# Defeat Your Ego Before It Defeats You | Midnight Majlis

**Author:** Dr. Omar Suleiman
**Series:** Midnight Majlis
**Published:** 2025-03-22
**YouTube:** https://youtu.be/8X1sVJpzZas
**URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/defeat-your-ego-before-it-defeats-you-midnight-majlis
**Topics:** Acts of Worship, Sharia

## Description
Your real strength isn’t in your body. In this second night of Midnight Majlis, Dr. Omar Suleiman and Sh. Yaser Birjas reflect on chapter 3, “The Mind and Repose” — and how conquering your ego is the only path to real inner peace. Dive in as Ibn Hazm (rh) dismantles every false measure of pride we...

## Transcript
**[0:00]** As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Alhamdulillahi rabbil 'alameen, sallallahu wa sallam, wa barakah 'ala nabina wa muhammadin wa 'ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam wa tasliman kathira thumma ma ba'd. We welcome you to the second night of the last ten nights of Ramadan here from Valley Ranch Islamic Center

**[0:16]** as we discuss our late night khatiras and heart softener with Shaykh Omar Suleiman here. As we study together a wonderful book by Imam Ibn Hazm, rahimahullah ta'ala, Al-akhlaq wa al-siyar, morals and behaviors. So last night, Shaykh, we were talking about what type of pleasure should people look for, right?

**[0:35]** And the pleasure that we were looking for here is that something out of this world, ladhat al-akhira, and everything, if you want to summarize, the thing that you should be concerned about, it should be only one single concern, and that's the akhira. Because if you make your major concern in this life is to please Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala,

**[0:52]** all the other concerns will go away. Because you really, you're only concerned about what matters. Because everything else will be easier to deal with, inshallah ta'ala. So tonight, we're starting inshallah on chapter three in the English version. Imam Ibn Hazm, rahimahullah, he says,

**[1:08]** babun 'azeemun min abwabil-'aqli wal-raaha. Like he says, look, this is a chapter on the peace of mind and repose. Like how can you find peace of mind in this life? Can you imagine? Isn't that what all we're looking for, jama'ah?

**[1:24]** Even last night when we were talking about tardu al-ham, removing anxiety and worries and so on, the whole purpose of it is to find peace and tranquility. So he begins by talking about, this is something you need to understand. If you're looking for peace of mind, and have this kind of tranquility in life,

**[1:39]** this is what you need to focus on. That's what he says, qal, babun 'azeemun min abwabil-'aqli wal-raaha, wahuwa tirahul-mubalati bikalamil-nas, wasti'malul-mubalati bikalamil-khaliqa 'azza wajal. bal hatha babul-'aqli kulli wal-raaha kulliha.

**[1:56]** He says, look, this is a chapter on finding peace of mind and finding repose in your life. And it only happens if you completely, completely focus on what pleases Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and worry about none of what people talk about.

**[2:12]** Like if you don't worry about what people say to you, what they say about you, and you only worry about what Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala would say to you, this is it, because this is what it means to be wise and smart. The smart one is the one who doesn't care about or doesn't worry about what people say about them

**[2:28]** as long as doing this for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. So this is how he began his chapter, rahimahullah ta'ala. Yeah, so, bismillahir-rahmanir-rahim, alhamdulillah, wa salatu wa salam 'ala rasoolillahi wa 'ala alihi wa sahbihi wa man wala. Subhanallah, Shaykh, it's interesting because he's tapping into like deep psychology here, right? And if you think about all cultures throughout history,

**[2:45]** people are way too worried about kalamil-nas, kalamil-nas, kalamil-nas. What are people going to say? What are people going to say? What are people going to say? The religious person worries about what the religious classes will say. The secular person worries about what the seculars will say. The person who's about culture will worry about how people will interpret their actions in accordance with culture.

**[3:03]** The influencers. The what? The influencers. The influencers, right. So it's constantly like you're setting your bar of success and happiness, bi kalamil-nas. And this has been consistent throughout history and across cultures. The only thing that changes are the tools.

**[3:18]** And that's why, like subhanallah, I was thinking about, and you know, even for the series this year, Shaykh, when I was doing the other side, like I was reflecting on this idea of psychology, right? They say I want to be seen. I want to be heard. And the Prophet (ﷺ) defined ihsan, or rather it was defined for him by Jibreel as what?

**[3:35]** an ta'budallaha ka'annaka tarah That you worship Allah as if you can see Him. And if you can't see Him, then you know that He sees you. The Prophet (ﷺ) is being taught that that's the highest level of excellence. Because if Allah is watching you, who cares who else is watching you?

**[3:53]** If you're trying to be seen by Allah, who cares who else is seeing you? If you're so concerned with the opinion of Allah of you, then you won't be concerned of the opinion of the people of you. And subhanallah, that is the most liberating thing in the world.

**[4:08]** Like to be liberated from people's expectations, to be liberated from their praise, liberated from their criticism, liberated by their standards. Like you know, I think we were talking about this the other day, like the absurdity of like weddings. And how they've become such an obstacle towards people's happiness.

**[4:27]** Like you go to cultures where people are barely able to put food on the table. But they have to like go into massive debt and do all of these horrific things to themselves to put on a wedding. Why? So that people don't say this about us. And in the process, you destroyed the marriage, you destroyed yourselves, you destroyed your debts.

**[4:45]** And then, you know, divorce happens three months later and you're still stuck with the debt. Like what happened to you? Why did you do that? Well, we don't want people to say this. That removes the barakah from their lives. Yeah, there's no barakah. Not just in the marriage, there's no barakah in your life. You're so enslaved to a set of expectations that are man-made, lowly, and induce misery in your life.

**[5:06]** But like the expectations that Allah has for you. And by the way, subhanallah, you know what's beautiful about Allah's expectations of you? Is that they're accessible to every single person, at every single economic class, from every background. You can access Allah's favor and His praise, no matter what your circumstances in life.

**[5:22]** And you feel it. You feel barakah. Like you can feel, as Imam Ahmad rahimahullah said, if you want to know where you stand in the sight of Allah, then look at where Allah stands in your sight. You want to know your makan with Allah? You want to know your place with God? Look at God's place with you.

**[5:39]** And so if you have ta'zim Allah, like you glorify Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, you have a great reverence for Allah. There's a statement I love. I think I said it last year. It's still one of, to me, the most amazing statements, Shaykh. We haven't even got to the chapter. I'll just quickly share it. I won't go through the whole story.

**[5:55]** Umar ibn Abdulaziz rahimahullah, his shaykh told his father, Salih ibn Kaysan, he told his father, Abdulaziz ibn Marwan, he said about Umar, he said,

**[6:10]** SubhanAllah. I never met a man in my life who has more reverence for Allah in his heart than your son. Your son, like, sees Allah as so great. So you want to be great in Allah's sight? How great is Allah in your sight? That's how you know. And it doesn't matter where you are in society.

**[6:26]** And once that becomes your standard, that becomes your bar, everything else is so petty. The word is petty. Petty, worthless, meaningless. Like, you actually start to belittle the other standards. You find it to be silly. You look down upon it. Like, are people really falling for this stuff?

**[6:44]** Like, this is such a scam that you set these bars of influencers and cultures and stuff that has no meaning in your life. And you're willing to plunge deep into misery to meet that from other people. You know, Shaykh, that reminds me of the fact that, look, we are, as human beings, Allah created us as social beings, right?

**[7:03]** We can't live without social circles. That's why we would love to be around people and be with people. We'd like to get married because we'd like to find this kind of love and belonging and someone, you know, who is for you and you for them. And then, of course, starting a family, which gives you a purpose in this life.

**[7:20]** And part of being a family, of course, you have to have a social circle for your spouse and for your children. We can't live out of that. But obviously, it comes with all these liabilities as well, too. Like, you have to live by the people's standards, not your standards. And sometimes we put ourselves in certain circles where the standard is so high, unfortunately, that to the extent we just kind of like,

**[7:37]** we start avoiding being with people and we start sabotaging our relationship as a result of that. Like, I know a lot of people, they don't invite people over. They don't accept other people's invitations because they know, you know, I can't match them with that. And to the extent, still by a tangent on the subject, subhanAllah, such as unnecessarily parties that we create for ourselves.

**[8:01]** Like nowadays, the pre-marriage parties, right? The bridal shower and all the things that comes with that. The pre-game show, the halftime show, the post-game show. All that stuff, right? And the pre-photoshoot and post-photoshoot and go and select, reveal your rings and, oh, Lord.

**[8:19]** I mean, all these things, subhanAllah, all these things have set so high standards for people, no one can match this anymore. And as a result, people start cutting ties with each other. An example also, birthday parties. I mean, it's supposed to be for you and your kids in your house, that's it.

**[8:37]** But now we go to Chuck E. Cheese and now people start going to banquet halls. Shaykh, no one goes to Chuck E. Cheese anymore. No one goes to Chuck E. Cheese anymore? Last time, I used to take my kids to Chuck E. Cheese. I don't know where they take them anymore right now. My kids are grown up, alhamdulillah.

**[8:53]** Maybe in your era, I don't know where you take your kids. You got it. I got you. But subhanAllah, the idea is that people start overburdening themselves. If you go to a birthday party of your friends, your relatives, and you don't bring a gift at $100 value, $200 value, oh, my God.

**[9:12]** You're going to be boycotted. That's why people start cutting ties with each other because I don't want to be part of these circles. SubhanAllah, that's what he says, rahimAllah, he says, look, if you want to do the right thing, do it because it's the right thing to do, regardless what people will say.

**[9:30]** Because when you deal with people, you deal with them based on your values, not their values. And if your values is to please Allah, who cares about the other people? So he continues to say, as a result of that,

**[9:48]** He goes, look, if you think, if you ever think that you're going to be safe from people's criticism or reproach, you're crazy. You're insane. What does that mean? No matter how much you try, whether you do good or bad, people will always criticize you.

**[10:05]** That reminds me of a hadith of the Prophet (ﷺ), when he said, a man one day, or one night, as a matter of fact, he went out to give charity. He said, tonight, I'm going to go out and give charity.

**[10:20]** So when he went out, he gave it to somebody. The first person he saw, he gave it to them. The next day, people woke up in the morning, they say, oh my God, did you hear that? What happened last night? Someone gave charity to a thief.

**[10:36]** To a thief? So he heard the rumors, all the way to him, and he goes, SubhanAllah, I give it to a thief? Allahumma laka alhamdulillah. Inshallah, tonight I'm going to give another charity. So he goes out, and he gives it to a lady, and people start talking about it the next day.

**[10:52]** Someone gave a charity last night to a prostitute. I'm just like, la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah. And he said, I'm going to give another one inshallah. Then he gave it, and the next day, the people are talking about it, saying, Someone last night gave charity to a rich man.

**[11:07]** Good luck, he gave it to a rich, la hawla wa la quwwata illa billah. So he basically was disappointed with himself. But the whole point is that all these people gossiping a man, who's trying to do good. So Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala rewards him by sending an angel, telling him, Look, you gave it to a thief, maybe he will learn that people are still generous, he doesn't have to steal.

**[11:28]** You gave it to a prostitute, maybe she will realize that there are so kind people out there, She doesn't have to go and sell herself out like this. You gave it to a rich person, maybe that will become an incentive for them to feel embarrassed, That someone who's less in money, and given charity, so he could give more inshallah.

**[11:46]** So the idea is, no matter what you do, you're going to still be criticized by other people. If you worry about other people, you're not going to live what we call authentic life or genuine life. You're going to live somebody else's life.

**[12:01]** If you live by people's criticism, because all your movements, again, Alhamdulillah, you are trying to avoid the worries of people criticizing you, right? So you try to, if I do this, what are they going to say? We're not going to do it. So you deprive yourselves from so many good deeds and even recreation activities.

**[12:20]** Like for example, you want to take your family on a vacation. And you worry about what your brother-in-law and sister-in-law and mother-in-law are going to say. You know what, forget it, we're not going anywhere. Let's go and make an inshallah, invite some friends for a dinner. And you want to make it nice.

**[12:35]** But you say, well, if we do it this way, they're going to start talking about it, taking pictures, blah blah. Let's not invite anybody. SubhanAllah, so you start living someone else's life, not your personal life.

**[13:00]** He said that one of the things, whoever contemplates deeply and trains his soul to love being told the truth, loves the truth being told to his soul, then even if at the beginning, you know, truth hurts. The beginning truth hurts.

**[13:16]** When someone tells you about yourself or you're criticized or you learn something about your nafs, your actual soul. Because remember, the goal is to master yourself. If you train your soul, yourself, to love the truth, meaning what's best for it, even if it's shocking at the beginning, then that is a person who will find himself more pleased by people's criticism than their praise.

**[13:36]** This is an amazing section that he goes into here, Shaykh, because this is hard. Let's be real. People live their lives afraid of kalam an-nas. What are people going to say? And he's saying that you have to get yourself to a position where not only do you not mind what people say about you,

**[13:53]** you actually come to a point where you enjoy criticism more than praise. And he explains this in a very interesting way. He says that criticism, if I'm going to summarize, you know, the next part here, Shaykh, it's up to you if you want to refer it or if you want to summarize. So he says criticism is always good for you.

**[14:11]** Praise is sometimes a good sign. How? He says that criticism, if someone criticizes you justly, then that is an eye-opener for you so that you can work on that element of yourself. And then if someone attacks you unjustly, then that's a way for you to collect the deeds of the hereafter.

**[14:32]** So both ways, criticism is always good. Criticism is never bad for you. Praise, on the other hand, he said, you know, a person likes to be praised for something that they never even did. A person likes to be praised for things that aren't true about them. Praise is going to attain you failure and bankruptcy.

**[14:50]** He said the only thing we have from the Prophet (ﷺ), the hadith we have from the Prophet (ﷺ), is that they could be the early signs of glad tidings for a believer. That's if people praise you in truth. But if people praise you for something that's not in you, then it's against you on the day of judgment.

**[15:07]** So you understand, like, from a column perspective, he's saying criticism is good if it's true and if it's not true. Because it will either yield you the ability to change yourself here or the ability to collect your good deeds there. Whereas praise could be good if it's an encouragement for something good that you're doing and it doesn't ruin your intentions.

**[15:25]** But it will be bad for you in the hereafter if it's not true of you and if it's spoiled you. So praise can sometimes be good. Criticism can always be good for the one that's trying to master their self. That's the whole point of this chapter, by the way, is the mastery of self. If you're really about mastering yourself in the sight of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, then you'll start to enjoy criticism.

**[15:46]** Say, alhamdulillah, either this opened my eyes or it opened my bank account on the day of judgment. Abdurrahman ibn Mahdi rahimahullah, a great scholar of Baghdad, he said that, if I didn't like that Allah 'azza wa jal be disobeyed, I would wish that everybody in the world backbites me.

**[16:01]** And I said, why? He said, because what's more beautiful than showing up at the mizan on the day of judgment and finding deeds on your scale of good deeds that you didn't even know about, right? You're just collecting people's good deeds and finding your scale full on the day of judgment.

**[16:17]** That's a hard station to reach, by the way. And it goes back to, what do you want? What's your intention? And we ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to make our intention for Allah 'azza wa jal's praise. That reminds me, Shaykh, with Hasan al-Basri rahimahullah ta'ala, one time he was seen carrying sweets.

**[16:34]** And he went to someone's house. So he knocks on his door, the guy comes out. He goes, Imam Hasan al-Basri, he says, this is for you. I want to thank you very much. This is for you. He goes, how come? Why? Why is that? He goes, I heard that you were backbiting me before. So I want to thank you for giving your hasanat.

**[16:52]** Now, if we're going to do this business as a jama'ah, people are going to get rich, wallahi. Allah musta'an. So if you make a YouTube video about me, I'm going to get your address and send you an edible arrangement, you know? Right? And other ulama, they also say, rahimallahu man ahda ilayna 'uyubana.

**[17:10]** May Allah have mercy on someone who gifts us our faults. Meaning, they come to us, tell us, hey, be careful. You did this and you're not supposed to do that. This is wrong. This is not befitting you. Like when someone, just like Shaykh was saying, when someone is criticizing you, it's always

**[17:27]** good that comes out of it. But how can we, Shaykh, how can we control ourselves unless we control one thing? If you are able to master this about yourself and if you're able to control that, then you can, alhamdulillah, be at ease when criticism and reproach comes to you.

**[17:46]** And what is that? To control your ego. In the Qur'an, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala refers to ego with a shuh. Qal wa mayyooqa shuhha nafsihi fa'oolaika humumuflihoon. And whoever is protected against the shuh, the stinginess, the covetousness of their self,

**[18:04]** fa'oolaika humumuflihoon, those are the truly successful ones. If you can control your ego in a moment like that, it's amazing. That's why the Prophet (ﷺ) said to the man, la taghdab. When a man says, Ya Rasulullah, give me an advice, what did he say? He said, don't get angry.

**[18:19]** And the man thought that was too short for him. He goes, Ya Rasulullah, can I have another advice? The Prophet (ﷺ) said, la taghdab, don't get angry. Probably now he's getting angry already. Like, this is too short, Ya Rasulullah, so can I have another one? And the Prophet (ﷺ) says, la taghdab, don't get angry.

**[18:36]** And that's when the man realized, okay, so that's the one. The third time, help him right now subdue and control his ego. Now he realized, oh, so that's what it is.

**[18:51]** So my dear brothers and sisters, your ego, and that's something I would recommend a book if anyone is interested in reading about the subject. There's a book called Ego is the Enemy. Look it up. So Ego is the Enemy. It speaks about this whole concept which all that we have in the Qur'an, the Sunnah of the Prophet (ﷺ). Your ego is selfish. Your ego is going to actually try to free you from any responsibility, any liability, at all cost.

**[19:16]** Justly, unjustly, your ego doesn't care. What your ego cares about is that don't take any responsibility. Because if you take any responsibility, you're going to have to fix it. And that requires a lot of effort, a lot of energy, and as a result, don't assume any liability, any responsibility.

**[19:34]** That's what your ego does to you. Okay, now who is benefiting from that ego? That's where the Shaytan comes in. So ego is just a Trojan horse for the Shaytan. And the Shaytan keeps blowing into your ego until it becomes so huge and massive that you think you're too big to be criticized or to be reproached and so on.

**[19:55]** And that's where the Shaytan benefits from. The Shaytan, as Allah says in the Qur'an, وَمَا كَانَ لِيَ عَلَيْكُمْ مِنْ سُلْطَانٍ إِلَّا أَنْ دَعَوْتُكُمْ فَاسْتَجَبْتُمْ لِي The only control, the only power I had over you, I whispered and you listened.

**[20:10]** That's all. Because don't blame me. Blame yourselves. So it goes back again to this matter of what makes people reject criticism is because their ego kicks in. And who benefits from that? The Shaytan. So in the chapter of Shaykh, he breaks down now.

**[20:27]** He says, okay, you want people's praise for things that are not actually praiseworthy. You just want to have a good reputation. You want people to say certain things about you. Then that's a sign of a person that's relegated to the material. They're relegated to this world.

**[20:43]** Shaytan is a very superficial creature if you think about it. He derives his sense of self-worth from what? How I'm built, how I'm created. Whereas Allah 'Azza wa Jal defines our self-worth by our spirituality. So when you go down in the chapter, he says,

**[21:10]** So he says that whoever is proud of his bravery, whoever thinks like it's courage, like, look, I'm a person of bravery. Yet he uses it in ways that are not for the sake of Allah. So let him know that a tiger has more courage than him. And that the lion and the wolf and the elephant, they're braver than he is.

**[21:28]** And he goes on to say, if you take pride in your physical strength, If you think that, well, I can carry more. Well, know that a donkey can carry more than you.

**[21:50]** So if it's that I can overcome my enemy. No, actually, adwan is running. Yeah, whoever is proud of how fast he can run, then let him know that the dog and the rabbit are faster than him. Like, what are you taking pride in?

**[22:06]** So is it the birds with their voices? Is it the lions and the tigers with their courage? Is it the speed of the dog and the rabbit? Is it the ability of a donkey to carry? What actually distinguishes you?

**[22:22]** So he's like, you need to know that your worth as a human being is actually not in these things in the first place. So what you're attaching your ego to is actually really, really silly. Yeah, Fadl Shaykh. That's why he says, to make that comparison, he says, The one who pursues the akhira, the hereafter, the afterlife, obviously for the sake of Allah, he is similar to the angels.

**[22:49]** Because the angels are all about what? About what is beyond this world. What is outside of the material world. So you look for what's beyond this world. And the one who pursues evil, like some people, they always look for doing something hurtful.

**[23:07]** They pursue to hurt people and causing damage and causing chaos. These are like devils, like demons. They always look to create chaos and fitna and so on. And the one who is looking for reputation and overpowering people and so on.

**[23:24]** Like the beasts. Like the animals in the wilderness. They like to overpower their enemy and take control of their territorial animals, obviously. And the one who is going after desires and lust, just like the animals.

**[23:41]** They live, eat, drink, and just mate, and that's it. That's their purpose. All these desires. And the one who pursues wealth and money. Not to spend it in that which is good, such as giving zakah, giving charity and good deeds and so on.

**[24:01]** And this is very interesting. He goes, the one who pursues wealth. Not to spend it in good causes and so on. He says, this person is too low.

**[24:21]** There isn't even an animal that matches. There is no animal that matches their level. Like I can't find an animal to match him. He's even less than animals, basically. That's what he says. If all what you do with your wealth is just to get rich, to always have the higher number all the time,

**[24:39]** and always to just benefit from it in this dunya, like you absolutely desire nothing from your wealth to the akhira, except just benefit to get rich and buy this house and get, you know, this, that many millions of dollars in my account. And if that's what you're looking for, he says, I can't even find an animal to match you with.

**[24:58]** Like you're worse than an animal. And these animals, he says, they have benefit from them. He says, this person, is just like water streams that runs in caves. You know, sometimes when the water, rain comes down, goes sometimes through openings in the earth and goes into caves,

**[25:15]** he goes, no one benefits from that water. And it stays there. And it stays there for so long. And then when the wind and the sun dries up, and that's it. It's gone. No one benefits from this. So he says, if you have that wealth, then let it show.

**[25:31]** And let the other people benefit from that. He says, to that point, Shaykh, he says, whoever does strengthen this, though, wa tasa' ilmuhu wa hasuna amaluhu, he says that for the one who actually does strengthen their reasoning

**[25:49]** and expand their knowledge and beautify their character, and they rejoice in that, he said that that is a person that is not competed with, except by the angels, wa khayaru al-nas, and the best of people. And he mentions, bi qawlihi ta'ala wa amma man khafa maqama rabbihi,

**[26:05]** wa naha nafsa 'anil hawa, fa inna al-jannata hiya al-ma'wa. Surah al-Nazi'at. And so, as for the one who fears the standing of his Lord and restrains his self from desires, then verily, Jannah is his abode. And he says something so powerful here.

**[26:21]** By the way, my favorite part of this chapter, subhanAllah, is the second part. So that's why Shaykh Yasir and I are jumping to the second half here. He says that this ayah, jami'unni kulli fadila, li'anna nahya al-nafsi 'anil hawa, huwa rad'uha 'anil tab'il ghadabi, wa tab'il shahwani.

**[26:37]** He says that the one who restrains their self from desires and actually is able to abide by this ayah, restrains their soul, does two things. They hold it back from the anger-driven part of themselves

**[26:52]** and the desire-driven part of themselves. Very powerful psychology here, by the way. He says that he divides the nafs, your impulses, your lower impulses, into two. He says there's a part of you that's ghadabi and there's a part of you that's shahwani,

**[27:07]** a part of you that's driven by anger and a part of you that's driven by lowly desire. And he says if you get this ayah right, if you master this ayah, then you'll actually end up being able to tame both of those things in the process and tame all of your impulses.

**[27:23]** These two things, subhanAllah, they're very common, especially in our time right now. So the first drive that motivates people to do what they do, usually to be aggressive. So being aggressive in this society means what? Competition. Don't come out second, for example,

**[27:39]** or you're going to be last. And as a result, sometimes we break all the rules and try to outsmart the system and all this stuff. Being aggressive, basically. And I think the culture of our time right now, you can see it in this world. You have to be aggressive to be recognized, to be respected, to be on the top of everything.

**[27:57]** So that nature of being aggressive is what motivates, what pushes people to do things that are not always good deeds. Survival of the fittest. Survival, exactly. There you go. So that's exactly the same thing. It's just like people are by nature, they want to be aggressive to survive in this society.

**[28:13]** The other thing, of course, is the shahawat. The shahawat gives them that temporary relief from the stress of this life and feeling left out. So as long as they can engage in some level of pleasure,

**[28:28]** they're good. So they don't have to go any higher from there. These two things, trying to go higher through aggressiveness and, of course, being without any akhlaq or morals or standards. Or forget about high aspiration, go with the lowest aspiration.

**[28:44]** And that's just as long as I can have my pleasure, I don't need to do anything. And if you look at our society today, Shaykh, even here in America, subhanallah, these two things are very, very visible in our society. Between people who would love to,

**[28:59]** they want to be aggressive to stay always on top, that's the competition we have in politics these days, or those who don't care at all. As long as they have their streaming services, alhamdulillah, at home, they can drink whatever they drink and food they have,

**[29:14]** they don't care about anything what's happening in the world. Yeah. And so basically if you succumb to, you know, Imam Ibn al-Jawzi, rahimahullah ta'ala, talks about this in Sayd al-Khatir, actually. Succumb to the lower desires, which are the desires of just pursuing your lowly self,

**[29:30]** pursuing what makes you happy and wasting away in that. Eventually what ends up happening is that you could end up becoming predatory with those desires. So that could evolve into a predatory nature. Why? The most simple example is drug addiction.

**[29:47]** I get addicted to a certain drug, I need that drug, now I will do anything I can to get that drug. Right? I need this particular thing. By the way, subhanAllah, I'll say this, in the age of pornography, as Muslims, we have to have a very unique intervention.

**[30:03]** You know what it is? We're concerned about the person looking at the screen and we're concerned about the person behind the screen. Because there's a decay of society from two levels here. Right? What are you willing to do to fulfill that desire of yours? And then you see what ends up happening with people.

**[30:18]** The trafficking, the horrors that are inflicted on a person who ends up in these difficult situations. Right? In these terrible situations. So there's decay here and decay there. The moral decay of both of these things. But you end up letting your desires become your God

**[30:35]** and then it's just a wrecking, you know, this wrecking path of yours where you will just destroy everything in the way in order to access those desires. And you don't care anymore. Right? And so there's a graduation of desires. Lowly desires.

**[30:50]** And then those desires can become predatory where you hurt people. Hubb al-mal. Right? You love money a lot. All right. Well, if you, you know, initially, that just means that maybe you'll, you know, you'll pursue it at any cost. But what happens when the cost of pursuing that money

**[31:06]** is people, hurting people? Then you'll steal from your own brother. Right? You'll hurt the closest people in the world to you because you can't get enough of that money. It's not necessarily that you want to hurt that person. That's shaytani. That you actually want to hurt that person. It's that your addiction to wealth

**[31:23]** is overpowering the natural love that you have for your brother. The most annoying thing in the world, by the way, and it's destructive. There are a lot of things that break your heart when you're an imam and you see different things, by the way, within the community. One of the weirdest things is when you see two brothers that part over land.

**[31:39]** It's like, what? You started hating yourself over, hating each other over this? Like you came out of the same womb and you can't agree on this piece of the earth and you're willing to cut ties? Why? Because it's an addiction. It's not that I necessarily hate that person.

**[31:55]** It's that I love wealth so much that the predatory nature of me kicked in and I graduated to a predatory being. That's where it can become shaytanic. It can become shaytani. You'll hurt people for the sake of hurting people at some point if you start to get addicted to them.

**[32:14]** Another point that he's talking about here. And this, again, goes back to the deep psychology before it even was discovered in our time.

**[32:33]** He said, I've seen most people in his time, talking about a thousand years ago, I've seen most people, most of the people, except few, except those who've been protected, Allah's protected them from that. And they're very few, he said.

**[32:49]** They rush or maybe they hasten and they are so fast into putting themselves through shiqa, which means that they're toiling, they carry so much grudge in their hearts, and exhausting themselves in this dunya for this dunya.

**[33:06]** How? He says, And he says that they're harboring in their heart, they're harboring in their heart, such a big sin, that will result them into end up in jahannam,

**[33:23]** I seek refuge in Allah, even though it brings them no benefit in this dunya. And then he explains that. So I'm gonna mention it to you, and then you can figure out what do we call this today in our time. He says, Like holding bad ill intentions in their heart,

**[33:42]** like they're harboring, they're harboring so much animosity, so much hatred in their heart. Like what? They wish everything goes expensive, they wish inflation takes over to hurt people.

**[33:58]** Like what? What kind of sick mind is this? Someone says like, I wish everything goes expensive because they're envious of those who can buy these things, for example. Or, Even actually they have so much hatred for children. Subhanallah. At this time.

**[34:15]** And those are very innocent. They're always harboring ill feelings towards innocent people. And they wish the worst to happen to people they hate or dislike. They wish them the worst that could happen.

**[34:30]** And we've seen this on TV and social media and the news, how people, subhanallah, when they speak, like the vile statement that comes from their mouth when they talk about other people, that explains what they're harboring in their heart.

**[34:50]** And they knew, those intentions they're holding in their heart, is not going to make what they wish for to happen anyway. It's not going to happen at all. They're just hurting yourself. If they just clear their hearts and purify their intentions,

**[35:09]** they will find peace and tranquility for themselves, and they will find themselves free to focus on what matters the most for themselves. So, what do we call this today, Shaykh? People, they hold a lot of grudge. And many people are very resentful.

**[35:25]** Like some people, we call them grumpy, right? Why are you so grumpy? None of your business. Why are you so angry? I said none of your business, right? We always have that immediately, that aggressive nature.

**[35:40]** Because you don't want anyone to take advantage of you, so we always do what? We show that we are independent of any need to anybody. So we're always resentful. We always hold grudge against people, subhanallah. And we know that holding grudge, it is own punishment. It's just like poisoning yourself.

**[35:57]** And you think that the other person is going to be poisoned. But he says over here, give yourself a favor. Do yourself a favor. Clean your intentions. Clean your heart. Don't think about other people. Stop, you know, hating on people, even those you don't even know, subhanallah.

**[36:12]** Otherwise, if you continue to do that, you will ruin yourself. You want to find peace of mind? Then make sure that you hold no grudge against anybody. Shaykh, it's a... So, we'll come to, subhanallah, something that's really... To me, it was the aha moment of this chapter.

**[36:27]** I feel like every one of these chapters has an aha moment. But before that, you know, the idea is that it's a very miserable place to admit that you don't like someone having something good. Like jealousy and envy are so lowly that no one wants to admit that they have that disease.

**[36:45]** Nobody wants to be that person. That just doesn't like to see people doing good because inside of themselves, they feel like they should have that good. So, even if that person never did anything to you, inside of yourself, Shaytan is like... Like the tape is playing, though.

**[37:01]** How come they get that and you don't get that? Why them? Why do they have this? Why do they get to have that good? You deserve that good. And what you could do because, subhanallah, one of the things that makes the waswas of Shaytan so strong is that he whispers here and he whispers here.

**[37:17]** And there's a difference between the two. He whispers here and that he'll turn your heart against someone. He'll whisper here and that he'll play you to think that you don't envy that person, you don't hate that person for a bad reason. You hate them because they deserve to be hated. So, he'll start to tell you, you know, like that you're really against this person for this reason.

**[37:37]** Because you can't live with yourself knowing that you are shackled by something so lowly. The aha moment in this chapter, Shaykh, is when he says that the ilaj, the cure, like mastery of self, the cure comes down to two hadiths. He says,

**[38:19]** So, he says that the cure is two hadiths. And I actually want you to do this. This is an exercise. Take these two hadiths and identify every single flaw of self and cast it within these two hadiths.

**[38:35]** So, the first one, the advice the Prophet (ﷺ) gave to the man, la taghdab. Don't become angry. He says that's the first hadith. That you could cast within that the spiritual flaws of envy, right? Of anger, of haste.

**[38:50]** Al-'ajalatu min al-shaytan. Right? That hastiness is from the devil. You have a whole category of destructive flaws, muhlikat, as the scholars call them, destructive flaws. That you can cast under this hadith and this hadith would do away with them. Pride, kibr. Right? Because al-ghadab,

**[39:06]** al-ghadab bareed al-kibr. As the ulema mention, you know, I forgot which of the scholars said that, al-ghadab bareed al-kibr. Al-ghadab bareed al-kibr. That anger is bareed al-kibr. It's like the mail of pride. Why? Because you get angry because how dare you do that to me? And implied in that is that I'm better than you or I'm too good for you to do that to me.

**[39:24]** And that's why when you get a little bit richer, you get a little bit more power and respect, you know, you know, You don't tolerate things like you used to. Bad service is like so insulting to you. Why? Because I'm too good for this. I've reached the point in my life, right? Where I can't tolerate that anymore.

**[39:40]** Like you should know better because of who I am. So, he says the first one is la taghdab. The second one is the advice of the Prophet (ﷺ), ahibba li akhika ma tuhibbu li nafsik. Love for your brother what you love for yourself.

## Other Episodes in "Midnight Majlis"
- [Loving the People Who Remember Allah | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep. 7](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep7-loving-the-people-who-remember-allah.md)
- [The Beauty of the Light of Allah | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep. 5](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep5-the-beauty-of-the-light-of-allah.md)
- [Leave Your Nafs Behind and Come to Allah | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep. 6](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep6-leave-your-nafs-behind-and-come-to-allah.md)
- [Freeing Yourself From Other Than Allah | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep. 4](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep4-freeing-yourself-from-other-than-allah.md)
- [Allah Will Love You For Your Dhikr | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep. 3](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep3-allah-will-love-you-for-your-dhikr.md)
- [Your Dhikr Makes You Beautiful | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep. 2](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep2-your-dhikr-makes-you-beautiful.md)
- [When Your Heart Makes Dhikr | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep1](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep1-when-your-heart-makes-dhikr.md)
- [Getting Past A Grudge | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/getting-past-a-grudge-midnight-majlis.md)
- [Between Self-Admiration and Self-Hatred | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/between-self-admiration-and-self-hatred-midnight-majlis.md)
- [How to Become A Great Person | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/how-to-become-a-great-person-midnight-majlis.md)
- [How to Spot Fake Friends | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/how-to-spot-fake-friends-midnight-majlis.md)
- [Be Your Own Toughest Critic | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/be-your-own-toughest-critic-midnight-majlis.md)
- [When People Cause You Pain | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/when-people-cause-you-pain-midnight-majlis.md)
- [You Choose To Be Learned or Lost | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/you-choose-to-be-learned-or-lost-midnight-majlis.md)
- [How to Break Free from Anxiety | Midnight Majlis | Dr. Omar Suleiman and Sh. Yaser Birjas](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/how-to-break-free-from-anxiety-midnight-majlis.md)