# What Real Masculinity Looks Like | Snapshots with Imam Tom Facchine

**Author:** Tom Facchine
**Series:** Imam Tom Live
**Published:** 2025-11-19
**YouTube:** https://youtu.be/JMSbE6fvpGU
**URL:** https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series/imam-tom-live/what-real-masculinity-looks-like-snapshots-with-imam-tom-facchine
**Topics:** History, Politics & Practical Theology

## Description
As many men gravitate toward “performative masculinity” with matcha lattes and gym-bro culture trending, masculinity is losing its genuine essence. But Prophet Muhammad ﷺ showed what real, balanced masculinity looks like: strength without ego and gentleness without weakness. Imam Tom explores how...

## Transcript
**[0:00]** Oh sorry, I was just reading my daily dose of Sylvia Plath. Performative maleness is trending now and this is this idea that men have to act a certain

**[0:15]** way to be treated with dignity and respect and to not be considered toxic. So people have been talking about the performative male starter pack, feminist literature, matcha lattes, a certain type of way of dressing.

**[0:30]** And it's really interesting because it brings us back to prophetic masculinity. The Prophet (ﷺ) is the epitome of what a human being can become and also the epitome of what maleness and masculinity is. Maleness and the masculinity of the Prophet (ﷺ) was not performative, it was genuine.

**[0:51]** And you find that of all the different qualities that people chase after, that his qualities and characteristics were in the perfect balance. And there's a hadith from A'ishah (رضي الله عنها) that perfectly for me encapsulates the balance and the genuineness of the masculinity of the Prophet (ﷺ).

**[1:10]** Which is when she said that the Prophet (ﷺ) never raised his hand, meaning never struck or hit a woman or a child or a slave or anyone except for the enemy on the battlefield. And these two things to me go together perfectly.

**[1:26]** That the Prophet (ﷺ) when it came to the people who were under his care, the people who trusted him and looked to him for guidance and leadership, he was stern and firm when he needed to be. But he was never a tyrant.

**[1:42]** He was never somebody who was going around puffing out his chest or trying to control people or trying to manipulate people, far be it from that. He was somebody who connected with people, who cared about people's inner states and also their outer states and gave them advice in a way that was the most beneficial and

**[1:59]** befitting to them. Depending on the personality he was dealing with, sometimes it was gentleness and meekness, sometimes it was a stern word or a cautionary word. But he never crossed the limits with those who were under his care. Yet he was still fierce on the battlefield against the people who are evildoers, who

**[2:18]** are trying to spread harm and trying to do harm to others. People that if you don't neutralize their harm, they are going to hurt everything that is good and sacred and holy in society. He would save his real wrath for those situations.

**[2:34]** So we find in the Prophet (ﷺ) the perfect balance of masculine qualities. We find genuine manhood and masculinity, not performative manhood. He's not trying to show this or that or project this or that to anybody.

**[2:50]** And so for Muslims today, especially the Muslim men, be genuine. Be genuine in your manhood like the Prophet (ﷺ). Don't be a white knight, don't be a simp, don't act like you have to virtue signal. Be genuine. If people can't find a way to categorize you or to put you into a box, then that might

**[3:07]** indicate that you're doing something right. It might indicate that you're on the path of the Prophet (ﷺ) who was the best mix of all qualities and had no contamination of bad qualities.

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