obsessed. That's a blessing. Some would say it's not, but that's a blessing. He's obsessed with it. That's like another level. Right? But like for the beginner or someone that's trying to get into the whole habit of discipline. **[31:41]** I don't personally schedule a lot of things that I do throughout the day. That are important. Yeah, that are important to me. But when my day starts, I think of what I'm going to do because there has to be a little bit of flexibility or buffer, if you will, in terms of time. Otherwise, what happens is if we're constantly tripping up and, oh, you know, **[31:58]** I scheduled it and I missed it. I scheduled it and I missed it. For me personally, what ends up happening is I look at my day and I'm like, wow, I just keep missing things. So you start to, I don't know, for me, it opens up the door for negative self-talk of like, you know, I keep missing things. But rather, let's say, for example, exercise. **[32:13]** I don't have a particular time that I do it. But I know I have to do it this day. And so sometimes SubhanAllah, it will be early in the morning. Sometimes life happens and it will be in the afternoon and sometimes before bed. But I know that I have to do it. And with a lot of the challenges that local brothers do here in the area, masha'Allah, **[32:30]** where we challenge each other either they're related to exercise or Quran or ibadah or different things, we say by midnight. So if you do it earlier in the morning or later in the afternoon, but if you procrastinate until 1130 p.m., you're not going to finish it. And so I think it depends on personality. **[32:47]** And everyone has to find out what works for them. Hey, if putting it, putting, you know, these are the 45 minutes I'm going to exercise that works for you, khair wa baraka. For some people, if they want that flexibility, that works, but get it done. Right there, okay, get it done. **[33:02]** 1130, you haven't done your workout. What internally is taking place inside of you to where you're going to get up and go do it? Wow, that's a good question. This happened a few days ago. Talk to us, man. This was on Sunday. It was Eid, subhanAllah. **[33:18]** Okay. SubhanAllah, just such a busy day and going to people's houses and celebrations and different things. And then late at night, I was like, I haven't done my workout for today yet. Okay. And I can't explain to you what it was, but something inside of me was like, I'm going to go. **[33:36]** Alhamdulillah, I have, it's in my garage, so it's not, I don't have to go anywhere. But just getting dressed and walking there, and I was like, I have to do this. And I just, I was like, you know what, these are how many sets I have to do. I had five sets of different exercises, and I was like, I'm just going to knock them off one by one. **[33:51]** And on my app, just check it off. Did you like it while you were doing it? No, I didn't. You did not? No. He didn't like it while he was doing it? No, I didn't like it, but I knew it had to be done. Why did it have to be done? Because my body's an amanah. It's not my body, my choice, right? **[34:08]** It's Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. It's Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala who owns our bodies. And he's the one. No, I say it purposefully because we have to get out of that mindset. We have to get out of that mindset that, oh, it's my own time, my own money, my own energy that I'm expending. **[34:28]** And no, again, if you have purpose, then your purpose is to please Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and you're going to invest in it. At the expense of your desires. Yes. And that is an Islamic concept as well. We don't rely on and embellish based on our desires alone. **[34:47]** It has to be something that jihad enough. In terms of goals, I was discussing this with a few brothers in the past week, and we were meeting and discussing our goals. Because again, you have that accountability. The brotherhood. So you have a group. It's so important. You have a little cave. **[35:02]** I'm in several different groups actually with different goals. I highly recommend that. When we started, we were, I think, all saying, رَبِّ اشْرَحْ لِي صَدْرِي وَاسْرِلِي أَمْرِي وَحْلَى الْعُقْدَةَ مِنْ لَيْسَانِي يَفْقَهُ قَوْلِي The beginning of Surah Taha, where Musa alayhi salam, he's talking about Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala making it easy for him to speak to the tyrant, Fir'aun. **[35:22]** But as we know, he says, وَجْعَلْ لِي وَزِيرًا مِّنْ أَهْلِي هَارُونَ أَخِي أُشْدُدُ بِهِ أَزْرِي Augment my strength through him. Make me stronger through him. And so he recognized that, alayhi salam, and it's something that we have to recognize as well. **[35:39]** It doesn't mean you make excuses of like, oh, I don't have that positive group. Create that positive group in your life. Go search out for those brothers and tell them, hey, I want to start going to the masjid for fajr. And I'm struggling with it. So let's have that phone tree. We used to do that when we were younger, right? Call each other. You need a ride? Have someone pick you up. **[35:54]** If you want to have those positive habits in your life, surround yourself with those people. And in terms of goals, so what we were discussing was the goal itself, the particulars are not as important as setting a goal. So some of us, we might be like, well, I don't know what I want to do for my career. **[36:10]** All right. What do you think you want to do right now? I think I want to be an engineer, for example. All right. What are the classes you need to take? Who are the mentors you need to have in your life? What are the extracurriculars you need to do in college to get a job that like meets your expectations? **[36:25]** Two years down the line, you change. You're like, I want to be a doctor. Great. But the fact that you're always driven towards something is so important. And I think even in the family life, right? You know, a hadith that's often mentioned, right? With man is kullukum ra'an wa kullukum mas'ulun an ra'ayatih. **[36:40]** Every one of you is a shepherd. And he mentions that the man is a shepherd of his family. Your family is looking to you for that guidance and that leadership and that direction. And if you're lost and you don't even know what you want to have for dinner that day, nonetheless, where you want to take the family over the next year, the next five years, the next 10 years. **[36:58]** What is that going to do in terms of the confidence that your family has in you as a leader? Which is interesting because confidence of the family members in the leader of the family, which would be the father, the husband, etc. If it wasn't a habit that was practiced from before he got married. **[37:17]** Right. So what you're saying is that, you know, even at a young age, college and even before that, just make it a habit to write down something that you want to reach. A goal, like you said, even though you don't know the particulars of how to get there, at least write down the destination, right? **[37:33]** Absolutely. It's not a switch that we can just suddenly turn on. So my son, he's seven, masha'Allah. And from maybe when he was five or six, I talked to him about marriage. I talked to him about being a father, being a leader, being a husband and what it takes. **[37:51]** And it's not every single day, but it has to be a direction we're already heading towards. And then marriage is simply a milestone where we can continue that trajectory that we were heading in. But as you said, if it's not there before, it's not suddenly going to happen. **[38:06]** So it's beautiful because you already introduced to him as a young boy that marriage is part of manhood. Mm-hmm. Nice. That's beautiful. Yeah. I have two younger brothers who come to me, either they're in high school or in college, and they want to get married. And in their own lives, I ask them about the discipline that they have. **[38:24]** Do you have an expense sheet? Just a simple budget where you're managing what's coming in, what's coming out. Do you have any work experience? Even a part-time job, something. And I think that's very important for us to convey to those of us who might be in high school or might be in college **[38:39]** that if you want to lead a family, then start by leading yourself. If you're not disciplined yourself and you're not managing your life, you're not well put together, whether it's just in terms of appearance, you're taking care of yourself, right? Because that takes discipline. That takes consistency. **[38:54]** Or in your affairs. Just a few examples. If you are double booking yourself, right? I'm going to hang out with you this time. I'm going to hang out with you that time. And then time comes and you're like, uh-oh. Conflict. There's a conflict right now. Well, you're not managing your schedule. **[39:09]** How are you going to manage the schedule for your whole family? If you promise things and you don't uphold your promises, you say, hey, I'm going to pay you back $10 for this group order or for going out, and then you don't do that, then how are you going to have trust from other people that you do what you say and you say what you do? **[39:27]** So, again, all of these, as you said, it's not a sudden thing that happens that you become a man, but rather it's a gradient and it's a flow and it's a natural and slow progression all the time. It's a process. You know, with that, I want to end with if we can all just extract one benefit from Salah and how Salah has discipline within it. **[39:48]** Because as you were talking, I was just thinking of something, subhanAllah. I guess I'll give the first one. It's kind of two things. You know, when Allah says in the Quran, what more? ... You know, it says order your family to pray and have perseverance over it. **[40:09]** But in the Arabic language, the morphology is what says ... so he adds the alif and the ta, right? Which they say in Arabic, ... you add more letters to the morphologic roots. **[40:24]** It has more of a meaning. So here, it's not sabr, but it's ... which means perseverance over a long period of time, which may require, which will have some encounters that will try to take you away from it. So when looking at that, praying five times a day, right? **[40:44]** At least, you know, when the Prophet, peace be upon him, mentioned that there was a river in front of his house. If you used to wash five times a day, there wouldn't be any dirt on him or her. When understanding that, it's deep because you're standing up and you're doing this five times a day. **[40:59]** You're stopping what you're doing to get up and go pray because at that time, it's the most optimal thing to do. Or that time frame. Even within that action of discipline, you're asking for more discipline. And you guide us to the straight path. The path of what? **[41:16]** The path of those whom you have blessed with righteousness, that you have put your blessings on, not the ones that have your anger. Even though this may be speaking of a particular demographic of people in general or specifically even, but the generality of the Sirat al-Mustaqim is the deen of Islam and the sharia of Islam. **[41:35]** And that requires discipline from them being the second pillar, which I'm literally doing at the moment while I'm asking. So while you're doing an action of discipline, you're asking for more discipline. And that's beautiful because Allah Subhanahu wa ta'ala is the only one that can give you that seed **[41:50]** that you nurture with your actions of Iman. But if that seed is not nurtured, i.e. you don't pray, or you're praying and your mind is somewhere else, that seed will eventually dry up. I remember there's one brother, and I'll conclude and I'll let y'all know, **[42:06]** there's one brother, he was interviewing a sister to get married. She was interviewing him. They were interviewing each other. The first question the sister asked, the brother was nervous, man. He said, I'm sitting there now. And then they're like, do you have any other questions? I think it was her dad. **[42:23]** Her dad was sitting there, he's like, do you have any questions? He's like, oh man, I don't have, I don't have somewhat thousand dollars. I don't have, she's like, do you make salah and jama'ah? And the brother was like, yes, I make salah and jama'ah. **[42:40]** But that being a very important factor for her, was huge for him, because it made him think that, yeah man, salah and jama'ah, if I don't ever make it, that can dry up the seed. And you know, Islam gives you so many opportunities to be better. **[42:56]** You pray by yourself, you pray, you receive reward, right? The khushu' within the prayer, you receive reward. Salat and jama'ah, khayr min salat al-fadhi, be khamso al-rasheedin, al-sabr al-rasheedin daraja. That praying in the congregation is better than praying alone by 25 or 27 more for men, you know, in the mosque. **[43:16]** I think you covered all the main points in terms of salah. I'll just home in on one of them, which is what you said in terms of khushu' in salah. That, okay, part of discipline is a mental and a spiritual discipline that is one of the matters of the heart, **[43:32]** and that's staying like focused. If during our salah, we're struggling with that, and we all struggle with that, right? Every single Muslim, no one has 100% khushu' or can say that their salah is perfect. But when you take out that time and you're like, alright, this is the time for salah, **[43:47]** think of what are those things you can do to kind of optimize that. Lessen the distractions, have that focus, turn off all notifications, put your phone on airplane mode, or just keep it away from you, and then try to just take time for the salah. Try to think of the different things in the salah. **[44:04]** After the salah, try to spend a little bit of time doing dhikr that the Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam taught us. Have that time of reflection, and when you come back to whatever you were doing, whatever you left, as you said, whatever you cut off, you're going to be more refreshed, and Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala is going to put barakah in it. **[44:20]** And extrapolate that to other things that we do in our lives. When we speak with our friends and our family members, are we fully present with them, or are we distracted? And the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam even mentioned that when he would speak to someone, he would face them. He gave their full attention. **[44:38]** Salah in itself can either be something that you lose all these hasanat on and gain sayyat, or it can be the tool towards discipline. Salah in itself, if it's done properly, and I think Sayyidina Muhammad Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said a hadith, **[44:53]** إذا عامل أحدكم عم يتقنه So if you do something, do it right. If salah is done properly, you have all the safety nets in the world. And I think that's what Islam does to someone who practices it. That's the lifestyle. SubhanAllah, it creates a safety net. **[45:09]** So even if we do make a mistake, we are trying so hard to stay on the straight path and the right path, that if we fall off, we're just one lane off, maybe two lanes. But when you forget about salah and you're completely off of it, you are so far off this road, you're off-roading. **[45:25]** And then you continue to do more and eventually you're going to hit something, you're not going to be able to get back on the road. So I think people need to realize, and this helps me a lot, when you understand the reason behind something, it's a lot easier to do. Now with that, Masha'Allah, jazakum Allah khair. **[45:40]** Really important understanding what discipline is and the role of the life of a man and how the man needs discipline in order to lead and to be confident within himself and to have people confident in him. But most importantly, being disciplined and strengthens their confidence in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala **[45:58]** and strengthens their connection, their faith, to ultimately make Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala pleased with them. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make you all men of honor, dignity, and discipline. BarakAllahu feekum, wasalamu alaikum, wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. **[46:22]** For more information visit www.fema.org ## Other Episodes in "Iman Cave" - [How To Be The Man Your Community Needs | Iman Cave](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/iman-cave/how-to-be-the-man-your-community-needs-iman-cave.md) - [Getting Shot Was My Wake-Up Call | Iman Cave](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/iman-cave/getting-shot-was-my-wake-up-call-iman-cave.md) - [To Live and Die as a Man | Iman Cave](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/iman-cave/to-live-and-die-as-a-man-iman-cave.md) - [Brotherhood in Ramadan | Iman Cave](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/iman-cave/brotherhood-in-ramadan-iman-cave.md) - [Lead Your Family this Ramadan | Iman Cave](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/iman-cave/lead-your-family-this-ramadan-iman-cave.md) - [Overcoming Obesity and Depression | Iman Cave](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/iman-cave/overcoming-obesity-and-depression-iman-cave.md) - [Is Gender a Social Construct? | Iman Cave](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/iman-cave/is-gender-a-social-construct-iman-cave.md) - [Our communities are broken. 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