# Be Your Own Toughest Critic | Midnight Majlis

**Author:** Dr. Omar Suleiman
**Series:** Midnight Majlis
**Published:** 2025-03-25
**YouTube:** https://youtu.be/B-RHfqTIyv8
**URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/be-your-own-toughest-critic-midnight-majlis
**Topics:** Acts of Worship, Sharia

## Description
The end of Ramadan is a time to redouble your efforts. Pray more, fast more—give more. You can’t fix what you refuse to face. Dr. Omar Suleiman and Sh. Yaser Birjas reflect on how Ibn Hazm (rh)’s brutal honesty with himself made him a better man—and why confronting your own flaws is the key to real...

## Transcript
**[0:00]** As-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen. As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

**[0:15]** Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu. Wa alaykum as-salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

**[0:30]** We are going to be talking about the beautiful book of Ibn Hazm. Ibn Hazm's book is called Morals and Behaviour. Ibn Hazm's book is called Morals and Behaviour. Last night we started talking about Morals and Behaviour. Last night we started talking about Morals and Behaviour. Part 1. In which we discussed a lot of these rules of engagement. In which we discussed a lot of these rules of engagement.

**[0:46]** Like what Ibn Hazm was introducing to people. How to interact with other people. How should be your code of conduct. Dealing with other people. And now today we are going to be talking about Part 2. And now today we are going to be talking about Part 2. Him defining some of these ideal standards of morality. Him defining some of these ideal standards of morality.

**[1:02]** Him defining some of these ideal standards of morality. But then coming back to be very transparent. But then coming back to be very transparent. Very personal with his readers. To the extent I could say even very vulnerable. Admitting himself. And this is something very interesting that we are going to be starting tonight. And this is something very interesting that we are going to be starting tonight.

**[1:18]** SubhanAllah. And it actually builds on something. What you will notice. Number 1 is that this is a person who is very secure with himself. Because if he was out to try to garner a certain reputation for himself. Because if he was out to try to garner a certain reputation for himself. If he was trying to put out, market himself basically. If he was trying to put out, market himself basically.

**[1:34]** In the way that a scholar would want to be marketed. In the way that a scholar would want to be marketed. Then he would not do this to himself. Then he would not do this to himself. And so the very first chapter here we are talking about. Everyone seeks the removal of ham. The removal of anxiety. Everyone seeks security.

**[1:50]** And he is a person who is clearly very secure with himself. To be able to openly talk about his faults this way. To be able to openly talk about his faults this way. By the way he talks about faults that he is struggling with. He talks about faults that he has conquered. He talks about faults that he still wants to conquer. He talks about flaws that he is unsure if they are really flaws or not. He talks about flaws that he is unsure if they are really flaws or not.

**[2:06]** You know where he is still trying to figure that out. So he is using ilm. He is using knowledge. What he is learning about Allah and the Messenger of Allah. And what he is learning about the process of disciplining the self. A tajribah. To try to experiment on himself basically. To try to experiment on himself basically.

**[2:22]** And to try to get the results of that experimentation. And this is something subhanAllah that it is tricky. And this is something subhanAllah that it is tricky. Because technically we know that the Prophet ﷺ. Because technically we know that the Prophet ﷺ. Told us about the importance of not exposing your sins. Told us about the importance of not exposing your sins. And one of the things that you will notice is that it is not like he is sitting there exposing specific sins.

**[2:38]** And one of the things that you will notice is that it is not like he is sitting there exposing specific sins. He is talking about personality flaws that he is trying to conquer. He is talking about personality flaws that he is trying to conquer. And there is a difference between these things. He is not like sitting there giving you the details of sins that he committed. He is not like sitting there giving you the details of sins that he committed. He is not like sitting there giving you the details of sins that he committed. And making those things public.

**[2:54]** It is tricky. But just keep that in mind that he is speaking as a teacher to a student. Someone that has overcome certain flaws. Personality flaws. And in the process giving you some insight as to how you can overcome your own personality flaws. And in the process giving you some insight as to how you can overcome your own personality flaws. And the beautiful thing he is saying is that basically this is how you do it. And the beautiful thing he is saying is that basically this is how you do it.

**[3:10]** He is using the knowledge that he has been talking about all these chapters. He is using the knowledge that he has been talking about all these chapters. And how to use that knowledge in refining yourself. And how to use that knowledge in refining yourself. Because the whole purpose of this knowledge is what? Tazkiyah. The whole purpose of being faithful, being righteous, being a believer. The whole purpose of being faithful, being righteous, being a believer.

**[3:26]** The whole purpose is really to reach that level of tazkiyah. The whole purpose is really to reach that level of tazkiyah. Which means refining your character, yourself and so on. As the Prophet ﷺ mentioned. I was sent for nothing but to perfect people's character. I was sent for nothing but to perfect people's character. The whole purpose of this message is to perfect your character. The whole purpose of this message is to perfect your character.

**[3:42]** And if you are not working on it. If you are not working on perfecting the knowledge. So that you have the degree. You have the ijazah and all that stuff. But it does not reflect into your manners. But it does not reflect into your manners. What is the point of it? So that is the whole message he is deriving into this chapter.

**[3:58]** So we begin inshallah. Those who have the English book in their hands. It is on page 23 inshallah. Where it says point number 89. Where it says point number 89. So he is now defining the standard of manners and specific characters. So he is now defining the standard of manners and specific characters. So he is now defining the standard of manners and specific characters.

**[4:14]** He says that the finish of generosity. He says that the finish of generosity. The supreme objective of generosity. Is to give away the entire surplus of your possession in charitable works. Is to give away the entire surplus of your possession in charitable works. Like he says being generous. Is not being generous by giving the essentials. Or whatever they have in your hand.

**[4:30]** That is more than that. Being generous is whatever surplus. Whatever excess you have in your hand. That you give it away in charity works. So he says. That is his understanding of it. And by the way that is similar to Abu Dhar (رضي الله عنه). And by the way that is similar to Abu Dhar (رضي الله عنه).

**[4:46]** Although Abu Dhar was actually a little bit to the next level. Although Abu Dhar was actually a little bit to the next level. He said. The best of course of your generosity should be given to whom? The best of course of your generosity should be given to whom? The needy neighbor. The needy neighbor. A relative who is poor.

**[5:02]** Someone once was rich and wealthy. Someone once was rich and wealthy. And now they have been financially tested. And now they have been financially tested. So they lost that prosperity. They lost that ni'mah. So now you have been kind to them. Because they are not used to being poor perhaps.

**[5:18]** Can you imagine that beautiful gesture. Obviously he is speaking from what? From a very, what should I call it? His own personal experience once being in the palace. And the next day he is actually running and hiding. And obviously once having everything in his hand. And all of a sudden barely could survive. And all of a sudden barely could survive.

**[5:34]** So he says. When someone used to be in a certain position. Financial position. Now they are poor. Have mercy on them. Be kind, be generous. And always look for the one who is in urgent need. And always look for the one who is in urgent need.

**[5:50]** For that assistance. As we see some disasters. Requires for us to pay attention to that. Can I comment on that really quick? It is interesting because like in Islam. I don't think you will find any other religion. I don't think you will find any other religion. That emphasizes the self-esteem.

**[6:06]** Of the one that you are giving charity to. The way that you find it in Islam. The way that you give the charity. And the way that the person receives it. So when the Prophet ﷺ mentions. To smile in the face of your brother. Is a charity. In one narration the Prophet ﷺ mentions.

**[6:22]** That you extend a drink of water. With your face full and bright. So you are not degrading the person. Because Allah ﷻ mentions that. If a person follows up. Their charity. With harming the person. Or mann.

**[6:38]** They boast about themselves in the process. They remind the person they are giving the charity to. You could be destroying that person's self-esteem. While feeding them. And Allah ﷻ did not create us. As beings that just eat and drink. And that are only sustained by our stomachs. So this is a person that is diagnosed with his own psychology.

**[6:54]** And he is talking about the psychology of the one. Who receives charity. And you will notice this when you do humanitarian work by the way. That it is different when you have people that grew up in poverty their whole lives. They are used to it. They have accepted it. They came to terms with it very early on in their existence. Whereas when you have populations of people.

**[7:10]** That were suddenly crushed. And now they are dealing with being refugees. And I did not see this with anyone more than the Syrian refugees. The first time I went to some of the Syrian refugee camps. People saying. I used to have. I was a dentist. I was a doctor.

**[7:26]** I had this many houses. I was this. They were not saying it from a place of arrogance. But they were saying it to convey. This was not who we were. We never saw ourselves becoming refugees. Living on the borders of countries. And passed on from place to place.

**[7:42]** They want to make it a point to tell you. Not out of arrogance. But just so you understand the human psychology. I did not decide one day to be a refugee. Or to be a beggar. Or to be in this situation. That is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us.

**[7:58]** And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us.

**[8:14]** And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us.

**[8:30]** And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us.

**[8:46]** And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us.

**[9:02]** And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us.

**[9:18]** And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us.

**[9:34]** And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. And I think that is a lesson for all of us. Because look, if you're going to be generous with something that you stole,

**[9:51]** or wrongfully earning, that's not generosity. That's double injustice. Double wrong, basically. From the way you earned it, and the way now you're spending it. So you need to be careful when you spend. It's not about, you know, like for example,

**[10:07]** many people, they ask me about, unfortunately, the riba that occurs on their bank accounts. So, Sheikh, I have this riba in my bank account. What do I do with this? Can I give it to the masjid? Because they want to write off their taxes, and then just kind of like, it's haram, haram anyway, right? So, taxes haram, this is haram,

**[10:22]** we write it off like that. I said, look, don't you ever think that what you do with that amount is something virtuous? Regardless. It's wrong to begin with. But the point is, there is no virtue in trying to be generous in something that is not yours.

**[10:39]** And it's considered haram in that perspective. The second virtue right now that he's talking about, second point, what does it mean to be brave? The definition of courage is to fight to death

**[10:54]** in defense of your deen, the deen of Allah ﷻ. Also, in defense of your family. Al-Hareem, he usually said that about their families, like we defend the families. Especially, subhanAllah, they use this word

**[11:09]** to say it's your job as the man to defend your womanhood in your community. Meaning, your wife, your daughter, your mother, your sisters, the sisters of the community, all of that, that's part of being brave. Over here. Just a quick, subhanAllah,

**[11:24]** decline of morals in society and the framings of society. One of Malcolm X's, Al-Hajj Malik Shabazz, most famous speeches is in LA. And they have that banner and he's talking about the black woman in America. And he says, we will kill you for our women.

**[11:41]** And that used to be a sign, people used to share that and they took pride in that. That there was something that was truly beautiful about that. That ghirah that was being expressed. We will protect, we will defend our women. Because he talks about the abuse of black women in America. He says, we will kill you for our women.

**[11:56]** And he says it with such sincerity. And people appreciated that. Now, you talk about where society is and you talk about where things are going. These are values here, like this idea, no, I would defend my family. You're a man, you're gonna defend your family.

**[12:12]** And by the way, every child in Gaza grows up with that idea. Like I'm responsible, I'm gonna protect my family. And that's something that's beautiful. That's not something we shy away from in our religion. That is a powerful way of existing. And Ibn Hazm, rahimahullah, is being very unapologetic about that.

**[12:28]** That that's the peak of courage that you have that mindset. That for my religion, that for my values, I would die protecting my family. I would die protecting my family. That's a chivalrous here. The meaning of being a man or being actually true masculinity over here, that you protect your honor and your families.

**[12:44]** So, subhanAllah, to your point about the society, the decay of morality in our society these days, somebody once was living in Europe. He said he wanted to talk to somebody about, astaghfirullah, committing zina or fahishah

**[13:01]** and kind of messing around with women, being a womanizer basically. So he said he went to this brother. He's a Muslim. He went to his brother and he wanted to use hadith Nabi ﷺ. Do you accept this to your sister? He was shocked with the answer. The guy said, yeah, why not?

**[13:18]** Like he thought the man is astaghfirullah. No, of course not. Your mother? No. Your aunt? No. The Prophet ﷺ told this young man, he says, look, the same thing. People don't like this to happen to their wives, to their mothers, to their sisters, to their daughters and so on.

**[13:33]** This is about a man who came to the Prophet ﷺ saying, ya Rasulullah, I love everything about Islam except for zina. Allow me to practice zina, to fornicate. And the Prophet ﷺ brought him in. He says, come here. Do you accept this to your mom, to your sister?

**[13:49]** Someone take advantage of him in that fashion. And the man kept saying no, no, no, subhanAllah, because the sense of chivalry was still there. Today, this young man who wanted to practice some hadith with another person in the society, do you accept this to your mom, to your sister? And the man says, yeah, I mean, that's their business.

**[14:06]** It's to that level that you're free to do whatever you want to do regardless if it's halal or haram. So here he says, look, you need to make sure that you have that sense of chivalry, that sense of bravery, that you protect yourself and your honor. Also, the oppressed neighbor.

**[14:21]** Someone who is weak and being taken advantage of, you defend them as well. Also, people being oppressed in regard to their wealth and their property. And he says, and in all aspects of truth,

**[14:38]** like basically what he's saying over here, being brave means standing for justice. If you stand for anything else besides justice, this will be considered, that would be recklessness and foolishness.

**[14:54]** There is no virtue in being fooled and being reckless, that's what he's trying to say in this chapter. And he also is indicating like a lot of people are really standing for their ego, but they dress their ego with a cause for justice to justify their intervention into the public space.

**[15:09]** Right? So I'm fighting for this. Are you sure? Is that really what this is about? Or is this because your ego got bruised? Because that's what he's talking about. In the state of demolishing the ego, those causes should be purified in the process too. That it's not about you.

**[15:24]** It's about something greater than yourself. So if you try to inflate your self-importance and then, you know, window dress your ego, tag on a cause. This is fee sabeelillah. No, it's not. Because if it was fee sabeelillah, you wouldn't be acting this way. If it was fee sabeelillah,

**[15:39]** you wouldn't be engaging these types of tactics. Right? What are you talking about fee sabeelillah? How can you do it fee sabeelillah and then oppose the way of Allah ﷻ while supposedly fighting in the way of Allah ﷻ? It doesn't make any sense. Like you negate all of the ways of Allah, all the rules of engagement that we spoke about,

**[15:55]** but it's fee sabeelillah. How can it be fee sabeelillah? So he's saying that this is where the purity of cause comes out and the reality of it. And SubhanAllah Shaykh, like a modern day example, by the way, because we're living in the moment that we're in right now. I do want to mention this, SubhanAllah.

**[16:11]** There are some of the sisters in the protests in New York and we see what's happening there. And may Allah ﷻ make it easy for all of those that are being oppressed right now. And, you know, one of the sisters was mentioning that she was so devastated that when the police reigned in on the protests,

**[16:26]** that the brothers fled. And how disappointed she was. I heard the opposite, by the way, in, I think it was UC, or one of the campuses over there, where the brothers formed a ring when the Zionists started to attack the protests and they started to throw things out.

**[16:42]** The brothers formed a ring and had that sense of protection kick into them. Like this is real stuff, right? So this is something that we do have to build in ourselves, a sense of courage for the moment. And be ready for that moment to do things out of integrity

**[16:57]** and truly from a sense of courage, a sense of sincerity, a sense of integrity. And this is not just about, you know, shouting for the moment, right? This is about truly grounding yourself in something that's greater bi'idhnillah ta'ala. Sheikh, I want to bring this to the point we discussed last night as well, too,

**[17:13]** in regards to the different values. Unfortunately, because in our society right now, a lot of Muslims even living in this society, we're holding on to values that are foreign to the Quran and Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, and we're holding on to these moralities. Like, for example, yes, we believe in freedom of choice

**[17:29]** and doing the thing that you believe in is good and so on, but you also have limitation when it comes to the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. Like, many people, for example, yeah, I mean, she's my sister, but, I mean, she's an adult, she can do whatever she wants to do, that's her choice. I hear you.

**[17:44]** But what is your responsibility as, for example, her brother, her father, her husband, for example, to make sure that, you know what, we align with what is right and what is not and the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. Similarly, the sisters as well, too. Even though that's your brother, that's maybe your father, your husband,

**[18:00]** if they do something wrong and their justifications are like, I'm a free man, I'm an adult, I do what I want to do. True, because we're going to be accountable for Allah ﷻ, you know, but at the same time, as Muslims, we have a special standard of morality

**[18:16]** that we need to adhere to over here. It's like the women, Sheikh, they refused to eat from the earnings of their husbands when their husbands earned in haram. SubhanAllah. And they'd send their husbands back out and say, you're going to earn in halal or else we're not going to eat it. We're not going to take part in this.

**[18:32]** Like these riwayat exist, right? So there's a sense of ghirah across the board, right? That like, integrity starts at home. Even some of the jahili women, they had this sense of, you know, kind of protectiveness to their code of muruah at that time. When the women in the battle of Uhud and Badr as well, they told their husbands and their brothers,

**[18:48]** and they said, look, if you come back, if you leave the battlefield, you coward if you do so, never ever come to our place, to our house. Can you imagine that? I said, hey. Go die. That's what she's telling him basically.

**[19:03]** Like be a man, be a brave, go die. I can live with that, but I cannot live, I cannot live the life of a coward. That's what they're saying to them, subhanAllah. It's a serious thing, jama'ah. I'm lost at what's gonna happen tonight, Sheikh.

**[19:22]** You just opened up a can of worms. My emails and my phone is gonna start exploding right now. Sheikh, my wife is not allowing me home, please. She told me to go out, right? No, but we need, ya jama'ah, we need to realign our values to the right compass, really.

**[19:38]** And here the compass for us is the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. That's the standard of akhlaq and morality for us, not what we learned from this culture. And we've seen how empty this culture is, and the liberal values that we, many even Muslims, for the past generation probably, they've been in shouting out, hey, yeah,

**[19:58]** you know, these values that are missing in the Muslim world and so on. True to a certain extent, but we realize, you know, Gaza, subhanAllah, exposed all these liberal values to be false. When it comes to a specific, let's say, group of people, religion, ethnicity,

**[20:15]** interest, interest group, for example, there are different standards. But as a Muslim, it's always the same wherever we are. I just had to mention this and to remind ourselves that last time we talked about those sets of values. We need to understand our standard is the Quran, the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ.

**[20:32]** Go on quickly, Sheikh, with a few of these standards that he mentioned. Haddu al-iffah, like in terms of continence, he says, like being afeef, which means you're honorable, that you don't allow yourself to fall into bad akhlaq or manners in regards to, again, quote, immorality over here.

**[20:51]** So he says, the bare minimum is ghaddu al-basr, lower than your gaze. That's the bare minimum. He says, and you should protect your sight from looking into anything that is haram, anything that is inappropriate. That's the bare minimum to have that sense of iffah, as a Muslim, he says.

**[21:09]** Amma ma'ada hadha qala fahuwa uhur, anything besides that, like if you don't do that, then you fall into debauchery. That's how we describe it, uhur, basically, he says. And then he says, sometimes some people are taking too much of that, meaning they want to be so protective to the extent that they don't even actually approach what Allah made halal for them.

**[21:28]** Which is both are these two extremes. He also said, in terms of justice, the same thing, between two extremes. Justice is when you give from yourself what you owe people. So that's give it to them, as well take it from them, what is yours, as well, too, if you're capable of doing that.

**[21:46]** So, and that would fall into what we call generosity, when you forgive people, forgo some of your huquq, for the sake of Allah ﷻ, even though you're capable of getting it back. Like what? Money, for example. Like someone owes me $1,000, and they keep, you know, they only have right now $700.

**[22:03]** So, the short term, $300. Is it okay? Is it, I mean, where's generosity over here? To accept the $700, knowing that it's going to be too hard for them to collect the other $300. Forgiving that, now that's justice, in addition, ihsan as well, too.

**[22:19]** That's where generosity comes in. The Prophet ﷺ taught Ubay ibn Ka'b (رضي الله عنه) that. One time, the Prophet ﷺ, he overheard two people arguing in the masjid. Their voices starts becoming loud. So the Prophet ﷺ, he looked out and he found Ubay with another man arguing about a debt that this man owes Ubay.

**[22:37]** And the man keeps telling Ubay, I don't have it all right now, I'm sorry. And Ubay telling him, it's due, you need to pay me my money. The man says, this is how much I have right now. And Ubay says, no, I want it full. So the Prophet ﷺ, he comes and he goes, Ubay, ya Ubay.

**[22:53]** Qala labbayka ya Rasulullah. I hear you Rasulullah, yes. So the Prophet ﷺ, he gestured with his hand, like slashing. Like it's okay, I accept that. Qala qabiltu ya Rasulullah. Like I accept, okay, I accept. And the Prophet ﷺ told the man, go now, pay him.

**[23:09]** And ended. So yeah, that's part of adil versus ihsan. Generosity, you know, it's not always about being right. Sometimes it's about being kind. It sometimes even matters more being kind than being right in these circumstances.

**[23:26]** So that's basically some of those points. And now we come back, we come to the second part of this discussion, his own flaws. So he defined what's considered ideal. Now he's going to say, look, let me tell you something. I'm not saying these things like I'm perfect. No, I'm not.

**[23:42]** I'm telling you what bravery means, what generosity means, what kindness means, all these things. But look, I'm not an angel. I don't claim that I have mastered all these things. Here are some of my flaws. And subhanAllah, reading it just like a memoir really. He's just being now open up to the public.

**[23:58]** And I was thinking when he was really writing it, ya'ni subhanAllah, remember ya'jumma, back then writing wasn't really typing. Which means when people used to write, it's deliberate. The thought is very deliberate, really. And you put an ink on a parchment.

**[24:15]** Once you put it there, it doesn't go away. Khalas, and this is serious right now. And now he's opening up and he's just opening to his own personal life, being very vulnerable, too personal with his readers. And I don't know, Sheikh, but I don't really remember reading subhanAllah for many scholars.

**[24:31]** I was going to say the same thing. It would be so, so personal. It's like this man was living, you know, way ahead of his time. I was going to, subhanAllah, the same thing that was on my mind. I don't know another scholar that scrutinized himself in his writing the way that he's doing here. It's actually powerful. So he's living way ahead of his time.

**[24:47]** Yeah. Rahimahullah ta'ala. Like many books these days, you find those, you know, when it comes to writers talk about self-improvement. And they go, hey, listen, I tried this. Once something happened to me. They're being very personal when they speak about themselves and these developments. So let's see what he says, rahimahullah ta'ala, about himself, he said.

**[25:03]** He said first, the first thing, He said,

**[25:20]** He says over here, I had some flaws. I had some flaws and I still, he says, I'm still dealing with them. It doesn't like he's not saying like, alhamdulillah, I mastered everything. No, no, he says, look, I have my own flaws. I'm still working with them. Which means I'm still exercising.

**[25:36]** I'm still trying and practicing, you know, going every now and then I fall short, but I come back again. Try one more time. So he says,

**[26:03]** Like learning from the experience of other people. So he says, I'm practicing on my own. I'm also learning from the experience of the righteous ones, such as the Anbiya and also the wise people. All these things about training yourself to a high standard of character and akhlaq.

**[26:23]** And the etiquette for your nafs here says, I've been suffering for a long time with these things. But alhamdulillah, Allah ﷻ, He helped me to rectify and fix many of these areas. And then here's the point before I open it for discussion with you, inshallah ta'ala.

**[26:41]** And that's a very, very important, important point. Qal, wa tamam al-adl. He says, like, look, the most important thing that what is fair and what the right thing to do over here. Wa riyarat al-nafs and exercising all the time, working on this yourself.

**[26:58]** Wa tasarrufu bi'azimmat al-haqqaiq. And always look for the truth, going after the truth. Huwa al-iqraru biha. The first thing in order for you to master these things is to admit and acknowledge your faults.

**[27:14]** Like, if you don't acknowledge your flaws and your faults, he says, you're not going to change. You're not going to benefit yourself or benefit other people. Like, imagine someone tells you, you know, you're very impatient all the time.

**[27:29]** And you start defending yourself. No, I'm not. Which is, of course, proving the point, right? Like, no, I'm not. Why are you saying that? And you start defending yourself. He said, just listen. If someone gives you your flaws, that's a gift. If it was right, alhamdulillah, fix it. If it was wrong, you're getting the reward.

**[27:46]** But he says over here, look, acknowledge your mistakes and your flaws. That's the beginning of fixing them. Ibn Qudamah, rahimahullah, like, I'm paraphrasing him, but he says something I remember in Bab al-Ujb, in the chapter of, like, self-deceit and conceitedness. He mentions the hardest person to treat is someone who doesn't believe he's sick in the first place.

**[28:05]** Like, and he kind of gives, like, the example of, like, someone, like, in a psychiatric ward, right? Who's, like, just not, doesn't know that anything is wrong with them. And he's saying, like, from a medical perspective, how hard is it to treat someone who thinks nothing is wrong with them whatsoever? And it's dangerous because if you have that sense of just always wanting to defend yourself

**[28:21]** and, you know, planting, you know, your feet into a certain cause and, you know, carrying the banner of truth, and you just don't believe that you're capable anymore. And even if you say you believe you're capable, but you've built, like, a layer between you and confronting the truth about yourself

**[28:37]** because you're afraid that if you allow yourself to start confronting yourself, then everything that you think you hold to is going to fall apart. And so it's a very vulnerable place to put yourself. And he does that masterfully. So should I just read his uyub now? Just want to mention one quick thing as well, too.

**[28:54]** So he says, while you're practicing, of course, you know, self-improvement on a regular basis, he goes, don't you ever, don't you ever, you know, take a nap or take a break. Never ever take a break. He says here, very important, he says, قَالْ إِهْمَالُوا سَاعَةً يُفْسِدُوا رِيَادَةَ السَّنَةَ

**[29:10]** Because one hour of neglect can undo a year of pious effort. Remember when you tried to exercise or to practice, to run the marathon, for example? And you spend weeks to get yourself to run the mile under 12 minutes, for example.

**[29:25]** And then you decided to take two days break. And indulge in whatever actually outside of the program. What happens when you try to come back again? It's hard and difficult. So he says, in order for you to control and keep yourself under control,

**[29:41]** it's a continuous process. Never ever, never ever take a break on improving yourself on a regular basis. And this will show, especially after Ramadan. Yeah. Right. If your Eid is a welcome back shaitan party,

**[29:58]** then you can nullify your gains for the month on that very first day. Like, oh, wow. Back into this, right? Back into the social norms. And I'm telling you, those first three days after Ramadan are like the most important days to decide whether or not these are going to be lifestyle gains,

**[30:14]** or this was going to be a temporary sprint of yours. The way that you act in the first few days after Ramadan will decide whether or not you've actually changed. So make sure you're at Fajr on the day of Eid. That's like a challenge for all of you, by the way. Sheikh, not even Fajr.

**[30:30]** Isha. Isha on the day of Eid. On the night of Eid. Isha is empty on the night of Ramadan. Tell you what, on the night of Eid, Isha is empty. Yeah. That's one of the biggest issues, subhanAllah. It's very depressing, to be totally true. You come to the masjid for Salat al-Isha, and suddenly it's dismissed.

**[30:45]** What happened? I mean, I thought that people, they had the exact same time for Isha for the past maybe two weeks or so. All of a sudden, right now, they become too busy to come for Isha. All of a sudden. And then the next day, same thing, Fajr. Now they're too tired to come for Salat al-Fajr, for example.

**[31:02]** Because they ate themselves into a food coma. Absolutely, right? The idea is that, he says, rahimahullah ta'ala, if you just take that break for one hour, it's going to ruin and undo our hard work of one whole year. So be careful with that. Yeah.

**[31:17]** And by the way, one more thing. Read some Quran on the day of Eid, even if it's 10 pages, five pages. Like, you're not fasting on the day of Eid, but just whatever habit you have going for you right now, make sure you don't completely abandon it, even on the day of Eid. Even if you're going to read a little bit of your juz,

**[31:33]** inshallah ta'ala, just something, bid'ah. We'll go inshallah ta'ala. So he says, faminha. So he starts to list now his uyub. He starts to list his flaws. He said that one of my faults was that I tended to fall

**[32:04]** into extreme, like, rida, self-satisfaction when I was right, and an extremely bad temper when I was wrong. So I love being right to a point that I just took such gratification when I was right, and I had such a bad temper when I was wrong.

**[32:23]** So he said that in order to cure myself of this, I decided that I'm never going to show my irritation in anything that I do anymore. So I'm not going to show my irritation, my anger, in my words, in my actions, or my discussions. And he said, I renounced every type of triumph,

**[32:38]** every type of victory that is not permitted, and I suffered under the heavy burden of this decision. You know what that means? It's like you win something, or you win the argument, or you're right. And the desire to gloat, I told you so. I told you so is one of the most annoying things

**[32:54]** that you could say, even if you don't use the words, I told you so, right? Like, you know, I remember when we were all sitting in the masjid five years ago, and we were having this discussion. And I said, But you don't listen. Yeah, nobody listened to me. I remember, you know, two weeks ago we were sitting.

**[33:10]** I said, what are you trying to say? So out of six people, you were the one that was right? Good for you. Mashallah on it. Like, you have the purest mind. You got the purest heart. Like, that desire to always be right. Like, I said, and I was right, and I did this, and I did that. So gloating over a victory, right?

**[33:27]** A triumph. And he said, and I suffered tremendously for this, because Ibn Hazm was a debater. So he's like, when you're right, it feels so good to be right, and it feels so good to sort of be like, I told you so, but he doesn't do that. So he said that I had enough patience to bear a serious test, which nearly made me sick.

**[33:47]** But then he says, he says, وَأَعْجَزَنِي ذَٰلِكَ فِي الرِّضَىٰ وَكَأَنِّي سَمَحْتُ نَفْسِي فِي ذَٰلِكَ لِيَنَّهَا تَمَثَّلَتْ أَنَّ تَرْكَ ذَٰلِكَ لَوْمٌ He says that, but I decided that, you know what,

**[34:03]** like, I wasn't able to completely give up my desire to be right. Like, I like being right. But I forgave myself, because I said, that's not always a bad thing. Like, to want to be right is natural. So I still really like winning the argument, winning the debate, being right about something.

**[34:19]** But I just don't gloat about it. I don't show like that extreme sense of like self-praise and putting down the opponent with that. So he said, I gave myself some room to be a little bit okay with this particular attitude. Can we put this point, Sheikh, in context with Ibn Hazm himself, rahimahullah wa ta'ala?

**[34:35]** So those who don't really know the background of Ibn Hazm, rahimahullah, when he left politics, obviously, he left with a lot of enemies, right? And he also went to the field of knowledge, starts seeking knowledge right now. He also gained a lot of hostility and enemies. Why? Because many of the, let's say, scholarly elite of his society

**[34:52]** were somehow tied to the royal palace. And many of them were very literal traditionalists to the extent that they start serving the institution more than serving why the institution was made for, like the institution of fiqh.

**[35:08]** So the whole concept of uncritical following of scholarship, for example, and keeping fiqh very limited to specific elitist group in the society, not open for discussion, and of course, you know. So he had all these different views. And as a result, when his society opposed him,

**[35:25]** he wasn't really willing to settle with that. So he was always debating, he's always fighting, always angry. You can even hear him yelling while he's writing his book. Like if you ever read the book Al-Muhalla, bi'l-Athar, rahimahullah wa ta'ala, sometimes,

**[35:41]** it's funny how he sometimes describes some of his opponents. Like he doesn't say, qala ba'da al-shafi'iyya, qala ba'da al-hanafiyya. No, he says, he doesn't say some of the shafi'is say something, he says, qala ba'da al-mutashafiya. Like some of those claim themselves to be shafi'is, they say.

**[35:58]** Like he's trying to put them down, basically, in that fashion. So that tells you how angry he would be sometimes. Like his anger is a different level. So for him to come and say, look, I know myself. When I'm angry, oh my God. Like I am really angry. But thank God I was able to control myself.

**[36:15]** I was able to bring myself back again, especially if it was al-intisar al-haq. Like I'm always angry for the truth, that's all. Not thinking for myself. You know what's amazing about al-Muhalla, which is his most famous work, is that like practically none of the ulama or zahiri like subscribe to his way of thinking.

**[36:31]** But everybody uses al-Muhalla in fiqh. Like you can't take any, even intermediate class in fiqh without referencing al-Muhalla. That's so profound. And yeah, he definitely, his personality shows. Like he challenged the entire culture of his time. Right. The entire culture of his time.

**[36:46]** He stood out. You know, someone very unique, rahimahullah ta'ala. So then he says, sheikh, wa minha du'abatun ghaliba, faladhi qadartu alaiha fiha imsaaki amma yughdibu al-mumazih wa samahtu nafsi fiha. He says that another fault that I feel

**[37:03]** is that I have this tendency to be extremely sarcastic. By the way, like most smart people are very sarcastic. Thank you. Yeah. Well played, sheikh. Well played. So sarcastic. So, yeah. So most intelligent people tend to be sarcastic all the time.

**[37:22]** Right. So he's saying that I just realized that I have like this unbearable sarcasm to me. Like I'm sarcastic about everything. And he said, that's just the way that I've been my entire life. So he said that, so I decided that I'm going to be sarcastic

**[37:38]** about everything. So he said that, so I decided that I'm going to refrain from anything that might irritate the person that I'm talking to. But he said I still allow myself to be funny because he says I feel like if I don't joke at all, then that in and of itself might be a sign of arrogance.

**[37:54]** So he's like, I tried to temper it a little bit. Like I'm not as sarcastic as I used to be, but I'm still funny. I'm still funny, Sheikh. I'm not as sarcastic as some people. But Sheikh, what do you think about this particular idea of his?

**[38:11]** I mean, that's a sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. I mean, who is more serious than the Prophet ﷺ? He was carrying the burden of a divine message to the world. If anyone needs to be the most serious in his life, that would be him ﷺ.

**[38:26]** Even Rasulullah ﷺ, he had those moments where he would, I mean, humanize his relationship with the people. Like when the lady, she came to the Prophet ﷺ, she said, O Messenger of Allah, my husband, you know, he wanted to go out with you, but he doesn't have any ride.

**[38:44]** He said, we'll put him on the baby camel. And she said, O Messenger of Allah, a baby camel? I mean, how so? He says, isn't every camel is a baby camel? So like basically, it used to be a baby camel. Now it's a camel.

**[38:59]** So it's maybe for us, we don't understand the joke in that moment. But for the Prophet ﷺ, in that moment of serious conversation, he makes some sort of like a human connection. It's beautiful. Another lady came to the Prophet ﷺ, and the Prophet ﷺ, when she was talking about her husband as well, he said,

**[39:16]** Oh, is that your husband? The one who has that, he had the white thing, white ring in his eye, right? He said, his eyes are okay. There's nothing wrong with his eyes. She goes, no, I know him. He has that white thing in his eye. She goes, well, O Messenger of Allah, there's nothing wrong with him.

**[39:33]** He says, everybody has that white thing in their eyes. So even the Prophet ﷺ, he was there, and he would make some of these nice, innocent jokes. And that is, subhanAllah, what do those types of jokes do, right?

**[39:48]** They actually remove a barrier to where a person doesn't become so inaccessible and elite. So the Prophet ﷺ's jokes, remember, they were never at the expense of people. He was never putting someone down or degrading someone. But he was showing people, I can be approachable, right? That we can still talk, that I'm still at your level, that sometimes I'll still joke.

**[40:05]** But his jokes were pure. They were clean. They weren't obscene. They had still that prophetic integrity to it. So, Shaykh, I'll just mention one more, then you can take it, inshallah. Qala wa minhaa ujbun shadeed. This is like, I was surprised he said this about himself.

**[40:20]** But he said, and also, I was extremely arrogant. I had an extreme sense of pride. Qala fanadhara aqli nafsi bima ya'rifuhu min ayubiha hatta dhahaba kulluhu walam yabqa lahu walhamdu lillahi athar bal kallaftu nafsi ihtiqara qadrihaa jumla

**[40:37]** wasti'mala tawadu He said that I had extreme pride. And he said, then my mind argued with my soul. So he's saying that the soul was corrupted with pride. So my mind argued with my soul,

**[40:52]** telling my soul about its defects, about the problems that I still have. And he said, my mind argued with my soul until it successfully squashed the pride altogether, leaving no trace, alhamdulillah. So he said, I basically had to tell myself, like, you're not as great as you think you are.

**[41:09]** Don't be so full of yourself. You're not as great as you think you are. So he says, my brain and my soul went into an argument until the brain taught my soul a lesson, until the pride was completely removed, walhamdulillah. So he says, I set myself to belittle myself,

**[41:24]** my ego, basically, and to be a model of humility instead. So he says that that was a big step for me. Because ujb, again, is that you tell yourself certain things about yourself. So you're praying at night, you say, mashallah, I'm praying qiyam, no one else is praying, mashallah, I'm reading,

**[41:39]** other people are not reading, mashallah, I'm doing this, I bet other people are not doing that. So he said, you have to actually, to hadithunafsak, you have to actually speak to yourself about the things that are still flaws. By the way, subhanAllah, when someone comes to you and praises you,

**[41:54]** as the ulama mention, let's say that someone comes up to you and starts to praise you, when they tell you something good about yourself, you know, if you try to refute it, if you try to go, no, you know, I'm not like that, then they're just going to increase the praise. No, I'm really not like that, mashallah, but you know you are,

**[42:11]** and they'll start giving you examples and stuff like that. So what do you do? In suluk, what do you do? Tell yourself about a flaw that they don't know about you. When they start to tell you things about you that are not true of you, or they start to puff you up, then internally you have to immediately flip a switch.

**[42:28]** And have a dialogue and say, they don't really know who I am. And ya nafs, you know who you really are. You know that you still have to work on this, you know that you still have to work on that. So there's got to be like an automatic defense mechanism, which is an internal conversation. Once someone starts, you know, puffing you up,

**[42:45]** and telling you all these things about yourself. So he's saying that I talk to myself, and I discipline myself to where I was able to remove that ujb, that sense of self-pride. You know, I'm smiling, Sheikh. It's funny that we remind something from Sheikh Mohammed Sharif,

**[43:00]** rahimahullah wa ta'ala. This man was amazing, rahmatullah wa tar'alay. The effect on many of the youth that he built, subhanallah, over the years, is just unbelievable. So this whole thing of being proud of yourself and seeing yourself accomplish,

**[43:15]** he's an accomplished person, really. Rahimahullah, at such a very young age, he has a right to be proud of his accomplishment. In an institution such as Al-Maghrib and Visionaire, and many of the good things that he left behind as a great legacy, mashallah, he deserved to be proud of his accomplishment.

**[43:30]** So I remember we had this kind of conversation, talking about how in our time, the younger generation today, unfortunately, because of the extreme radical individualism, we became self-centered. So everybody become really the hero of his own story or her story,

**[43:45]** especially with more social media emphasizing on that. So it becomes self-centered culturally. That's where pride comes in. So we were talking about when people come to him and start praising him and tell you this, you this, you that, and he keep telling them no, no, no. I said, so what do you do with that?

**[44:01]** He says, what is the suggestion? He says, I pick my nose. I'm like, that's gross. He says, because that will kill this whole concept of you being so special.

**[44:16]** Like in their eyes, he just, khalas, that removes you being so special for them. And subhanallah, for him to say that, I don't know if he does that or not, though. I'm not sure if he did it or not, for real. But the thought itself that he knows where he is, that's his level.

**[44:31]** And he didn't want people to overpraise him to the extent, he said, I'm willing to put my finger on my nose, basically, in front of them just to bring myself down there so that they know who I am, really. That thought was just so impressive. You just made a lot of 3-year-olds and 5-year-olds happy. Allahu Akbar.

**[44:46]** So now you know why they do that for, right? No, but seriously, subhanallah, the thought is, we live in a generation, a society right now, where people really, that concept of pride that he's talking about has become very common. Back then, you have to do something to be proud of to begin with.

**[45:03]** Nowadays, people, they're just famous for absolutely no valid reason. Like, seriously, some people, they're famous for absolutely no talent, other than just being content creators. That's all. So that whole concept of you being proud of something that is not really very important, not even effective in any way,

**[45:20]** requires people to do what he's saying over here. He said, look, here, this is basically what he's saying, is that my mind started wrestling with my emotions.

**[45:35]** Let me put it this way. Or my mind was wrestling with my ego. Usually, whenever we make a decision in life, we always make a decision based on an emotional drive first. All the time.

**[45:50]** Even when you go and you buy tomato, for example. Why did you choose this one, not that one? You didn't choose this one because it made sense. You chose it because I liked it. And when you go home, as you slice it, you say, look, that's a very good choice, mashallah. So now you're mentally justifying it.

**[46:06]** So he says, look, I know myself. I had those feelings. My ego is trying to talk to me about, you know, that you deserve to be proud. You deserve to be special. You deserve this and that and so on. So he says, but my mind was telling my ego, no, you're not.

**[46:22]** So that's, I hope that we can take this as a moment of reflection. When you go home, sit down with yourself. See what makes you so proud of yourself. Why do you think you're so special? And what makes you so different than others, for example?

**[46:37]** And try to talk to yourself and say, am I? And is it really justified? Is that something, like, let your mind put your ego in the right place. Sheikh, one of the most terrifying hadiths of the Prophet ﷺ, in this regard, is when he mentions, alayhi salatu wasalam,

**[46:52]** that when a person is buried in the janaza, and the people start to say, wa sayyida, like people start to praise this person, that the angel pokes him and says, aha kada kunt? Is that you they're talking about?

**[47:07]** Are you really what they say you are? Are you really what they say you are? SubhanAllah, that moment is terrifying. You know, really, like, think about that. When you're being poked in the grave, if people are, most people have people saying nice things about them when they die. Most people. You have to be a really horrible person.

**[47:23]** By the way, that's one of the hikm, the wisdoms of that hadith of the Prophet ﷺ, that antum shuhada'Allahi fil arda, you're the witnesses of Allah on earth, because if people talk about your harm at death, that means you are a really terrible person. Like, if you're so bad that people felt relieved from you when you died,

**[47:39]** and even then, people are like, alhamdulillah, he's gone, alhamdulillah, she's gone, she did this and he did this, you have to be a really horrible person. Most people, you know, they'll say the standard when you die. Just imagine the angel showing up in your grave and saying,

**[47:54]** haqadakunt, is that you they're talking about? Are you what they say you are? Wa nasallahu ala'fiya, may Allah protect us. So you want to be able to say yes and more. But it has to be sincere. So, the self-hatred is to identify yourself by the flaws.

**[48:11]** Don't identify yourself by the flaws, identify yourself by the willingness to struggle against those flaws. Like the Prophet ﷺ says, no one of you should say خَبُّثَ نَفْسِ like I'm a terrible person and my soul is this. You shouldn't identify yourself with your sins. But instead, become more aware of your flaws

**[48:26]** for the purpose of self-perfection, biddeninnahi Ta'ala, in this pursuit of Allah ﷻ's pleasure. Jazakum Allah Khair, InshaAllah. So tomorrow, biddenillah Azawajal, we're going to be studying Chapter 6 on page 31 on brothers, friends, and giving people advice.

**[48:41]** So it's a very important subject, InshaAllah. Jazakum Allah Khair, Sh. Omar. See you tomorrow, InshaAllah. Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

## Other Episodes in "Midnight Majlis"
- [Loving the People Who Remember Allah | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep. 7](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep7-loving-the-people-who-remember-allah.md)
- [The Beauty of the Light of Allah | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep. 5](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep5-the-beauty-of-the-light-of-allah.md)
- [Leave Your Nafs Behind and Come to Allah | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep. 6](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep6-leave-your-nafs-behind-and-come-to-allah.md)
- [Freeing Yourself From Other Than Allah | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep. 4](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep4-freeing-yourself-from-other-than-allah.md)
- [Allah Will Love You For Your Dhikr | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep. 3](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep3-allah-will-love-you-for-your-dhikr.md)
- [Your Dhikr Makes You Beautiful | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep. 2](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep2-your-dhikr-makes-you-beautiful.md)
- [When Your Heart Makes Dhikr | Midnight Majlis S2 Ep1](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/midnight-majlis-s2-ep1-when-your-heart-makes-dhikr.md)
- [Getting Past A Grudge | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/getting-past-a-grudge-midnight-majlis.md)
- [Between Self-Admiration and Self-Hatred | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/between-self-admiration-and-self-hatred-midnight-majlis.md)
- [How to Become A Great Person | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/how-to-become-a-great-person-midnight-majlis.md)
- [How to Spot Fake Friends | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/how-to-spot-fake-friends-midnight-majlis.md)
- [When People Cause You Pain | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/when-people-cause-you-pain-midnight-majlis.md)
- [You Choose To Be Learned or Lost | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/you-choose-to-be-learned-or-lost-midnight-majlis.md)
- [Defeat Your Ego Before It Defeats You | Midnight Majlis](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/defeat-your-ego-before-it-defeats-you-midnight-majlis.md)
- [How to Break Free from Anxiety | Midnight Majlis | Dr. Omar Suleiman and Sh. Yaser Birjas](https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/midnight-majlis/how-to-break-free-from-anxiety-midnight-majlis.md)