# From Orphaned Parents in Africa to Changing Lives for Orphans | Iman Cave

**Author:** Sh. Abdullah Oduro
**Series:** Iman Cave
**Published:** 2024-09-19
**YouTube:** https://youtu.be/zxdLfv9kZZ4
**URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/iman-cave/from-orphaned-parents-in-africa-to-changing-lives-for-orphans-iman-cave
**Topics:** Allah, Faith, Family & Community, Marriage

## Description
I’m married, but now the spark is gone. My wife doesn’t respect me. How can I fix my marriage? Is divorce the solution? Join us for part 2 of 3 of this special Iman Cave deep-dive into divorce as we discuss the issues that may lead to divorce during marriage.

## Transcript
**[0:00]** As-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon you all. I'm Abdullah Oduro and welcome to the Iman Cave where we discuss issues of male excellence while being grounded in faith.

**[0:18]** Be the change that you want to see in the world. And the best way of being something is by doing. You have to do consistently in order to be. And if it requires a change, that means you are the person that was the catalyst for that change in society, in a person's life, for a group of people, for someone's spirituality.

**[0:44]** Allah used you to do something good, but you had to have made the choice. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, He said that each one of you is a shepherd.

**[1:00]** So each shepherd should take care of who they are responsible for. So as a man, as a young boy, being told by their father, being taught by their father, being showed by their father, their uncle, their grandfather, the men in their family,

**[1:18]** how to be a leader, how to lead by example. That's what we're going to talk about today. Leading by example. It's important for the young man that grows up to be an old man or an older man, a father eventually or an uncle,

**[1:36]** someone that has a position of experience to be able to share those experiences in a way that has an influence on those that are younger than him, preferably in this setting for our young men. But for you, young men, it's important initially to have that intention to lead.

**[1:58]** As Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has put that in the hands of the prophets. We see what the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. He was a leader and he was someone that was well-rounded in his leadership. Rahmatan lil alamin, as a mercy for mankind and also to show us how to be men of integrity, effective influencers, effective leaders.

**[2:24]** So talking about this leadership today and how to lead by example, we have on my right, as many of you know, mashallah, the mechanical engineer of the year, mashallah, tabarakAllah. Yahya Talib, mashallah, he's here with us today. And we have none other than brother Fadl, Negbene, mashallah, I hope I pronounced it correctly.

**[2:42]** You did. That's the West African five, that's the spice. You know, they don't know about that. I mean, not they, I didn't mean they, but it's okay. We all, we have, you know, the little mud at the end. But brother Fadl, mashallah, he is a financial analyst.

**[3:00]** Manager. Manager, financial manager. He moved up, was analyst, now he's a manager. Mashallah, tabarakAllah. Alhamdulillah. No, alhamdulillah, he has an organization or he is part of an organization. He's a co-founder of an organization called Rise Relief.

**[3:15]** And this is an organization that deals with helping and building wells, primarily in West Africa, or I'll say initially in West Africa with much bigger goals, which were bigger goals, which we're going to share, inshallah, ta'ala. So that's going to be our premise of this organization, a nonprofit organization.

**[3:34]** But the story behind it is amazing. And it has a relevance to all of you young men and older men as well of doing something that can leave a legacy. But most importantly, leading when doing that.

**[3:50]** So inshallah, alhamdulillah, we want to start by just welcoming you. May Allah SWT bless you, inshallah. And I see you have the Rise Relief. Mashallah, it says RR, is that Rise Relief? Or is it Rolls Royce? I didn't see one outside, Shaykh. I'm inspired by the Rolls Royce in Jannah, inshallah.

**[4:05]** Inshallah, inshallah, inshallah. No, alhamdulillah, so tell us a little about yourself. Where were you born and where were you raised and what brought you here to Dallas? JazakAllah khair. As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. It's an honor to be here with you.

**[4:20]** JazakAllah khair for having me on this show. Yes, to answer your question, alhamdulillah, I was born in a very small village called Niki. Niki, that's in the country of Benin, which is a small country next to Nigeria in West Africa. This is also the home birthplace of my mother.

**[4:40]** She was born in Niki as well, too. My father was born in northern part of Benin called Piami. So, alhamdulillah, I was born there, spent the first year of my life there, another year in my father's village in the north.

**[4:57]** And then, alhamdulillah, my father got the opportunity to migrate to the south in Cotonou, where this is basically the main commercial city. Is that the capital? The capital is actually Porto Novo.

**[5:12]** It's not far, probably maybe an hour, an hour and a half from Cotonou, but Cotonou is basically the commercial city. Everyone comes there from Lagos, from Accra. We have a port, right? And in West Africa, when you have a port, that's where basically most of the commerce and economy thrives from.

**[5:32]** So, I pretty much went to school. I did my primary school there. I also did a little bit of my middle school there until we got the opportunity to move to the States. So, I was born and raised in Benin, alhamdulillah, and lived there for the first 10 years of my life until I moved to the States.

**[5:49]** SubhanAllah. So, was your household the household of always pushing towards education? Yes. Education was always key because, well, my parents, mashallah, tabarakAllah, they literally came from nothing. They both were orphans at a young age.

**[6:06]** SubhanAllah. My mother at birth and or shortly after birth, she never knew her father. My father became an orphan at the age of maybe eight or 10 years old. And him being the fourth youngest in the family, he had to assume new responsibilities, starting to go to the farm, to cultivate, to plant, to provide, to help out his mother.

**[6:30]** So, education was what actually got him out of, I don't want to say got him out of poverty, but it allowed him to support his family at large, even though he was the fourth youngest son of his family.

**[6:46]** So, mashallah, tabarakAllah, that is what they instilled in us growing up. That education was always the key for us to take the next generation out of poverty or at least give them the opportunity to thrive from a financial standpoint.

**[7:07]** Rise Relief. Tell us about Rise Relief. So, I mean, I remember when I first met you. I mean, Brother Waleed introduced me to you. Mashallah. And Brother Suleiman. They're actually both on this show before. Yeah, shout out to them, mashallah. We were at Suleiman's house, actually.

**[7:22]** That's when I met Suleiman at the same time as well. Yes. It was beautiful to hear the story of how it started. If you don't mind sharing with us the problem to where you said, OK, something has to be done. Was it you? Was it your mother?

**[7:37]** So, what was the exact problem that you were all seeing to where you had to step up and do something about it? Each time I mention the story, it's moving because even though we incorporated in 2020, about four years ago, I like to say that it really started 50 years back.

**[7:53]** That's with my parents, alhamdulillah. Specifically, my mother. My mother, as I mentioned, she was an orphan from pretty much birth. She never knew her father. And living in that society, as you know, living in a society without a fatherly figure, you're pretty much left to yourself.

**[8:11]** Right. It was her and her mother. And she was the one assisting her mother with income. Right. So, imagine as a five, six, seven, eight year old.

**[8:26]** That's not even getting to what an eight year old can do today. Right. But she was babysitting. She was doing sales, you know, small merchant sales. Maybe the mother would make some cheese or something from their garden and she would go out and sell it and then bring it back.

**[8:43]** Here's what she earned from that. And unfortunately, it wasn't enough to put her into school. She had to actually drop out at a very young age. But she always had the drive to go to school. Alhamdulillah, later on, when we came to the state, she was able to finish her school.

**[9:01]** She got her GED and then she even went on and got a certification in nursing. MashaAllah. MashaAllah. So, when I was born, growing up, the first 10 years of my life in Benin, we always had somebody at home. Oh, okay. Always had somebody at home. So, at this point, obviously, she's married with my father together.

**[9:19]** They basically would help out orphans from the villages and bring them south and return to provide them an education. So, they would be at home helping out. And at the same time, too, during the day, they would either go for school or others, if it's too late, they would do some type of trade.

**[9:38]** So, they've always done that. I've always seen, I've always thought they were family members. But then I later on find out that person was not a family member or maybe it was a distant family member. In 2020, there was an Islamic school in Yashikra, Nigeria, which borders Nikki from the Benin side and Yashikra is on the Nigerian side.

**[10:02]** So, my mother's side of the family, my great uncle has a school, an Islamic school that was in need of renovation. And when my mother presented this idea, she said, hey, this is one of the projects that we're trying to help out with this year.

**[10:19]** Is that something that we can do? The first question was like, hey, what's the budget on this? What's going to cost? And this was the first time that it was going to cost more than $5,000. It was a $12,000 project to renovate.

**[10:37]** They told us that about 500 students or so, and every year they produce between 12 and 15 huffadh of the Quran. And they have the roofs caving in.

**[10:52]** You have the floors that are completely dismantled. And on top of that, there are no windows. So, imagine you're in that condition, there's no electricity and you're studying the book of Allah. Of course, it was a beautiful project.

**[11:08]** Let's tackle it. But I told my mother, I think it was for sure it was Allah who put that inclination to me and said, mom, this is over $10,000. Let's not do it the way we normally do, which is, you know, we collect a little bit, we go through our personal accounts and then we issue it out.

**[11:26]** Let's actually open a separate account for this. Because I was actually concerned that, hey, this amount can be audited in the future. And that's how I started. And my mother said, okay, what do you suggest? I said, well, let's open an account. Then next thing you know, I started researching, okay, nonprofits.

**[11:43]** It never crossed my mind that we should establish a nonprofit. And that's how it started. So, I started researching nonprofits. We started reading together. I said, hey, what do you guys think of this? Maybe we can do something like this. Initially, it was just gonna be one project. That was it.

**[11:58]** And then, subhanAllah, fast forward four years later, it's now we have a drilling operation where we actually providing and bringing clean water to rural communities in Benin and Nigeria.

**[12:13]** It was inspired by a Quran school that needed severe help. And your mother was very passionate about that. So, the mother served as an inspiration. 100%. To you. 100%. Wow. What year was this that you decided to take that step to?

**[12:28]** Well, COVID happened in... Late of 2019. Late 2019, right? So, yeah, right around that time that happened. I've actually was laid off during that time. So, I had extra time. I think it's all the plan of Allah. And I wanted to utilize that time for good.

**[12:46]** The intention was to do it right. We wanted to do it right. We wanted to do it clean. We wanted to establish something that can actually have a proper foundation. So, that's how the incorporation started. Two weeks ago, we took a trip to Benin.

**[13:03]** It was the first time I saw the school, being there in person. But, of course, we had images. Right, right. And we've also shared with our donors the before and after. Right. But it was actually moving, seeing that, hey, this is the school. This is how it all started.

**[13:18]** This is the school that we renovated. And mashallah, almost every moment, my uncle has an opportunity to speak with me. He always shares that, hey, the village is sharing their du'a upon the donors. You know, so much change has happened here.

**[13:33]** The kids are so happy learning. They were happy even without electricity. The budget did not suffice for electricity. The fact that they had a covered roof, so that way when it rains. It's not cave-in, it rains. Exactly. When it rains and they had a chair to sit in, was more than enough for them.

**[13:48]** I can personally say there has been several situations or examples where we thought it was dead end. And Allah would open the door. SubhanAllah. And it's just the fact that we just kept persevering a little bit. It doesn't have to be a lot, but you just persevere.

**[14:06]** You just try to find another avenue to resolve the issues, right? And alhamdulillah, Allah has opened the doors from those facets. I can see in his face that the happiness. Allah, it's a common thing with the folk or the people that go out and help.

**[14:23]** SubhanAllah, like also having a background from the Middle East. Obviously, each country, Allah help them. There's infinite amount of help that's needed all over the world. And each family or each organization or each person that you speak to that is involved, subhanAllah, they're happy no matter.

**[14:39]** They've seen so much destruction and so much poverty. Yet, you see them all the time smiling and they're always enjoying their work. Because Allah put that happiness in them. That's what keeps us motivated as well. Of course, we're doing for the sake of Allah.

**[14:55]** We want the true reward with Allah. And we know that there is a jihad that needs to take place. There is work where we have to struggle, right? To make certain things happen. But in this world as well too, you can feel it.

**[15:12]** And that's exactly what you're talking about, that satisfaction, right? When you visit a village and you meet the chief of the village and you ask him, Hey, when was the last time you guys had access to clean water?

**[15:27]** And he looks up and he makes, you know, in Africa, we have signs or sounds. We make a lot of sounds, right? We make a specific sound that everyone just like, you know that that sound means. What kind of question is that?

**[15:43]** We never had access to water, right? For us, it'd be like, ah. Yeah, exactly. It'd be like, mm, you know? So his answer was, he said centuries. But what I took from that is never.

**[16:00]** Centuries. Their source of water was an open source. It was a river not far from where they live, where they were going, you know. Generally speaking, it's the women and the young girls that would actually go and fill up the buckets and bring it back. They would boil it. And then, you know, some of them would do their laundry there, et cetera.

**[16:19]** But it's the same water that's also that the livestock feed off of. And sometimes, you know, you have feces that's in there. But then for them to see and be so happy that we haven't even tapped into, we haven't tapped the water yet. But they were just happy that the team arrived with the goal that inshallah, we will establish a water well for them.

**[16:40]** You said you lost your job. You let go. Was that due to COVID? No, it was not due to COVID. It just so happened that it was coincidental. SubhanAllah. The company that I was with, which was the company that, mashallah, Allah facilitated for me to make hijrah with my wife from Tampa to Dallas.

**[16:59]** She's actually Dallas native. But the intention was to move here. And it was through a company that filed for bankruptcy three months after I started. So I'm in a new city. I'm married with an eight-month-old daughter.

**[17:16]** And I lose my job, right? So it was a time of reflection. It was a time of uncertainty for sure. And I definitely felt unstable.

**[17:31]** But Ramadan was around the corner. And I knew that inshallah, Allah has a better plan. He has a better plan. I always knew that he has a better plan. And next thing you know, my mother, she suggested this project or she brought on this project, which I said, okay, perfect.

**[17:49]** I'm going to dedicate half my day towards researching a new job. And then the other half, learning about nonprofits and what it entails to run it correctly. Okay. From there, you decided to go through with it. You said, well, I think there's a huge effort of building this nonprofit organization with building wells.

**[18:06]** And she was for it immediately when you mentioned it. Yes. So the wells came later. So we started, as I mentioned, we started with an Islamic school. Your first nonprofit initiative was funding the Islamic school. Exactly. Aha.

**[18:21]** Yes. So it was fun. Yeah, it's correct. It was funding the Islamic school. Then Allah showed us that there was a bigger need, which was water. And how do we come about? Because as soon as we were done, we got feedback that some of the kids were not going to school.

**[18:41]** They were sick and they were asking for water. But we didn't make the connection. We didn't make the connection until. It's almost like Allah put us in a position where like, this is the direction I want you guys to focus, to head towards. But then view your attention towards this.

**[18:58]** It started off with that. So that's why our tagline is providing clean water and building brighter minds. Because the clean water facilitates health, promotes economy, and just helps the village to thrive.

**[19:16]** Allows for life. Exactly. Without clean water, you can't have life. You cannot. So that was the big need or one of the problems that came about after the first project. And we changed our direction towards, hey, what does it take to implement a water well?

**[19:34]** And then that's how we got into it. SubhanAllah. Wow. It's funny because that level of stepping up and doing something required you to lose your job at the moment. SubhanAllah. Right.

**[19:49]** To even intensify it, if you will. I mean, and then also research to do some competency. Have some competency in what you're doing. And then just take that step. Your first fundraiser. Hmm. I know what it's like. That's why I want to ask you. How nervous were you? How much were you sweating? How many people were there?

**[20:07]** What was it like, if you don't mind sharing with us how that took place? Unlike a for-profit organization, you have a physical product or service to sell in exchange for money, for funds.

**[20:23]** For non-profit, it's literally out of the goodwill or the goodness of others. Giving because they believe in your cause. They believe that you have a specific humanitarian project that you're working on that they value.

**[20:39]** The challenge becomes making your cause valuable. In order for others to believe. And of course, that's probably one aspect of it. It's your cause. And the other one is the integrity. Right.

**[20:55]** But integrity comes with time. Right. How you structure your organization, how you move, etc. So going back to your first question about the first fundraiser. So this was at EPIC, East Plano Islamic Center.

**[21:12]** MashaAllah, TabarakAllah. I approached this project. I spoke with Ustadh Bajour. MashaAllah, he's my beloved Shaykh. May Allah preserve him and protect him.

**[21:27]** And keep him as a beacon of light of Islam for us and generations to come, inshaAllah. So I approached him and said, hey, look, we have this project that we're working on. We want to do a water well in Benin.

**[21:42]** It's going to cost us about nine thousand or so. And I said, is it possible to share with the brothers? And he mentioned, well, without a 501C3 status, you are pretty much limited. Right.

**[21:57]** Because in the States with the 501C3 status, it basically gives your organization the right to receive donations in exchange for donation receipt. Which most people will use that for their taxes in the later year. Right.

**[22:15]** I didn't even think about that. For me, it was just like, which brothers are ready to support this cause? So he said, nevertheless, we'll still share with the population. And I was part of the Sunday Halaqah group that he does after Fajr every Sunday.

**[22:33]** Also, I was part of the men's over 30 basketball group at EPIC. And they were the first group of men to sponsor our very first water well. Wow. Mashallah. So I shared with the brothers, obviously, at that time, you know, WhatsApp was becoming a very big thing.

**[22:50]** And I shared with the brothers and some of the brothers said, Bismillah, let's get started. Of course, they asked some questions, some of the questions I didn't know how to answer. And later on, after we implemented the water project, we showed them images and a small video of the well and how excited the people were, the population were.

**[23:10]** And next thing you know, we started receiving a lot of requests for water in Benin. OK. That's how it started. It became more of a, hey, we've heard you guys did a water well in so-and-so village. Can you also bring us one here? Can you also source us access to clean water, provide us access to clean waters?

**[23:31]** Then the request for school or education kind of died down a bit. And we saw that there was a bigger need for that. I see. And that also triggered my parents to remember their childhood. Because at some point they forgot when you live in the States, especially in the...

**[23:46]** In the luxurious place that we're in. Exactly. In a developed country, right? Where you could just open the tap and have any temperature that you want. You kind of forget. So they remembered how it was also to go and fetch out, fetch dirty water at the expense of the kids' health.

**[24:04]** So, subhanAllah, that's how water became the primary service that we provide through our organization. I mean, mashallah, there was a level of acceptance, mashallah, starting with the group, the men over 30 group. Correct. I didn't know y'all had a basketball team. Yeah, we do. You should come and try it out.

**[24:21]** I know why they haven't invited me. I mean, it's very clear. It's obvious. What are your plans with this organization? Because, I mean, I'm seeing different characteristics of leadership here. I mean, firstly, taking initiative, you know, and really that connection that you have with your mother is very, very important for men even.

**[24:43]** When we talk about men and their fathers and having that example set, it doesn't mean that it's void of the mother. Because really that nurturing is very, very important from the mother for the son and the daughter as well. There's a special bond when it comes to the son and the mother. There's a special bond with every relationship, father-daughter as well.

**[25:04]** 100%. That level of protection and of doing whatever she says at any cost is a beautiful, honorable relationship. I mean, honorable for the mother and honorable for the son.

**[25:19]** You know, the mother having the blanket authority. Pretty much. Pretty much, right? To tell him to do whatever and him having the privilege to do it. Right? That's beautiful. It's a privilege. It's a win-win. It's a win-win.

**[25:36]** And you know what's beautiful about this hadith, the Prophet, when the man came to the Prophet, he said, من أحق الناس بصحابتي He said, who has the most right of my companionship? I don't know. That's the word. Companionship. And that's when the Prophet said, your mother.

**[25:52]** And he said, then who? He said, your mother. And he said, then who? He said, your mother. Then he said, your father. That's beautiful because he said, my companionship. When looking at this and hearing the story of you having that level of closeness with your mother to where it manifests or a product of that relationship is helping building the school,

**[26:15]** which morphed into something that you didn't even think about at the moment of donating for the school. We did not. Because you're persistent. That consistency and even that level of risk. Taking risk. With a nonprofit, like you mentioned in the beginning, you're not receiving money for this in the beginning of doing the nonprofit.

**[26:37]** Yes, there's a cause for administration. And then when you get to a certain level as a founder, that's where your time has to be compensated for and your expertise. Correct. Seeing that where you are now, what is it? We said 50, so about 50 years ago.

**[26:55]** From the legal inception, about four years. Four years, exactly. What are your plans now with this? And how has this, I mean, within these four years, what have you seen within yourself as a man, i.e., father and son?

**[27:11]** Because you're a father. How do you plan to introduce this, what's the word? I'll say legacy. This family legacy to them. I mean, do you initially have the plan to let this carry over into the family or is it, what are your plans with this?

**[27:29]** If you just even try to dream, Allah makes you dream bigger. In a way. Because it started off with an Islamic school. Then it was one project, let's do a water well.

**[27:44]** Then the need came in. Then we realized, okay, in Benin, it costs, at the time it was about $9,000 to do a hand pump well, which is very difficult to fundraise for.

**[27:59]** When other countries can implement wells for a fraction of the cost, maybe $1,500, $2,000. So that becomes a challenge of, okay, what sets that region apart? Well, several factors, but number one is we service or we serve rural communities where the average well that we've implemented so far is about 80 meters.

**[28:29]** We're talking about anywhere between 200 to about 500, 600 feet deep into the ground to surface water. So there's a difference between a shallow well and deep well.

**[28:46]** So that adds to the expense. That adds to the cost. Then the second aspect of it would be the sourcing or hiring a company, a drilling company to implement the well.

**[29:01]** And most of the time, they're Nigerian companies. So imagine you have to, we're sourcing them from Nigeria to come to Benin to drill. You also have to pay for their fuel, for their transportation, right? And the time that they're there.

**[29:16]** So that adds to the cost, right? So the first year we thought long-term, this won't be sustainable. There has to be a way where we can reduce the cost. And Allah opened up the doors again. And through actually one of our donors, he suggested, hey, why don't you invest in your own machine?

**[29:36]** Start a drilling company. Engineer, we got an engineer here. So there you go. So it was a seed that he planted. And again, where does it come from? You dream a little bit or you attempt to dream and Allah makes you dream bigger, right?

**[29:51]** So that's an example of a donor who said, why don't you think about investing in your own drilling machine if it costs so much? And that's how we formulated a five-year plan. We said, OK, guys, let's formulate a five-year plan.

**[30:07]** In five years, inshallah, we would get away from contracting, which is what most organizations do. They contract a project, right? They collect the funds here and then they distribute the funds to contractors, local contractors overseas that will implement the project.

**[30:23]** So our five-year plan was let's get to the point where we also have our own operation. That way we can oversee the entire operation and have a bit more visibility in what it actually costs to drill a well.

**[30:41]** Allah made it realized in two years. We had a five-year plan, Allah made it realized in two years. And that's at the time where you and I, we sat down with Waleed and Dr. Suleiman. So when I pitched the idea to them, they loved it.

**[30:56]** And with Dr. Suleiman, mashaAllah, he's also an engineer background. He can literally build a mansion out of nothing. Oh, yeah, his garage is just a hardware store. We got to do a monthly man cave in your garage, Dr. Suleiman, coming soon.

**[31:11]** So Allah just kept opening up the doors in terms of, hey, how can we take it to the next level? So to tie back to your question about the legacy aspect of it, right, is that it's wherever also my kids want to take it.

**[31:27]** In sha Allah, I have my vision, I have my inspirations. In sha Allah, as long as Allah blesses you with long life, I will continue serving the people in need. And I would love for this to be, I would love for Rise Relief, in sha Allah, to carry on for as long as possible.

**[31:47]** Even if today you claim it, in sha Allah. SubhanAllah, so you said to serve the people in need. I mean, that's definitely one characteristic of the leader is he's selfless. And as a father, as a husband, you come last when it comes to serving the people in the household. And that's, I mean, it's not complaint.

**[32:03]** It's just that's the nature of things. If you're the father, you're the protector, you're the provider, the ultimate initial protector and provider, you shouldn't think about yourself first. It's thinking about your wife, your children.

**[32:18]** And that's what's so beautiful. Even about when they talk about in the verses of inheritance, you'll find some that say, okay, Allah says, يُوصِيكُمُ اللَّهُ فِي أَوْلَادِكُمْ لِلذَّكَرِ مِثْلُ حَظِّ الْأُنثَيَيْنِ He says, Allah reminds you or teaches you about your children in regards to the dispensation of the money, the waratha, after an individual dies.

**[32:43]** He says, لِلذَّكَرِ مِثْلُ حَظِّ الْأُنثَيَيْنِ For a male is the amount that is equivalent to two females. So you'll find some that say, okay, why is a woman treated lesser than a man? He's half of the man or et cetera. Well, because in Islam, the structure always hopes to establish and maintain a family to where the man is the ultimate provider.

**[33:05]** I mean, the woman can make money, but the man is the ultimate provider. Correct. And the reality of that is that one that the man takes is actually going back to the sister. That's the point I'm getting to. So the money that he gets in one pocket goes out the other. It's to support the two women that have their amount as well.

**[33:23]** But that money that he has initially has to go to them and support the households, put the family, et cetera, because the father's not there anymore. So when you're saying you want, I mean, that they can have or do what they wish with the effort of rise, even if it's something else.

**[33:40]** What is your plan in showing them this project? Is it like, for instance, do you want them to travel to Benin with you every year, every summer? How do you plan to show and exhibit that level of leadership to them?

**[33:58]** That is the plan. The plan is for them, inshallah, once they have reached an age of understanding where they can really remember the experience, is to take them there. And for them to also see, first of all, where I grew up and how what we have at our disposal is not what the rest of the world has.

**[34:22]** Right. And how water is something that we don't think about. Right. I mean, who thinks about water? When you're thirsty, you know that you can go get something to drink. You can get something to drink. If you want to shower, you know that you just have to take a few steps and take a left.

**[34:41]** And that's it. You're there. Right. Literally just a few steps. But in most part of sub-Saharan Africa, and I'm sure also Northern too, you have young girls, preteens that are walking probably four to five kilometers.

**[35:02]** We're talking about two to three miles, maybe a round trip to go fetch dirty water in order to provide for their family. And that's their sustenance. So there is no better teacher than experiencing it or seeing it.

**[35:19]** I'm not saying we should be in a situation where we should actually submerge ourselves, but at least seeing it does something. And just recently we took a trip with a couple of the board members. And this was the first time also they've been to Benin.

**[35:35]** And you should see the expression on their faces and the questions they were asking. And some of them were in disbelief in the realities of what's happening out there. And on top of that, seeing people with a smile on their face, that they couldn't believe it.

**[35:53]** And what do we complain about here? Many of us are out of touch with giving back and understanding an environment that to us seems unreal. How do I, a young man, a young woman or a person in this modern society who's living in a first world country,

**[36:14]** feel or put myself in a position where I can now understand how they feel or start to contribute to them in the same level that someone who, for example, like you, who's experienced all of that can. Really, you have to immerse yourself in that environment.

**[36:30]** You have to be in that environment. And if you have an opportunity to go, it's a beautiful opportunity to take for sure, because you don't realize, to your point about depression, you don't realize what that experience can do to your mental state.

**[36:46]** Right. To your mental health, even your emotional health. Right. Because everything ties together. So I'll give you a small example. So just recently, right, on the trip, one of the, for me, even though I grew up there and then, of course, spent 10 years there,

**[37:05]** but it's still a discomfort that access to public bathroom is very limited there. Wow. Very limited there. Right. So we planned our days around when we...

**[37:20]** Public restrooms where you can take a break. Exactly. Because it's not like here. Right. Again, you don't think about it here. Right. So all these different amenities that we take for granted here, the best way to do shukr for those amenities is to go a period of time without it.

**[37:40]** So you put yourself in those hard situations, which will make you give you gratitude, cause you to be a person that has gratitude towards Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. Yes. But then also a level of empathy.

**[37:55]** 100%. So I think within the Sharia, it even has that with fasting and which, you know, with zakat, when you look at those that are less fortunate. But when seeing this, I would say, subhanAllah, for just as father was able to go recently, but hearing about it from his mother, mashallah, my law preserver,

**[38:11]** is for these youth to get involved in some of these non-profit organizations. Yes. You know, these non-profit organizations that go out to different countries, you know, to go and see. And even within their, with the money that they have from a job, for example, when they see it, you know, a fundraiser at the masjid, give something for that cause as well.

**[38:29]** Exactly. Because when you do that, it expresses some level of sympathy. Yes. And empathy, either one, if you will. But nothing like seeing it, like you said. 100%. And we don't have to even go that far. Just go to any downtown.

**[38:45]** Yeah. Go to any downtown cities, right? True. And just, okay, you know what, maybe I have a budget, I'm going to give $50. Instead of giving $50 easily, meaning sending a payment or, you know, giving to a masjid, or you actually want, actually give it to someone in need and see, witness that experience.

**[39:05]** And I do that with my daughter sometimes. One of the times, you know, we were having, and she loves bananas. And we were just going, we happened to see an elderly person. I said, let's give her the banana, let's give her what we have, you know. And the questions just kept coming up. She said, why do we have to do this? Why do we have to do this?

**[39:21]** She was asking very intelligent questions, but she just didn't understand, like, what value does this have to someone else? So you don't have to go far, you don't have to go overseas to experience that, but you can start locally, right? You can start locally and see the people that are in need.

**[39:38]** And whether if it's, you know, food or whether if it's, you know, money or blankets, especially in the winters, do something there. And if, inshallah ta'ala, if you have the opportunity to actually go where majority of the environment is in need, then that's also, will stimulate you differently as well.

**[39:55]** Yeah, I think this will engender some good qualities for the young men, particularly. If he was to go there or his mother was to let him go with these organizations and to see this, it's an irreplaceable experience. I mean, you can't replace that. I mean, because especially if you've never been put in that situation. Yes, exactly.

**[40:11]** And you just painted the picture, you take a couple steps and you are drowning in about maybe five, ten gallons of water in five minutes. And someone in a particular country would love to just get one gallon of that in clean water. You know, so when you put that in proper perspective, that can push you to do something to give from yourself for yourself.

**[40:32]** Yes. And I think that's important. And with that is a quality of, no doubt about it, of a leader. Because when that young man goes through that once, twice, three times, and then he decides to have a family, he will at least have some stories to tell his children. Yes. To be like, look, this is what I've done. This is what I've seen. This is where I've been.

**[40:48]** Which is very important for a young man as well, is to go through experiences and to allow those experiences to mold you in a way that establish or strengthen your gratitude, establish or intensify your sympathy, your empathy. And that goes with action.

**[41:08]** And I think ultimately, that's one of the things we can look at is when, you know, you lead by example, not by kalam. Right. It's leading by example and not by just with speech. My dad always jokes around, but real men are born from hardship.

**[41:24]** Whenever he messes around, like, let's say with something silly. He'll say, oh, it's time to go back home. It's time to take you back to the motherland. Take you back to the motherland. He's right. Actually, my parents used to threaten me on that. I'm telling you. The moment they felt that, you know, we were acting.

**[41:39]** Hold on, are you screwing around? Yeah, exactly. Hold on, there's an elephant in the room. The Arabs, y'all say motherland too? I mean, Baba will say something. I mean, he'll say le blad, you know. Le blad, yeah, motherland. Khaleen motherland, yeah. But we'll keep the blad, that's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, we'll keep the blad, we'll get to the motherland.

**[41:55]** No, no, but subhanAllah, seriously, that's literally how it goes. Because, I mean, it's true. And you experience it for yourself. And not to say that, not to say that that's the only factor, but the environment plays a huge role in building someone. And then the one last thing I wanted to ask, because a lot of times people or young men

**[42:12]** and women have a hard time taking that first step. Giving away from your own pocket. Because, I mean, we work so hard, especially in a world like this, where your money is being taken from everywhere. You've got, you know, money going here, money going there. Expenses are so high, inflation is so high. It's so difficult for someone in these times to make the decision to actively go out and make that,

**[42:32]** even if it's five or 10 or 20 bucks. Because relative, you know, 20 bucks to someone that's, you know, young, that's maybe that's their lunch or something, you know. Right, right, exactly. So I want your take, and I'm going to kind of start it with this hadith that my dad gave me, was, مَا نَقَصَ مَالٌ مِنْ صَدَقَةٍ

**[42:49]** And no, God said, no money, no wealth is lost from charity or donation. And that's given a lot of, I think, I mean, Allah make me better and better. But that allows me sometimes to say, I'm not losing that.

**[43:04]** If I can put money in S&P 500 and say, it'll grow in 50 years. How can I not put money in Allah's word and say that'll grow in my lifetime? First of all, let's define what wealth is, right? Personally, I don't think wealth is just monetary.

**[43:21]** It's also in your health. It's also the peace that you have at home. It's also how you feel, the mental state, right? So you don't know where that wealth is coming from, right? If anyone would pose the question, say you lose your leg, how much would you give for it?

**[43:42]** What would be the answer? It's priceless, you can't, everything you have. Exactly. But in the moment, we feel that it has a price, but it doesn't really have a price, right? So there's a different level of giving, obviously, for everyone. But you can give with your time.

**[43:59]** You can give with your service, right? And generally speaking, when you're starting off some type of non-profit or charitable work, it's your time that's your most valuable asset. And Shaykh, inshallah, of course, you can add on to this, is that being of service to others

**[44:19]** is probably one of the most beloved act of worship, isn't it? Oh, inshallah, of course. Right? So that servitude is where any one of us can start, whether if it's spending a couple of hours at the masjid, cleaning the bathroom,

**[44:34]** or just helping out with the Sunday school and working at the parking lot, just doing something. And maybe from that little action, it motivates you to do more. And you don't know where the wealth is going to come. Sure. It could come in monetary, it could come with inspiration.

**[44:52]** It could be an opportunity. Exactly, opportunity. So to answer your question, really, anyone can start with something that can give back. If money is an issue, then give your time, give a little bit of your time. Whatever free time that you have, allocate that towards something good that serves others.

**[45:13]** And inshallah, Allah will put the satisfaction in you. And that will motivate you to do more, inshallah. Alhamdulillah, it was a great episode, man. It was a great gathering, inshallah. And speaking about this, of leading by example, and being a person of action, and letting that action push you to do things that you never would have known

**[45:31]** that would have come in front of you. As you've seen, it started with the Quran school, and moved on to this organization providing wells, starting in Benin, but planning to go all around the world, inshallah. Control. May Allah SWT bless the project, inshallah. Rise Relief, inshallah.

**[45:46]** And may Allah SWT make you a person of action, a person of risk, and a person of gratitude. BarakAllahu feekum. Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

## Other Episodes in "Iman Cave"
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